What do all of you in sexless marriages do for sex? What alternatives?

[shizzz]

I come to lit. I work with woman to write out my fantasies.

I watch porn and when I go out I ogle the women I see and imagine what they look like naked, and then I picture them with a low sex drive like my wife. Or the opposite and imagine them coming at me, unable to refrain from trying to get my cock in them in any way they can

 

[Goyl]

In a sexless marriage, I jerk off alot and now I become bi or gay to satisfy my desires.

Like many men I encounter, they just want a good blowjob and I’m very happy to help out. No strings attached and no reciprocation desired. It works out well for everyone

 

[Dangerousliaisons]

My sister and her first husband had been catholic virgins,ended up a sham marriage,she turned to someone close

 

[amigayorbi]

where I am now, being patient is key. And things can get exciting when both are in the right headspace.

 

[PersonalFavors]

My sister and her first husband had been catholic virgins,ended up a sham marriage,she turned to someone close

I was the "someone close" for a short time. I was 33 or so and new in town (boro). She was mid 40's. Their 'sham' was pretty wealthy so she wanted to keep what she had. Good times though. Sometimes she just needed to fuck. Others she would stop by and sit on my face. Or have some idea she got from a movie... Timing was just right. I didn't go into the office until noon. After dropping the kids to school I was close by...

 

[hulmule]

Tired of taking care of myself.. i need a FWB

 

[bisissyhusband1]

Due to my inadequacies (small limp dick) my wife and I had a basically sexless marriage, until we discovered pegging. Now my wife fucks my sissy pussy every night. I frequently have sissygasms from being pegged; I have never cum so much.

 

[bisissyhusband1]

Masturbation. My wife lost her libido. I have ED related to a variety of medical conditions. I can still reach orgasm with some dedicated effort. She’s simply isn’t interested anymore. But after 58 years as a couple I’m not completely surprised. Stuff happens, or doesn’t.

Try pegging. Worked for my wife and I.

 

[PFWilly]

Try pegging. Worked for my wife and I.

She’s not interested…I tried.

Glad it worked for both of you. Who enjoys it more? You, or her?

 

[Michael_Keaton]

Tired of taking care of myself.. i need a FWB

I've got one of those. Unfortunately the "benefits" are that she cooks and cleans and I mow the lawn, etc.. I keep thinking about making a change but at 70+ it may not be worth the disruption it would cause within the younger generations.

 

[trevorness]

And… nothing since that.

Oh wait we are going camping and she suggested I bring lube for a handjob. Dare I get my hopes up?
Odd that I don't think she has ever used that term in our 25 years together. What did she hear/read/see?

 

[chrisatb5]

Oh wait we are going camping and she suggested I bring lube for a handjob. Dare I get my hopes up?
Odd that I don't think she has ever used that term in our 25 years together. What did she hear/read/see?

Natural to be curious but another part sez don't question it

 

[Cardinal]

I think the most selfish thing about a sexless marriage is the expectation of fidelity.

 

[bisissyhusband1]

She’s not interested…I tried.

Glad it worked for both of you. Who enjoys it more? You, or her?

Initially it was me. I’d really got into watching pegging porn, so the first time she pegged me was mind blowing. Now she has become very proficient at it she really enjoys it. She makes me cum all the time, so I’m still really enjoying it too

 

[maveric74]

