To spice up the things in bed, what is the first question to be done?

[aziegmann]

One night, during sex, and after I asked my wife to imagine as if there were more than one tongue and two hands touching her tits and arousing her, she told me about a dream she had two years ago, involving both of us with another couple in bed. It was really hot for me to hear something like that. At the same time, we are 100% newbies on doing things like that. Our sex is good, but not kinky, you know?

But my main challenge here is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done in order to sharevour fantasies and spice the things up, but not doing as if I am forcing her?

If you remember how did start this conversation and which question you used, any tip here is welcome. For the ladies, if you’re shy, but would like to help me with some advice, feel free to send me a private message.

 

[Britva415]

But my main challenge here is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done in order to sharevour fantasies and spice the things up, but not doing as if I am forcing her?

Just talk.

There is no magic secret formula, no special question. Maybe start with "Hey, you remember we talked about that dream you had?" Just break the ice and then just say what's on your mind.

She'll let you know if she's into it or not. Pay attention to what she says. If she's not, then drop it. That's how you not doing as if forcing her.

I hope your idea about the "magic question" isn't based on the idea that there's some magic way to do it which will prevent you from getting rejected. That's not realistic. Maybe she'll reject it, maybe she won't, but the way you word it isn't what's going to make her agree.

So just dare to talk.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Sent you a PM

 

[aziegmann]

I hope your idea about the "magic question" isn't based on the idea that there's some magic way to do it which will prevent you from getting rejected.

It's definitely not that idea. When I refer to what I call the "magic question" to open this subject, it is in the sense of doing so without making the situation embarrassing for both of us.

As I said before, we are a little “vanilla”. We have good sex, but we haven't progressed yet to anything bold in terms of fantasies, kinks, etc. I hope it’s just a matter of time.

 

[magic_rat]

Just talk. Pillow talk can be tremendous. Maybe remind her of the dream, or tell her about one that you had (make one up if necessary). Give her a massage, tell her to close her eyes and imagine it's someone else.

You know her better than we do. You know what'll work.

 

[Desiretaboo]

One night, during sex, and after I asked my wife to imagine as if there were more than one tongue and two hands touching her tits and arousing her, she told me about a dream she had two years ago, involving both of us with another couple in bed. It was really hot for me to hear something like that. At the same time, we are 100% newbies on doing things like that. Our sex is good, but not kinky, you know?

But my main challenge here is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done in order to sharevour fantasies and spice the things up, but not doing as if I am forcing her?

If you remember how did start this conversation and which question you used, any tip here is welcome. For the ladies, if you’re shy, but would like to help me with some advice, feel free to send me a private message.

I told my wife a lil fib in bed after a party. I told her that a friend had jokingly said he wanted to play a trick and sneak into bed with us and that he had always had a fantasy about her... To my surprise she admitted that she was a little curious and turned on by the idea.. that night was the start of super hot sex and fantasy talk.. i never knew this side of her before.. we slowly progressed and eventually it happened naturally

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I like pillow talk. I like sharing fantasies.

 

[KRey32]

For me, the power of sex is much more between the ears than between the legs. So the mental aspect, especially talk that creates an atmosphere and mood, is huge. I personally love hearing about fantasies and past experiences, but if I want to know the kind of talk she likes, I have to care enough to ask.

 

[Agmundr]

I like pillow talk. I like sharing fantasies.

Me too I have very creative, and kinky, pillow talk with my GF who absolutely gets off on it but you have to know where the boundaries are between fantasy and real life are. Even the stuff that appears 'reasonable', is discreet and doesn't involve others may be a step too far in the real world. Also, the boundaries are not the same for both of us so we need to respect where that line is drawn even though one of us may be fine going further in the real world.

It's taken some time to get to get to know each other well enough to get where we currently are, our fantasies are quite personal and are tailored to suit the mind of the recipient with very specific details and scenarios incorporated that hit the right buttons. A generic gangbang is utterly meh until the personal triggers that my GF really finds erotically charged are intertwined. I'm probably easier to please but for some relationships it may be very difficult to start the conversation to embrace a fantasy if there are cultural, religious or personal prohibitions at play.

I always worry a little when husbands do those 'my wife wants to...' posts, is it the wife or them?

 

[UtilityCurve]

For me, the power of sex is much more between the ears than between the legs. So the mental aspect, especially talk that creates an atmosphere and mood, is huge. I personally love hearing about fantasies and past experiences, but if I want to know the kind of talk she likes, I have to care enough to ask.

Aural sex is tragically underrated.

 

[LookN2Talk]

Aural sex is tragically underrated.

You are totally correct!

 

[darkride]

I am pretty sure I started with dirty talk during sex.... and then started asking if any of the things that I / we talked about during sex, where things she would ever consider actually doing.

My main concern was not wanting her to feel pressured... just because I'd spent my teen years dreaming about all kinds of fantasies, didn't mean she had, and would be interested.

There was some things she did admit to being curious about, some she really "couldn't understand", and but for her, the main issue was that she felt I was only wanting to explore with "others" because I wanted to have sex with another woman - so if I talked her into having sex with a guy, then - wham - I could insist on getting to be with another woman.

So, talking, and trust, really are the only magic involved...