Metrodance
Sulky
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2005
- Posts
- 4,719
The Metrodance Guidelines for New and Established Posters.
A series of guidelines that I will add to over time.
Guideline 1: Post Numbers
An extraordinarily high number of posts is not an indicator of intellectual capacity. Unfortunately, in many cases, it’s the reverse. A really high number can indicate that the poster has a vast amount of time available to him/her (the reasons for this can be fascinating) and does nothing but paper inane comments over the board, or there is more than one person posting under the one name.
Guideline 2: Newbies
i. A derogatory term that is used by people who have posted a certain number of posts and, therefore, feel that they have risen to some vague level of importance. These are usually people who, in the workplace, feel they should receive a pay rise simply because they have remained in the one boring job longer than everyone else. There are those who see the term as an honourable one and astute established posters will always welcome new blood. Warning to Newbies: The rule that you have to post a picture… joke will be used several times. I don’t think that joke was ever funny.
ii. Don’t assume a poster with a low number of posts is new. Check their join date. The most eclectic and entertaining old posters are those that post succinctly and rarely. Even if the join date is new, the poster could still have been around the board a long time. Some lurk for eons while some posters refresh their experience by allowing old identities to fade and moving into a new one. Beware of these people as they know a lot more than they reveal.
Guideline 3: Wit
Insulting someone does not make you witty and glamorous. It makes you rude.
Guideline 4: Private Messages
Just because they are labelled Private do not assume that only the recipient will see it. It has the same elements of privacy as posting a picture of yourself on the GB.
Guideline 5: Gender
i. The women (realwomen) have a vast network that operates under the surface of the forums. There is more PM traffic between the women than posts on the threads. A PM received by one is usually circulated with seconds to her circle of friends, analysed, discussed and, even, laughed at. Men, of course, don’t have an inkling of this and think their image is based solely on their posts and their avatars. Such innocence is heart-warming.
ii. Don’t assume that female posters who indicate their gender as such (through avatars or silly names) are actually female! Usually, only the real women know and they may choose to tell or not tell, as the case may be. They may find it funny to watch males flirt with someone that they all know is male. It can be really amusing.
iii. If you are male under no circumstances, become involved in a fight between women! They are not arguing about what you think they are arguing about. Stay clear, log out and watch television. It is safer.
Guideline 6: Signatures
Wily posters turn off avatars and signatures. Saves time and allows you to focus on the content of the posts. Nobody is ever impressed by a signature. I know they say they are but they’re not really.
Guideline 7: Avatars
Don’t play too much importance to AV’s. It’s like a pair of shoes – some people have exquisite taste, others appalling but it’s not really a solid indicator to their intelligence or morality. Remember, people select avatars based on who they think they are or wish they were.
Guideline 8: Under the Influence
I can’t remember if it was Lasher of Purple Haze who said never post when you’re drunk! I add, Never post when you are under the influence of the drug of your choice or in love. You will regret it.
Guideline 9: Parody Threads
They’re are not funny.
Guideline 10: Never ending Threads
It’s not just the game (although they’re fun) it’s the conversation on and off the board.
Guideline 11: List Threads of Litsers
A fluff thread that is guaranteed to get a response. The eagerness of some posters to appear on a list is a little pathetic in the eyes of a seasoned observer.
Guideline 12: Culture
The internet can bring together diverse cultures. These forums can be an opportunity to learn, not to lambast with simple and archaic political rhetoric. Nobody actually reads it, by the way.
Guideline 13: Smilies
A clear sign of a restricted vocabulary.
Guideline 14: Ego
Over-inflated or simply out of control, there are many variations of ego abuse. Remember, people are posting to appear a certain way in the eyes of the board audience, to present a specific image. Reality rarely measures up to the board image, although there have been examples of true love growing here. It proves that roses can bloom surrounded by weeds.
Guideline 15: Thread Titles
When beginning a new thread, it is important to select an eye-catching title. I would remind you of an earlier guideline – parody threads are the slapstick version of forum humour – and suggest a great deal of thought be given to the title. Perhaps a classical reference? An inside joke? It’s a handy trick to insert someone’s name in the title, then everyone will read it!
