What are you stressed about? GEEBEE/PG safe zone.

[heather_baby]

So, the reason I crossed the GEEBEE and the PG is because everyone has stresses. I figure you could come to common ground on some things, others not so much. But stress is a commonality between anyone and everyone.

Unless you're just ridiculously happy all the time any time, or you just don't care.

I know I've got stresses. Bills, finals, work. We all have them whatever they may be.

What are yours?

 

[*HeadlessBarbie]

I can't find a matching pair of socks without one sock having a huge hole in it. Fucking pisses me off!

 

[Killswitch]

I can't find a matching pair of socks without one sock having a huge hole in it. Fucking pisses me off!

Buy some new socks?

 

[islandman]

Never-ending threads stress me out.

Cause once you've posted in one, well, you know, you're committed to it.

 

[heather_baby]

Never-ending threads stress me out.

Cause once you've posted in one, well, you know, you're committed to it.

Eh, not really. You can always just leave and other people run that bitch. Lol.

 

[*HeadlessBarbie]

Buy some new socks?

I'm too stressed to go to the store, don't you fucking get it?!!!!

 

[Killswitch]

I'm too stressed to go to the store, don't you fucking get it?!!!!

Who goes to the store. Order them online.

 

[RobDownSouth]

I'm going to a company formal ball on Saturday night.

One of the Lord High Muckety Mucks is always saying how he's from the "Blue Suede Shoes" generation....

A bunch of us guys decided we're going to wear black tuxes, royal blue bowties....and blue suede shoes.

You can't rent those things, so I bought a pair this week. Now I'm wondering if the Lord High Muckety Muck will think we're making fun of him (and if I was being totally honest here, we are making fun in a passive aggressive way).

 

[*HeadlessBarbie]

Who goes to the store. Order them online.

OMG, that requires hours of comparison online shopping for the best deals! Do you not get it? I don't have the time for this shit! I just lost a huge clump of hair, and have eaten a shit load of Tums.

 

[heather_baby]

I'm going to a company formal ball on Saturday night.

One of the Lord High Muckety Mucks is always saying how he's from the "Blue Suede Shoes" generation....

A bunch of us guys decided we're going to wear black tuxes, royal blue bowties....and blue suede shoes.

You can't rent those things, so I bought a pair this week. Now I'm wondering if the Lord High Muckety Muck will think we're making fun of him (and if I was being totally honest here, we are making fun in a passive aggressive way).

Ah,good luck on that one. Lol

 

[Killswitch]

OMG, that requires hours of comparison online shopping for the best deals! Do you not get it? I don't have the time for this shit! I just lost a huge clump of hair, and have eaten a shit load of Tums.

It's got to be more than the socks.

It's nothing to lose your head over.

 

[*HeadlessBarbie]

It's got to be more than the socks.

It's nothing to lose your head over.

Are you calling me ugly? Where the hell is my Xanax?

 

[Killswitch]

Are you calling me ugly? Where the hell is my Xanax?

No. I'm hitting on you.

You don't need that shit.

 

[Sean]

[Enter Chorus]

Chorus. O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene! 5
Then should the warlike Harry, like himself,
Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,
Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire
Crouch for employment. But pardon, and gentles all,
The flat unraised spirits that have dared 10
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth
So great an object: can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt? 15
O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these walls 20
Are now confined two mighty monarchies,
Whose high upreared and abutting fronts
The perilous narrow ocean parts asunder:
Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;
Into a thousand parts divide on man, 25
And make imaginary puissance;
Think when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth;
For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings,
Carry them here and there; jumping o'er times, 30
Turning the accomplishment of many years
Into an hour-glass: for the which supply,
Admit me Chorus to this history;
Who prologue-like your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play. 35

[Exit]
---
. previous scene

Act I, Scene 1

London. An ante-chamber in the KING’S palace.
next scene .
---

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, and the BISHOP OF ELY]

Archbishop of Canterbury. My lord, I'll tell you; that self bill is urged,
Which in the eleventh year of the last king's reign
Was like, and had indeed against us pass'd, 40
But that the scambling and unquiet time
Did push it out of farther question.

Bishop of Ely. But how, my lord, shall we resist it now?

Archbishop of Canterbury. It must be thought on. If it pass against us,
We lose the better half of our possession: 45
For all the temporal lands which men devout
By testament have given to the church
Would they strip from us; being valued thus:
As much as would maintain, to the king's honour,
Full fifteen earls and fifteen hundred knights, 50
Six thousand and two hundred good esquires;
And, to relief of lazars and weak age,
Of indigent faint souls past corporal toil.
A hundred almshouses right well supplied;
And to the coffers of the king beside, 55
A thousand pounds by the year: thus runs the bill.

Bishop of Ely. This would drink deep.

Archbishop of Canterbury. 'Twould drink the cup and all.

Bishop of Ely. But what prevention?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The king is full of grace and fair regard. 60

Bishop of Ely. And a true lover of the holy church.

Archbishop of Canterbury. The courses of his youth promised it not.
The breath no sooner left his father's body,
But that his wildness, mortified in him,
Seem'd to die too; yea, at that very moment 65
Consideration, like an angel, came
And whipp'd the offending Adam out of him,
Leaving his body as a paradise,
To envelop and contain celestial spirits.
Never was such a sudden scholar made; 70
Never came reformation in a flood,
With such a heady currance, scouring faults
Nor never Hydra-headed wilfulness
So soon did lose his seat and all at once
As in this king. 75

Bishop of Ely. We are blessed in the change.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Hear him but reason in divinity,
And all-admiring with an inward wish
You would desire the king were made a prelate:
Hear him debate of commonwealth affairs, 80
You would say it hath been all in all his study:
List his discourse of war, and you shall hear
A fearful battle render'd you in music:
Turn him to any cause of policy,
The Gordian knot of it he will unloose, 85
Familiar as his garter: that, when he speaks,
The air, a charter'd libertine, is still,
And the mute wonder lurketh in men's ears,
To steal his sweet and honey'd sentences;
So that the art and practic part of life 90
Must be the mistress to this theoric:
Which is a wonder how his grace should glean it,
Since his addiction was to courses vain,
His companies unletter'd, rude and shallow,
His hours fill'd up with riots, banquets, sports, 95
And never noted in him any study,
Any retirement, any sequestration
From open haunts and popularity.

