What do you consider happy and complete...

[His_sugar]

i am posting this on the BDSM board, because i am a submissive, so that is the context in which i want to ask this question.

In my real life groups, my online circles, i have often heard other submissives saying they 'need' to find someone to make them happy and complete.

Do you really feel this is a valid 'need' ? i guess more to the point, do women ( or men ) really feel like someOne can make them happy and give them the complete feelings they are craving?

We all strive to be happy and feel complete. But is it realistic to hope that someone can give you those feelings? i have always been under the belief that happiness comes from within, and if you aren't happy and content with yourself, no one else can give you those feelings. They can give you support, love and direction, but ultimately it is within yourself.

i am curious if you feel differently, or if perhaps this is why so many are disappointed when they do step into relationships and the 'rush' isn't all they expected..

Just my ramble for the morning, enjoy!

basque

 

[WillowPuss]

Difficult question to answer.

Personally, I feel happier and more complete having a Master to direct/control/lead me.

I can live without this ... but feel much better for it.

Not sure if this is what you wanted? *shrugs*

 

[Richard49]

I feel very incomplete without mine own collared submissive

This is not what the world tells us we are SUPPOSE to be like but...... the world also says we are not suppose to be into "control and pain"

 

[NemoAlia]

If I didn't need a partner -- at least at some level -- to complete me, then I think I probably wouldn't be so interested in looking for one. I guess I don't like to admit that I'm not whole on my own, but I console myself with the fact that my need for my partner deepens the relationship beyond a simple "I enjoy your company."

 

[MissTaken]

I don't believe that the One will make me happy and complete.

We need balance in our lives and it goes beyond relationships and love. It may include employment, finances, family relationships, social needs, creative needs, helath etc.

Certainly, having that one special person in your life adds to the balance and may assist you as you seek peace in all the areas of your life.

However, to simply have the One and have no peace in the other domains of your life, you will not find peace or happiness if you are always struggling, whether as a couple or an individual. And these other issues, which may seem incidental when love is new, can destroy a relationship of any kind.

Just my two cents

 

[entitled]

It's impossible to be happy or complete for more than a fleeting moment at a time, imo. It doesn't matter if you find that 'one' or not. Life is changing constantly, with or without our permission, and we have to change with it - which means we are never complete. Happiness is something that changes with everything else. Something can make a person happy one day and drive them to distraction the next. It's all about the changing dynamics.

Finding the right person to share a relationship certainly helps find those moments of completeness and happiness, but finding that person is not the end-all of other emotions and upheaval. That's just not the way things work. Eventually the relationship with that other person will change. Something as little as a bird pooping on the windshield can cause some nasty arguements and outrageous amounts of strife if the timing's wrong. (Trust me on that one.)

To answer the questions: no, it is not a valid 'need' to find that 'One' to share your life with. No, it is not realistic in the least to think or hope they can fulfill your every want and desire to make you happy and complete.

All just my opinion, of course.

 

[s'lara]

Necessity

Having that Someone in your life does make the difference. In many ways, you need that contact ... the interaction. Whether it completes you is another matter. i'd like to think i am whole without Someone, but i do know that having that One makes me shine a little brighter.

Hell, we all do better with something to strive for ... or even Someone to strive for. Just need to make sure that the effort to keep doing better or moving forward doesn't stop if we don't have that One ... or lose Them.

 

[s'lara]

I don't believe that the One will make me happy and complete.

We need balance in our lives and it goes beyond relationships and love. It may include employment, finances, family relationships, social needs, creative needs, helath etc.

Certainly, having that one special person in your life adds to the balance and may assist you as you seek peace in all the areas of your life.

However, to simply have the One and have no peace in the other domains of your life, you will not find peace or happiness if you are always struggling, whether as a couple or an individual. And these other issues, which may seem incidental when love is new, can destroy a relationship of any kind.

Just my two cents

Agreed. Hey, what happened to that nifty two cents quote you liked so much. Thought that was great.

 

[s'lara]

Just a hey and howdy

Just wanted to say hi basque. Thanks for this thread. It made me think.

 

[Shadowsdream]

No it is not a valid need in My opinion..it is a sliding of a responsibility that can really only be attained through the desire of the individual to move forward in a positive manner of their own choosing.
Yes the road to happiness can be assisted by the direction to explore the inner self but it cannot be commanded or found in obligation, training, discipline, denial, orgasms, control or any other Domination technic...

