Two dudes, one pronoun. Issue

[OddLove]

Everytime I'm writing gay stories I have trouble with distinguishing between yeah two guys when using pronouns. Basic example.

1. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave him a naughty smirk.

2. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk.

3. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave Peter a naughty smirk.

it seems like option 1 makes the most since to me, though 'he gave him' could be interpreted either way. Did Timmy smirk? Or did Peter?

Option 2 and 3 clear up any possible confusion about who smirked. But the issue I run into with those options is that after writing a whole story like that, the names get way overused compared to stories with straight couples.

I been trying to mix it up and use names instead of pronouns when there's possibility for who did/said what, but when it's very obvious which he/him belongs to which guy then I use pronouns.

It's definitely a challenge for me personally, so if anyone has any clear rules about when you Do or Don't use both characters matching pronouns in the same statement, that would ve extremely helpful.

 

[TheLobster]

it seems like option 1 makes the most since to me, though 'he gave him' could be interpreted either way.

Not really, because “him” is the same grammatical case as “with Peter”. The subject and object of both clauses are the same, so this works fine.

In general, this is something you have to manage across entire passages. Bear in mind the options aren’t just name vs. pronoun; another option is to use a distinct, contrasting trait of one character to tell him apart, like “the taller man” or “the brunet”.

Yet another way is to dispense with the person as subject and talk in a little more disembodied way about body parts like hands and tongues. This works best when the PoV character is on the receiving side and you can say that, e.g., “a bold hand grabbed his cock and stroked it.”

I’m sure there are other creative ways to deal with the issue. Our many writers of lesbian stories on AH will surely have more insight here.

 

[StillStunned]

How about a scene with two (or more) people whose pronouns are "they/their/them"? Now *that* would be confusing.

 

[THBGato]

Could you just write in first person? (I'm a lesbian writer, so have the same issue.)

 

[Bramblethorn]

You might also be able to rework to avoid the ambiguity:

Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, then gave him a naughty smirk.

Timmy gave Peter a naughty smirk after sitting down on the couch with him.

etc.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Everytime I'm writing gay stories I have trouble with distinguishing between yeah two guys when using pronouns. Basic example.

1. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave him a naughty smirk.

2. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk.

3. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave Peter a naughty smirk.

it seems like option 1 makes the most since to me, though 'he gave him' could be interpreted either way. Did Timmy smirk? Or did Peter?

Option 2 and 3 clear up any possible confusion about who smirked. But the issue I run into with those options is that after writing a whole story like that, the names get way overused compared to stories with straight couples.

I been trying to mix it up and use names instead of pronouns when there's possibility for who did/said what, but when it's very obvious which he/him belongs to which guy then I use pronouns.

It's definitely a challenge for me personally, so if anyone has any clear rules about when you Do or Don't use both characters matching pronouns in the same statement, that would ve extremely helpful.

Try writing a lesbian theeesome where all three women are identical (without being related).

 

[TheLobster]

Try writing a lesbian theeesome where all three women are identical (without being related).

Oh, that's easy:

Dear reader, for the purposes of making both you and me get through the following scene as easily and as pleasantly as possible, I will henceforth occasionally refer to each of the ladies by the color of the panties they have all just discarded. As such, keep in mind that Alice is sometimes Pink, Barbra is White and Cecille is Azure.

<scene follows>

 

[MrHereWriting]

But the issue I run into with those options is that after writing a whole story like that, the names get way overused compared to stories with straight couples.

I been trying to mix it up and use names instead of pronouns when there's possibility for who did/said what, but when it's very obvious which he/him belongs to which guy then I use pronouns.

It's definitely a challenge for me personally, so if anyone has any clear rules about when you Do or Don't use both characters matching pronouns in the same statement, that would ve extremely helpful.

This sounds like a challenge to your personal preferences rather than you needing to clear up any confusion in your writing.

Dos: make it clear.

Don'ts: making it confusing

Otherwise, the audience will know that the subject of the sentence is "he" and the object is "him" (consciously or subconsciously) but if you want to limit the confusion, keep your paragraphs short.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Oh, that's easy:

I made a joke about exactly that in the story:

Once Upon a Time… A Fantasy

 

[EmilyMiller]

if anyone has any clear rules about when you Do or Don't use both characters matching pronouns in the same statement, that would ve extremely helpful.

I don’t know about rules. But I think in these circumstances you can rely on:

1. Using names more frequently that normal
2. Picking out some detail about each protagonist to identify them: profession, ethnicity, hair color etc.
3. I assume you are using a third person narrator, first person is a way to address this (though not in my threesome example)

So:

Bert looked into Ernie’s eyes, he saw his own desire mirrored in them. Then the barkeep seemed unable to hold back and kissed Bert, not a gentle exploration, but with full-on passion. The fire in Ernie’s urgency took Bert’s breath away, and sent blood surging through his body, with his new friend’s hand finding the throbbing result. As if in a dream, Bert found his hands on Ernie’s head, steering the younger man onto his knees, where the eager blonde began to unbuckle Bert’s belt.