Bishop of Ely. The strawberry grows underneath the nettle
And wholesome berries thrive and ripen best 100
Neighbour'd by fruit of baser quality:
And so the prince obscured his contemplation
Under the veil of wildness; which, no doubt,
Grew like the summer grass, fastest by night,
Unseen, yet crescive in his faculty. 105

Archbishop of Canterbury. It must be so; for miracles are ceased;
And therefore we must needs admit the means
How things are perfected.

Bishop of Ely. But, my good lord,
How now for mitigation of this bill 110
Urged by the commons? Doth his majesty
Incline to it, or no?

Archbishop of Canterbury. He seems indifferent,
Or rather swaying more upon our part
Than cherishing the exhibiters against us; 115
For I have made an offer to his majesty,
Upon our spiritual convocation
And in regard of causes now in hand,
Which I have open'd to his grace at large,
As touching France, to give a greater sum 120
Than ever at one time the clergy yet
Did to his predecessors part withal.

Bishop of Ely. How did this offer seem received, my lord?

Archbishop of Canterbury. With good acceptance of his majesty;
Save that there was not time enough to hear, 125
As I perceived his grace would fain have done,
The severals and unhidden passages
Of his true titles to some certain dukedoms
And generally to the crown and seat of France
Derived from Edward, his great-grandfather. 130

Bishop of Ely. What was the impediment that broke this off?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The French ambassador upon that instant
Craved audience; and the hour, I think, is come
To give him hearing: is it four o'clock?

Bishop of Ely. It is. 135

Archbishop of Canterbury. Then go we in, to know his embassy;
Which I could with a ready guess declare,
Before the Frenchman speak a word of it.

Bishop of Ely. I'll wait upon you, and I long to hear it.

[Exeunt]

 

[Sean]

[Enter Chorus]

Chorus. O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene! 5
Then should the warlike Harry, like himself,
Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,
Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire
Crouch for employment. But pardon, and gentles all,
The flat unraised spirits that have dared 10
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth
So great an object: can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt? 15
O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these walls 20
Are now confined two mighty monarchies,
Whose high upreared and abutting fronts
The perilous narrow ocean parts asunder:
Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;
Into a thousand parts divide on man, 25
And make imaginary puissance;
Think when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth;
For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings,
Carry them here and there; jumping o'er times, 30
Turning the accomplishment of many years
Into an hour-glass: for the which supply,
Admit me Chorus to this history;
Who prologue-like your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play. 35

[Exit]
---
. previous scene

Act I, Scene 1

London. An ante-chamber in the KING’S palace.
next scene .
---

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, and the BISHOP OF ELY]

Archbishop of Canterbury. My lord, I'll tell you; that self bill is urged,
Which in the eleventh year of the last king's reign
Was like, and had indeed against us pass'd, 40
But that the scambling and unquiet time
Did push it out of farther question.

Bishop of Ely. But how, my lord, shall we resist it now?

Archbishop of Canterbury. It must be thought on. If it pass against us,
We lose the better half of our possession: 45
For all the temporal lands which men devout
By testament have given to the church
Would they strip from us; being valued thus:
As much as would maintain, to the king's honour,
Full fifteen earls and fifteen hundred knights, 50
Six thousand and two hundred good esquires;
And, to relief of lazars and weak age,
Of indigent faint souls past corporal toil.
A hundred almshouses right well supplied;
And to the coffers of the king beside, 55
A thousand pounds by the year: thus runs the bill.

Bishop of Ely. This would drink deep.

Archbishop of Canterbury. 'Twould drink the cup and all.

Bishop of Ely. But what prevention?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The king is full of grace and fair regard. 60

Bishop of Ely. And a true lover of the holy church.

Archbishop of Canterbury. The courses of his youth promised it not.
The breath no sooner left his father's body,
But that his wildness, mortified in him,
Seem'd to die too; yea, at that very moment 65
Consideration, like an angel, came
And whipp'd the offending Adam out of him,
Leaving his body as a paradise,
To envelop and contain celestial spirits.
Never was such a sudden scholar made; 70
Never came reformation in a flood,
With such a heady currance, scouring faults
Nor never Hydra-headed wilfulness
So soon did lose his seat and all at once
As in this king. 75

Bishop of Ely. We are blessed in the change.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Hear him but reason in divinity,
And all-admiring with an inward wish
You would desire the king were made a prelate:
Hear him debate of commonwealth affairs, 80
You would say it hath been all in all his study:
List his discourse of war, and you shall hear
A fearful battle render'd you in music:
Turn him to any cause of policy,
The Gordian knot of it he will unloose, 85
Familiar as his garter: that, when he speaks,
The air, a charter'd libertine, is still,
And the mute wonder lurketh in men's ears,
To steal his sweet and honey'd sentences;
So that the art and practic part of life 90
Must be the mistress to this theoric:
Which is a wonder how his grace should glean it,
Since his addiction was to courses vain,
His companies unletter'd, rude and shallow,
His hours fill'd up with riots, banquets, sports, 95
And never noted in him any study,
Any retirement, any sequestration
From open haunts and popularity.

Bishop of Ely. The strawberry grows underneath the nettle
And wholesome berries thrive and ripen best 100
Neighbour'd by fruit of baser quality:
And so the prince obscured his contemplation
Under the veil of wildness; which, no doubt,
Grew like the summer grass, fastest by night,
Unseen, yet crescive in his faculty. 105

Archbishop of Canterbury. It must be so; for miracles are ceased;
And therefore we must needs admit the means
How things are perfected.

Bishop of Ely. But, my good lord,
How now for mitigation of this bill 110
Urged by the commons? Doth his majesty
Incline to it, or no?

