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Harlet_Minx

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Apr 13, 2008
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Okay, I guess I'm posting this on one hand to see if I can find others in a similar position and on the other hand I want some advice, this is starting to really bother me.

Simply put, I crave pain, quite a bit of it actually. The problem is no matter what I've done it's never.... well it's never been enough and often leave a scene craving more. The thing is, I don't get any sexual or erotic enjoyment from it, the pain itself does nothing for me. Whats more, I don't actually feel the pain, well not as pain. I've tried everything from single tails, needles, electricity, CBT, gallons of hot wax, switches.... none of it... well, hurts.

I've started developing a extremely strong desire to push myself harder and harder with it too. However, let me just say now that I'm VERY conscientious about it and have strict rules about permanent harm or scarring (I scar extremely easily). I eventually went to a few therapists about it, apparently I'm mentally healthy but for some reason I dissociate myself from physical sensations. My body feels the pain or pleasure but I kind of don't know I'm feeling it. Meh, I'm not sure if this makes sense it's just that more recently I end up feeling unsatisfied and more frustrated with it. :(

I guess what I'm looking for is advice on how to manage my desire or find a way to not care. On the plus side, my enjoyment with BDSM solely focuses around the mental side, I get extremely strong erotic pleasure from my submission in a way I just simply don't get elsewhere. Anyways, any advice or insights would really be appreciated.:rose:
 
You write that you went to a therapist and you're mentally healthy. Could there be some physical problem?
 
You write that you went to a therapist and you're mentally healthy. Could there be some physical problem?

Possibly, I might be nerve damage, it's not unheard of in my family. I guess what I'm asking about... we often talk about enjoying the physical side of our relationships, but what if their isn't a physical side for you. It's something I'm wrestling with, being satisfied with just serving a person and not worrying about the rest. The other thing is I've had trouble with previous partners not being happy with my reactions to pain and pleasure but faking it with your PYL just seems wrong to me.
 
Possibly, I might be nerve damage, it's not unheard of in my family. I guess what I'm asking about... we often talk about enjoying the physical side of our relationships, but what if their isn't a physical side for you. It's something I'm wrestling with, being satisfied with just serving a person and not worrying about the rest. The other thing is I've had trouble with previous partners not being happy with my reactions to pain and pleasure but faking it with your PYL just seems wrong to me.

Some people have higher tolerances for pain.
(very unlike my nipples which wince when the wind blows)
You just may be one of these.
I know others have hard times being marked because their ability to heal is so sharp that marks, if left on one would be there for weeks, fade after a few days if not hours with another.

Perhaps your partners need to know up front that you have low sensativity and that it takes a lot to get a reaction.
I know, some men would view this as a challange, not completely understanding until they actually witness it.
But by then you're already attached and it hurts you to see them discouraged.

Quite a conundrum.

Seek out understanding and patient types who's goal isn't the finish line but the race itself.
I think you'd have more luck there.
 
Mental games

They hurt more then any physical pain could

And they can feel better too

And honestly are very simple, every time you go to a movie or listen to music your responses are being controlled.

However for this to reach serious heights it takes a keen understanding of you

The brain is on hell off a miraculous thing, it can adapt to a lot of things. If you can find somebody who knows the technical aspects, they can actually train your brain into perceiving pleasure from any stimulation they want.
 
Mental games

They hurt more then any physical pain could

And they can feel better too

And honestly are very simple, every time you go to a movie or listen to music your responses are being controlled.

However for this to reach serious heights it takes a keen understanding of you

The brain is on hell off a miraculous thing, it can adapt to a lot of things. If you can find somebody who knows the technical aspects, they can actually train your brain into perceiving pleasure from any stimulation they want.

True, true, and true. I guess it really is a matter of finding a person with the patience and interest in taking relationships to that degree. Thanks all who took the time to respond, had a moment of worry, and a tad bit of frustration at a meeting with a dom that turned out to be a disappointment.
 
True, true, and true. I guess it really is a matter of finding a person with the patience and interest in taking relationships to that degree. Thanks all who took the time to respond, had a moment of worry, and a tad bit of frustration at a meeting with a dom that turned out to be a disappointment.

Must dig through piles of rocks before you find a dimond, yes?

Don't be discouraged. It just makes the discovery all the more sweeter for the hard road travled.

:rose:

See...you are what a budding sadist truly needs to "really explore the space".
 
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