Wardrobe Control

[TheWhiteBull]

Just curious to hear from female subs out there to see how many enjoy their doms/masters exerting some level of control over their wardrobe. Whether that be choosing what they wear each day or only while playing etc. Most wardrobe control that I see is related to men with a feminization kink but I also personally enjoy getting to dress women up to look the way I want. Thoughts and feelings?

 

[seela]

I enjoy this.

Unlike what's mostly talked about, wardrobe control doesn't have to be about making the sub wear revealing clothes. It's about control.

It can be as little as being told what color to wear, or if it's going to be a pants day or a dress day. It can be being choosing a specific piece of clothing or accessory. Or it can be the whole outfit.

The point, at least to me, is the control someone is having ovet me by making that choice and not necessarily what I wear being overtly sexual. Sometimes it's nice to be challenged a little and asked to wear something a little more special or at least specific. But in the grand scheme of things it's about being subject of somebody's control.

 

[MissMandy86]

I do like it but the dom has to be reasonable.. i had one dom insist i wear a short skirt and heels to my daughter's softball practice. Whoch would have been embarrassing for her and I .. also cant wear a black dress everytime. Also you have to take real world circumstances into consideration..Some things need to be laundered etc etc

 

[TheWhiteBull]

I definitely agree on the control vs style of it. I personally enjoy seeing women in all sorts of fashion so it’s not always “Hey I want you in this super sexy lingerie” but often more like “I like you in these leggings or such and such shirt.”

 

[SeeMeRolling]

I do like it but the dom has to be reasonable.. i had one dom insist i wear a short skirt and heels to my daughter's softball practice. Whoch would have been embarrassing for her and I .. also cant wear a black dress everytime. Also you have to take real world circumstances into consideration..Some things need to be laundered etc etc

Absolutely agree. The Dom would have to have a good understanding of fashion and coordination, not just what is reasonable.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

I do like it but the dom has to be reasonable.. i had one dom insist i wear a short skirt and heels to my daughter's softball practice. Whoch would have been embarrassing for her and I .. also cant wear a black dress everytime. Also you have to take real world circumstances into consideration..Some things need to be laundered etc etc

But we do get off on showing you off, my dear.

 

[Ropebunny]

But we do get off on showing you off, my dear.

There’s a time and place for kinky shit, for feeling kinky and for making sexualised comments.

This is why lifestyle D/s is tricky to manage, because the distinctions between between when/how to attend to ones dynamic vs getting on with everyday shit roll in and out like tides on a beach...

However, I’d be surprised MissMandy is interested in you sexualising an everyday image of her at her kids sport game. That’s a bit intrusive, don’t ya think? Her post spoke of practicalities of wardrobe control and had no sense of personal invitation of comment. I got a bit of a gross feeling (not pleasant) reading what you wrote smoothshavendad. I find it’s always worth mentioning in case you didn’t know you are coming off that way.

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Anyway, for me personally I feel somewhat conflicted about wardrobe control. I am not very good at following orders outside of the bedroom. I’ve got a lot of of shit happening inside my head, and while I’d like to find a clear space for the feelings that would come with this I haven’t been able yet. Tbh, with running around after small kids it’s just not practical for our lifestyle at the moment. No one here is excited about choosing between the black or fuchsia yoga pants. The other half is more interested in adornments than clothing anyway, which makes sense as he likes me naked. Though I suppose if we ever get to embarking on bimbification in earnest I expect I’d have less wardrobe control, though I have no idea what level to. Things I’m not going to think about just yet...

Not really very related to wardrobe control but I’m getting a cleaning trinket (it’s a necklace but that what he calls it so I’m not going to argue) this week, with an eye on it so he can watch me while I work I’m really hoping it will help with focus, motivation and staying in the right mindset to get things done.