Archbishop of Canterbury. He seems indifferent,
Or rather swaying more upon our part
Than cherishing the exhibiters against us; 115
For I have made an offer to his majesty,
Upon our spiritual convocation
And in regard of causes now in hand,
Which I have open'd to his grace at large,
As touching France, to give a greater sum 120
Than ever at one time the clergy yet
Did to his predecessors part withal.

Bishop of Ely. How did this offer seem received, my lord?

Archbishop of Canterbury. With good acceptance of his majesty;
Save that there was not time enough to hear, 125
As I perceived his grace would fain have done,
The severals and unhidden passages
Of his true titles to some certain dukedoms
And generally to the crown and seat of France
Derived from Edward, his great-grandfather. 130

Bishop of Ely. What was the impediment that broke this off?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The French ambassador upon that instant
Craved audience; and the hour, I think, is come
To give him hearing: is it four o'clock?

Bishop of Ely. It is. 135

Archbishop of Canterbury. Then go we in, to know his embassy;
Which I could with a ready guess declare,
Before the Frenchman speak a word of it.

Bishop of Ely. I'll wait upon you, and I long to hear it.

[Exeunt]

Act I, Scene 2

The same. The Presence chamber.
next scene .
---

[Enter KING HENRY V, GLOUCESTER, BEDFORD, EXETER,] [p]WARWICK, WESTMORELAND, and Attendants]

Henry V. Where is my gracious Lord of Canterbury?

Duke of Exeter. Not here in presence.

Henry V. Send for him, good uncle. 145

Earl of Westmoreland. Shall we call in the ambassador, my liege?

Henry V. Not yet, my cousin: we would be resolved,
Before we hear him, of some things of weight
That task our thoughts, concerning us and France.

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, and the BISHOP of ELY]

Archbishop of Canterbury. God and his angels guard your sacred throne
And make you long become it!

Henry V. Sure, we thank you.
My learned lord, we pray you to proceed
And justly and religiously unfold 155
Why the law Salique that they have in France
Or should, or should not, bar us in our claim:
And God forbid, my dear and faithful lord,
That you should fashion, wrest, or bow your reading,
Or nicely charge your understanding soul 160
With opening titles miscreate, whose right
Suits not in native colours with the truth;
For God doth know how many now in health
Shall drop their blood in approbation
Of what your reverence shall incite us to. 165
Therefore take heed how you impawn our person,
How you awake our sleeping sword of war:
We charge you, in the name of God, take heed;
For never two such kingdoms did contend
Without much fall of blood; whose guiltless drops 170
Are every one a woe, a sore complaint
'Gainst him whose wrong gives edge unto the swords
That make such waste in brief mortality.
Under this conjuration, speak, my lord;
For we will hear, note and believe in heart 175
That what you speak is in your conscience wash'd
As pure as sin with baptism.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Then hear me, gracious sovereign, and you peers,
That owe yourselves, your lives and services
To this imperial throne. There is no bar 180
To make against your highness' claim to France
But this, which they produce from Pharamond,
'In terram Salicam mulieres ne succedant:'
'No woman shall succeed in Salique land:'
Which Salique land the French unjustly gloze 185
To be the realm of France, and Pharamond
The founder of this law and female bar.
Yet their own authors faithfully affirm
That the land Salique is in Germany,
Between the floods of Sala and of Elbe; 190
Where Charles the Great, having subdued the Saxons,
There left behind and settled certain French;
Who, holding in disdain the German women
For some dishonest manners of their life,
Establish'd then this law; to wit, no female 195
Should be inheritrix in Salique land:
Which Salique, as I said, 'twixt Elbe and Sala,
Is at this day in Germany call'd Meisen.
Then doth it well appear that Salique law
Was not devised for the realm of France: 200
Nor did the French possess the Salique land
Until four hundred one and twenty years
After defunction of King Pharamond,
Idly supposed the founder of this law;
Who died within the year of our redemption 205
Four hundred twenty-six; and Charles the Great
Subdued the Saxons, and did seat the French
Beyond the river Sala, in the year
Eight hundred five. Besides, their writers say,
King Pepin, which deposed Childeric, 210
Did, as heir general, being descended
Of Blithild, which was daughter to King Clothair,
Make claim and title to the crown of France.
Hugh Capet also, who usurped the crown
Of Charles the duke of Lorraine, sole heir male 215
Of the true line and stock of Charles the Great,
To find his title with some shows of truth,
'Through, in pure truth, it was corrupt and naught,
Convey'd himself as heir to the Lady Lingare,
Daughter to Charlemain, who was the son 220
To Lewis the emperor, and Lewis the son
Of Charles the Great. Also King Lewis the Tenth,
Who was sole heir to the usurper Capet,
Could not keep quiet in his conscience,
Wearing the crown of France, till satisfied 225
That fair Queen Isabel, his grandmother,
Was lineal of the Lady Ermengare,
Daughter to Charles the foresaid duke of Lorraine:
By the which marriage the line of Charles the Great
Was re-united to the crown of France. 230
So that, as clear as is the summer's sun.
King Pepin's title and Hugh Capet's claim,
King Lewis his satisfaction, all appear
To hold in right and title of the female:
So do the kings of France unto this day; 235
Howbeit they would hold up this Salique law
To bar your highness claiming from the female,
And rather choose to hide them in a net
Than amply to imbar their crooked titles
Usurp'd from you and your progenitors. 240

Henry V. May I with right and conscience make this claim?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The sin upon my head, dread sovereign!
For in the book of Numbers is it writ,
When the man dies, let the inheritance
Descend unto the daughter. Gracious lord, 245
Stand for your own; unwind your bloody flag;
Look back into your mighty ancestors:
Go, my dread lord, to your great-grandsire's tomb,
From whom you claim; invoke his warlike spirit,
And your great-uncle's, Edward the Black Prince, 250
Who on the French ground play'd a tragedy,
Making defeat on the full power of France,
Whiles his most mighty father on a hill
Stood smiling to behold his lion's whelp
Forage in blood of French nobility. 255
O noble English. that could entertain
With half their forces the full Pride of France
And let another half stand laughing by,
All out of work and cold for action!