I’m not known for my GM - for obvious reasons.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

This is a common issue that has nothing to do with preferences.

Any time you have two or more people in a scene, this kind of issue can exist.

I try to stay with names if I find it beginning to happen.

 

[SimonDoom]

The easiest and most obvious solution is to write in the first person. Problem solved, although that POV may not be the best for whatever other purposes your story has.

 

[AG31]

In another thread we were asked what kind of topics we like to see in AH. This is one of them. Actually helpful tips for a common writing problem.

 

[PennyThompson]

I struggled with this in my new lesbian romance story (still pending since Friday), I don't think I solved it perfectly either, but I think I employed all of the suggestions made here at different points, other than switching to 1st Person.

I also did a lot of work to differentiate the two women from each other. One was small and petite (don't say a word, Emily), one was tall big and muscular. One was a pale blonde white girl, the other was a darker skinned, black haired Pacific Islander. One was a timid librarian, one was a confident custom parts fabricator. One cursed like a sailor, one was kind of Mormon-coded

Those differences were helpful in making some scenes less awkward, I hope!

 

[FrancesScott]

still pending since Friday

Maybe Laurel took a well-deserved break. I have a submission from Friday that is still pending as well; and my previous eleven stories have pretty much been approved immediately. I thought maybe write off the weekend before getting too antsy about it.

 

[PennyThompson]

Maybe Laurel took a well-deserved break. I have a submission from Friday that is still pending as well; and my previous eleven stories have pretty much been approved immediately. I thought maybe write off the weekend before getting too antsy about it.

Glad I'm not alone in the boat

 

[Dreamerman77]

Everytime I'm writing gay stories I have trouble with distinguishing between yeah two guys when using pronouns. Basic example.

1. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave him a naughty smirk.

2. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk.

3. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave Peter a naughty smirk.

it seems like option 1 makes the most since to me, though 'he gave him' could be interpreted either way. Did Timmy smirk? Or did Peter?

Option 2 and 3 clear up any possible confusion about who smirked. But the issue I run into with those options is that after writing a whole story like that, the names get way overused compared to stories with straight couples.

I been trying to mix it up and use names instead of pronouns when there's possibility for who did/said what, but when it's very obvious which he/him belongs to which guy then I use pronouns.

It's definitely a challenge for me personally, so if anyone has any clear rules about when you Do or Don't use both characters matching pronouns in the same statement, that would ve extremely helpful.

After they sat on the couch, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk?

Btw you don't have sit (down) on the couch. Rarely people sit to other directions.

 

[FrancesScott]

Rarely people sit to other directions.

The couch could be on a space station…

 

[SimonDoom]

Everytime I'm writing gay stories I have trouble with distinguishing between yeah two guys when using pronouns. Basic example.

1. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave him a naughty smirk.

2. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk.

3. After Timmy sat down on the couch with Peter, he gave Peter a naughty smirk.

How about something like:

Timmy gave Peter a naughty smirk as he joined him on the couch.


This does several things. It puts the more interesting part of the sentence first. It is clear, but it is not repetitive, unlike examples 2 and 3.

One approach to dealing with problems like this is to abandon trying to solve the problem, and instead just get rid of the problem. Write the thing in a whole different way. A crucial element to becoming a better writer is to take the "kill your darlings" approach: don't get wedded to anything and be prepared to abandon characters, plot ideas, and scenes you've become attracted to. Realize you may have boxed yourself into a corner, there's no way out of the corner, so just blow up the building and start over.

 

[Five_Inch_Heels]

^^ I've done that a few times ... just scrap a notion, or even a scene and reword it from the beginning.

 

[Britva415]

I been trying to mix it up and use names instead of pronouns when there's possibility for who did/said what, but when it's very obvious which he/him belongs to which guy then I use pronouns.

Sounds like you been doing great. It will get easier with practice.

 

[Bamagan]

I am relieved to see that this thread is not about a gender-swapped 'two girls, one cup' scenario.

 

[StillStunned]

I am relieved to see that this thread is not about a gender-swapped 'two girls, one cup' scenario.

He he he.

 

[Areala-chan]

Echoing others, my solution has been to write in first-person and Dodge the issue entirely. That doesn't work for everything though.

 

[NuclearFairy]

After he sat down on the couch with Peter, Timmy gave him a naughty smirk.

That's how I might change it. I try to only use one name per sentence or sentence segment when there are two people of the same gender in a scene. Doesn't always work.