What does safe sane and consensual mean

[Kajira Callista]

to you...or not mean to you?

 

[Recidiva]

Not the same it does to others, that's for sure.

Safe means no risk of disease or debilitation (physical or mental)

Sane means that what happens will not lead to anything debilitating (physical or mental). It also means that the proceeds should be in the realm of "not completely transparently a vehicle for something stupid."

Consensual means you both know within reason what to expect. No being tied up and being introduced to new and illegal things while incapacitated. Unless you signed a release ahead of time.

 

[fieryjen]

To me -

Safe means taking precautions. Anticipating where things may go wrong. Using safewords.

Sane means with a clear mind. Not under any drug influence. Not while tired or unconcentrated. Not while angry at the other person. Not while having any other irrational feelings.

Consensual means not ignoring safewords. Making sure the other person knows what is happening and is able to use their safeword. Making sure complete understanding of limits is reached in advance.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Safe Not having things happen that could alter my life like getting and STD.

Sane That your able to interact like most rational adults and you know the difference between right and wrong and are willing to take the consequences for any wrong behaviors.

Consensual You know what could happen and your a willing partner in any said acts.

 

[FurryFury]

It basically means to me that I'm not getting fucked by my first husband anymore. *LMAO*

Fury

 

[alice_underneath]

A very interesting article on the origin and evolution of the SSC creed appears at this link:

http://www.leatherleadership.org/library/safesanestein.htm

Here is an excerpt:

"Of course, once an idea is reduced to a slogan that fits on buttons, T-shirts, and bumper stickers, no one can control its meaning. Each person who sees it interprets it with whatever prejudices and preconceptions he or she brings to it. While it’s evident that thousands of people have taken "safe sane consensual" as a welcome validation for a type of sexuality still considered "sick" or "crazy" by much of our society, others read it as devaluing their own "edgeplay" in favor of cautious, conventional, and completely scripted sex games.

Sometime after the 1987 march, at least one prominent member of the S/M community was seen wearing a T-shirt emblazoned "Unsafe Insane Nonconsensual," and i have seen that phrase used elsewhere. i have also heard and read more thoughtful criticisms of the slogan. The more popular and widespread it has become, the more common it is to see it angrily rejected as either trivially empty, too far removed from what makes BDSM exciting and meaningful, or else menacingly intrusive — representing yet another attempt to force individual styles of living and loving into a boring conformity."

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I have chosen in my reply not to compartmentalize Safe , Sane and Consensual rather I see them intertwined.

While initially its a charisma/ chemistry that attracts me to a Dominant past that point I see it as my own personal responsibility to continue to safeguard myself emotionally, physically and otherwise until such time a gradual transference of trust is built . Obviously its consensual if I have agreed to a commitment within an ongoing/developing relationship. Its going to be safe because I have taken the time to communicate honestly with the Dominant in question and by this stage I should be as aware of his desires to some reasonable degree and know I am able to comply. Sanity for me hinges very much on the emotional wellbeing of myself and my partner. Its quite obvious when I feel emotional distress also I am honest about it. When I see a Dominant I am serving in distress it will once again be resolved on my part of responsibility by talking/communicating. As far as safe words are concerned for me in my relationships there is always one floating around . I do not recall the last time I ever had to use one however. I guess its the foundations of trust built and the clarity of goal, things tend to move for me at a pace I can contend with.

Finally there are aspects of my direct personal life and responsibilities that share in the ongoing ramifications of the choices I make. So I take my time and move forward with some caution. My pace may seem a little slow in estimation by others here but I can live with it and more often then not very, very well and a little 'magic' thrown in ........smiles
__________________

 

[pandoravampire]

It basically means to me that I'm not getting fucked by my first husband anymore. *LMAO*

Fury

that's the funniest post ive read so far, same here lol
littleone

 

[Kajira Callista]

hmmmmmm *takes the winnie the pooh think stance*


SSC means to me that we have both decided i should not end up dead...and the person i am with can to bring me as close to that without crossing the line as is possible.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

hmmmmmm *takes the winnie the pooh think stance*


SSC means to me that we have both decided i should not end up dead...and the person i am with can to bring me as close to that without crossing the line as is possible.

That is a very good definition but your not afraid that leaves many areas to float around in a sea of grey??

 

[Recidiva]

That is a very good definition but your not afraid that leaves many areas to float around in a sea of grey??

Technically that's a sea of red and viscera, and possibly illegal substances

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Technically that's a sea of red and viscera, and possibly illegal substances

*watches as Recidiva hits it out of the ballpark with no hope to catch it*

I had to double check the meaning of viscera to make sure I knew what it meant and I did, so at a few reading I'm still lost about what you mean.