Bishop of Ely. Awake remembrance of these valiant dead 260
And with your puissant arm renew their feats:
You are their heir; you sit upon their throne;
The blood and courage that renowned them
Runs in your veins; and my thrice-puissant liege
Is in the very May-morn of his youth, 265
Ripe for exploits and mighty enterprises.

Duke of Exeter. Your brother kings and monarchs of the earth
Do all expect that you should rouse yourself,
As did the former lions of your blood.

Earl of Westmoreland. They know your grace hath cause and means and might; 270
So hath your highness; never king of England
Had nobles richer and more loyal subjects,
Whose hearts have left their bodies here in England
And lie pavilion'd in the fields of France.

Archbishop of Canterbury. O, let their bodies follow, my dear liege, 275
With blood and sword and fire to win your right;
In aid whereof we of the spiritualty
Will raise your highness such a mighty sum
As never did the clergy at one time
Bring in to any of your ancestors. 280

Henry V. We must not only arm to invade the French,
But lay down our proportions to defend
Against the Scot, who will make road upon us
With all advantages.

Archbishop of Canterbury. They of those marches, gracious sovereign, 285
Shall be a wall sufficient to defend
Our inland from the pilfering borderers.

Henry V. We do not mean the coursing snatchers only,
But fear the main intendment of the Scot,
Who hath been still a giddy neighbour to us; 290
For you shall read that my great-grandfather
Never went with his forces into France
But that the Scot on his unfurnish'd kingdom
Came pouring, like the tide into a breach,
With ample and brim fulness of his force, 295
Galling the gleaned land with hot assays,
Girding with grievous siege castles and towns;
That England, being empty of defence,
Hath shook and trembled at the ill neighbourhood.

Archbishop of Canterbury. She hath been then more fear'd than harm'd, my liege; 300
For hear her but exampled by herself:
When all her chivalry hath been in France
And she a mourning widow of her nobles,
She hath herself not only well defended
But taken and impounded as a stray 305
The King of Scots; whom she did send to France,
To fill King Edward's fame with prisoner kings
And make her chronicle as rich with praise
As is the ooze and bottom of the sea
With sunken wreck and sunless treasuries. 310

Earl of Westmoreland. But there's a saying very old and true,
'If that you will France win,
Then with Scotland first begin:'
For once the eagle England being in prey,
To her unguarded nest the weasel Scot 315
Comes sneaking and so sucks her princely eggs,
Playing the mouse in absence of the cat,
To tear and havoc more than she can eat.

Duke of Exeter. It follows then the cat must stay at home:
Yet that is but a crush'd necessity, 320
Since we have locks to safeguard necessaries,
And pretty traps to catch the petty thieves.
While that the armed hand doth fight abroad,
The advised head defends itself at home;
For government, though high and low and lower, 325
Put into parts, doth keep in one consent,
Congreeing in a full and natural close,
Like music.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Therefore doth heaven divide
The state of man in divers functions, 330
Setting endeavour in continual motion;
To which is fixed, as an aim or butt,
Obedience: for so work the honey-bees,
Creatures that by a rule in nature teach
The act of order to a peopled kingdom. 335
They have a king and officers of sorts;
Where some, like magistrates, correct at home,
Others, like merchants, venture trade abroad,
Others, like soldiers, armed in their stings,
Make boot upon the summer's velvet buds, 340
Which pillage they with merry march bring home
To the tent-royal of their emperor;
Who, busied in his majesty, surveys
The singing masons building roofs of gold,
The civil citizens kneading up the honey, 345
The poor mechanic porters crowding in
Their heavy burdens at his narrow gate,
The sad-eyed justice, with his surly hum,
Delivering o'er to executors pale
The lazy yawning drone. I this infer, 350
That many things, having full reference
To one consent, may work contrariously:
As many arrows, loosed several ways,
Come to one mark; as many ways meet in one town;
As many fresh streams meet in one salt sea; 355
As many lines close in the dial's centre;
So may a thousand actions, once afoot.
End in one purpose, and be all well borne
Without defeat. Therefore to France, my liege.
Divide your happy England into four; 360
Whereof take you one quarter into France,
And you withal shall make all Gallia shake.
If we, with thrice such powers left at home,
Cannot defend our own doors from the dog,
Let us be worried and our nation lose 365
The name of hardiness and policy.

Henry V. Call in the messengers sent from the Dauphin.
[Exeunt some Attendants]
Now are we well resolved; and, by God's help,
And yours, the noble sinews of our power, 370
France being ours, we'll bend it to our awe,
Or break it all to pieces: or there we'll sit,
Ruling in large and ample empery
O'er France and all her almost kingly dukedoms,
Or lay these bones in an unworthy urn, 375
Tombless, with no remembrance over them:
Either our history shall with full mouth
Speak freely of our acts, or else our grave,
Like Turkish mute, shall have a tongueless mouth,
Not worshipp'd with a waxen epitaph. 380
[Enter Ambassadors of France]
Now are we well prepared to know the pleasure
Of our fair cousin Dauphin; for we hear
Your greeting is from him, not from the king.

First Ambassador. May't please your majesty to give us leave 385
Freely to render what we have in charge;
Or shall we sparingly show you far off
The Dauphin's meaning and our embassy?

Henry V. We are no tyrant, but a Christian king;
Unto whose grace our passion is as subject 390
As are our wretches fetter'd in our prisons:
Therefore with frank and with uncurbed plainness
Tell us the Dauphin's mind.

First Ambassador. Thus, then, in few.
Your highness, lately sending into France, 395
Did claim some certain dukedoms, in the right
Of your great predecessor, King Edward the Third.
In answer of which claim, the prince our master
Says that you savour too much of your youth,
And bids you be advised there's nought in France 400
That can be with a nimble galliard won;
You cannot revel into dukedoms there.
He therefore sends you, meeter for your spirit,
This tun of treasure; and, in lieu of this,
Desires you let the dukedoms that you claim 405
Hear no more of you. This the Dauphin speaks.