 

[bunny bondage]

hey, i found this thread! i thought had i imagined it...

of course i love myself, am content with myself, and really like who i am. i enjoy having alone time, and time with my little group of friends. but does this mean i am complete? i dunno.

the term "bottom" implies, by definition, that it is only half. there can't be a bottom without a top. so i guess i'd say that i do need someone to fufill many parts of myself, and i would feel miserably alone without Him. so could i cope on my own? probably, but not for very long. does this mean i NEED someone? i'm not sure, but i know that i REALLY prefer to have Him in my life.

 

[Ebonyfire]

i am posting this on the BDSM board, because i am a submissive, so that is the context in which i want to ask this question.

In my real life groups, my online circles, i have often heard other submissives saying they 'need' to find someone to make them happy and complete.

Do you really feel this is a valid 'need' ? i guess more to the point, do women ( or men ) really feel like someOne can make them happy and give them the complete feelings they are craving?

We all strive to be happy and feel complete. But is it realistic to hope that someone can give you those feelings? i have always been under the belief that happiness comes from within, and if you aren't happy and content with yourself, no one else can give you those feelings. They can give you support, love and direction, but ultimately it is within yourself.

i am curious if you feel differently, or if perhaps this is why so many are disappointed when they do step into relationships and the 'rush' isn't all they expected..

Just my ramble for the morning, enjoy!

basque

I believe you cannot look for happiness from outside of yourself. And you have to be a complete person within your own skin to be successful in a relationship with someone else.

Anything else is a waste of time. Two wounded humans or one whole human and one wounded human do not make a viable couple vanilla or D/s, IMHO. YMMV.

 

[James G 5]

I think the root of an awful lot of unhappiness in relationships is this idea that "2 people make up a whole" or "there is a One for you out there somewhere who will make you complete"
These're all fantasies conjured to reinforce the idea of monogamy, especially tailored thru romantic fantasy to women
I have ranted about this PLENTY elsewhere on Lit

Like several of the other posters have said, you should look for happiness and completion within YOURSELF
Once you have some level of that, seeking someone(s!) to share your life with can ENHANCE it but you can be happy & fulfilled (at least for the fleeting moments entitled mentioned) without another
Sex is a lot more fun with another person tho

 

[Ebonyfire]

Romance novels

I think the fantasy of being swept away by someone bigger, stronger, and more powerful than you can make you think that you need help being happy. It is a bill of goods that has been sold to women over the ages.

 

[James G 5]

Re: Romance novels

I think the fantasy of being swept away by someone bigger, stronger, and more powerful than you can make you think that you need help being happy. It is a bill of goods that has been sold to women over the ages.

Exactly
I've mentioned that in some of my monogamy rants

EB, I'd love to do coffee & chat with you some time

Mebbe we could take a flight & include Shadowsdream

Imagine our variosu & assorted bottoms/subs/slaves trembling at what new evil we might come home with LOL

But seriously, you both (along with MANY of the other posters here....I'd love to sit & chat with bunny some time but I don't think she'd get in a room with me ) just seem like wonderful enlightened people to talk to.....And I've found Dommes make great friends. Upfront understanding of clear boundaries and a lack of partner competition (as opposed to what can happen with straight Doms) make things easier sometimes.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Romance novels

Exactly
I've mentioned that in some of my monogamy rants

EB, I'd love to do coffee & chat with you some time

Mebbe we could take a flight & include Shadowsdream

Imagine our variosu & assorted bottoms/subs/slaves trembling at what new evil we might come home with LOL

But seriously, you both (along with MANY of the other posters here....I'd love to sit & chat with bunny some time but I don't think she'd get in a room with me ) just seem like wonderful enlightened people to talk to.....And I've found Dommes make great friends. Upfront understanding of clear boundaries and a lack of partner competition (as opposed to what can happen with straight Doms) make things easier sometimes.

It would be fun. I have met one Dom, Zipman and we have chatted with some subs and had a lot of fun.

this summer I am supposed to head down south the visit friends and perhaps catch that groups Lit get together.

I am planning to visit Shadowsdream in Sweden next year (2004) God willing and the creek don't rise.

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Romance novels

It would be fun. I have met one Dom, Zipman and we have chatted with some subs and had a lot of fun.

this summer I am supposed to head down south the visit friends and perhaps catch that groups Lit get together.