 

[Recidiva]

*watches as Recidiva hits it out of the ballpark with no hope to catch it*

I had to double check the meaning of viscera to make sure I knew what it meant and I did, so at a few reading I'm still lost about what you mean.

I know what Leroy Jenkins means, though!

Visceral would be emotional or physical basics. Having them exposed to the elements, kinda thing.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I know what Leroy Jenkins means, though!

Visceral would be emotional or physical basics. Having them exposed to the elements, kinda thing.

You said visera in the first post had you said visceral I think I might gotten it. You say you know what my handle means, you heard about him from WoW or did you know what I was trying to post??

 

[Recidiva]

You said visera in the first post had you said visceral I think I might gotten it. You say you know what my handle means, you heard about him from WoW or did you know what I was trying to post??

Sorry about using noun instead of adjective form. Bad Reci.

I have seen the WoW video. Plus sent my own pet bear off in the wrong direction once during a raid. Oops.

It happens.

I do know what you're trying to post and mostly being poetical and silly in response

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Sorry about using noun instead of adjective form. Bad Reci.

I have seen the WoW video. Plus sent my own pet bear off in the wrong direction once during a raid. Oops.

It happens.

I do know what you're trying to post and mostly being poetical and silly in response

*This is a small Hijacking so everyone stay on the floor and you will make it out alive*

Please tell me you still have the movie, I have only seen it once and I'm too cheap to pay for it.. At this moment I am sitting in Silithus grinding for rep for some dreamscale breastplate damn the exalted items, besides it just being a guild only item. You have to kill a world dragon a few times just to make it. If you wish to continue the WoW discussion I would suggest PMs so I do not have Stegral get out her crop to punish me.

 

[Recidiva]

*This is a small Hijacking so everyone stay on the floor and you will make it out alive*

Please tell me you still have the movie, I have only seen it once and I'm too cheap to pay for it.. At this moment I am sitting in Silithus grinding for rep for some dreamscale breastplate damn the exalted items, besides it just being a guild only item. You have to kill a world dragon a few times just to make it. If you wish to continue the WoW discussion I would suggest PMs so I do not have Stegral get out her crop to punish me.

*giggle*

Sure! I've been playing since Beta. PM away!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

*giggle*

Sure! I've been playing since Beta. PM away!

I was taught ladies first though.

 

[Recidiva]

I was taught ladies first though.

My goodness. Manners. And me with none. Damn.

 

[jadefirefly]

*snicker* God, I love hijacks.

SSC to me, given that I really don't engage in anything terribly risky, is fairly simple.

Have a way out of whatever I'm in. Have a safeword. Don't do anything ridiculously stupid. Don't do anything unusual without asking the other first; or, if the surprise is part of the fun, make certain they can tell you to stop if they need it.

Since at certain times I'm convinced C. can actually read my mind, I've never been worried that I'll be unable to convey that I want out of something.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Warning - Long Reply

I wrote this essay many moons ago. I don't find it necessary to re-invent the wheel so y'all get the cut & paste. And yes, I know the byline says LordHamiltonZ, that was the Scene nick I was using at the time....

The BDSM Mantra: Safe, Sane, Consentual
©1999 by LordHamiltonZ

There is often a great deal of discussion on these three simple words, and what they mean. Each of us brings a lifetime of different experiences, culture, and viewpoints to the equation, so what they mean to Me, may be VERY different from what they mean to you or someone else. The real task then, is to set up a working definition of the terms and what they mean. So for better or worse, after much discussion and learning from the wisdom of others, here is what _I_ use these terms to mean. Your mileage may vary, of course...

SAFE - Safe does NOT mean risk free. Almost everything we do in this lifestyle carries with it the risk of injury, great bodily harm, or even death if an accident happens. Safe means that we have educated ourselves about what we are doing, understand the risks involved and have _MINIMIZED_ the risks involved. We have first aid kits and fire extinguishers, shears and other tools for extraction close at hand, a working phone close by for a call to 911 if needed. We have practiced what we are doing and have worked up to that edge. We watch closely for signs of trouble, panic, injury, and stop the scene and fix the problem before going on. THAT is what "Safe" BDSM means to Me.

Safe BDSM also means practicing safe (or "safer") sex techniques. The use of physical barriers such as latex condoms, dental dams, and vaginal condoms is a must, particularly for those who play with multiple partners. Let's be realistic here. With the advent and rise in cases of AIDS, both hepatitis-B and -C, herpes, and numerous other diseases that can be spread through shared bodily fluids (those nasty "blood borne pathogens") we can not be too careful. Ideally, in the communication/negotiation stage medical questions will be asked like "Do you have a heart problem? Asthma? Any STD's?" and so on. And hopefully they will be answered honestly. But using universal precautions are the safest way to go, particularly if you do not know your play partner very well.