Guideline 16: Names
Selecting your name is the most important step in making your grand appearance on lit. Why do so many people get it wrong? Some of the names are so puerile it’s embarrassing! (Note to all new male members: Giant Purple Cockhead is not sexy!)
Guideline 17: Fun
The board can be fun. That’s why we all come here. There are so many nice people. Unfortunately, identifying the good people is extremely difficult. Be careful, be wery, wery careful.
Guideline 18: Poll Threads
The poll itself is immaterial. The aim is to find someone who can hijack the thread, take it off-topic and into a satirical and off-the-wall zone. There are many more failures than successes.
Guideline 19: Literotica Greats
There are probably just nine genuine greats with another twelve that border on greatness. Sadly, some of the greats are no longer with us.
Guideline 20: Sycophantic Posters
It helps to imagine that literotica is a large classroom and then the behaviour becomes understandable, especially if you have ever transferred to a new school. Certain cliques exist within some imaginations, and some posters will do anything to be included.
Guideline 21: Ignore
Only effective when you tell someone they’re on your Ignore list. Otherwise they wouldn’t know they’re being ignored and what would be the point of that?
Guideline 22:On-line/Off-line button.
Many seasoned lit personalities choose the option to always appear Off-line. This has two benefits. Firstly, by not advising that they’re On-line, they won’t be bothered with PM’s from rabid fans. Secondly, it also allows them to post under an Alt without it being obvious that they are going off-line when their alt comes on-line.
Guideline 23: Denial.
Based on If it doesn’t happen to me, it doesn’t happen to anyone on the board attitude. It just can’t happen, right?
Guideline 24: Lit Persona 1.
Many posters can be allocated to obvious categories based on their posting style and assumed board persona eg Moody Male – cynical, world weary but occasionally sensitive, this male displays a caustic insult style that is based on borrowed movie lines and stand-up comedy routines from the 1960’s.
Guideline 25:Spelling Buddy.
A helpful alt that sometimes became confused between American and British usage. We forgave that small blunder in deference to the wit and speed of delivery.
Guideline 26: Lit Persona 2.
Tough Bitch – always cynical with heavy sarcasm that borders on cruelty, can be either male or female but is predominantly female (or appears to be) and can be very fierce. Sometimes, can surprise and be very tender, usually when someone is in trouble.
Guideline 27:Quotation.
Used with care, a useful tool to amplify replies. Used constantly to quote entire posts, it can annoy many posters. Therefore, it is still a useful tool.
Guideline 28: Dancing Banana.
An abomination! A bobbing insult to the eye, it is a masturbatory symbol of puerility and poor choices! Don’t use it – ever!
Guideline 29:On-Line Relationships.
The primary reason why many people visit the board.
Friendship Friendships are many and are, often, unlikely combinations of personalities. Some are very obvious and open, others are not and it is often surprising as to exactly which lit person is friends with another. Be careful what you say about one poster to another.
Couples Flirting does not make a couple but can lead to a brief combination or, as it was once known, going steady . These relationships can be fast and furious, often over in a night or a week with all the associated drama that attends these events in real life. Jealousy can also be rampant and dangerous for the bored bystander who innocently opens his or her mouth at the inappropriate time.
Some relationships move onto real life and there are many examples of on-line relationships that have endured in real life. It’s interesting to note that, in a lot of these cases, these couples did not display their early courtship openly over the board.
Guideline 30: Lit Persona 3.
Sensitive Nice Guy Always friendly and usually helpful, the SNG posts a lot and has a few on-line friendships with women. His attempts to flirt are light hearted and no one is really sure if he will follow through. Perhaps he does and is very good at keeping secrets. That, in itself, is very rare on the board.
Guideline 31: Trolls.
1. No matter the protests and the denials, trolls are always an alt.
2. The life of a troll is usually brief, although there have been exceptions to the rule.
3. Some trolls are intelligent and extremely witty and are, therefore, the most dangerous. They are also very entertaining but, unfortunately, also very rare
.
4. There are some posters, (particularly those with a rabid political bias that is usually extremely uniformed), that exhibit all the bad characteristics of a low level troll. Unfortunately, they seem to endure forever.
Guideline 32: GLBT Forum.
It used to be a small area of truth and wit but sometimes it does lose a little of its former integrity. Still, there are glimmers of what it used to be and could be again. For those who are not afraid to venture from the GB, I suggest this as an interesting and informative port of call. Particularly if you’re a sailor.
