Warning Signs of a Batshit Insane Submissive

[BustyBabeMA31]

Insane Subs

Great Thread!

I find I have decent instincts when it comes to meeting people and determining if they are totally out of control freaks or right up my alley. I ask a lot of questions and have many discussions prior to meeting in RT and I always exchange pictures with them.

Inconsistent stories is obviously an indication. But, I also think that someone who has no limits is either a whack-job or someone who has not seriously pondered the lifestyle and done a little research on BDSM. Additionally I find subs who trust a new dom immediately without any reservations a little freaky. It;s normal to be nervous when starting a new bdsm relationship!

 

[Netzach]

Inconsistent stories is a good one, so is the "relationship junkie" issue. Not so much "incapable of NOT being in a relationship" for me, though that's a minor red flag, but "incapable of being in a relationship without the relationship exploding in a fireball."

Oh, I have a good one. Every single ex of theirs is "crazy." Or "a crazy bitch." Every one. I have a couple of crazy bitches in my life, but most of my exes are FINE and amazing people, I can't talk them up enough. It just wasn't to be for various reasons. I think this subconsciously nagging me saved me a REALLY bad relationship from getting sexual/romantic.

Also, do you feel like you are being held hostage to someone's needs? Everyone's going to pick different levels of being the rock in the relationship, but I'd wager that when you're having more "you are not fulfilling me, I NEED you to X Y Z" conversations in your relationship than playtime, you need to consider the possibility that this is not "just you." A lot of control is exerted this way, and sometimes in a very damaging way.

It becomes very easy to tell when you are being topped from below after you've been doing this a long time, and decide what your tolerance on it is. (Mine goes up when I'm being paid, ha!) It is very HARD to tell when you are being directed by your "submissive" when you're new, and that's the vulnerable period.

I, personally, think that a lot of the literature encourages people into co-dependency who don't necessarily want or have equipment for that kind of an edge living arrangement because it's a compelling fantasy. If the community didn't make TPE into THE HOLY GRAIL fewer people with actual TPE needs might be subjected to people who can't ever fulfill them but want to fake badass. Some broken wing doves are certain people's wet dream, and there's nothing inherently WRONG with that if you have the extensive toolkit it takes - but I'd say if you are feeling like a hostage of the situation and not like you're in control, you need to sit up and take stock.

 

[Netzach]

I've been saying this for years. The big bad doms hurt the poor widdle subbie and everyone runs to stand by their side.
What about the poor ol' dom who doesnt know what hit him and is trying to get back up on his feet with some class?

A lot of people can't seem to end a relationship like civilized adults in the community. Actually outside it too, but most high-profile SM breakups are all Springer. It's a large part of why I don't hang with the community as much as I used to - and I was never bitten by this myself, I just don't like being near it.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I've been burned by a truly batshit crazy one once.

Delusional by any definition.

And the truly delusional are hard to figure out because they honestly believe the delusion... to them, it IS their reality.

And that's scary.

 

[JMohegan]

Delusional - good one.

Every guy over a certain age knows what a batshit insane female looks like. Everyone else needs to rent an old flick called Fatal Attraction.

 

[Cattypuss]

Ah... Bunny Boiler..... harks back to BiBunny's comment above...

 

[sb2009]

I wish I had figured out the "all my exs are crazy bitches" when I was 18 and met MY ex ROFL

I think if I hadn't been so new to town and had some friends, they would have warned me when I was waxing on about how GREAT this guy was, how none of his previous girl friends understood him...and I wouldn't have been married before I knew what hit me!

But, what's a practice marriage amoung friends, right? I learned what I didn't need, that's for sure!

 

[ZRT]

I've had two earnestly crazy exes. The rest, it's just been a case of "too bad it didn't work out."

I think the warning signs have been covered nicely thus far.

 

[rosco rathbone]

The best warning sign is that she uses "Bunny" somewhere in her screen name.

If you drop the bunny directly into boiling water, it will hop out again.

Only by slowly increasing the temperature can you boil the bunny.

 

[Homburg]

It is telling that this thread is largely jokes. Were it about bad dominants, I would be surprised to not see more serious posts, anecdotes, etc. I doubt you will see too many anecdotes here, as it runs contrary to image for domly types to expound on how they've been burned.

Also, do you feel like you are being held hostage to someone's needs?

This is a spot I have been in, and it was not good.

Some broken wing doves are certain people's wet dream, and there's nothing inherently WRONG with that if you have the extensive toolkit it takes - but I'd say if you are feeling like a hostage of the situation and not like you're in control, you need to sit up and take stock.

It took some introspection, but I realised that I do like a certain level of crazy. Maybe not the full-blown batshit insane, but I do like that edge. For whatever reason, it agrees with me.

 

[Netzach]

It is telling that this thread is largely jokes. Were it about bad dominants, I would be surprised to not see more serious posts, anecdotes, etc. I doubt you will see too many anecdotes here, as it runs contrary to image for domly types to expound on how they've been burned.



This is a spot I have been in, and it was not good.



It took some introspection, but I realised that I do like a certain level of crazy. Maybe not the full-blown batshit insane, but I do like that edge. For whatever reason, it agrees with me.

Oh I collect meshuggah, but I always figured there's some like attracts like involved.

 

[ZRT]

It took some introspection, but I realised that I do like a certain level of crazy. Maybe not the full-blown batshit insane, but I do like that edge. For whatever reason, it agrees with me.

Yeah, too sane is bland.

 

[JMohegan]

It is telling that this thread is largely jokes. Were it about bad dominants, I would be surprised to not see more serious posts, anecdotes, etc. I doubt you will see too many anecdotes here, as it runs contrary to image for domly types to expound on how they've been burned.

