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tulip2lipservice
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There have been several posts
similiar to the one you just described. Basically be there for your friend and do not judge her. She probably does not understand why she has allowed such behavior happen to her and feels ashamed at it all. She needs some sort of support group or counseling. I am sure you can check the yellow pages or internet for places close to where she is.
Things like this can take a life time to straighten out. Your friend has to find her self worth in order to go on the path of healing. A close friend of mine went to hell and back in theorapy before she started to come out of the clouds.
For yourself do not allow yourself to feel helpless. Educate yourself also on domestic violence. Realize that no matter what it is your friends decision what she does in her life and try to support her in her choices. If she does go back to him you might not like it but the ultimate decision is her. She is the adult and has the right to choose. Do not loose yourself in this also. Good Luck to you and your friend.
Peace,
Tulip
similiar to the one you just described. Basically be there for your friend and do not judge her. She probably does not understand why she has allowed such behavior happen to her and feels ashamed at it all. She needs some sort of support group or counseling. I am sure you can check the yellow pages or internet for places close to where she is.
Things like this can take a life time to straighten out. Your friend has to find her self worth in order to go on the path of healing. A close friend of mine went to hell and back in theorapy before she started to come out of the clouds.
For yourself do not allow yourself to feel helpless. Educate yourself also on domestic violence. Realize that no matter what it is your friends decision what she does in her life and try to support her in her choices. If she does go back to him you might not like it but the ultimate decision is her. She is the adult and has the right to choose. Do not loose yourself in this also. Good Luck to you and your friend.
Peace,
Tulip
Kitte
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She needs to get into therapy, group if she feels up to it with other battered women. The emotional scars are very very deep, and some will never heal but with the right therapy and time she will be ok. It is never easy to leave someone who is violent she is a very strong woman and she needs to really see that within herself, that the same strength she used to leave will help her stay away.
emerald_a
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counselling
I have been there in the past and I believe without counselling and the support of wonderful police officers and friends I would probably not be here.
I was raised watching my mother getting beat a lot and swore it would never be me......
When it did....the cycle began .......
It took giving up my daughter for awhile to get me away from the man(he stalked me for a very long time afterwards) and I didn't want her in danger!...But no person....and I mean female or male...deserves to be a punching bag..(either physically or mentally) for anybody....
Be there for her....go to your mental health clinic and get information to help her.....do anything you can to help....
Good luck!!!! And smiles
I have been there in the past and I believe without counselling and the support of wonderful police officers and friends I would probably not be here.
I was raised watching my mother getting beat a lot and swore it would never be me......
When it did....the cycle began .......
It took giving up my daughter for awhile to get me away from the man(he stalked me for a very long time afterwards) and I didn't want her in danger!...But no person....and I mean female or male...deserves to be a punching bag..(either physically or mentally) for anybody....
Be there for her....go to your mental health clinic and get information to help her.....do anything you can to help....
Good luck!!!! And smiles
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tulip2lipservice
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4laterer it is a secret that others have
carried. So hence if your friend can get into a support group she will see that it is not just her.
You have all types of women with powerful job, education, and wealth that has fallen into this trap. If she can get over the feeling of shame hopefully she can begin to heal. She has probably been in such a relation long before she let you in on it too. Just realize she is going through an abundance of emotions.
(4laterer if trying to give you support comes back to bite me because of a friend of yours I .......)
Just be there as best as you can be but again do not loose yourself in the process. She has been through a lot and needs to find that stregnth again that is inside of her. Kitte summed it up well and so did emerald.
Peace,
Tulip
carried. So hence if your friend can get into a support group she will see that it is not just her.
You have all types of women with powerful job, education, and wealth that has fallen into this trap. If she can get over the feeling of shame hopefully she can begin to heal. She has probably been in such a relation long before she let you in on it too. Just realize she is going through an abundance of emotions.
(4laterer if trying to give you support comes back to bite me because of a friend of yours I .......)
Just be there as best as you can be but again do not loose yourself in the process. She has been through a lot and needs to find that stregnth again that is inside of her. Kitte summed it up well and so did emerald.
Peace,
Tulip
I'm very sorry to hear this, and you have been given excellent advice.
