Washing a Wannabe (sub or Dom/me) Out of Your Hair!

[Ebonyfire]

Here is a thread to share the techniques for getting rid of a pesky "waste" problem (as in wasting my time).

Here is one of my recent experiences:

So I was contacted (rather urgently) by this so-called sub who wanted to "meet" me.

First of all, I have a hint for all the male subs who want to find a Domme.

It is not a good idea for you to start off with can we meet, as soon as you contact Propective Domme.

I am not like the reference in the Rolling Stone song, "Miss You";

I am not some "puerto rican girl who is dyin' to meet ya!" (Apologies to any puerto ricans in the house, but I did not write the song!)

I must be convinced you are worthy of My time. So strike up a conversation, like a real human being.

Secondly, DO NOT continue your ramble in the "I like this" and "I like that" mode.

Do I care what your kink is? I require the completion of the BDSM checklist. That tells me what you know, what you have experienced, and what you like. Give you laundry list of kink a rest guys!

I am not interested in you rush to "play". Go away, little boys if what is what you are all about.

If you want to know what I am about, you will be to learn patience. I will illuminate you in my own time. This is a test!

So Dom/mes and subs alike, what are your techniques for any pest problems?

Ebonyfire

 

[SexyChele]

Eb, you always come up with some great ideas!

For me, from the perspective of a sub looking for a Dom, I would have to say the following:

1. Demanding that I accord him instant submission without having met him or established any guidelines. This includes the way he insists I address him, how I write my name, etc.

2. Telling me what his "requirements" are then telling me I must accept them - no room for negotiation.

3. Wanting to meet right away, and if I've already made plans for the weekend, demanding I cancel my plans to meet him.

4. Wanting to play at the first meeting. (A variation: telling me when play will commence. I determine when we will play, I have more to lose.)

5. In general, moving too quickly for me until/unless I give him my submission. Once I've given my submission to a Dom, then we move at his pace. Until then, I set the pace as to when I feel comfortable.


Looking forward to what others might have, and taking notes!

 

[P. B. Walker]

So Dom/mes and subs alike, what are your techniques for any pest problems?

Ebonyfire

I assume us switches can answer too... too bad I don't have an answer... <pout> I've never had a pest problem... I'm soooo unloved... <cry> LOL.

My solution however if something did come up... discontinue all communication. I never give out an email address that I'm not willing to just "shutdown" if need be. At least until I get to know someone. Never use my full name either. Just first name. Hopefully they aren't a complete psycho.

Those horny little male subs... so pushy aren't they? Now us more reserved, upstanding switches... LOL... just teasing....

- PBW

 

[Ebonyfire]

A great sub perspective

Eb, you always come up with some great ideas!

For me, from the perspective of a sub looking for a Dom, I would have to say the following:

1. Demanding that I accord him instant submission without having met him or established any guidelines. This includes the way he insists I address him, how I write my name, etc.

2. Telling me what his "requirements" are then telling me I must accept them - no room for negotiation.

3. Wanting to meet right away, and if I've already made plans for the weekend, demanding I cancel my plans to meet him.

4. Wanting to play at the first meeting. (A variation: telling me when play will commence. I determine when we will play, I have more to lose.)

5. In general, moving too quickly for me until/unless I give him my submission. Once I've given my submission to a Dom, then we move at his pace. Until then, I set the pace as to when I feel comfortable.


Looking forward to what others might have, and taking notes!

An excellent post for subs to read. Remember that this is always a relationship between two equal human beings. It never hurts to be careful and err on the side of a slow beginning.

Any other perspectives? All views are welcomed!

Eb

 

[cymbidia]

a tidbit from my experience box...

Very early in the physical part of the play between me and a new-to-me dominant, i bite a nipple or a bit of skin (no, not there!) just a little too hard, just to test what he will do when he feels off-balance or in (even slight) pain.

I want to know if he'll strike out.
I want to know if he'll get mad.
I want to know what he'll do, how he'll react, what words he'll use, if he is upset in some way.

I want to know i'm safe, even if he's mad.

Good hitting is good hitting.
Bad hitting is abusive.
I want to know that he knows the difference.

Such is the beginning of physical trust, for me.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I think you just explained something that someone did to me one time, cymbidia... LOL.. and it's been years. I always wondered why she did it... she never told me.. but she seemed like she got her answer and moved on. I was just standing there in shock and pain.... lol

Nice test though.

PBW

 

[Desdemona]

Eb, you always come up with some great ideas!

For me, from the perspective of a sub looking for a Dom, I would have to say the following:

1. Demanding that I accord him instant submission without having met him or established any guidelines. This includes the way he insists I address him, how I write my name, etc.