Guideline 33: Political Threads.
If you enjoy the occasional informed and balanced political debate, perhaps appreciating an alternative point of view and another’s eloquence – you’re in the wrong place. A quick read of the titles of some political threads will confirm that observation.
It is unfortunate as cyber-sex between an extreme right wing storm-trooper and a left-wing intellectual flip-flopper could really make the sex sparks fly!
Guideline 34: Snobbery of the General Board.
There are always posters who believe that their forum is better than any other. Some GB posters make disparaging comments about certain other forums, in particular Amateur Pics, Personals and The Playground . It is clearly based on the self-deception that they are better, more worldly, wittier and better looking than anyone else in any other forum. Sadly, they may even believe that the GB is the pinnacle of wit and intelligent thought on Literotica and, possibly, the entire internet.
Guideline 35: Hypocrisy.
We are all hypocrites. Some in a small and vague way, others with thunder and lightning. Get over it as it is a question of semantics, not morality.
Guideline 36: Alt.
An alternative identity that established posters use to:
1. Act like a troll (see Guideline 31), usually stalking a specific poster.
2. Test the strength of a current on-line relationship.
3. Adopt an entirely new and different persona.
Guideline 37: Titles.
One a poster has achieved 1000 posts, they can alter the title that appears under their name.(Note: This number have altered during the recent changes). The title can be used to display a current frame of mind, a current intimate relationship, humour or an obscure literary/musical/classical reference. Some are beyond normal comprehension and others carry as much subtly as being hit in the face by the flying contents of a bucket of seagull droppings.
Guideline 38: Longevity.
Why do people come to the literotica board? Why do a smaller number register and, of the registered people, an even smaller number lasts the distance to achieve at least 100 posts?
Yes, the board does not openly welcome people and some new posters find that a little daunting but, on the other hand, the board studiously ignores new posters so it is relatively easy to find a niche, particularly on forums other than the GB.
I’m sure there are many reasons why people stay, just as there are equally a number of reasons why newly registered people leave. (I’m not referring to the number of alts registered by existing posters so they can run around venting and screaming under another personality for a few days.)
Why people stay: fun, cyber sex, friendship, cyber sex, flirting, cyber sex, intelligent conversations, cyber sex, political discussion, cyber sex, humour, cyber sex!
The reasons why people leave are a little more difficult to pin down. Perhaps it’s shyness, boredom or disgust. Perhaps they take one look at us and simply say no thanks! That's out of our control and, anyway, why should we care what other people think, right? Isn't that the Lit catch-cry?
But we could help new people stay and act a little more like a real community.
Would it be so terrible for established posters to be courteous and just a little welcoming?
Quote from Guideline #3: Insulting someone does not make you witty and glamorous. It makes you rude.
Guideline 39: The Cool Thing.
Fashions come and go at lightning speed on the GB. Don’t even try to keep up, it’s not cool.
Wait a minute, maybe it is cool now? No, it's not...is it?
Guideline 40: Couples
Ah, the scent of sugary love and sex hangs over the board like a violet mushroom cloud. PM’s full of longing endearments whiz around the board and cyber copulation occurs in ways that Bill Gates never dreamed off when he launched Microsoft! Soft is not a word that is used on the board, Bill, unless it’s soft core!
Couples come together (I apologise immediately for the poor double entendre), and stay together from anywhere from fifteen sweaty minutes to years! There is a history of couples moving off the board and walking hand in hand in real life so anything, and I mean anything is possible!
Guideline 41: Flirting
Flirting is a constant – it is one of the prime functions (perhaps the only one in some eyes) of the literotica forums. The GB has a somewhat agricultural quality in the style of flirting on the threads but it is still subtle when compared to other lit forums.
As always, the strident ones have their inner switch super-glued to the Flirt position but, mark my words, the real flirting takes place in PM’s & Messenger and, as in everything, it’s the quiet ones to watch out for.
Guideline 42: The Sneer
A weapon that was potent as it was used in conjunction with edgy humour. Alas, the humour has vanished and the sneer stands alone in all it’s sad and miserable bitterness.
Guideline 43: The Handling of Trolls Part 1.
