Unused Fantasies, watching "from the far"

[metajinx]

Hello there!

It has been 10 years since I've first gotten aroused by the thought of being dominated. There was this pretty nice moment when a good friend showed me my first Hentai and I realized that it turned me on to see those innocent little girls getting manhandled and used in any way their captors wished to... ah well.

Since this is a "board to talk", I assumed it would be alright to ask for something like advice, opinions, guesses regarding to a few (hehe) problems and thoughts I've collected over the years. Please bear in mind that I can't speak from my own experience, since I haven't got any
Also please excuse my grammar, I know it sounds like gibberish to some extent - it's late here and I'm out of practice

Problem #1: Damn, how do you find those people!
Ok, I had 10 years to find people interested in D/S B/S stuff. I also tried to get to know some, but 2 little details stopped me from really getting into the "right circles".
One: Most of the people hanging out in those nifty BDSM clubs (we got a pretty lovely one in Vienna) are WAY older than I am - we're talking about 30+ years older than me. It does get really creepy when you're a 18-20 year old teen and 50 to 60 year old guys hit on you all evening. I stopped going to the clubs when this particular part of my nights out got me alienated too much - they did accept a "no", but being stared at all evening does make you feel uncomfortable at a certain point. I don't mind attention, not at all, don't get me wrong! It was just the way they stared at me, like I was a big warm sex toy with no mind or personality at all, no interest in me as a person to share something kinky and sensual with. I felt like a hooker (in a bad way), so I started avoiding going to places where people with BDSM on their menu meet.
Two: I'm self-reliant and I tend to be dominant outside of the bedroom, doing a pretty decent job on it. My staring contests are legendary (I do manage a pretty decent cold glare), I'm able to discuss and build sound arguments around my opinions, and I'm not shy about speaking up. I don't like being bossed around or handled like a "helpless little girl" outside of erotic moments... a tough little sub I am. Most of my friends would either laugh hysterically or declare anyone crazy who'd try to convince them I'm a submissive at heart. If there is a "boss-position" to take, I get it 99% of the time, without even saying "I want it" - I just seem to take over unconciously.
At the same time I hate meeting people I don't know, I never talk to strangers in clubs or bars, and I nearly never go to events where I don't know anyone. How do you get into "the scene" if you are reluctant to go out, meet people, and try your luck? Additionally, how could I try to convince myself on trying "to just go there"?

I do have got more things to ask, say, discuss or just blurt out, but I'm feeling unconfortably unwell right now so I'll keep them in the back of my mind until later.

 

[KissKitt]

Well, speaking as a newbie to the BDSM ways, I'd suggest putting up a post letting people know that you're looking for a Dom/me. That's what I did a couple of days ago, and I got three sending me PMs wanting to be my Dom. I'm rather opinionated myself, and I too tend to take over when not in the sack.

Maybe what would be more comfortable for you would be just a playmate, not a live-in Dom. If you do decide to do this, I find that it's much easier to talk, at least initially, online (and I'm rather shy myself). As for the age, It seems that most Doms, at least the ones who know what they're doing, are older folks. I'm afraid there may not be a way out of it.

Also, I have, of the three who PMed me, managed to find a very kind and understanding Dom. I am only 18 myself, so I understand the age difference issue. The Dom I like best is actually 31 years older than me. Yeah, it's interesting. He doesn't think of me as a sex toy at all. If you decide that you don't like any of them, a valid possibility, you might try another site, such as Fetlife.

Best of luck to you, and please, feel free to PM me with any questions. I may not know them myself, but I'll try to direct you to someone who does.

 

[Jonathin101]

Hello and I fall into the older catagory, but have a lot of experience as a Mentor and Disiplinarian. If I can answer anything for you, please PM me.
Thank you,
Jonathin

 

[rosco rathbone]

It does get really creepy when you're a 18-20 year old teen and 50 to 60 year old guys hit on you all evening. I

How deliciously pervy.

 

[metajinx]

Thank you all for your answers!

First of all, I got to know a few very, very interesting doms in my lifetime, each of them at least 10 years older. Unfortunately they all live about 800 km (that would be about 1280 miles?) away, so there's a very little chance of meeting them "just to chat".
What I do miss are people I can meet to go out, maybe talk about BDSM, or just see how they act, live their lifes, handle their sexual fantasies, those things. How do you meet people who are into it, but don't look for a sexpartner?

I don't want to be center of attraction just because I'm much younger than the average women on events and in the SM clubs. There are different ways of getting there I can think of, like "wearing a ankle long gunnybag instead of decent clothing" or "T-Shirt and baggypants, a roll in mud, let it crust, then go out", but honestly, I've got a lacquer and corset fetish and I don't want to look like something the cat dragged in. Or attract gunnybag- or mud-fetishists


Problem #2: My boyfriend, the sub

So, I did mention that I'm submissive before. But it really gets amusing when looking at the whole picture... my boyfriend is submissive and bisexual at the same time We kind of met in one of my "grab the bull by the horns"-moment, and I guess he thought "great! A dominant girl!" and I thought "great! Finally a younger guy who's into BDSM!", and then we realized, well, that we roll the same way.
While I'm into Dominant/Submissive play, Bondage and simply "getting overwhelmed by personality and will", he's also kind of a painslut. The whole thing wouldn't be a problem (because he's bisexual, and I like to watch 2 men together), but managing the whole thing tends to be a bit complicated. I don't like dirty talk, I don't like massive pain, I don't like getting humiliated too much, but he does. We agreed that we need to find a dom who's bisexual, and likes us (and whom we like both). In my experience there are nearly NO doms who are bisexual or would even touch a man, and honestly I don't want to be touched by a woman (gives me the creeps), so a man it is. How many of you guys out there are bisexual, what are the chances of finding such a person?

 

[Primalex]

One: Most of the people hanging out in those nifty BDSM clubs (we got a pretty lovely one in Vienna) are WAY older than I am - we're talking about 30+ years older than me.

There are usually special groups for the < 30 crowd. Vienna should be large enough for one, but I have no idea if this is really the case. Been in Vienna only once, without time to have fun :-(

At the same time I hate meeting people I don't know, I never talk to strangers in clubs or bars, and I nearly never go to events where I don't know anyone. How do you get into "the scene" if you are reluctant to go out, meet people, and try your luck?

You don't, unless you find someone to kick your ass.

How many of you guys out there are bisexual, what are the chances of finding such a person?

I've never met a bisexual Dom. They must exist though. There are much more Doms though who are not bisexual but do dominate guys. I've done this before. It's not much difference if your kink is really domination and not just having a willing wet pussy.

 

[metajinx]

I've never met a bisexual Dom. They must exist though. There are much more Doms though who are not bisexual but do dominate guys. I've done this before. It's not much difference if your kink is really domination and not just having a willing wet pussy.

Aaah! I like the sound of this, it definitely matches my thoughts I'll keep that in mind - especially since I don't want to be a dripping wet pussy for some brute, but get _really_ dominated.

 

[Netzach]

Aaah! I like the sound of this, it definitely matches my thoughts I'll keep that in mind - especially since I don't want to be a dripping wet pussy for some brute, but get _really_ dominated.

My suggestion -try the gay scene and let your BF lead the way - also I have found more gay men who are open to tormenting a woman because it is satisfying as a power exchange than hetero men who are open to tormenting a man because it is satisfying as a power exchange, though both factions exist.