And while we are at it, lets make sure that our TOYS are kept safe in this regard as well. If you can afford it, keep a separate "toy locker" for each play partner, with the toys used for only THAT partner. This means you are not exposing your partners to each other. Or, a more economically feasible solution is that each person supplies their own toys. Bob's toys are only used on Bob, Mary's toys are only used on her. This may have the added emotional benefit in that it may also increase the sense of intimacy between partners in that it makes the toys "special", "unique", to him/her.


CONSENTUAL - I think this one is the easiest to work with. Consentual means that ALL parties involved, with INFORMED consent, agree to what is going to be done.

Informed consent means that the scene is negotiated if it is between people who are not in a long term relationship or who do not know each other VERY well. For those in a LTR or contractual relationship or who are well known to each other, a scene should at least be discussed beforehand. My friends, in My opinion, alcohol and scenes do not mix for several reasons, but since we are on consent here, I'll limit My reasons to this issue; legally speaking, you MUST be clean and sober to give informed consent. Any detectable amount of alcohol or drugs (even over the counter meds can make you loopy!) in your blood-stream may impair your judgment. The LAST thing you want is to get hauled to jail on a Rape or Criminal Sexual Conduct charge because YOU were feeling toasty, or your partner was blitzed when they said, "Sure! You can whip me and fuck me hard! I want it rough!"

And for those who might think otherwise, Master/slave relationships do not absolve the slave OR the Master/Mistress, of responsibility for the slave's well-being. In the eyes of the law, you MUST exercise due caution and care or liability sets in. And, if nothing else, it is the slaves responsibility to understand what is going on so as to be able to provide the Master/Mistress with the best experience they can have, and to REDUCE the liability to the Master/Mistress should an accident happen. The submissive is the one most at risk here for injury or death should something go wrong, and it is the Dominant who will suffer the legal consequences. An injured slave may mean assault charges or a lawsuit. And Heaven forbid, but a dead slave = a murder charge at worst, a negligent homicide charge at best. Lets be real here for a minute. The law cares not one wit that a slave may have given up all rights to Master/Mistress. Consent must be given, and it must be INFORMED consent . 'Nuff said.

SANE - Here is the real sticky one. Just what IS "sane", anyway? Is it defined as: "this is the view of the overwhelming majority of people"? Is sane "dealing with reality"? Trying to define sane is like trying to catch a well greased submissive.... Difficult at best. Again, the knowledge of others prevails upon Me, and I defer to the experience and wisdom shown in these words:

"Sane, in the context of a BDSM relationship, means that what is being done is for the pleasure of ALL parties involved. Sane means that there is a positive mental, emotional, spiritual, and/or physical experience intended for all parties involved."

Any other intention is not sane. If you want to beat a submissive because you are angry and because it makes you feel good to beat them; if I need to humiliate, belittle and embarrass you because that is the only way I feel my Dominance, if you have to provoke your Dominant because you want to feel their emotional involvement, something is wrong on a very fundamental level. It's time to take a deep look inside and see what it is you are really needing.

Even discipline should be done lovingly, to bring about a positive mental and emotional experience. Discipline should not be done in anger, for then the intention is simply to punish, not to correct the offending or inappropriate behavior. It might get the point "DON'T say THAT to Master again", but your objective as a Dominant should be to make your submissive WANT to please you. It should not be to make them AFRAID to displease you.

Anyway, those are My thoughts on the subject of Safe, Sane, Consentual. Use what you will from them for what they are worth.

 

[BeachGurl2]

As often happens, I'll defer to Geoff's intelligent post. I think you covered all three very well here. If this one isn't posted somewhere in the library under SSC, I think it should be. Thanks, Geoff.

 

[Marquis]

SSC to me

 

[RJMasters]

To me these are often a moving target. One would think they are not or shouldn't be moving but solid anchor points, but what I thought was safe, sane and consentual a year ago has changed drastically.

I think what's very important is knowing for sure what the definition of these things are from the person you are with. "Sometimes" that would be the only thing that limits me. I guess that is why I see talking about limits are important as in many ways these limits are the borders of what that person's SSC limits are. A person will not give consent to something they think is not sane or unsafe, and that is why I feel they are connected.

 

[Kajira Callista]

That is a very good definition but your not afraid that leaves many areas to float around in a sea of grey??

afraid or excited by the thought?