1. Never, ever feed a troll. (Someone said that, I can’t remember whom it was but it was insightful and helpful)
2. Trolls gain sustenance from the reaction of their victims or, when they are extremely desperate, from the general populace. Therefore, the most effective method is to do nothing.
3. If the troll has evolved into a noticeable pimple on the board, I suggest that everyone immediately place that troll on Ignore. Note: Under no circumstances inform the troll you have done it! Leave them wallowing in loneliness, lack of attention and ignorance. It is their natural habitat after all.
4. In short, don’t respond to their threads and watch it vanish. Note: An indicator of the troll’s desperation is when they post on their own thread twice to bump it through lack of response. That is very amusing.
An alternative viewpoint has been posted by Debbie who states concisely:
Laughing at them usually causes them to shrivel until they are almost nonexistent.
Then all that you can hear is this tiny wee whiny buzzing. Which is highly amusing and causes the troll to become indignant and burst with anger.
It does really depend on you own mood at the time as to what method you choose.
(More in Guideline # 31)
Guideline 44: Useful Trolls
A troll is by nature, anonymous and without a real purpose except to abuse and harass. I propose a radical and functional use of trolls.
Spelling Buddy - to correct our lousy spelling. (Please return.)
Grammar Gertrude - to assist all that are grammatically challenged.
Hijack Alert – to appear in a thread to advise all participants that a thread hijack is in progress and to stay calm.
BS Alert – probably require at least five operating at any one time. Appears in a thread to advise all participants that BS has been released, is now contaminating the thread and thread evacuation procedures will now commence.
Guideline 45: Knowing When to Quit
It’s a fine line – between leaving a subject and walking away or persisting. That is why this is the last Guidelines (for now). It bores me, so God knows, how you feel about it!
Guideline 46: The Literotica Cycle
Literotica is a cycle – a huge endless wheel that grinds around and around in the same place. Nothing on the GB is ever new! It may appear new, it may look new but, believe me, it’s not – it’s been done before by some other poster or posters who have wrapped the shadows of lit around them and slipped away into the mist.
Just remember that before you begin a new thread. It might explain why posters who have been on lit for a lengthy period of time have a long ignore list and short tempers.
A series of guidelines that I will add to over time.
Guideline 1: Post Numbers
An extraordinarily high number of posts is not an indicator of intellectual capacity. Unfortunately, in many cases, it’s the reverse. A really high number can indicate that the poster has a vast amount of time available to him/her (the reasons for this can be fascinating) and does nothing but paper inane comments over the board, or there is more than one person posting under the one name.
Guideline 2: Newbies
i. A derogatory term that is used by people who have posted a certain number of posts and, therefore, feel that they have risen to some vague level of importance. These are usually people who, in the workplace, feel they should receive a pay rise simply because they have remained in the one boring job longer than everyone else. There are those who see the term as an honourable one and astute established posters will always welcome new blood. Warning to Newbies: The rule that you have to post a picture… joke will be used several times. I don’t think that joke was ever funny.
ii. Don’t assume a poster with a low number of posts is new. Check their join date. The most eclectic and entertaining old posters are those that post succinctly and rarely. Even if the join date is new, the poster could still have been around the board a long time. Some lurk for eons while some posters refresh their experience by allowing old identities to fade and moving into a new one. Beware of these people as they know a lot more than they reveal.
Guideline 3: Wit
Insulting someone does not make you witty and glamorous. It makes you rude.
Guideline 4: Private Messages
Just because they are labelled Private do not assume that only the recipient will see it. It has the same elements of privacy as posting a picture of yourself on the GB.
Guideline 5: Gender
i. The women (realwomen) have a vast network that operates under the surface of the forums. There is more PM traffic between the women than posts on the threads. A PM received by one is usually circulated with seconds to her circle of friends, analysed, discussed and, even, laughed at. Men, of course, don’t have an inkling of this and think their image is based solely on their posts and their avatars. Such innocence is heart-warming.
ii. Don’t assume that female posters who indicate their gender as such (through avatars or silly names) are actually female! Usually, only the real women know and they may choose to tell or not tell, as the case may be. They may find it funny to watch males flirt with someone that they all know is male. It can be really amusing.
iii. If you are male under no circumstances, become involved in a fight between women! They are not arguing about what you think they are arguing about. Stay clear, log out and watch television. It is safer.
