What Do Gays Make Of Bisexuals?

[Alex NRN]

I've often wondered what gay men truly think of bisexual and bi-curious guys.

Is their attidude: Welcome to the club? Or: You guys are kidding yourselves? Let's face it, a lot of folk are of the opinion that you're either one or the other - gay or straight - with no in-between.

Sorry if this has previously been covered.

 

[none2_none2]

I think there is no "one" way that gays feel on the topic because gays are all different and every bisexual that they may encounter is also different. For me:

1) I really don't like the labels in the first place. I'm sexual. I just happen to be turned on by people who happen to be male. Not every male turns me on, and I would be lying to say that no women have ever turned me on. I also don't have a penis fettish, but that doesn't make me less attracted to guys than others into guys.

2) I really don't buy into the men/women are SO different physically, emotionally, spiritually, sexually (like night and day). It is comfortable for some people to think genders are extremes. This attitude that some have causes problems for a lot of gays as well as straights who by into it. By having such an attitude, I can see where bisexuality would be considered "queer" -- meaning weird. Because if the genders are SO different then how can you possibly find an attraction both? To me it is BS. People are all different and yet the same. This same extremism is what so many people want to believe.

3) I have no problem with the kind of bisexual who can love and be faithful to person A and then at some other part of their life love and be faithful to person B. Person A and person B are of different genders. I do not assume that if a guy is bisexual he will be incapable of being unfaithful. If he IS unfaithful it doesn't matter whether the other person is male or female.

4) I do have a problem with someone who uses bisexuality as an excuse to say they cannot be faithful. An analogy: I can enjoy shorter guys that I can physically pick up and carry as well as bigger guys that would break my back if I tried that. However, if the love of my life was bigger than me, I wouldn't be picking up short guys on the side (literally) and justifying it because my love cannot satisfiy my enjoyment of lifting guys.

5) There are some people who cannot stand not being straight even if they really are attracted to the same gender. (It could be a social thing, it could be a religous thing, or something else.) For some of them eventually, they can use the term bi, but that is as far as they can go.
The problem is they associate "gay" with everything wrong: nasty, amoral, neuter, queer, etc. Gays should give them a break and be happy they were able to go that far in describing themselves as bi. There is nothing to be gained by nagging them and saying they are simply gays in denial. Some of them may eventually come to that conclusion, but let them get there on their own time and way.

5) I accept that many guys say they really are straight yet crave cock and not men. Stil, I don't really think they will be that way for a lifetime. The novelty would wear off on a body part. As I see it, it is where they are for now. Sure they may not want to "marry" a guy, but can one really detach a penis from its owner any more than you can detach a breast or a vagina from its owner.

Imagine how silly it would sound if a gay guy said he had a fettish for a touching and sucking on a lactating breast and yet he found women physically, sexually, and emotionally unattractive. He only likes their breasts and if only he could find a man with lactating breasts it would be perfect.

6) Finally, bi/bi-curious/etc. is how some people define themselves. Regardless of what others think, society cannot wish it away anymore than wishing away gays. So the best thing is to try to listen to the individual who uses such a label for themselves and try to figure out where they are coming from.

 

[TransJason]

On a personal level I could never trust a bi man.

The ones I have meet are usually 2 timing their girlfriends and hanging out at gay clubs and pubs for a quick shag,as they go round in circles and get the feeling of desperate need for a man, but they are not interested in building any sort of relationship with a man, just sex, and then they hurt the guy as well....

Also I know guys who are in SA (sexaholics annonymous) who use gay sex as a release for sexual need, its the climax thats sort for. In fact I've meet a lot of men like that on the gay scene with a wife or girlfriend in the background. Its instead of being a junkie or an alcoholic.

Its the need for comfort and sex to am adult is fundementally, orgasm/ecstacy and comfort, if only for a few minutes.

