Welcum to the first (and maybe last) ever AH Monthly Punnies

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Hey, don't blame this on me.

We should totally introduce a monthly award (symbolic, obviously) for the best pun on the AH, but also for the worst. Both winners would need to change their avatars into something fixed that identifies them as holders of the appropriate title for that month.

I might have gotten the inspiration from a couple of terrible puns in this thread

Rules, criteria (cyryteria?), voting and AVs to be determined if this doesn't crash and burn too soon.

Maybe it's a writing challenge of sorts, but for forum posts only, not stories. None too long, none too short, just intentional, or not.


Don't post here to try and be punny. Nominate the punniest forum posts you stub your toes on by quoting them here.

Edit: If you nominate your own Pun, you may be punted you punter!!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I can only think of a couple of bad puns lately, but we'd better start with the good puns suggestions. Less competition there as well.

 

[Djmac1031]

So just to be clear, we're looking for puns posted as random comments to vote on?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

So just to be clear, we're looking for puns posted as random comments to vote on?

Not sure if the O.P. thought of the same thing as me, but I was referring to the puns we make in AH threads.

 

[KittyOfSteele]

Edit: If you nominate your own Pun, you may be punted you punter!!

As someone who practiced krav maga, you don't want to be punted by Five Inch Heels.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

As someone who practiced krav maga, you don't want to be punted by Five Inch Heels.

I believe this one... qualifies

 

[Djmac1031]

As someone who practiced krav maga, you don't want to be punted by Five Inch Heels.

I can see how that could be ... deflating.

 

[MrPixel]

I dunno about this. There are entire threads on AH that devolved into who-could-out-pun-whom, some quite witty, some... uh... pressing it.

One of my favorites, tho', was a query thread about farming that immediately collapsed into udder nonsense.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

I can only think of a couple of bad puns lately, but we'd better start with the good puns suggestions. Less competition there as well.

Good puns, bad puns, you know we've had our share !

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

So just to be clear, we're looking for puns posted as random comments to vote on?

but for forum posts only, not stories.

 

[lovecraft68]

Back some years ago a member here started a thread Lost in the Pun House

This was an off the cuff candy bar themed story I came up with.

The following is a true story

I stopped at the skybar located on 5th avenue in Charleston to have a chew. I sat down at the bar, and two young ladies said "Oh, henry!" I said that's not my name, one then asked, "Reggie?" Again I said "No. and I'm no Mr Goodbar and have no interest in sugar babies, so run along."

I turned away and that's when I saw her. There she was, as peaceful as a dove, but stuck among some nerds. I asked the bartender "Who's that bit o honey over there?" he told me she was a tourist from Egypt and her name was Ahmand Joy.

I made my way over to her, ignoring the snickers from the people watching. When I got to her I told the three musketeers hanging around her to take off. At first they looked at me like I was from mars, but I told them I'd knock them into the Milky way if they didn't leave the lady alone.

They wandered off and I asked if I could sit and she said, yes. As I did I checked her out. I wouldn't say she was chunky, but she did have some curves. her mounds were perfect, much bigger than duds, but not exactly whoppers.

I said "Hey I'm Heath' and struck up a conversation and found that not only as she hot, but had some money, said she made a hundred grand a year, and that's a pretty good pay day. We had a few drinks and I asked if she wanted to come back to my room, after all it was just down the same rocky road the bar was on.

She agreed and man did I skor!Her only rule was she didn't like to talk dirty, but that didn't stop the fun! She was gobbling my watchamacallit and I was eating her kitkat, and then? Let's just say my peanut butter got in her chocolate. We went for hours, it was a damned marathon.

When we were ready to go another around I decided to go all in and ask if I could take a ride up her Hershey highway. She said she wasn't sure, she'd had nothing butterfinger up there before.

Okay...I'm done now.

 

[lovecraft68]

For anyone who is that big a fan of puns, this is the full thread. Some good ones in here
https://forum.literotica.com/threads/lost-in-the-punhouse.1348076/

 

[12oclocktales]

Once a-pun a time AwkwardlySet, who runs a bird sanctuary in the North Pacific in his spare time, suggested a best and worst punning award on the AH. If an award is to be given, certainly a gift certificate for Ball Park or Hebrew National franks should be offered for the lousiest pun. Of course it will never be sent so when the person complains, “Where’s my prize?” the reply will naturally be, “Have no fear. The wurst is yet to come!”

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

Don't post here to try and be punny. Nominate the punniest forum posts you stub your toes on by quoting them here.

Dadgummitall, you'd think writers could READ!!!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Dadgummitall, you'd think writers could READ!!!

Leave it to AH-ers to make puns of a thread intended for puns.
Maybe we should introduce the "entropy award" besides the best and worst pun ones.

 

[MrPixel]

Dadgummitall, you'd think writers could READ!!!

There are too many.

 

[big_cane_sugar]

Nothing like a pun but right now there is a thread titled "Lady Bits!" immediately above a thread titled "Dicks" and the next thread down is titled "Is this a terrible idea?"

Which amuses me.

 

[12oclocktales]

Dadgummitall, you'd think writers could READ!!!

Funny, I count 3 puns, at least play on words, in your opening post. Maybe I was just following your lead. We both seemed to be addressing the darn contest and threading in some puns as the notions struck. Is that sew bad? (Okay, okay, not here, I get it, I’m not a moron – unlike what little old ladies wish Las Vegas showgirls had).

 

[ThatNewGuy]

One of my favorites, tho', was a query thread about farming that immediately collapsed into udder nonsense.

Ha! I remember it well because it was my thread: Hoping to Ask a Wheat Farmer a Few Questions.