Guideline 6: Signatures
Wily posters turn off avatars and signatures. Saves time and allows you to focus on the content of the posts. Nobody is ever impressed by a signature. I know they say they are but they’re not really.
Guideline 7: Avatars
Don’t play too much importance to AV’s. It’s like a pair of shoes – some people have exquisite taste, others appalling but it’s not really a solid indicator to their intelligence or morality. Remember, people select avatars based on who they think they are or wish they were.
Guideline 8: Under the Influence
I can’t remember if it was Lasher of Purple Haze who said never post when you’re drunk! I add, Never post when you are under the influence of the drug of your choice or in love. You will regret it.
Guideline 9: Parody Threads
They’re are not funny.
Guideline 10: Never ending Threads
It’s not just the game (although they’re fun) it’s the conversation on and off the board.
Guideline 11: List Threads of Litsers
A fluff thread that is guaranteed to get a response. The eagerness of some posters to appear on a list is a little pathetic in the eyes of a seasoned observer.
Guideline 12: Culture
The internet can bring together diverse cultures. These forums can be an opportunity to learn, not to lambast with simple and archaic political rhetoric. Nobody actually reads it, by the way.
Guideline 13: Smilies
A clear sign of a restricted vocabulary.
Guideline 14: Ego
Over-inflated or simply out of control, there are many variations of ego abuse. Remember, people are posting to appear a certain way in the eyes of the board audience, to present a specific image. Reality rarely measures up to the board image, although there have been examples of true love growing here. It proves that roses can bloom surrounded by weeds.
Guideline 15: Thread Titles
When beginning a new thread, it is important to select an eye-catching title. I would remind you of an earlier guideline – parody threads are the slapstick version of forum humour – and suggest a great deal of thought be given to the title. Perhaps a classical reference? An inside joke? It’s a handy trick to insert someone’s name in the title, then everyone will read it!
Guideline 16: Names
Selecting your name is the most important step in making your grand appearance on lit. Why do so many people get it wrong? Some of the names are so puerile it’s embarrassing! (Note to all new male members: Giant Purple Cockhead is not sexy!)
Guideline 17: Fun
The board can be fun. That’s why we all come here. There are so many nice people. Unfortunately, identifying the good people is extremely difficult. Be careful, be wery, wery careful.
Guideline 18: Poll Threads
The poll itself is immaterial. The aim is to find someone who can hijack the thread, take it off-topic and into a satirical and off-the-wall zone. There are many more failures than successes.
Guideline 19: Literotica Greats
There are probably just nine genuine greats with another twelve that border on greatness. Sadly, some of the greats are no longer with us.
Guideline 20: Sycophantic Posters
It helps to imagine that literotica is a large classroom and then the behaviour becomes understandable, especially if you have ever transferred to a new school. Certain cliques exist within some imaginations, and some posters will do anything to be included.
Guideline 21: Ignore
Only effective when you tell someone they’re on your Ignore list. Otherwise they wouldn’t know they’re being ignored and what would be the point of that?
Guideline 22:On-line/Off-line button.
Many seasoned lit personalities choose the option to always appear Off-line. This has two benefits. Firstly, by not advising that they’re On-line, they won’t be bothered with PM’s from rabid fans. Secondly, it also allows them to post under an Alt without it being obvious that they are going off-line when their alt comes on-line.
Guideline 23: Denial.
Based on If it doesn’t happen to me, it doesn’t happen to anyone on the board attitude. It just can’t happen, right?
Guideline 24: Lit Persona 1.
Many posters can be allocated to obvious categories based on their posting style and assumed board persona eg Moody Male – cynical, world weary but occasionally sensitive, this male displays a caustic insult style that is based on borrowed movie lines and stand-up comedy routines from the 1960’s.
Guideline 25:Spelling Buddy.
A helpful alt that sometimes became confused between American and British usage. We forgave that small blunder in deference to the wit and speed of delivery.
Guideline 26: Lit Persona 2.
Tough Bitch – always cynical with heavy sarcasm that borders on cruelty, can be either male or female but is predominantly female (or appears to be) and can be very fierce. Sometimes, can surprise and be very tender, usually when someone is in trouble.