I could never trust a bi man, even if he said he loved me, as I think he would or could go off with a woman or another man much faster than a gay man would. Also I am not hetro and i dont understand nor enjoy sex with a women so I dont think I could really be on a good communication level with a bi man.

this isnt an unusual stance for a gay guy..in fact most gay friends of mine who find out a man is bi will drop them or never go near them in the first place as strangley enough they want to find a gay man to settle down with..a Gay Mr Right etc...not some one who enjoys the feel of a womans breasts !!

 

[PredatorSmile]

I considered myself queer until I met a certain boy, and the rest is history. My inner circle of lesbian friends dumped me. what does that tell you about the 'community's' acceptance for those who are different ?

 

[TransJason]

I dont think its to do with difference and acceptence...its to do with a group who no longer can relate to someone who has switched.

I have a trans friend who started off lesbian, and was ina long term relationship, then he took hormones and became male, had the surgery etc...his girlfriend couldnt relate to him any longer as she loved women, so they split. thats happened to few people I know.

Once you are no longer thinking as a dyke and enjoying the other sex for your sexual pleasure a lesbian can no longer understand whats happened nor why, nor can they participate in it.

Its a shame you arent friends with them just as friends..thats how it has ended up with the situiation above...

But it creates a big gulf....personally i would ask them out fro coffee and talk about life but not sex life. And as I said in the piece before lots of gay people dont feel comfy with bi people, as they are happt being gay and not in a "grey spectrum" along the sexual preference line, like a bi person will be.

It may be distressing for you but it will be equally confusing and distressing to them too.

Life's never easy ! :0)...we all have to work at it...if you miss them go find them and have a chat.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I dont think its to do with difference and acceptence...its to do with a group who no longer can relate to someone who has switched.

I have a trans friend who started off lesbian, and was ina long term relationship, then he took hormones and became male, had the surgery etc...his girlfriend couldnt relate to him any longer as she loved women, so they split. thats happened to few people I know.

Once you are no longer thinking as a dyke and enjoying the other sex for your sexual pleasure a lesbian can no longer understand whats happened nor why, nor can they participate in it.

Its a shame you arent friends with them just as friends..thats how it has ended up with the situiation above...

But it creates a big gulf....personally i would ask them out fro coffee and talk about life but not sex life. And as I said in the piece before lots of gay people dont feel comfy with bi people, as they are happt being gay and not in a "grey spectrum" along the sexual preference line, like a bi person will be.

It may be distressing for you but it will be equally confusing and distressing to them too.

Life's never easy ! :0)...we all have to work at it...if you miss them go find them and have a chat.

Thanks for your perspective, TJ ! I didn't think of that. I think of myself as a bisexual in terms of " this is who I love, not whats in his/her pants" ( well, I like what's in the pants but that's not ALL I like about them). I told the GLBT Alliance members that they had no business questioning my lifestyle and they took me down as VP.

 

[Wolfman1982]

my point of the "hatred" some gay people have at bi people is a common misstrust, because they don´t trust people who go both ways. And think every one of them is a promiscuous person. and TJ you are one of them who won´t believe in me as an example, and that hurts me like somebody has kicked my arse. And I won´t cut for that shite put on me. Maybe I am the only one, but I am a monogamous bisexual man ! . You can ask other people too on this board, and they would say that they were monogamous bisexual men and women too. If I fell in love with you TJ, then I wouldn´t cheat on you, and if you wanted a threeway with me, as your boyfriend, and another male who I liked , then I would say go for it .

But I wouldn´t cheat on you, in anyway possible since I would feel terrible about it. Maybe you should read one of my old postings....

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=359497

(my first, and simple answer)

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=13650102&postcount=2

(now this one is a longer but more clear answer for you, about me)

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=13721192&postcount=28

the woman who I had the worst bad guilt about is now dead , and she was a member of this forum. And her forum name was BALUS.

TransJason, I think you are narrow minded.

Sorry for flaming up in this way, but I am not always subjective, sometimes I am more objective, because I put my emotions out through the text I am writing.

TransJason, I would NEVER cheat on the person I loved.

 

[rjp44]

It always comes back to many people who discriminate against others who aren't like themselves. It's so much easier to accept others regardless of the differences, and sometimes, we can be suprised by a good friend who isn't like us.

