want him/fear him

[subgrl18]

does the same thing that turns u on completely one day scare the shit out u the next? i get that way... i dont know if its maybe cuz of my ptsd... like for example i could be talking to a dom... and he could be talking cruel sadistic domly to me lol for lack of better terms... u know like the whole emotional mind fuck thing.... damn i dont know how to explain it... but one day i would get so turned on by it ...then the next day he could call me a slut and id shut down...fear him....it kinda worrys me because i mean lets be honest what dom wants a sub that he has to worry about going to far...turning her into a pile of subjello who can just shake and cry...idk does anyone understand what im trying to say here? does this happen to anyone else? will it get better you think? would any dom want a sub with so much baggage?

 

[graceanne]

I hear what you're saying. People can be so perverse. It's more of an issue with K. One night we'll do something and it's hot, and it's a turn on for both of us, and the next night K's kinda freaked out. *shrugs* As to what a dom wants, I think you need to be a little less hard on yourself, and stop worrying about what they want in you. You need to know what you want in them.

 

[the_pet]

does the same thing that turns u on completely one day scare the shit out u the next? i get that way... i dont know if its maybe cuz of my ptsd... like for example i could be talking to a dom... and he could be talking cruel sadistic domly to me lol for lack of better terms... u know like the whole emotional mind fuck thing.... damn i dont know how to explain it... but one day i would get so turned on by it ...then the next day he could call me a slut and id shut down...fear him....it kinda worrys me because i mean lets be honest what dom wants a sub that he has to worry about going to far...turning her into a pile of subjello who can just shake and cry...idk does anyone understand what im trying to say here? does this happen to anyone else? will it get better you think? would any dom want a sub with so much baggage?

I rarely get scared over what i'm doing/did but sometimes the why can be scary

and would any Dom want a sub with so much baggage (you're probably being over critical of yourself )? who's to say.... mine didn't GRRRRRRR (do i sound bitter?)

take gentle care
pet

 

[subgrl18]

yours didnt want a sub with baggage? or didnt care? thanks for the input.

 

[graceanne]

It's been my experience that people with baggage usually end up with people with baggage, no matter what they say to the contrary. Emotionally healthy people want emotionally healthy people, and fucked up people may not want fucked up people, but that's what they end up with. For two reasons. 1) Cause if an emotionally fucked up person ends up with an emotionally healthy person one of two things happens; a)they are incompatable and one of them dumps the other or b) the fucked up person messes with the emotionally healthy person until said person is also fucked up. 2) . . . shit I had a train of thought. I think the kids knew it cause they promptly had a fight and I can't recall the rest of what I was saying. If I do I'll be back.

 

[caela]

We all come with some amount of baggage. Since you already know you have these issues however it's your job to be up front about them and let the person your involved with know what's going on in your head. Some will be willing to work around and through them with you and some won't want to bother with the extra work.

 

[subgrl18]

yes well i do know an online dom that doesnt mind how i am...hes great...but hes hardly ever on anymore...

 

[sister76]

I hear what you're saying. People can be so perverse. It's more of an issue with K. One night we'll do something and it's hot, and it's a turn on for both of us, and the next night K's kinda freaked out. *shrugs* As to what a dom wants, I think you need to be a little less hard on yourself, and stop worrying about what they want in you. You need to know what you want in them.

Yeah, it's definitely a two-way street. If something is happening that you don't like and he doesn't respect that, there is no reason for you to keep it going. It's supposed to be mutual fulfillment, not one person using the other without any regard for what the sub really wants in a relationship.

Just my opinion...

 

[subgrl18]

thanks for ur oppinion.

 

[the_pet]

yours didnt want a sub with baggage? or didnt care? thanks for the input.

It's very complicated to explain but to sum it up my Master cut me loose because he said i needed to be free.... he said i had been owned or controlled my whole life and thought my lifestyle was a product thereof..... again it's very complicated and hard to convey his mindset in a few sentences.


pet

 

[subgrl18]

i understand.. im sorry that happened...thanks for ur oppinion

 

[the_pet]

i understand.. im sorry that happened...thanks for ur oppinion

Your Welcome
and it's OK.... he felt very strongly that as the Master it was his responsibility to help me enhance/improve my life so if you find a Dom that takes that responsibility seriously, baggage can be a good thing in my case the outcome wasn't as expected for either of us.

pet

 

[nh23]

does the same thing that turns u on completely one day scare the shit out u the next? i get that way... i dont know if its maybe cuz of my ptsd... like for example i could be talking to a dom... and he could be talking cruel sadistic domly to me lol for lack of better terms... u know like the whole emotional mind fuck thing.... damn i dont know how to explain it... but one day i would get so turned on by it ...then the next day he could call me a slut and id shut down...fear him....it kinda worrys me because i mean lets be honest what dom wants a sub that he has to worry about going to far...turning her into a pile of subjello who can just shake and cry...idk does anyone understand what im trying to say here? does this happen to anyone else? will it get better you think? would any dom want a sub with so much baggage?

i am the same way about a particular sex act..some days i can do it and enjoy it and have the best orgasms of my life. The next day it may trigger a flashback. My Dom is very understanding of this. i just had to sit down and discuss it with him. i'm sure you'll find someone who understands you and is willing to take it one day at a time.... Good Luck!

 

[subgrl18]

thank you for your opinion