Henry V. What treasure, uncle?

Duke of Exeter. Tennis-balls, my liege.

Henry V. We are glad the Dauphin is so pleasant with us;
His present and your pains we thank you for: 410
When we have march'd our rackets to these balls,
We will, in France, by God's grace, play a set
Shall strike his father's crown into the hazard.
Tell him he hath made a match with such a wrangler
That all the courts of France will be disturb'd 415
With chaces. And we understand him well,
How he comes o'er us with our wilder days,
Not measuring what use we made of them.
We never valued this poor seat of England;
And therefore, living hence, did give ourself 420
To barbarous licence; as 'tis ever common
That men are merriest when they are from home.
But tell the Dauphin I will keep my state,
Be like a king and show my sail of greatness
When I do rouse me in my throne of France: 425
For that I have laid by my majesty
And plodded like a man for working-days,
But I will rise there with so full a glory
That I will dazzle all the eyes of France,
Yea, strike the Dauphin blind to look on us. 430
And tell the pleasant prince this mock of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones; and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them: for many a thousand widows
Shall this his mock mock out of their dear husbands; 435
Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Dauphin's scorn.
But this lies all within the will of God,
To whom I do appeal; and in whose name 440
Tell you the Dauphin I am coming on,
To venge me as I may and to put forth
My rightful hand in a well-hallow'd cause.
So get you hence in peace; and tell the Dauphin
His jest will savour but of shallow wit, 445
When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.
Convey them with safe conduct. Fare you well.

[Exeunt Ambassadors]

Duke of Exeter. This was a merry message.

Henry V. We hope to make the sender blush at it. 450
Therefore, my lords, omit no happy hour
That may give furtherance to our expedition;
For we have now no thought in us but France,
Save those to God, that run before our business.
Therefore let our proportions for these wars 455
Be soon collected and all things thought upon
That may with reasonable swiftness add
More feathers to our wings; for, God before,
We'll chide this Dauphin at his father's door.
Therefore let every man now task his thought, 460
That this fair action may on foot be brought.

[Exeunt. Flourish]

 

[Mischka]

So, the reason I crossed the GEEBEE and the PG is because everyone has stresses. I figure you could come to common ground on some things, others not so much. But stress is a commonality between anyone and everyone.

Are Playgrounders coming into this thread? Should we roll out the bubble wrap carpet to greet them?

 

[RobDownSouth]

Ah,good luck on that one. Lol

LOL...stylin' and profilin'....

 

[Wings]

Yeah, you know what I'm NOT going to do? Tell the GB what my real insecurities are and what makes me nervous.

 

[islandman]

Are Playgrounders coming into this thread? Should we roll out the bubble wrap carpet to greet them?

No!

They gave me nothing but grief when I went over there for a visit.

 

[heather_baby]

Are Playgrounders coming into this thread? Should we roll out the bubble wrap carpet to greet them?

To be honest, I'm pretty sure they're scared shitless and won't come in.


And Sean, you fucktard. Lol

 

[Sean]

Act I, Scene 2

The same. The Presence chamber.
next scene .
---

[Enter KING HENRY V, GLOUCESTER, BEDFORD, EXETER,] [p]WARWICK, WESTMORELAND, and Attendants]

Henry V. Where is my gracious Lord of Canterbury?

Duke of Exeter. Not here in presence.

Henry V. Send for him, good uncle. 145

Earl of Westmoreland. Shall we call in the ambassador, my liege?

Henry V. Not yet, my cousin: we would be resolved,
Before we hear him, of some things of weight
That task our thoughts, concerning us and France.

[Enter the ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, and the BISHOP of ELY]

Archbishop of Canterbury. God and his angels guard your sacred throne
And make you long become it!

Henry V. Sure, we thank you.
My learned lord, we pray you to proceed
And justly and religiously unfold 155
Why the law Salique that they have in France
Or should, or should not, bar us in our claim:
And God forbid, my dear and faithful lord,
That you should fashion, wrest, or bow your reading,
Or nicely charge your understanding soul 160
With opening titles miscreate, whose right
Suits not in native colours with the truth;
For God doth know how many now in health
Shall drop their blood in approbation
Of what your reverence shall incite us to. 165
Therefore take heed how you impawn our person,
How you awake our sleeping sword of war:
We charge you, in the name of God, take heed;
For never two such kingdoms did contend
Without much fall of blood; whose guiltless drops 170
Are every one a woe, a sore complaint
'Gainst him whose wrong gives edge unto the swords
That make such waste in brief mortality.
Under this conjuration, speak, my lord;
For we will hear, note and believe in heart 175
That what you speak is in your conscience wash'd
As pure as sin with baptism.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Then hear me, gracious sovereign, and you peers,
That owe yourselves, your lives and services
To this imperial throne. There is no bar 180
To make against your highness' claim to France
But this, which they produce from Pharamond,
'In terram Salicam mulieres ne succedant:'
'No woman shall succeed in Salique land:'
Which Salique land the French unjustly gloze 185
To be the realm of France, and Pharamond
The founder of this law and female bar.
Yet their own authors faithfully affirm
That the land Salique is in Germany,
Between the floods of Sala and of Elbe; 190
Where Charles the Great, having subdued the Saxons,
There left behind and settled certain French;
Who, holding in disdain the German women
For some dishonest manners of their life,
Establish'd then this law; to wit, no female 195
Should be inheritrix in Salique land:
Which Salique, as I said, 'twixt Elbe and Sala,
Is at this day in Germany call'd Meisen.
Then doth it well appear that Salique law
Was not devised for the realm of France: 200
Nor did the French possess the Salique land
Until four hundred one and twenty years
After defunction of King Pharamond,
Idly supposed the founder of this law;
Who died within the year of our redemption 205
Four hundred twenty-six; and Charles the Great
Subdued the Saxons, and did seat the French
Beyond the river Sala, in the year
Eight hundred five. Besides, their writers say,
King Pepin, which deposed Childeric, 210
Did, as heir general, being descended
Of Blithild, which was daughter to King Clothair,
Make claim and title to the crown of France.
Hugh Capet also, who usurped the crown
Of Charles the duke of Lorraine, sole heir male 215
Of the true line and stock of Charles the Great,
To find his title with some shows of truth,
'Through, in pure truth, it was corrupt and naught,
Convey'd himself as heir to the Lady Lingare,
Daughter to Charlemain, who was the son 220
To Lewis the emperor, and Lewis the son
Of Charles the Great. Also King Lewis the Tenth,
Who was sole heir to the usurper Capet,
Could not keep quiet in his conscience,
Wearing the crown of France, till satisfied 225
That fair Queen Isabel, his grandmother,
Was lineal of the Lady Ermengare,
Daughter to Charles the foresaid duke of Lorraine:
By the which marriage the line of Charles the Great
Was re-united to the crown of France. 230
So that, as clear as is the summer's sun.
King Pepin's title and Hugh Capet's claim,
King Lewis his satisfaction, all appear
To hold in right and title of the female:
So do the kings of France unto this day; 235
Howbeit they would hold up this Salique law
To bar your highness claiming from the female,
And rather choose to hide them in a net
Than amply to imbar their crooked titles
Usurp'd from you and your progenitors. 240