I am planning to visit Shadowsdream in Sweden next year (2004) God willing and the creek don't rise.

VERY cool
I go to a yearly BDSM convention so I get to meet a lot of folks there

I was SUPPOSED to go to Europe this year but because of the "war" all our company trips have been suspended *sigh*

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Romance novels

VERY cool
I go to a yearly BDSM convention so I get to meet a lot of folks there

I was SUPPOSED to go to Europe this year but because of the "war" all our company trips have been suspended *sigh*

I had a sub in England for a bit, ane he sent for me. It did not work out for the long haul, but he was a very good host! And I got to spend two weeks in Old blighty.

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Re: What do you consider happy and complete...

I believe you cannot look for happiness from outside of yourself. And you have to be a complete person within your own skin to be successful in a relationship with someone else.

Anything else is a waste of time. Two wounded humans or one whole human and one wounded human do not make a viable couple vanilla or D/s, IMHO. YMMV.

Yes, yes, yes, and amen! I've been on this earth almost 43 years, and the overwhelming majority of that time has been solo. I used to have the feeling that I "needed" some one to make me "complete". And I would jump at any "one" I thought would do that. It doesn't work. I've found it is best to stay solo than being with the wrong "one".

Along the journey I've also learned that no one else in this world is going to like and love me as much as I do. I have to spend the most amount of time with me - even if I were with some one. So, rather than look towards some one else to give me validation, it had to come from within. It has taken a long time, but I've finally come to a point in my life where I like me. I love who I am and what I am, even though that can change from day to day. I finally have the confidence in just being me - and it comes from me. At the risk of sounded conceited, I think I'm an okay person, and I enjoy my own company.

And the strange thing? When I was all needy and wanting some one to "complete" me, men were hiding under rocks. Now that I could care less if they are around, I can't seem to shake them. People like people who are confident. If one is seeking that confidence from another person, they will never truly have it, because it will leave when that person leaves.

Do I like having some one special in my life? Most assuredly. I like sitting next to a man I'm attracted to in the movies and brushing up against him, and walking down the street hand in hand. But if he isn't there, I'll have just as much fun with me.

No other person could ever "complete" you. Only you can complete yourself.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Companions down the road of life

Rather than have a model of insufficiency, I like the model of sufficiency with enhancement.

For me having a partner who is my 24/7 submissice is not for completion, but is an enhancement of a life that is already full and meaningful.

 

[lektra]

Re: Re: Re: What do you consider happy and complete...

Hmmmm. I'm wondering if anyone ever really feels "complete" whether they have a 'soulmate' or not. I may be mistaking complete with something else, but I don't think anyone ever stops growing, changing and learning, so there is always something new, something unfinished in our lives. I have been happy alone and happy in relationships, and can never remember feeling 'complete'. I have a partner who I think I will be with for life, and he makes me deleriously happy, I have moments of absolute stillness and happiness, but complete, nope. To me it's like being finished, nothing new to discover, nothing new to learn.

sorry for babbling

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Re: Romance novels

\(along with MANY of the other posters here....I'd love to sit & chat with bunny some time but I don't think she'd get in a room with me )

on the contrary! i think it would be oodles of fun! if there's a lit-together anytime soon, you guys let me know and i'll be there!

 

[His_sugar]

i love when people put good thought and feelings into their posts.. i am glad i started this thread *s*

Thanks to everyone so far...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: What do you consider happy and complete...

Hmmmm. I'm wondering if anyone ever really feels "complete" whether they have a 'soulmate' or not. I may be mistaking complete with something else, but I don't think anyone ever stops growing, changing and learning, so there is always something new, something unfinished in our lives. I have been happy alone and happy in relationships, and can never remember feeling 'complete'. I have a partner who I think I will be with for life, and he makes me deleriously happy, I have moments of absolute stillness and happiness, but complete, nope. To me it's like being finished, nothing new to discover, nothing new to learn.

sorry for babbling

I feel complete. Completeness has nothing to do with personal growth. It has to do with being whole a full grown person. Others may see it differently.

 

[James G 5]

Re: Re: Re: Romance novels

on the contrary! i think it would be oodles of fun! if there's a lit-together anytime soon, you guys let me know and i'll be there!

Ok
No attacking me without bowing first