Vanilla b/f

[Asterexvan]

So I posted a question in How to... but maybe you guys would be better suited to answer it.

Here's the link
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=679199

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Just to make life a little easier for the Talk folks, here's the original post:

Hey everyone,
Sorry if this has been posted, point me in the right direction if so. I"m very kinky, I like bondage, sensory deprivation, sadism and masochism, and most of the offshoots. My boyfriend however is VERY vanilla. About the only thing we have found is he likes when I beg, and that was discovered on accident one time when I started begging him to bite me harder. For halloween I had already planned on wearing the sexy school girl outfit, which is as far as I can tell his only 'fetish' (for lack of a better word) and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to perhaps introduce some of my interests into the bedroom. So what I"m asking you guys is for tips or advice on how to do this.

Thanks,
Aster

There are only a couple of responses from one person (TypicalDeviant - sounds like he should spend more time *here,* lol!).

Aster, TD's basic advice is the first thing most of us here would give you: Talk to him about it. The foundation of any successful relationship lies in three key areas: communication, CoMmUnIcAtIoN, and COMMUNI-freakin'-CATION!

I'll leave the next steps/responses to folks who have a little more time available this evening than I do. Good luck!

 

[FurryFury]

It doesn't sound like you've talked with him much about kink. Therefore you have no idea if he is really kinky. You are assuming he is vanilla. If you create a safe place for him to tell you his secret desires, the ones he never thought anyone would accept, you might be surprised. It might not be the surprise you'd like either. You just never know until you try.

If, in fact, he is vanilla and you are not, you have to make a choice, the relationship or your kink. Of course you could always choose to cheat, many folks have.

In any case, good luck with listening to him and with him listening.

 

[sb2009]

not that I'm an expert, but talk to him about it. You really never know. It's good to talk about stuff, even sex!

 

[StrayKat]

not that I'm an expert, but talk to him about it. You really never know. It's good to talk about stuff, even sex!

As I see from original thread, she did talk to him and he is well aware of her needs.

Asterexvan, if things dont change I think you should be aware of the fact that he just might not be "into" it. I could talk to my husband until my tongue falls off but I cant make him like something he simply doesnt and made clear its not his thing. And last thing I would want would be to make him do things for my sake only.

By all means talk, explain, give it a try, even if it takes getting out of your "submissive mindset" and giving him literal examples (if I understood right you feel like being assertive would not suit you). Just bear in mind that it might not work the way you would like.

 

[Asterexvan]

Thank you StrayKat. That has been my biggest concern is the not being into things. However, I don't really think I've got to the tongue falling off part.

Thanks everyone. I have spoken to him a little more, and its a foot in the door to have even opened up the conversation to more specific examples.

If anyone knows any good stories here on Lit that I could point him towards or read to/with him let me know.

 

[FurryFury]

If you fancy pain try calling it "impact" sensation or some such and not pain.

Stories can be fun but they can also give people confusing ideas. He needs to know what you really think you'd like and the differences between that and fantasies. Many people have trouble understanding this, many have trouble explaining clearly this. It's essential in case any BDSM activities develop.