 

[Acktion]

About three decades ago (plus a little), I was entangled with my second ex-fiancee. And she pretty well broke me after eight times dumping me followed by coming back exactly three days later. When she came back that last time, I did not want her back. But, she wore me down to the point that I allowed her back with the understanding that it was the last time. And it was very much my way or the highway from that point on.

Most of what we... what I did is irrelevant to this thread. Or even to this forum. (Unless somebody wants to start a "How NOT to Re-invent the 24/7 M/s TPE" thread.) But, along with all the sex related stuff, I also took over every nook and cranny of her life. Including, yeah, her wardrobe.

But, not as one might think based on the fact that I was an eighteen/nineteen-year-old as yet undiagnosed sex addict.

Oh, we had our moments. Such as the night we went to a dubiously named dance club "Fast and Cool" with her wearing a dress of shrink wrap.

But, the thing is... Well, I guess I blame Heinlein for the ideation of a Drawing-room Duchess and Bedroom Bawd.

So, she dressed like what she basically was... a disenfranchised fringe college student who worked in a record store. And, yeah, like the Hollywood stereotype. A pre-grunge grunge, if you will.

And not just her outerwear, but her intimate things as well. You know what I'm talkin' about. Granny panties reminiscent of a girdle, but without the support. Comfortable? Maybe. I mean, that shit breathes, they tell me. And who wouldn't like their privates breathed on?

Now, don't get me wrong. I would be the last person to tell anyone that they dress like an unmade bed. Unless, of course, they give me that control over their life. And for whatever reason, she did.

And I was a firm proponent of "dress for success" and "look good to feel good" and other such maxisms. Or would that be fashion Marxisms?

For intimates, I went to such places as Victoria's Secrets and Fredrick's of Hollywood or Intimate Apparel. It didn't matter what she was doing, she was going to be wearing "sexy" underthings. Oh, if she'd been the athletic type, I'm not that big a sadist that I would have made her exercise in it. At least not all the time. But, she wasn't big into exercise outside of our bedroom antics that spilled over everywhere else.

However, for her clothing, I pushed a rather prim and proper, understated elegance, professional look. Rarely dresses. Business skirts. Pantsuits. "Casual" was pretty well a closed chapter in her life. Even just around the house, her cotton sweats went in the garbage to be replaced by silk lounging pajamas.

Yes, I really was that hardcore at one point. Both for myself and for mine. "Always pick the costume appropriate to the ball, Cinderfella." My mother sold Mary Kay and I shamelessly traded on our relationship to have her teach my girl make-up. And took her to Mom's stylist twice a month to do something more appropriate than that ridiculous top-knot.

If you think it doesn't sound too horrible... well, perhaps that part wasn't. I paid for the wardrobe make-over that I insisted she upgrade. But, I admit that comfort was a sticking point in a few places, forcing me to bring out the only toolkit in my toolchest at the time, the hammer. "Wear it, or we're done."

I am NOT proud of my actions. And I hope I have learned better in the intervening decades. Not just these aspects here, but every aspect of that relationship.

Fortunately, for everyone involved, she retained enough of her soul to kick me to the curb the final time after a year as my thrall. Well, I say "fortunately" now. At the time I was hurt and confused, because I thought everything was going just fine.

Ironically, a couple of years later she ran across me in the campus library. And was still wearing the clothing, the hair, the make-up, everything, just as I'd trained her.

(For the curious, she was angling for another try. When I figured out she was angling for another try, I picked up my shit, turned my back on her, and walked away. I am not a yo-yo. Or a boom-a-rang. And if I can't count on her to be there for me, then I see no reason I should stick around for when she deigns to find the time for me.)

Flash forward a few years, and my relationship with Love (my wife of two and a half decades until her death) was much healthier.

I still practiced wardrobe control. And, yeah, pretty much the same way. "Sexy" intimate apparel, with situationally appropriate outerwear, primarily prim and proper, understated elegance, and professional.

Out in public.