51 as of April. Wife and I have 2 young kids. We sleep separately as she has a health condition and requires good night sleep to be able to function 100% in a stressful high paying job (she's the major breadwinner in our family). I have a snoring issue that compounds the problem and we have our marital issues. Haven't slept in the same bed for a couple of years so that has killed off any intimacy. Now we are just friends and parents to two gorgeous children.
I am home early part of the week looking after kids drop-off/pickup/shopping/chores/laundry/house maintenance you name it. Work part time at a local restaurant front of house staff 2-3 nights on the weekends.
My libido is through the roof most days. Masturbate 2-3 times a night watching porn. Not sure when/if we will have sex. The few occasions we have, it's been very vanilla. She's not keen to try anything apart from slow, gentle, sensual love-making.
Being married and 2 young kids also means I am time-poor. While I look after myself physically and am in great shape, go to the gym, play golf etc. no woman looks at me with a ring and two kids in tow in any sexual manner. Not going to pay for sex, not going to have an affair with a neighbour or a school mom or a mutual friend of ours or any of my work colleagues.
I'm not sure where that leaves me increasing frustration with my situation. I find myself lonely and craving a woman's touch.
If my kids were older, I was better off financially and separating now didn't cripple us financially which it would do, I would walk away but I am resigned to my situation being as is for the forseeable future.
Hope others here have better options than I do.

 

[CuriousinPennsylvania]

51 as of April. Wife and I have 2 young kids. We sleep separately as she has a health condition and requires good night sleep to be able to function 100% in a stressful high paying job (she's the major breadwinner in our family). I have a snoring issue that compounds the problem and we have our marital issues. Haven't slept in the same bed for a couple of years so that has killed off any intimacy. Now we are just friends and parents to two gorgeous children.
I am home early part of the week looking after kids drop-off/pickup/shopping/chores/laundry/house maintenance you name it. Work part time at a local restaurant front of house staff 2-3 nights on the weekends.
My libido is through the roof most days. Masturbate 2-3 times a night watching porn. Not sure when/if we will have sex. The few occasions we have, it's been very vanilla. She's not keen to try anything apart from slow, gentle, sensual love-making.
Being married and 2 young kids also means I am time-poor. While I look after myself physically and am in great shape, go to the gym, play golf etc. no woman looks at me with a ring and two kids in tow in any sexual manner. Not going to pay for sex, not going to have an affair with a neighbour or a school mom or a mutual friend of ours or any of my work colleagues.
I'm not sure where that leaves me increasing frustration with my situation. I find myself lonely and craving a woman's touch.
If my kids were older, I was better off financially and separating now didn't cripple us financially which it would do, I would walk away but I am resigned to my situation being as is for the forseeable future.
Hope others here have better options.

I don't mean to be an asshole by saying this, but "Welcome to the real world".

 

[LMWM321]

51 as of April. Wife and I have 2 young kids. We sleep separately as she has a health condition and requires good night sleep to be able to function 100% in a stressful high paying job (she's the major breadwinner in our family). I have a snoring issue that compounds the problem and we have our marital issues. Haven't slept in the same bed for a couple of years so that has killed off any intimacy. Now we are just friends and parents to two gorgeous children.

Forgive me for being so bold, but...

I applaud your prioritizing your kids happiness and well being, but do you think sleeping in separate beds and basically having a "friend zone" marriage sets a good example for them? I'm sure you want your kids to seek fulfillment in their long term relationships and marriages yet you, and your wife, are setting a poor example. You may think you're hiding your unhappiness from them but I would bet that they clearly sense it and it causes them distress. And your broken marriage is informing THEM of what they should consider normal in their own relationships.

You deserve longterm happiness - and that includes a satisfying sex life. And so does your wife. Together, you should get into marriage counseling immediately and commit yourselves fully to finding your way back to each other - metaphorically and literally (ie., one bed). And if after a good faith effort, you find that you cannot fix your marriage, then do yourselves, and likely your children, a favor and call it quits. Yes, she makes more than you but No Fault divorce, which has been a godsend to ensure the fair treatment of stay-at-home moms, will do the same for husbands who make less than their wives, which is totally fair.

Kids prefer parents who are happy, but divorced, to parents who are together, but miserable.

 

[curl4ever]

I applaud your prioritizing your kids happiness and well being. But do you think sleeping in separate beds and basically having a "friend zone" marriage sets a good example for them? I'm sure you want your kids to seek fulfillment in their long term relationships and marriages yet you and your wife are setting a poor example. You may think you're hiding your unhappiness from them but I would say you're wrong - they sense it and I'm betting it causes them distress. And your broken marriage is informing THEM of what they should consider normal in their own relationships.