My experience isn't nearly what all of you have experienced because I didn't handle it the same as you. Thats probably because I have a ton of rage in me regarding control, manipulation and force because I was molested at the age of 10. When I was about 23/24, I lived with a guy that traveled alot, and in the beginning of the relationship, I had no idea that he was an alcoholic. When the problems occured and I told him I was leaving, he fell apart. I came home to find his walls spray painted with my name and messages of love to me...all over his house. I knew in that moment that I was in trouble, and began to pack. I ended up on the floor with him on top of me holding me down, telling me I would never leave him, and that he would die without me. We struggled, and he began to hit me while trying to keep me pinned under him. Major mistake...I snapped. I still do not remember all that happened, but I know that I left him clutching his privates, screaming obscenities at me, with blood on his face. All I remember vividly was that I was in my car going down city streets some 30 minutes later and had no idea how I got there.
I knew then that no human being would ever touch me violently again...I knew that I could have killed him.
My point is that either she will snap, and God only knows what will happen, or HE will. It's her choice, really.
I hope she makes the right one. I hope she gets help. Its so hard to turn to others because you just know they are judging you, you're embarassed and you wonder what in hell is wrong with you. It's very difficult and demeaning....I wish her well.
My experience isn't nearly what all of you have experienced because I didn't handle it the same as you. Thats probably because I have a ton of rage in me regarding control, manipulation and force because I was molested at the age of 10. When I was about 23/24, I lived with a guy that traveled alot, and in the beginning of the relationship, I had no idea that he was an alcoholic. When the problems occured and I told him I was leaving, he fell apart. I came home to find his walls spray painted with my name and messages of love to me...all over his house.
I knew in that moment that I was in trouble, and began to pack. I ended up on the floor with him on top of me holding me down, telling me I would never leave him, and that he would die without me. We struggled, and he began to hit me while trying to keep me pinned under him. Major mistake...I snapped. I still do not remember all that happened, but I know that I left him clutching his privates, screaming obscenities at me, with blood on his face. All I remember vividly was that I was in my car going down city streets some 30 minutes later and had no idea how I got there.I knew then that no human being would ever touch me violently again...I knew that I could have killed him.
My point is that either she will snap, and God only knows what will happen, or HE will. It's her choice, really.
I hope she makes the right one. I hope she gets help. Its so hard to turn to others because you just know they are judging you, you're embarassed and you wonder what in hell is wrong with you. It's very difficult and demeaning....I wish her well.
Lilith/Eve
Really Experienced
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Emotional cruelty is far more severe than physical. To be able to torture someone mentally is an admirable skill, any fool can smack their girlfriend but real sufferance? You need to get inside their head. The strongest are always the sweetest to break.
TranslatorX
Experienced
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Translation: I have been hurt before, and now I want to take my suffering out on you. love me.Lilith/Eve said:
emerald_a
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Intrigued......
My experience isn't nearly what all of you have experienced because I didn't handle it the same as you. Thats probably because I have a ton of rage in me regarding control, manipulation and force because I was molested at the age of 10.
It doesn't always end up with one or the other snapping.......
Not to win or try to win a pissing contest so to speak....I was also sexually abused from a very young age.........I think that there are a lot of people out there with more inner strength than they know they posess.......I just happen to think that counselling can help enormously to bring out these strengthes........
Good luck and inner peace for all........
My experience isn't nearly what all of you have experienced because I didn't handle it the same as you. Thats probably because I have a ton of rage in me regarding control, manipulation and force because I was molested at the age of 10.
It doesn't always end up with one or the other snapping.......
Not to win or try to win a pissing contest so to speak....I was also sexually abused from a very young age.........I think that there are a lot of people out there with more inner strength than they know they posess.......I just happen to think that counselling can help enormously to bring out these strengthes........
Good luck and inner peace for all........
Re: Intrigued......
First let me say that nothing about my life and how I relate it to anyone will ever be a "pissing contest".
I completely missed the part of the initial post in which it was stated that she had removed herself from him, so when I spoke of making a choice, I meant as in leaving....not in "snapping"...thats not really a choice, is it?
Therapy and counseling are extremely important.
emerald_a said:My experience isn't nearly what all of you have experienced because I didn't handle it the same as you. Thats probably because I have a ton of rage in me regarding control, manipulation and force because I was molested at the age of 10.
It doesn't always end up with one or the other snapping.......
Not to win or try to win a pissing contest so to speak....I was also sexually abused from a very young age.........I think that there are a lot of people out there with more inner strength than they know they posess.......I just happen to think that counselling can help enormously to bring out these strengthes........
Good luck and inner peace for all........
First let me say that nothing about my life and how I relate it to anyone will ever be a "pissing contest".
I completely missed the part of the initial post in which it was stated that she had removed herself from him, so when I spoke of making a choice, I meant as in leaving....not in "snapping"...thats not really a choice, is it?
Therapy and counseling are extremely important.
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