Vanilla mixed with Baskin Robbins

[Azalea]

Is it a common thing for a person to have a vanilla relationship and also be in a BDSM relationship with another person entirely, and have it work? I mean, where the vanilla mate knows about the other person, and is okay with it?

I find all these permutations fascinating......just curious about whether such a trio can work. I say "trio" because I assume the three wouldn't interact in a menage a trois.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Is it a common thing for a person to have a vanilla relationship and also be in a BDSM relationship with another person entirely, and have it work? I mean, where the vanilla mate knows about the other person, and is okay with it?

I find all these permutations fascinating......just curious about whether such a trio can work. I say "trio" because I assume the three wouldn't interact in a menage a trois.

I seem to have seen several posts where a woman has a vanilla hubby and some kind of BDSM relationship on the side. How they work exactly I don't know but, I think many women come to BDSM or become interested later in life when they have an established vanilla relationship. Many I think are exploring or are interested in learning more.

Here is a quick story about a woman I know quite well and her journey in, out and back into BDSM.
She met an exciting older man in college and he led her into pretty heavy BDSM. eventually for several reasons she decided it was not for her. She married a vanilla guy and was happy for 15 years. Suddenly she needed BDSM needed it badly. She found a Master, they married and she is very happy.

I don't know if that applies to your question but it is something I do know about.

I think a lot of women experimented when they were younger and maybe had a partner who was into hard rough sex or perhaps a spanking or more. Then they settled down with Mr. Bland and later the excitement of their younger day comes screaming back and captures their attention and ramps up their desires.

Just my Strategic Wild Ass Guess.

Mike

 

[Kurokami]

Well, there's no real reason such a grouping couldn't work. I myself am in a full on threesome relationship with my wife and another girl; it's all around kinky and thus perhaps not the best fit for your question, but there it is.

It really depends on the three people involved: how does the vanilla fellow feel about BDSM as a concept? How do all three of them feel about polyamory? How does the shared group member arrange her emotional attachments to the other two, and conversely how do they feel about that arrangement?

There are a lot of variables of course, but yes, it can work. Really any such permutation can work, given the right people. And there's some cool literature out there to pave the way, too; my favorite's The Ethical Slut, which was quite a help when I and my women-folk were just starting out. Not only was it a useful guidebook, but it also interested me on an intellectual level, which I get the feeling might be your interest in the question, Azalea.

Unless I'm reading your post wrong. It's happened before

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have been happily married to a open minded vanilla husband for the past 25+ years. I have been the owned submissive of MDS for almost 7 years. They both know of each other. The three of us have gone out for dinner, drinks outings.

The first year was a little bumpy just learning how to keep both men happy especially when their wishes conflicted. I've always been a great problem solver so it always worked out.

For me it works best being open and honest with both of them, I could never hide anything from someone I loved.

 

[the captians wench]

For me it works best being open and honest with both of them, I could never hide anything from someone I loved.

I think this is the key. And I would go a bit further to say that every one has to be open and comunicate needs with the group, if it is indeed a group.

In the triad I've been involved with, it always breaks down when some one isn't being honest. Either they hide information from one party, they say what they don't mean, or two of us don't feel like we can fully communicate with the third so end up with a telephone effect.

Honesty and communication are always large parts of any relationship, but I think the more people you add in, the more important that becomes.

 

[Azalea]

I have been happily married to a open minded vanilla husband for the past 25+ years. I have been the owned submissive of MDS for almost 7 years. They both know of each other. The three of us have gone out for dinner, drinks outings.

The first year was a little bumpy just learning how to keep both men happy especially when their wishes conflicted. I've always been a great problem solver so it always worked out.

For me it works best being open and honest with both of them, I could never hide anything from someone I loved.

That just amazes me, that your vanilla hubby could be that open-minded. You must be quite a problem-solver indeed!