At home, alone, it was years before she was allowed any clothing except her collar. But, I finally relented to knee length "sleep shirts," typically with cartoon characters on the front such as Eeyore and ONE corduroy mou-mou that was put your eye out orange (*shudder* the things we put up with from the ones we love).

Any road... I guess I should apologize. After all, I'm obviously not either submissive or female as the OP requested. I was just sitting here slamming back bottles of Sangria and this thread caught my eye. And I wanted to chime in in support of the well-spoken ladies who voiced their opinion. It's not, or at least doesn't have to be, about sexualization. At least not overt sexualization. But, more about control... And knowing that I liked what she was wearing because I chose it, and my knowing she was wearing it to make me happy.

And it's probably past time I braid my wine enhanced fingers and let someone else, no doubt more appropriate, take the stage.

 

[cookiecat]

This is a hard pass for me.

I totally understand the control aspect and can appreciate it if it's about this.

Unfortunately, most guys I come in contact with come off like smooth and shaved. They want me to dress slutty and show me off as some whore.

I always counter with what are you going to wear for me? I mean, come on! Why is it this one way street? I want to show off my dom. Put in some effort!

I find it's the rare guy who is creative or clever enough to get beyond the cliche of no panties, short skirt / no bra, tight shirt.

Ask me to surprise you. Tell me to wear panties, tell me to pull them to the side as I watch you jerk off and cum on me and then thank you for letting me wear cum soaked panties to work.

Trust I will know what to wear to please you. Appreciate I wear big sweaters and figure out a way to do something fun under that sweater. Ask me to write "daddy's hole" on my tummy.

I like secrets under my clothing. I like pleasing my partner with what I wear.

But I don't want to be told to dress like a slut.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

So Cookie I totally get it. The whole point of the thread was just to see how different women feel about it. I would say that it does seem to be that there is a theme emerging with male doms simply wanting someone to dress like a “slut” full time for them. I very much understand why this isn’t appealing.

I think it falls under the difficulty that much of bdsm outside the bedroom does with regards to how far is too far. It seems to be that people are more comfortable with exploring limits during sex and less so outside.

Personally, I don’t always need the woman to dress revealingly or even in exactly what I tell her. I don’t even need to have complete control over her choice of clothing. I just have times where I feel like saying “wear this” because that’s how I personally want to see her that day. I do trust her to generally know what I like and how to dress outside of those moments if she’s in the mood to please me.

Also, I do try to reciprocate by knowing what she likes as far as my appearance goes and often wear certain outfits because I know she likes them and why not, men can look good too.

 

[cookiecat]

I should probably lighten up about it. A lot of my negativity about it come from being a chubby chick. And older. I don't feel comfortable dressing like a fat old slut.

That being said, men think different than women, right? Men are generally more visual. I remember buying this crazy, colorful, really tight blouse with puffy sleeves to wear as a joke to an outdoor party. My husband thought it was the sexiest thing I'd ever worn.

I think especially long distance or online, wardrobe control can be a good way to exert control / feel controlled.

So maybe I should lighten up and enjoy the fact someone would want to boss me around.

 

[TheWhiteBull]

Maybe you should but I would never say that. Part of effective BDSM relationships is respect for each others’ limitations. Do whatever makes you happy and don’t do it if it doesn’t. I do like your point to online control though. I think it could easily be a much bigger part on online based relationships given the lack of physical presence.

 

[LauraWilling]

I also enjoy my Master controling what I wear or don't wear. But again as one lady said, it is not so much about dressing sexy, though that is often the case, it is about their control over us and our obedience.In most Master/sub relationships it is not the subs choice. I never thought I had a choice. That was my Masters right.

 

[LeinadVirgo]

When I was seeing an ex, I only saw her maybe once a week. And I would semi regularly decide her outfit. But honestly I had no idea what was in her closet. So I would make her pick out three outfits and lay them out and send a pic. I would mix and match to my taste. And she had to bring a variety (on her own would probably be all black, sigh). Normally this is the night before, so she had to send me a pic of her being obedient the next day.