Guideline 27:Quotation.
Used with care, a useful tool to amplify replies. Used constantly to quote entire posts, it can annoy many posters. Therefore, it is still a useful tool.
Guideline 28: Dancing Banana.
An abomination! A bobbing insult to the eye, it is a masturbatory symbol of puerility and poor choices! Don’t use it – ever!
Guideline 29:On-Line Relationships.
The primary reason why many people visit the board.
Friendship Friendships are many and are, often, unlikely combinations of personalities. Some are very obvious and open, others are not and it is often surprising as to exactly which lit person is friends with another. Be careful what you say about one poster to another.
Couples Flirting does not make a couple but can lead to a brief combination or, as it was once known, going steady . These relationships can be fast and furious, often over in a night or a week with all the associated drama that attends these events in real life. Jealousy can also be rampant and dangerous for the bored bystander who innocently opens his or her mouth at the inappropriate time.
Some relationships move onto real life and there are many examples of on-line relationships that have endured in real life. It’s interesting to note that, in a lot of these cases, these couples did not display their early courtship openly over the board.
Guideline 30: Lit Persona 3.
Sensitive Nice Guy Always friendly and usually helpful, the SNG posts a lot and has a few on-line friendships with women. His attempts to flirt are light hearted and no one is really sure if he will follow through. Perhaps he does and is very good at keeping secrets. That, in itself, is very rare on the board.
Guideline 31: Trolls.
1. No matter the protests and the denials, trolls are always an alt.
2. The life of a troll is usually brief, although there have been exceptions to the rule.
3. Some trolls are intelligent and extremely witty and are, therefore, the most dangerous. They are also very entertaining but, unfortunately, also very rare
.
4. There are some posters, (particularly those with a rabid political bias that is usually extremely uniformed), that exhibit all the bad characteristics of a low level troll. Unfortunately, they seem to endure forever.
Guideline 32: GLBT Forum.
It used to be a small area of truth and wit but sometimes it does lose a little of its former integrity. Still, there are glimmers of what it used to be and could be again. For those who are not afraid to venture from the GB, I suggest this as an interesting and informative port of call. Particularly if you’re a sailor.
Guideline 33: Political Threads.
If you enjoy the occasional informed and balanced political debate, perhaps appreciating an alternative point of view and another’s eloquence – you’re in the wrong place. A quick read of the titles of some political threads will confirm that observation.
It is unfortunate as cyber-sex between an extreme right wing storm-trooper and a left-wing intellectual flip-flopper could really make the sex sparks fly!
Guideline 34: Snobbery of the General Board.
There are always posters who believe that their forum is better than any other. Some GB posters make disparaging comments about certain other forums, in particular Amateur Pics, Personals and The Playground . It is clearly based on the self-deception that they are better, more worldly, wittier and better looking than anyone else in any other forum. Sadly, they may even believe that the GB is the pinnacle of wit and intelligent thought on Literotica and, possibly, the entire internet.
Guideline 35: Hypocrisy.
We are all hypocrites. Some in a small and vague way, others with thunder and lightning. Get over it as it is a question of semantics, not morality.
Guideline 36: Alt.
An alternative identity that established posters use to:
1. Act like a troll (see Guideline 31), usually stalking a specific poster.
2. Test the strength of a current on-line relationship.
3. Adopt an entirely new and different persona.
Guideline 37: Titles.
One a poster has achieved 1000 posts, they can alter the title that appears under their name.(Note: This number have altered during the recent changes). The title can be used to display a current frame of mind, a current intimate relationship, humour or an obscure literary/musical/classical reference. Some are beyond normal comprehension and others carry as much subtly as being hit in the face by the flying contents of a bucket of seagull droppings.
Guideline 38: Longevity.
Why do people come to the literotica board? Why do a smaller number register and, of the registered people, an even smaller number lasts the distance to achieve at least 100 posts?
Yes, the board does not openly welcome people and some new posters find that a little daunting but, on the other hand, the board studiously ignores new posters so it is relatively easy to find a niche, particularly on forums other than the GB.
I’m sure there are many reasons why people stay, just as there are equally a number of reasons why newly registered people leave. (I’m not referring to the number of alts registered by existing posters so they can run around venting and screaming under another personality for a few days.)