You deserve longterm happiness - and that includes a hot and thrilling sex life. And so does your wife. I would get into marriage counseling immediately and commit yourselves fully to finding your way back to each other - metaphorically and literally (ie., one bed). And if after a good faith effort, you can't fix your marriage so you get that from each other, then do yourselves, and likely your children, a favor and call it quits on the marriage. Yes, she makes more than you but No Fault divorce, which has been a godsend to ensure the fair treatment of stay-at-home moms, will do the same for husbands who make less than their wives.

Kids prefer parents who are happy, but divorced, to parents who are together, but miserable.

Well said! I have started thinking about this more as I watch my son not want to date, and date the wrong people when he does try. <sigh>

 

[LookN2Talk]

Oh wait we are going camping and she suggested I bring lube for a handjob. Dare I get my hopes up?
Odd that I don't think she has ever used that term in our 25 years together. What did she hear/read/see?

I just hope for your sake it's not for the tent poles because they got rusty...

 

[trevorness]

Oh wait we are going camping and she suggested I bring lube for a handjob. Dare I get my hopes up?
Odd that I don't think she has ever used that term in our 25 years together. What did she hear/read/see?

She did get drunk enough to offer the handjob in the tent. It was lovely but I was also too drunk to cum. She suggested finishing at a non-drunk time, but unsurprisingly, that did not occur.

 

[trevorness]

Oh and she was supposed to go visit her sister this weekend ( = masturbation time!) but that was cancelled, so... horny time.

 

[LMWM321]

Oh and she was supposed to go visit her sister this weekend ( = masturbation time!) but that was cancelled, so... horny time.

You can’t masturbate because she won’t go away for the weekend?

Why can’t you simply tell her… “Honey, I’m horny so I’m heading upstairs for a bit to masturbate. I’d like a little privacy.”

What, exactly, would be the problem with doing that?

I don’t understand why so many people have trouble admitting to their partner that they occasionally engage in this very normal and very healthy activity.

 

[mortis]

You can’t masturbate because she won’t go away for the weekend?

Why can’t you simply tell her… “Honey, I’m horny so I’m heading upstairs for a bit to masturbate. I’d like a little privacy.”

What, exactly, would be the problem with doing that?

I don’t understand why so many people have trouble admitting to their partner that they occasionally engage in this very normal and very healthy activity.

It took years but I finally started that conversation recently. She wanted to watch it ended up being a lot of fun.
Still not ready to show her the prostate toys but it’s a start.

 

[trevorness]

You can’t masturbate because she won’t go away for the weekend?

Why can’t you simply tell her… “Honey, I’m horny so I’m heading upstairs for a bit to masturbate. I’d like a little privacy.”

What, exactly, would be the problem with doing that?

I don’t understand why so many people have trouble admitting to their partner that they occasionally engage in this very normal and very healthy activity.

It is very normal, and yet it is not something I talk to her about. She doesn’t want me going on about how horny I am.

 

[Chilllax]

You can’t masturbate because she won’t go away for the weekend?

Why can’t you simply tell her… “Honey, I’m horny so I’m heading upstairs for a bit to masturbate. I’d like a little privacy.”

What, exactly, would be the problem with doing that?

I don’t understand why so many people have trouble admitting to their partner that they occasionally engage in this very normal and very healthy activity.

Maybe it's hard for you to understand certain dynamics, and I get that. Since I am in that situation let me give you my perspective.

The sexless situation has led to a diminished emotional connection, almost to the point where I feel, many times but not all the time, that we are merely functional partners. And because of that diminished emotional and intimate connection, I don't feel comfortable sharing when I am going to go masturbate.

Not everyone may resonate with this but the post from @trevorness resonated a bit. My humble 2 cents.