I felt it was a good compromise. She had some choice in the initial selection, but I made the final decision.

 

[91Ranger]

I control what my wife wears. Have been for 27 years. She likes me making those choices for her. More importantly she likes obeying my orders. I will never make her wear anything that would get her in trouble. She is covered in pubic but barely sometimes. Most times I am with her.

 

[cookiecat]

When I was seeing an ex, I only saw her maybe once a week. And I would semi regularly decide her outfit. But honestly I had no idea what was in her closet. So I would make her pick out three outfits and lay them out and send a pic. I would mix and match to my taste. And she had to bring a variety (on her own would probably be all black, sigh). Normally this is the night before, so she had to send me a pic of her being obedient the next day.

I felt it was a good compromise. She had some choice in the initial selection, but I made the final decision.

So here's where I know I'm old and cynical.

I had someone ask me to do this back when I was new to all this fun stuff. It was 3 outfits. I actually had to put all 3 on, take pics and send. Then he would choose.

I spent some time doing this. It's not like it was a 30 minute endeavor.

Now, I think to myself - no way! I'm busy. And listen, I think it's time for you to put together 3 outfits, show me how great you look and send me the pics. Let me decide what I like on you.

I am only speaking for me. I think it's great others have this element in their relationships. I totally see the control / obedience aspect.

Perhaps if I get back in to a committed relationship, my feelings will change.

 

[LeinadVirgo]

So here's where I know I'm old and cynical.

I had someone ask me to do this back when I was new to all this fun stuff. It was 3 outfits. I actually had to put all 3 on, take pics and send. Then he would choose.

I spent some time doing this. It's not like it was a 30 minute endeavor.

Now, I think to myself - no way! I'm busy. And listen, I think it's time for you to put together 3 outfits, show me how great you look and send me the pics. Let me decide what I like on you.

I am only speaking for me. I think it's great others have this element in their relationships. I totally see the control / obedience aspect.

Perhaps if I get back in to a committed relationship, my feelings will change.

That would be too much. I never wanted her to model them. If it turned out I didn't like it, I would just remember for next time.

Of she's busy and distracted it would just be frustrating for me too, which wasn't worth it. So anyways made sure it was a night she had some free time. If I were to do it again, I think i would try to turn it into part of a full routine.

Of course it all depends at where they are at in their life too.

 

[cookiecat]

That would be too much. I never wanted her to model them. If it turned out I didn't like it, I would just remember for next time.

Of she's busy and distracted it would just be frustrating for me too, which wasn't worth it. So anyways made sure it was a night she had some free time. If I were to do it again, I think i would try to turn it into part of a full routine.

Of course it all depends at where they are at in their life too.

Sometimes I want to capture that newbie thrilling arousing crazy feelings where I thought it was amazing to spank my own ass with a spatula because some guy I'd never met "ordered" me to on the interweb.

I'll stop being such a crank. Momentarily, anyways.

 

[Master_Doctor]

I do like it but the dom has to be reasonable.. i had one dom insist i wear a short skirt and heels to my daughter's softball practice. Whoch would have been embarrassing for her and I .. also cant wear a black dress everytime. Also you have to take real world circumstances into consideration..Some things need to be laundered etc etc

I agree with you. However, reasonable can very much be in the eye of the beholder. What you consider to be reasonable (which seems very much so and sane to me) some would immediately jump up and say they could do better than that.

A small example for me. Part of my normal dress code for my submissives is a dress or skirt and no panties. I make an immediate exception for the time of the month.. because Im NOT insane to think I can ask a woman to do that. As in the point above ive had a couple say... oh I can do that... My response... just humor me and wear them during that monthly event of your life dear.

Also for your example. Which again, I have not the least problem with your objection under the circumstances. Some submissves enjoy the embarrassment and humiliation.

 

[Blase]

A few years ago I had an online sub who liked to play a version of dress-up. She sent me a list of the items in her wardrobe (she was quite detail-oriented so it was a very thorough list) and I would assign different outfits, from underwear on up, for her to put on and model for me via photographs.