Henry V. May I with right and conscience make this claim?

Archbishop of Canterbury. The sin upon my head, dread sovereign!
For in the book of Numbers is it writ,
When the man dies, let the inheritance
Descend unto the daughter. Gracious lord, 245
Stand for your own; unwind your bloody flag;
Look back into your mighty ancestors:
Go, my dread lord, to your great-grandsire's tomb,
From whom you claim; invoke his warlike spirit,
And your great-uncle's, Edward the Black Prince, 250
Who on the French ground play'd a tragedy,
Making defeat on the full power of France,
Whiles his most mighty father on a hill
Stood smiling to behold his lion's whelp
Forage in blood of French nobility. 255
O noble English. that could entertain
With half their forces the full Pride of France
And let another half stand laughing by,
All out of work and cold for action!

Bishop of Ely. Awake remembrance of these valiant dead 260
And with your puissant arm renew their feats:
You are their heir; you sit upon their throne;
The blood and courage that renowned them
Runs in your veins; and my thrice-puissant liege
Is in the very May-morn of his youth, 265
Ripe for exploits and mighty enterprises.

Duke of Exeter. Your brother kings and monarchs of the earth
Do all expect that you should rouse yourself,
As did the former lions of your blood.

Earl of Westmoreland. They know your grace hath cause and means and might; 270
So hath your highness; never king of England
Had nobles richer and more loyal subjects,
Whose hearts have left their bodies here in England
And lie pavilion'd in the fields of France.

Archbishop of Canterbury. O, let their bodies follow, my dear liege, 275
With blood and sword and fire to win your right;
In aid whereof we of the spiritualty
Will raise your highness such a mighty sum
As never did the clergy at one time
Bring in to any of your ancestors. 280

Henry V. We must not only arm to invade the French,
But lay down our proportions to defend
Against the Scot, who will make road upon us
With all advantages.

Archbishop of Canterbury. They of those marches, gracious sovereign, 285
Shall be a wall sufficient to defend
Our inland from the pilfering borderers.

Henry V. We do not mean the coursing snatchers only,
But fear the main intendment of the Scot,
Who hath been still a giddy neighbour to us; 290
For you shall read that my great-grandfather
Never went with his forces into France
But that the Scot on his unfurnish'd kingdom
Came pouring, like the tide into a breach,
With ample and brim fulness of his force, 295
Galling the gleaned land with hot assays,
Girding with grievous siege castles and towns;
That England, being empty of defence,
Hath shook and trembled at the ill neighbourhood.

Archbishop of Canterbury. She hath been then more fear'd than harm'd, my liege; 300
For hear her but exampled by herself:
When all her chivalry hath been in France
And she a mourning widow of her nobles,
She hath herself not only well defended
But taken and impounded as a stray 305
The King of Scots; whom she did send to France,
To fill King Edward's fame with prisoner kings
And make her chronicle as rich with praise
As is the ooze and bottom of the sea
With sunken wreck and sunless treasuries. 310

Earl of Westmoreland. But there's a saying very old and true,
'If that you will France win,
Then with Scotland first begin:'
For once the eagle England being in prey,
To her unguarded nest the weasel Scot 315
Comes sneaking and so sucks her princely eggs,
Playing the mouse in absence of the cat,
To tear and havoc more than she can eat.

Duke of Exeter. It follows then the cat must stay at home:
Yet that is but a crush'd necessity, 320
Since we have locks to safeguard necessaries,
And pretty traps to catch the petty thieves.
While that the armed hand doth fight abroad,
The advised head defends itself at home;
For government, though high and low and lower, 325
Put into parts, doth keep in one consent,
Congreeing in a full and natural close,
Like music.

Archbishop of Canterbury. Therefore doth heaven divide
The state of man in divers functions, 330
Setting endeavour in continual motion;
To which is fixed, as an aim or butt,
Obedience: for so work the honey-bees,
Creatures that by a rule in nature teach
The act of order to a peopled kingdom. 335
They have a king and officers of sorts;
Where some, like magistrates, correct at home,
Others, like merchants, venture trade abroad,
Others, like soldiers, armed in their stings,
Make boot upon the summer's velvet buds, 340
Which pillage they with merry march bring home
To the tent-royal of their emperor;
Who, busied in his majesty, surveys
The singing masons building roofs of gold,
The civil citizens kneading up the honey, 345
The poor mechanic porters crowding in
Their heavy burdens at his narrow gate,
The sad-eyed justice, with his surly hum,
Delivering o'er to executors pale
The lazy yawning drone. I this infer, 350
That many things, having full reference
To one consent, may work contrariously:
As many arrows, loosed several ways,
Come to one mark; as many ways meet in one town;
As many fresh streams meet in one salt sea; 355
As many lines close in the dial's centre;
So may a thousand actions, once afoot.
End in one purpose, and be all well borne
Without defeat. Therefore to France, my liege.
Divide your happy England into four; 360
Whereof take you one quarter into France,
And you withal shall make all Gallia shake.
If we, with thrice such powers left at home,
Cannot defend our own doors from the dog,
Let us be worried and our nation lose 365
The name of hardiness and policy.