Why people stay: fun, cyber sex, friendship, cyber sex, flirting, cyber sex, intelligent conversations, cyber sex, political discussion, cyber sex, humour, cyber sex!
The reasons why people leave are a little more difficult to pin down. Perhaps it’s shyness, boredom or disgust. Perhaps they take one look at us and simply say no thanks! That's out of our control and, anyway, why should we care what other people think, right? Isn't that the Lit catch-cry?
But we could help new people stay and act a little more like a real community.
Would it be so terrible for established posters to be courteous and just a little welcoming?
Quote from Guideline #3: Insulting someone does not make you witty and glamorous. It makes you rude.
Guideline 39: The Cool Thing.
Fashions come and go at lightning speed on the GB. Don’t even try to keep up, it’s not cool.
Wait a minute, maybe it is cool now? No, it's not...is it?
Guideline 40: Couples
Ah, the scent of sugary love and sex hangs over the board like a violet mushroom cloud. PM’s full of longing endearments whiz around the board and cyber copulation occurs in ways that Bill Gates never dreamed off when he launched Microsoft! Soft is not a word that is used on the board, Bill, unless it’s soft core!
Couples come together (I apologise immediately for the poor double entendre), and stay together from anywhere from fifteen sweaty minutes to years! There is a history of couples moving off the board and walking hand in hand in real life so anything, and I mean anything is possible!
Guideline 41: Flirting
Flirting is a constant – it is one of the prime functions (perhaps the only one in some eyes) of the literotica forums. The GB has a somewhat agricultural quality in the style of flirting on the threads but it is still subtle when compared to other lit forums.
As always, the strident ones have their inner switch super-glued to the Flirt position but, mark my words, the real flirting takes place in PM’s & Messenger and, as in everything, it’s the quiet ones to watch out for.
Guideline 42: The Sneer
A weapon that was potent as it was used in conjunction with edgy humour. Alas, the humour has vanished and the sneer stands alone in all it’s sad and miserable bitterness.
Guideline 43: The Handling of Trolls Part 1.
1. Never, ever feed a troll. (Someone said that, I can’t remember whom it was but it was insightful and helpful)
2. Trolls gain sustenance from the reaction of their victims or, when they are extremely desperate, from the general populace. Therefore, the most effective method is to do nothing.
3. If the troll has evolved into a noticeable pimple on the board, I suggest that everyone immediately place that troll on Ignore. Note: Under no circumstances inform the troll you have done it! Leave them wallowing in loneliness, lack of attention and ignorance. It is their natural habitat after all.
4. In short, don’t respond to their threads and watch it vanish. Note: An indicator of the troll’s desperation is when they post on their own thread twice to bump it through lack of response. That is very amusing.
An alternative viewpoint has been posted by Debbie who states concisely:
Laughing at them usually causes them to shrivel until they are almost nonexistent.
Then all that you can hear is this tiny wee whiny buzzing. Which is highly amusing and causes the troll to become indignant and burst with anger.
It does really depend on you own mood at the time as to what method you choose.
(More in Guideline # 31)
Guideline 44: Useful Trolls
A troll is by nature, anonymous and without a real purpose except to abuse and harass. I propose a radical and functional use of trolls.
Spelling Buddy - to correct our lousy spelling. (Please return.)
Grammar Gertrude - to assist all that are grammatically challenged.
Hijack Alert – to appear in a thread to advise all participants that a thread hijack is in progress and to stay calm.
BS Alert – probably require at least five operating at any one time. Appears in a thread to advise all participants that BS has been released, is now contaminating the thread and thread evacuation procedures will now commence.
Guideline 45: Knowing When to Quit
It’s a fine line – between leaving a subject and walking away or persisting. That is why this is the last Guidelines (for now). It bores me, so God knows, how you feel about it!
Guideline 46: The Literotica Cycle
Literotica is a cycle – a huge endless wheel that grinds around and around in the same place. Nothing on the GB is ever new! It may appear new, it may look new but, believe me, it’s not – it’s been done before by some other poster or posters who have wrapped the shadows of lit around them and slipped away into the mist.
Just remember that before you begin a new thread. It might explain why posters who have been on lit for a lengthy period of time have a long ignore list and short tempers.
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