This was just for play between the two of us: She wasn't expected to actually wear the outfits outside her home. Interestingly, because I knew she enjoyed the dressing-up part so much, I took things slowly and we never quite got to full or semi-nudity, except for one shot that she sent me on her own without having been asked for it.

Playing dress-up with her turned out to be one of those delightful surprises that sometimes occur when we meet someone new. I'd never really given the idea of any version of wardrobe control much thought until she mentioned and explained the game, and I've never done anything too similar with anyone else. But I still remember it, and her, fondly.

 

[cocktaildress21]

I always counter with what are you going to wear for me?

But whether a man is sexy or not has precious little to do with his clothes.

It just doesn't. It's all physique and confidence. With a dash of intelligence and social competence for flavor, but a confident, well-built male, dumb as a doornail and with the social grace of an ox, can still be sexy as all ****.

That said, I if dress up, I expect him to aswell. I'm not putting on the dress if he intends to show up in jeans and a sweater.

 

[Jada59]

Not my thing. I've had guys ask me to wear certain things that I already own. I'm fine with that. One BF wanted me to wear pink panties. I had none and so far have been unable to find any that fit me. I wear Torrid. I guess pink's not in with them.

The worst time I can remember was being with my ex at the mall. He loved the mall. I didn't. He complained that he didn't like my clothing and said I should wear something different. I asked him what I should wear. He pointed to a display of a grass green, double knit polyester pantsuit with big gold buttons. I shuddered at the thought of it. Didn't even know they still maid that kind of fabric. No way would I wear that.

Then again, he said he and his ex used to dress like nerds, go to a bar and pretend to meet each other for the first time. When I asked him why, he said it was fun. Mm hm.

 

[ChuckWolf]

Years ago, my then-GF had a fantasy about dressing up slutty in public, so one Saturday, she put on an outfit I had provided her (based on her fantasy) that included tight black midriff-baring shirt(no bra), high heels and shiny red spandex short shorts (very short!) and I took us to an out of the way mall, where no one would recognize us. Or so I believed.

She was a little embarrassed, but really into it and the attention she was getting, until we happened to run into one of her co-workers and her husband, who was laughing and freaking out over what my GF was wearing ("Omigod, I can see yer titties!").

My GF was mortified and paralyzed like a deer in headlights.

The (annoying) coworker wanted to take her picture even after my GF objected and was fumbling with her phone (fortunately this happened before camera phones became more functional and user-friendly) as her husband was checking out my GF.

Turned out they were at that mall to have dinner with two of my GF's other mutual coworkers and they invited us to join them, but we declined and quickly left (my GF freaking out over the possibility of getting seen by other ppl she knew).

Once in the car, she blew her stack and kicked the shit out of my glove-compartment with her high-heeled foot and actually broke the door. This was the angriest I'd ever seen her and it ruined the rest of the weekend.

According to my GF, the following Monday morning, the co-worker held court and went on and on playfully teasing my GF about the outfit ("Sweetie, what was up with that hoochie-mama get-up you were wearing?") The GF denied it was that bad- basically lying) and saying she really wished she'd taken a picture.

Much later on, the GF and I were able to laugh about it and she confessed that her coworker's hubby checking her out had turned her on and worked itself into one of her go-to fantasies.

 

[wicked woman]

I can't see ever giving someone else control over my wardrobe or what I wear.


I've never had anyone want to take the time and effort to do that. All of my partners have thought I dressed nicely, in fact most have commented on it numerous times. I've never met a man who knows my body as well as I do and women's fashion to understand what shapes flatter my figure and which don't, as much as I do. That said, if I know he likes a particular garment(s)/colour, whatever, I'm going to wear it to please him, without him asking or demanding that I do. I have no problem with a request that I wear something. I would not ever give someone control over it though. That's not what my submission would consist of.