Henry V. Call in the messengers sent from the Dauphin.
[Exeunt some Attendants]
Now are we well resolved; and, by God's help,
And yours, the noble sinews of our power, 370
France being ours, we'll bend it to our awe,
Or break it all to pieces: or there we'll sit,
Ruling in large and ample empery
O'er France and all her almost kingly dukedoms,
Or lay these bones in an unworthy urn, 375
Tombless, with no remembrance over them:
Either our history shall with full mouth
Speak freely of our acts, or else our grave,
Like Turkish mute, shall have a tongueless mouth,
Not worshipp'd with a waxen epitaph. 380
[Enter Ambassadors of France]
Now are we well prepared to know the pleasure
Of our fair cousin Dauphin; for we hear
Your greeting is from him, not from the king.

First Ambassador. May't please your majesty to give us leave 385
Freely to render what we have in charge;
Or shall we sparingly show you far off
The Dauphin's meaning and our embassy?

Henry V. We are no tyrant, but a Christian king;
Unto whose grace our passion is as subject 390
As are our wretches fetter'd in our prisons:
Therefore with frank and with uncurbed plainness
Tell us the Dauphin's mind.

First Ambassador. Thus, then, in few.
Your highness, lately sending into France, 395
Did claim some certain dukedoms, in the right
Of your great predecessor, King Edward the Third.
In answer of which claim, the prince our master
Says that you savour too much of your youth,
And bids you be advised there's nought in France 400
That can be with a nimble galliard won;
You cannot revel into dukedoms there.
He therefore sends you, meeter for your spirit,
This tun of treasure; and, in lieu of this,
Desires you let the dukedoms that you claim 405
Hear no more of you. This the Dauphin speaks.

Henry V. What treasure, uncle?

Duke of Exeter. Tennis-balls, my liege.

Henry V. We are glad the Dauphin is so pleasant with us;
His present and your pains we thank you for: 410
When we have march'd our rackets to these balls,
We will, in France, by God's grace, play a set
Shall strike his father's crown into the hazard.
Tell him he hath made a match with such a wrangler
That all the courts of France will be disturb'd 415
With chaces. And we understand him well,
How he comes o'er us with our wilder days,
Not measuring what use we made of them.
We never valued this poor seat of England;
And therefore, living hence, did give ourself 420
To barbarous licence; as 'tis ever common
That men are merriest when they are from home.
But tell the Dauphin I will keep my state,
Be like a king and show my sail of greatness
When I do rouse me in my throne of France: 425
For that I have laid by my majesty
And plodded like a man for working-days,
But I will rise there with so full a glory
That I will dazzle all the eyes of France,
Yea, strike the Dauphin blind to look on us. 430
And tell the pleasant prince this mock of his
Hath turn'd his balls to gun-stones; and his soul
Shall stand sore charged for the wasteful vengeance
That shall fly with them: for many a thousand widows
Shall this his mock mock out of their dear husbands; 435
Mock mothers from their sons, mock castles down;
And some are yet ungotten and unborn
That shall have cause to curse the Dauphin's scorn.
But this lies all within the will of God,
To whom I do appeal; and in whose name 440
Tell you the Dauphin I am coming on,
To venge me as I may and to put forth
My rightful hand in a well-hallow'd cause.
So get you hence in peace; and tell the Dauphin
His jest will savour but of shallow wit, 445
When thousands weep more than did laugh at it.
Convey them with safe conduct. Fare you well.

[Exeunt Ambassadors]

Duke of Exeter. This was a merry message.

Henry V. We hope to make the sender blush at it. 450
Therefore, my lords, omit no happy hour
That may give furtherance to our expedition;
For we have now no thought in us but France,
Save those to God, that run before our business.
Therefore let our proportions for these wars 455
Be soon collected and all things thought upon
That may with reasonable swiftness add
More feathers to our wings; for, God before,
We'll chide this Dauphin at his father's door.
Therefore let every man now task his thought, 460
That this fair action may on foot be brought.

[Exeunt. Flourish]

Prologue
next scene .
---

[Enter Chorus]

Chorus. Now all the youth of England are on fire,
And silken dalliance in the wardrobe lies: 465
Now thrive the armourers, and honour's thought
Reigns solely in the breast of every man:
They sell the pasture now to buy the horse,
Following the mirror of all Christian kings,
With winged heels, as English Mercuries. 470
For now sits Expectation in the air,
And hides a sword from hilts unto the point
With crowns imperial, crowns and coronets,
Promised to Harry and his followers.
The French, advised by good intelligence 475
Of this most dreadful preparation,
Shake in their fear and with pale policy
Seek to divert the English purposes.
O England! model to thy inward greatness,
Like little body with a mighty heart, 480
What mightst thou do, that honour would thee do,
Were all thy children kind and natural!
But see thy fault! France hath in thee found out
A nest of hollow bosoms, which he fills
With treacherous crowns; and three corrupted men, 485
One, Richard Earl of Cambridge, and the second,
Henry Lord Scroop of Masham, and the third,
Sir Thomas Grey, knight, of Northumberland,
Have, for the gilt of France,—O guilt indeed!
Confirm'd conspiracy with fearful France; 490
And by their hands this grace of kings must die,
If hell and treason hold their promises,
Ere he take ship for France, and in Southampton.
Linger your patience on; and we'll digest
The abuse of distance; force a play: 495
The sum is paid; the traitors are agreed;
The king is set from London; and the scene
Is now transported, gentles, to Southampton;
There is the playhouse now, there must you sit:
And thence to France shall we convey you safe, 500
And bring you back, charming the narrow seas
To give you gentle pass; for, if we may,
We'll not offend one stomach with our play.
But, till the king come forth, and not till then,
Unto Southampton do we shift our scene. 505

[Exit]
---
. previous scene

Act II, Scene 1

London. A street.
next scene .
---

[Enter Corporal NYM and Lieutenant BARDOLPH]

Bardolph. Well met, Corporal Nym.

