WalMart Angst

[mynameisben]

Last week Wall*Mart advertised there'd be a sale on toilet seats on Saturday. I called my friends to meet up at 8 p.m. Friday night to wait in line for the midnight start of the sale.

None of my friends showed.

At 10:30 I asked the honeymooning couple in front of me if they'd save my place in line because I really, really had to take a crap. They said, "Yeah."

When I came back, they pretended they'd never seen me.

 

[jomar]

A honeymooning couple was waiting in line at 10:30pm on a Friday night at Walmart to buy a toilet seat?

Crazy.

 

[lovecraft68]

Last week Wall*Mart advertised there'd be a sale on toilet seats on Saturday. I called my friends to meet up at 8 p.m. Friday night to wait in line for the midnight start of the sale.

None of my friends showed.

At 10:30 I asked the honeymooning couple in front of me if they'd save my place in line because I really, really had to take a crap. They said, "Yeah."

When I came back, they pretended they'd never seen me.

That was a pretty shitty thing to do.

 

[sr71plt]

Moral of the story: Don't take a crap until after you have the toilet seat.

 

[mynameisben]

That was a pretty shitty thing to do.

No kidding. I had to go to the back of the line, and by the time I was let into the store, the seats were all sold out.

At 12:40 a.m., a sinister figure holding a screwdriver was observed slinking his way out of a Wal*Mart restroom with three prominent horseshoe shaped bulges from under his sweatshirt.

It wasn't me, though.

 

[lovecraft68]

No kidding. I had to go to the back of the line, and by the time I was let into the store, the seats were all sold out.

At 12:40 a.m., a sinister figure holding a screwdriver was observed slinking his way out of a Wal*Mart restroom with three prominent horseshoe shaped bulges from under his sweatshirt.

It wasn't me, though.

I heard the police report said all signs of evidence had been wiped clean.

 

[SydneyBlake]

Last week Wall*Mart advertised there'd be a sale on toilet seats on Saturday. I called my friends to meet up at 8 p.m. Friday night to wait in line for the midnight start of the sale.

None of my friends showed.

At 10:30 I asked the honeymooning couple in front of me if they'd save my place in line because I really, really had to take a crap. They said, "Yeah."

When I came back, they pretended they'd never seen me.

I won't be seeing you, will I, in a future Walmartians email?

 

[lovecraft68]

I won't be seeing you, will I, in a future Walmartians email?

Those things are fucking hilarious! They are the only "chain e-mails" that get forwarded to me that I actually open.

 

[SydneyBlake]

Those things are fucking hilarious! They are the only "chain e-mails" that get forwarded to me that I actually open.

I swear, what the hell are those people smoking?

 

[TE999]

Ya wanta ovadose on WoalMashans? Here's the website http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Warning: Site is addictive as you wonder "What freak am I going to see next?"

 

[lovecraft68]

Ya wanta ovadose on WoalMashans? Here's the website http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Warning: Site is addictive as you wonder "What freak am I going to see next?"

Oh you bastard!! Now I'll never get anything done!!

 

[TE999]

Oh you bastard!! Now I'll never get anything done!!

I'm just trying to help.

 

[litfan10]

Ya wanta ovadose on WoalMashans? Here's the website http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Warning: Site is addictive as you wonder "What freak am I going to see next?"

oh the pain, the agony....the horror!!!!!

Ya know, this would be an incredible writing challenge. Write up a believable character description from these pictures and get a reader to believe it could be real.

 

[lovecraft68]

oh the pain, the agony....the horror!!!!!

Ya know, this would be an incredible writing challenge. Write up a believable character description form these pictures and get a reader to believe it could be real.

You know in some of the pictures here, I truly see the horrors of inbreeding. It should be a message to all of us who write incest; This could really happen!!

 

[litfan10]

You know in some of the pictures here, I truly see the horrors of inbreeding. It should be a message to all of us who write incest; This could really happen!!

heh...good point! We need surveillance cameras in the condom aisle for at least a sense of reassuring!

 

[TE999]

heh...good point! We need surveillance cameras in the condom aisle for at least a sense of reassuring!

Yep. Not to mention watching the Walmartians trying them on for size. Some think they're itty-bitty shower caps.

 

[litfan10]

Yep. Not to mention watching the Walmartians trying them on for size. Some think they're itty-bitty shower caps.

I can hear it now...."Billy-Bob....Jimmy is stuck in tha dang shower cap again. Git him out before he turns blue."

 

[lovecraft68]

heh...good point! We need surveillance cameras in the condom aisle for at least a sense of reassuring!

Ask yourself, do these people look like they would use condoms? How do you think they got here? Sadly, history repeats itself.

Generations of ill bred miscreants doomed to forever wander the aisles of Wal-mart.

 

[TxRad]

For all you WallMartian fans, ya might like this short little tale written at 3AM in a motel room overlooking a Walmart parking lot



How-to-pick-up-chicks-in-14-departments

 

[SydneyBlake]

For all you WallMartian fans, ya might like this short little tale written at 3AM in a motel room overlooking a Walmart parking lot



How-to-pick-up-chicks-in-14-departments

<<Any woman wandering around sporting goods or automotive is either lost or looking for a date.>>

Very insightful! The salesmen are always so friendly, until I start looking at the hunting knives. I don't get it.

 

[CarlusMagnus]

You know in some of the pictures here, I truly see the horrors of inbreeding. It should be a message to all of us who write incest; This could really happen!!

Nah... It takes generations of incest to get to what appears here.

My characters are only second- or third-generation...

 

[DeeZire]

If this is Sarah Palin's "Real America" we are in some really deep doo doo.

 

[SydneyBlake]

You know in some of the pictures here, I truly see the horrors of inbreeding. It should be a message to all of us who write incest; This could really happen!!

We lived in Louisiana for 2 years, and I swear, the local Kroger had Deliverance Day specials. Sometimes, I just had to leave.

 

[lovecraft68]

We lived in Louisiana for 2 years, and I swear, the local Kroger had Deliverance Day specials. Sometimes, I just had to leave.

Red lived in Maine for three years I thought she was exaggerating until she took me up there to visit some friends.

I agree with Carlos. Generations worth. That shit can't happen in just one generation.

 

[slave_]

Red lived in Maine for three years I thought she was exaggerating until she took me up there to visit some friends.

I agree with Carlos. Generations worth. That shit can't happen in just one generation.

I had a girlfriend who lived in Maine. One day she said, "You haven't met Arlene Bean". I asked her who that was... she didn't answer. About an hour or so later I saw something driving a huge boat of a car from the '70s. I couldn't tell if it was male or female and it looked like it did not have teeth.

I said, "Holy shit, what is that?!" My girlfriend answered, "That's Arlene Bean."

Every inbred looking person in Maine is referred to as Arlene Bean... or at least was when we were going out in the early 90's.