What am I supposed to do now?????

[lisalove]

I'm hardly even thinking as I write this I am so distraught. My dad died last week and the pain in my heart is too much to bear. What do I do??

I have no parents...My mom died 26 years ago and I have grieved forever over that, yet I only knew her for 7 years. How the fuck am I going to get over this???My dad who I've known for 33 years.

He was only 59...I thought he'd be here for awhile. I can't stand the crushing pain in my heart.

What do I do,....please someone tell me.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[sufisaint]

for right now...you grieve for your loss...thats what lovedones do...just take it day by day...my prayers are with you...

 

[LukkyKnight]

You grieve. There is no knowing how long it takes to get over a major loss, especially when it is unexpected.

Nobody wants to be forced to suddenly confront their own mortality by the death of parents.

Admit it elsewhere, too, not just here. Mourn in a way which works for you - perhaps wearing black, or some other symbolic approach. Healing doesn't begin until you've dealt with the loss, though you might be able to maintain some continuities.

Dare to ask for help elsewhere, as you just did here. Hugs in the real world are more therapeutic than advice on the net.

 

[Texan]

you keep living. The pain slowly subsides, but if you work at it, the memories don't.

I lost both of my parents when I was in my 30's (three months apart). My dad was my best friend. I treasure that I had him, now I just try to be that kind of man.

You'll survive. Embrace the love and memories. It helps the pain feel justified.

 

[lisalove]

But you don't understand..i'll never see him again or talk to him. I used to think I knew what happened after death.. I had comfort in that, but now I don't know fuck-all. Can he see me? Does he know how much I loved him??? Suddenly I feel like a little kid yet I have no one to turn to.

I can't imagine ever feeling good again. I feel like such a baby. I hope that asshole hanns insn't around, cuz I'm gonna kick his ass if he says anything.

 

[Guest]

My heart goes out to you -

You need to be surrounded with people who understand and care about you.

Do you have a church? A group at work? Some people you can ask for help?

You need to share your feelings with others who are near you.

Take comfort in the fact that your dad is still close by, still watching over you. He loves you still and he knows how much you love and miss him.

We are all thinking of you -

 

[sufisaint]

Everything...everyone...all spirit is connected...that connection is felt in your memories, your dreams and thoughts...its never broken...death is just a change in form...I hope this thought helps..

 

[Debbie]

I'm hardly even thinking as I write this I am so distraught. My dad died last week and the pain in my heart is too much to bear. What do I do??

I have no parents...My mom died 26 years ago and I have grieved forever over that, yet I only knew her for 7 years. How the fuck am I going to get over this???My dad who I've known for 33 years.

He was only 59...I thought he'd be here for awhile. I can't stand the crushing pain in my heart.

What do I do,....please someone tell me.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Losing your parents is a hard thing to have happen especially when it is not due to old age.

What can you do to cope?
Spending time with your friends, get some grief counselling (it does help) remember how much your parents loved you and yes they do know how much you loved them.
Enjoy the happy memories you have of them and how lucky you were to have the time you did with them.

It isn't easy but through you they will never be forgotten.


If it helps? I believe you can still talk to him and he can hear you.
Whisper to the wind the words you need to say to him.

 

[curious2c]

I lost my father some years ago. I still miss him dearly...but I have gone on living as that is what he would have wanted me to do. I am sure that your father would want for you to be happy and t go on living. You will miss him yes. You will feel alone and sad. Yet...this will pass and you will realize someday that his love for you and his want or wish's would be for you to go on and succeed in life and be happy. I know this from experience and while I do still miss him...I can still 'talk' to him and search for what he would have done or wanted me to do in my life. YOur father is right there...and I am sure he will be watching over you from now on too.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Suddenly I feel like a little kid yet I have no one to turn to.

I can't imagine ever feeling good again. I feel like such a baby.

It's OK to feel as you feel.

 

[SimGuy]

Does he know how much I loved him??? Suddenly I feel like a little kid yet I have no one to turn to.

Did he know how much you loved him?

Yes - he absolutely did. As a child you loved your Dad - because, he was your Dad. You grew through that time. You continued to love him. You chose to be with him. To talk with him. To share with him the experiences of your life. You shared with him the ups and downs of your life .... and of his life. You were both there for each other.

This is only something that you do with someone that you love. Really and truly love. Of course he knew that you loved him, and he loved you back as deeply as only a father can do.

And he has always been proud of you.....you know this deep down inside, he's probably even told you at times. But he has always been very, very proud that you are his daughter and that he has had the priviledge of being your father.



And he wants you to live a wonderful and full life - sharing with others what you have shared with him. Yes, grieve. Grieve deeply and fully. But Live Too - Life Deeply and Fully.

 

[Shaq]

P.S-Best remedy for an ailing heart due to death: Religion.

It helps many, it may help you.

 

[sporty]

i'm so sorry for your loss......this is a cliche perhaps....but time will eventually help you heal............and lots of it...

I suffered a huge loss 2 years ago....About 2 months after it happened i read 2 books on dealing with grief....At the time i thought "this is ridiculous, this isn't helping at all", but as time went on, i was able to see myself taking small steps towards healing that pain and hurt and guilt and grief.

My heart goes out to you.

 

[Monazwx]

Right now, you feel as if you can't go on, but you will.
You're strong and your Dad wouldn't want you pining away this way.
You had a good relationship and lots of memories to cherish.
If the feelings don't go away, definitely talk to someone. It helps.

 

[lisalove]

Thanks everyone who offered support here and in pm's.

I'm feeling better today and not so overwhelmed with grief (little kids have a way of bringing you back to reality). I'm expecting the pain to come and go in waves and the best thing I can do is ride it out, and let it out. (Hopefully I'll have enough self-control to not start bawling at the Wal-mart checkout line)

I feel tremendous guilt on top of my loss because my dad was having heart problems beginning last year and even though we discussed him selling his house to move with us so we could take care of him, it never happened. It was too late. I feel I should have taken action sooner. I'll never know if that could have prolonged his life, but at least I would have tried instead of doing nothing.

I also feel guilt because I am the only next of kin and will be receiving a large death benefit. How do I best honor him with this money?

 

[intrigued]

lisa, I am very sorry.

Please don't try to rush yourself or force your self into anything. You will have plenty of time to make decisions...let them come on their own....grief is a process, allow yourself the time to go through it, please?

Take your time.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Whether or not there is an existence after death, his memory lives on in you, as do all your feelings for him. Prayer is a good way to strengthen those feelings, and to resolve any feelings of pain, etc that you need to work through. Imagine that his spirit lives on and talk to that spirit in meditation, contemplation, etc (every religion has this, call it what they will).

I personally believe that there is an existence, and that communication is heard.

Regarding the death benefit -- hold on to it until something comes up that makes you think "Yes, that's it!" ... and that will happen, trust me.

Blessings,

Drake