Nym. Good morrow, Lieutenant Bardolph.

Bardolph. What, are Ancient Pistol and you friends yet? 510

Nym. For my part, I care not: I say little; but when
time shall serve, there shall be smiles; but that
shall be as it may. I dare not fight; but I will
wink and hold out mine iron: it is a simple one; but
what though? it will toast cheese, and it will 515
endure cold as another man's sword will: and
there's an end.

Bardolph. I will bestow a breakfast to make you friends; and
we'll be all three sworn brothers to France: let it
be so, good Corporal Nym. 520

Nym. Faith, I will live so long as I may, that's the
certain of it; and when I cannot live any longer, I
will do as I may: that is my rest, that is the
rendezvous of it.

Bardolph. It is certain, corporal, that he is married to Nell 525
Quickly: and certainly she did you wrong; for you
were troth-plight to her.

Nym. I cannot tell: things must be as they may: men may
sleep, and they may have their throats about them at
that time; and some say knives have edges. It must 530
be as it may: though patience be a tired mare, yet
she will plod. There must be conclusions. Well, I
cannot tell.

[Enter PISTOL and Hostess]

Bardolph. Here comes Ancient Pistol and his wife: good 535
corporal, be patient here. How now, mine host Pistol!

Pistol. Base tike, call'st thou me host? Now, by this hand,
I swear, I scorn the term; Nor shall my Nell keep lodgers.

Hostess Quickly. No, by my troth, not long; for we cannot lodge and
board a dozen or fourteen gentlewomen that live 540
honestly by the prick of their needles, but it will
be thought we keep a bawdy house straight.
[NYM and PISTOL draw]
O well a day, Lady, if he be not drawn now! we
shall see wilful adultery and murder committed. 545

Bardolph. Good lieutenant! good corporal! offer nothing here.

Nym. Pish!

Pistol. Pish for thee, Iceland dog! thou prick-ear'd cur of Iceland!

Hostess Quickly. Good Corporal Nym, show thy valour, and put up your sword.

Nym. Will you shog off? I would have you solus. 550

Pistol. 'Solus,' egregious dog? O viper vile!
The 'solus' in thy most mervailous face;
The 'solus' in thy teeth, and in thy throat,
And in thy hateful lungs, yea, in thy maw, perdy,
And, which is worse, within thy nasty mouth! 555
I do retort the 'solus' in thy bowels;
For I can take, and Pistol's cock is up,
And flashing fire will follow.

Nym. I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an
humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow 560
foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my
rapier, as I may, in fair terms: if you would walk
off, I would prick your guts a little, in good
terms, as I may: and that's the humour of it.

Pistol. O braggart vile and damned furious wight! 565
The grave doth gape, and doting death is near;
Therefore exhale.

Bardolph. Hear me, hear me what I say: he that strikes the
first stroke, I'll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.

[Draws]

Pistol. An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.
Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give:
Thy spirits are most tall.

Nym. I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair
terms: that is the humour of it. 575

Pistol. 'Couple a gorge!'
That is the word. I thee defy again.
O hound of Crete, think'st thou my spouse to get?
No; to the spital go,
And from the powdering tub of infamy 580
Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,
Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse:
I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly
For the only she; and—pauca, there's enough. Go to.

[Enter the Boy]

Boy. Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and
you, hostess: he is very sick, and would to bed.
Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and
do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he's very ill.

Bardolph. Away, you rogue! 590

Hostess Quickly. By my troth, he'll yield the crow a pudding one of
these days. The king has killed his heart. Good
husband, come home presently.

[Exeunt Hostess and Boy]

Bardolph. Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to 595
France together: why the devil should we keep
knives to cut one another's throats?

Pistol. Let floods o'erswell, and fiends for food howl on!

Nym. You'll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?

Pistol. Base is the slave that pays. 600

Nym. That now I will have: that's the humour of it.

Pistol. As manhood shall compound: push home.

[They draw]

Bardolph. By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I'll
kill him; by this sword, I will. 605

Pistol. Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.

Bardolph. Corporal Nym, an thou wilt be friends, be friends:
an thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too.
Prithee, put up.

Nym. I shall have my eight shillings I won of you at betting? 610

Pistol. A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;
And liquor likewise will I give to thee,
And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood:
I'll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me;
Is not this just? for I shall sutler be 615
Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.
Give me thy hand.

Nym. I shall have my noble?

Pistol. In cash most justly paid.

Nym. Well, then, that's the humour of't. 620

[Re-enter Hostess]

Hostess Quickly. As ever you came of women, come in quickly to Sir
John. Ah, poor heart! he is so shaked of a burning
quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to
behold. Sweet men, come to him. 625

Nym. The king hath run bad humours on the knight; that's
the even of it.

Pistol. Nym, thou hast spoke the right;
His heart is fracted and corroborate.

Nym. The king is a good king: but it must be as it may; 630
he passes some humours and careers.

Pistol. Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins we will live.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Yeah, you know what I'm NOT going to do? Tell the GB what my real insecurities are and what makes me nervous.

S'okay sugarbritches, we're not judgmental. You're among friends.

 

[heather_baby]

Yeah, you know what I'm NOT going to do? Tell the GB what my real insecurities are and what makes me nervous.

I'm from the pg originally, why do you think I crossed the forums?

To establish common ground.

 

[RobDownSouth]

Are Playgrounders coming into this thread? Should we roll out the bubble wrap carpet to greet them?

*perk*
Bubble wrap?
Aw, dammit...false alarm
zzzzzz

 

[heather_baby]

Sean, wtf.