2. Telling me what his "requirements" are then telling me I must accept them - no room for negotiation.

3. Wanting to meet right away, and if I've already made plans for the weekend, demanding I cancel my plans to meet him.

4. Wanting to play at the first meeting. (A variation: telling me when play will commence. I determine when we will play, I have more to lose.)

5. In general, moving too quickly for me until/unless I give him my submission. Once I've given my submission to a Dom, then we move at his pace. Until then, I set the pace as to when I feel comfortable.

Looking forward to what others might have, and taking notes!

Good post Chele. I use all of the above plus:
1. Demanding pictures and private personal info before I even know anything about him.

2. Trying to rush me into cyber or phone sex before we know each other.

3. Telling me I "belong" to him/her and that it doesn't matter if I have given my submission or not.

4. Any other behaviors from the predator thread that I have neglected to mention will send me running in the opposite direction.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: a tidbit from my experience box...

Very early in the physical part of the play between me and a new-to-me dominant, i bite a nipple or a bit of skin (no, not there!) just a little too hard, just to test what he will do when he feels off-balance or in (even slight) pain.

I want to know if he'll strike out.
I want to know if he'll get mad.
I want to know what he'll do, how he'll react, what words he'll use, if he is upset in some way.

I want to know i'm safe, even if he's mad.

Good hitting is good hitting.
Bad hitting is abusive.
I want to know that he knows the difference.

Such is the beginning of physical trust, for me.

That is soo excellent. You never know what will set a person off! Thanks cym!

Eb <jumping for joy that the family is now complete! cym is home!>

We may be dysfunctional, but we is all we got!

 

[Shadowsdream]

I call these wanna be's a Waste of Skin...they stand out like glaring neon rubber chickens!

When I ask a submissive what it is they are looking for and they say "Whatever my Mistress wants" I begin to gag.

When they say "All i want to do is serve" yet cannot articulate that statement I begin to bore them.

When they come to Me saying they are a slave and I ask how long they have lived in slavery and they reply " i have no experience but "i" know i am a slave." I continue to bore them

When they ask for My picture I tell them I neither send or recieve pics..continuing to bore them.

Ok Ok Ok you get the picture...I BORE them away...I can be incredibly boring online!

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Patience...

...is indeed a valuable virtue in this case.

Both sides need to properly express themselves patiently and openly. BDSM is a touchy thing requiring much loyalty. Loyalty isn't built in a day. If they become impatient, ...cut the line.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Patience...

...is indeed a valuable virtue in this case.

Both sides need to properly express themselves patiently and openly. BDSM is a touchy thing requiring much loyalty. Loyalty isn't built in a day. If they become impatient, ...cut the line.

"cut the line" I like that a lot!

Eb

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Thanks Eb...

...it just came to me.

 

[morninggirl5]

I'm not sure if my "wannabe deterrent" would be classified as boring them or not, but it works.

When they ask if i have questions, boy do i have questions. I ask three-part multi-faceted questions and once they give an answer, i ask for clarification, ask why they believe this. After asking for further clarification two to three times, i'll move on to another question.

 

[tassie]

reply to me now! slut! sub!

i REALLY got that as an answer on bondage .com. what a twat.

cym, nice to have you back. ebony? i missed talking to you. you scare me but i have a LOT of respect for you, and i really like you. im a bit drunk and i aint gonna cry but i want my online family back!

ahem. hijack over. promise.

 

[MzChrista]

What gets me is some dumbass who you never heard of before telling you that they want to sub to you. Excuse me, you dont want to sub to ME you dont even know me. I am not some damn automated ass whackin machine or something. If you will be my sub right off like that then you just saying who I am dont matter and in that case your ass is getting kicked to the curb.

 

[Ebonyfire]

What gets me is some dumbass who you never heard of before telling you that they want to sub to you. Excuse me, you dont want to sub to ME you dont even know me. I am not some damn automated ass whackin machine or something. If you will be my sub right off like that then you just saying who I am dont matter and in that case your ass is getting kicked to the curb.

All I can say to that is Amen, MzC.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

reply to me now! slut! sub!

i REALLY got that as an answer on bondage .com. what a twat.

cym, nice to have you back. ebony? i missed talking to you. you scare me but i have a LOT of respect for you, and i really like you. im a bit drunk and i aint gonna cry but i want my online family back!

ahem. hijack over. promise.

Ahh tassie, what ya drinkin? I could use something other than Iced tea and water!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I'm not sure if my "wannabe deterrent" would be classified as boring them or not, but it works.

When they ask if i have questions, boy do i have questions. I ask three-part multi-faceted questions and once they give an answer, i ask for clarification, ask why they believe this. After asking for further clarification two to three times, i'll move on to another question.

That will keep the ignorant ones away alright!

Eb