 

[TransJason]

I said it was my personal opinion..doesnt go for everyone.Its not hatred its just something thats common in the gay men I know, they dont want to get involved with a bi man...thers always a lot of baggage it seems and from a world that a gay man cant understand.

I just have seen so many gay friends be confused and hurt by lovers they found to be bi....or get into a relationship only to find the other was bi and they couldnt relate to them...its just from experience and my group of freinds...OK so some gay men go specifically fro Bi men to see if they can turn them gay totally, or because they know its just for sex !

Doesnt mean YOU would be the same, just saying how its been.

Bi people I have known dont seem to settle, they go off..like bees in a meadow...I'm just a boring monogomous gay guy, thats me....and in the past I have purposly avoided bi men as i didnt want to get into something I cant comprehend.

Thats all..and many gay men think that way, doesnt mean they arent freinds with bi men...just wouldnt opt for a relationship with one.

Please rub you stomach and relax as I didnt mean to harm you in any way !

As for dear PS..I find it odd and sad that as a LGBT alliance they did that to her as it has B in the title...but again its the fear and confusion of a person who you thought you knew and thought like you who suddenly exhibits preferneces you cant understand and you have been intimate with...its a 2 way thing, and I hope they will get over the shock and PS will be able to be freinds with them again, but in a different way.

We are all different...not everyone can or will accept thye notion of a bi person if they ID as gay or straight with no experience or understanding of the opposite sex of desire to be with them...

Bi men and women get upset that gay people dont feel comfortable woth them, but its the same as a straight person not feeling comfortable with a gay person and they wouldnt comtemplate having sex with them...we arent all swingers or "just sexual".

Jas

 

[Missouribiguy]

Being bi, I see it in two-folds: it can be ulitmatily fullfilling, but it can also lead to destruction and despair.

I'm rather tolerate married bisexual men when I using my webcam on Yahoo! for my voeyur thing. Still, I do harrass them if they doing it as a secret, as I view it as a part of dishonesty.

As for myself, i would rather like a single male for fleeting sexual encounters. I mean, not a One Night Stand-type of thing, more like friends with benefits. If I ever get involve with a woman sexually, I will probably keep in touch with him, though sex would be turned off. Still, it can be hard to do that.

(Sorry for the bad grammar, I'm just sleepy).

 

[Gavionn]

None2 and TJ~

Although I didn't initiate this thread, I would like to sincerely thank you both for your candor and willingness to opine.

Like None2, I'm not very comfortable with labels.

I don't feel a need to justify myself to myself when - as a happily married heterosexual man - I find myself desirous of another man. If someone turns me on, they turn me on. I'm much more interested in enjoying the feeling of desire than I am in trying to figure out where it is coming from.

Do I want to touch and suck another man's cock? Yes. Will I ever do it? I don't know. Do I enjoy the fantasy? Very much. Do I talk about it openly? No.
Do I find my wife to be the most sexually appealing person I've ever known? Yes. Does that stop me from fantasizing about others? No.

So where does that place me in the neat, organized world of the "Labelers"? Am I bisexual, or bi-curious? Am I simply a heterosexual guy who has a homoerotic lean to some of his fantasies, or am I hiding from society in a heterosexual marriage?

I know the answers to these questions, and feel no need to explain myself. Especially since doing so would only fuel the fire within some.

I also understand TJ's feelings of distrust toward bi men. If I were single and in the dating pool again, hooking up with a bisexual woman would make me quite nervous as well. The reason? Contrary to all the porn movies, many bisexual women consider their desire for other women to be something completely seperate from their desire for men. So they are not as likely as one might think to just bring their girlfriend into a heterosexual relationship as a thrill for their man.

Yes, I know this from painfull experience. I also know that there are bi women out there who DO love to be the center of attention, but I believe they are the exception rather than the rule.

I guess that's it for now, unless anyone has a suggestion on how to get my decidedly bi-leaning wife to loosen up enough for some group action. LOL.