I've never dated a batshit insane female, and so have no tales to tell.

If you want to talk about just plain old "bad" s-types, that's a different story. While looking for a well matched partner, everybody goes through preliminary exploration with multiple candidates who claim they'd just love to do anything and everything you ask, whenever you ask it...... but what they really mean is that they'll be willing to do anything that fits their image of what a fantasy man would ask, at a time and place they find convenient for the asking.

And then, of course, there are those who'll do what you ask, regardless, but will then make life hell for you with passive aggressive drama in the wake of an unpopular task.

Learning to spot these types early on is an important skill to develop.

 

[intothewoods]

I've never dated a batshit insane female, and so have no tales to tell.

If you want to talk about just plain old "bad" s-types, that's a different story. While looking for a well matched partner, everybody goes through preliminary exploration with multiple candidates who claim they'd just love to do anything and everything you ask, whenever you ask it...... but what they really mean is that they'll be willing to do anything that fits their image of what a fantasy man would ask, at a time and place they find convenient for the asking.

And then, of course, there are those who'll do what you ask, regardless, but will then make life hell for you with passive aggressive drama in the wake of an unpopular task.

Learning to spot these types early on is an important skill to develop.

Ok, let's hear about the bad s-types. Specific examples.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Ok, let's hear about the bad s-types. Specific examples.

*crickets*

 

[MisterSir]

Ok, let's hear about the bad s-types. Specific examples.

The one who pretends to be single and free when she is in fact engaged and collared. That kinda sucks.

 

[JMohegan]

Ok, let's hear about the bad s-types. Specific examples.

You can't get much more specific than: person who says she'll submit and then doesn't, or does but attempts payback through drama. What more is there left to say?

Beyond that, you're really talking about what makes a bad *person.* Lying, cheating, stealing, voting Republican. That sort of thing.

I'm kidding about voting Republican. Sort of.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Beyond that, you're really talking about what makes a bad *person.* Lying, cheating, stealing, voting Republican. That sort of thing.

*giggling uncontrollably*

 

[intothewoods]

Ahem.

*crickets*

You can't get much more specific than: person who says she'll submit and then doesn't, or does but attempts payback through drama. What more is there left to say?

Beyond that, you're really talking about what makes a bad *person.* Lying, cheating, stealing, voting Republican. That sort of thing.

I'm kidding about voting Republican. Sort of.

I was kinda hoping to get some stories out of those notoriously private Dom types around here. I don't suppose you two are familiar with that sort.

The one who pretends to be single and free when she is in fact engaged and collared. That kinda sucks.

Engaged? Wow.

 

[sb2009]

ok, I'll bite. When I first dated my current husband, I was batshit. I was horribly dramatic and needy and clingy and wretched. He stuck it out a while because we fucked like crazy. He told me this, and I still didn't get my act together. He dumped me, started seeing a nice normal girl.

I took about a year and got my head on straight. I really did some thinking and worked on my batshittedness. He had waved good-bye in no uncertain terms, so it wasn't like I was doing anythign to get him back.

After about a year, he called me and we met as 'freinds' - for a bout 5 minutes, then we fucked LOL He was leery of me, but after a few weeks he saw a was not quite so crazy. I did have the "edge" though, that he liked. But I wasn't batshit.

 

[Netzach]

1. A switch, physically and mentally abusive with the women who submitted to him, in one case a very close friend, manipulative with me, trying to play me against and amongst them. It took me no time whatsoever when I saw this in action to realize what I was dealing with. A post 12-step dry drunk.

2. An recovered coke addict with every dry-drunk tendency you can have after doing 12 step. Compulsive liar, very good at it. I think I chose, on some level, to get swept along for a duration, even realizing how full of shit he was. It was a fun little jaunt, but bruising at the end.

3. A very nice woman who told me her husband was cool with things, it was kind of a don't ask don't tell. He seemed kind of like a controlling dick the more she told me, and I felt bad for her. A little spanking and a night out seemed good for her. I got the threatening call the next morning. Nice disclosure there. Of all the married people I've led astray, it's the one woman that really burned me in the process and lied through her teeth to me.

Personally, while this may be uncharitable "I'm a recovering ______. " has since become a disqualifier for heavy involvement with me. I really try and give people benefit of the doubt, I respect the strength that overcoming an addiction takes, but I have a bad track record myself in dealing with people who have dealt with addictions, I'm an Adult Child myself and it's just way way too liable to go wrong. My innate response is "don't question the story" and so, you see where that can go.

 

[sb2009]

My last job, at a non-profit, was filled with people in revovery. I was miserable. Between the selfishness, the constant leaving work to attend meetings, and the looks of horror at my *not* going to meetings....it was awful.

I steer clear from anyong in recovery now LOL

 

[satindesire]

I'm kidding about voting Republican. Sort of.

Or voting for anyone in office in the last 50 years.

 

[Netzach]

Or voting for anyone in office in the last 50 years.

Nah, it really started the shitslide we know and love with Dick. Dick begat Jimmy and Jimmy sucked so bad we never regained our footing.
Dick looks pretty good through hindsight. I'm only 36 and I'd say it's only about that long.

 

[Esclava]

Things that make you go hmmmmm .....

Never dated batshit crazy ... never been called batshit crazy (well, not to my face anyway ...) but I maintain the best way to ferret out that level of crazy is to ask questions - Lots of questions!

This method works for both Dominants and submissives. Ask the same question 10 different ways if you must, but their answer should be the same or shake down with the same elements of truth. And if someone won't be questioned, run from them and don't look back because you cannot change them, their story or the big bag of crazy they could open up on you.

Esclava