Turning the Intensity Up

[SweetErika]

I learned from multiple sources that it's best (for newbies; with new toys and partners) to start with low intensity and work your way up when it comes to impact and pain play.

Well, the other night my guy admitted that he *hates* the time in between the lighter/thuddier stuff and reaching the point where his endorphins kick in (which usually requires a good amount of impact with a cane or similar) - he feels like a whipping boy in that period. [Clearly, I feel he should have told me this before, but I understand he's had trouble getting his thoughts together and verbalizing.]

So, we've agreed to experiment with turning the intensity up more quickly, which is fine with me, as my style doesn't allow for my partner to feel like they're being abused (unless they're into that, I suppose).

Anyway, I'm not seeking advice, but rather I'm curious as to what your (submissive's) preferences are for pain/impact play - do you/they like to start lighter and ramp up the intensity gradually, or jump to the heavier stuff rather quickly, or is there another style that works best for you?

Feel free to add anything relating to this topic as well.

 

[toys_em_us]

I have to say that it is rather fast for me. there is the foreplay, but soon after its being tied to furniture and my time to play and inflict what ever torture I desire of the moment.

 

[catalina_francisco]

From my very first experience with SM it was heavy from the first moment with no lighter stuff or build up of any kind. I have to say I prefer it that way and feel I would get frustrated if I had to wait as the intensity built up. I guess in a way there is build up in that we might begin with flogging and move onto heavy and prolonged caning and/or whipping, but the flogging we start with is not what most would think of as light. The frustration we have these days is that though my skin remains soft, I do not bruise like I used to and it is rare to make any mark that last longer than a couple of hours without concentrating on a particular spot over several days....or if he bites me particularly hard...for the rest you wouldn't know anything had been done to me even when I feel the bruising underneath the surface. LOL, for him that means he gets to play longer and harder without having to worry about marks which would require a rest period perhaps.

Catalina

 

[Irony_Sinclair]

Interesting question. It's one I would have thought I'd have no trouble answering but then I thought on it some more and realized it was a little more complex for me than my initial reaction.

I guess for me, it is situational. There are times when I feel like I absolutely need intensity right away or I'm going to freakin' explode into a puddle of frustration, anxiety, and desperation. And there are other times when pain is the absolute furthest thing from my mind. And of couse there are some times, in between.

Then I began to consider, that often times, it doesn't really matter what mood I am in. Most often, she decides what she wants and how and when. For example, we may be in the middle of watching a television show about dolphins or some such thing and out of nowhere and much to my surprise she will dig her sharp claws into my tender inner thigh. Just to do it and without much concern for my reaction, be it resistance or excitement. Other times I may be giving off all the signs that I am in need of some serious pain therapy but she has other matters to concern herself with or other desires and doesn't indulge me.

Then I started thinking that sometimes, what I say I want or need is not what I actually do want or need. Sometimes I think I need to start slow and work up, other times I think I need it right away and hard. But she will watch me and consider what has been going on and how I'm acting and all those nuances and deliver what she thinks is best and I will find myself realizing that it was just the right thing.

I suppose, the bulk of our full on scenes are more of a building up as far as pain goes. Not that the starting point is mild by any means just usually isn't instant intensity. But once we begin to move upward on the intensity scale, then she enjoys fluctuating things. Hard and intense then some soft and gentle and then suddenly hard again and so on.

I guess I'm rambling and haven't really answered the question and am sorry for that but as I said I realized it wasn't so cut and dried for me.

Even more funny is in the times I've played the switch dominant role with others, I tend to treat men and women differently. With women I'm more apt to start slow and read her body and go from there but with men I almost always want to launch from "hello" to WHAM, WHAM, WHAM in sixty seconds.

 

[Bandit58]

I prefer a slower build up. If it gets too intense too quickly I tend to balk and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if He had started slower.

 

[shy slave]

I prefer a slower build up. If it gets too intense too quickly I tend to balk and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if He had started slower.

I generally prefer a slower build up as well.

I guess for any PYL it is a matter of knowing what is slow and what means 'intense'

I am sure cats idea of slow is off the radar for me!

If he builds up to it, I can take alot more intensity when it gets difficult. That gives me a perverse pleasure because I want him to be able to give me a level of pain he is comfortable with.

My pain threshold varies from session to session.
Being LDR it sometimes seems we start afresh each time.

On the other hand, there are times when it is so 'hot' and 'erotic' if he just builds rapidly and does as he damn well pleases.

Submission is a perversity at times.

 

[Bandit58]

I generally prefer a slower build up as well.

I guess for any PYL it is a matter of knowing what is slow and what means 'intense'

I am sure cats idea of slow is off the radar for me!

If he builds up to it, I can take alot more intensity when it gets difficult. That gives me a perverse pleasure because I want him to be able to give me a level of pain he is comfortable with.

My pain threshold varies from session to session.
Being LDR it sometimes seems we start afresh each time.

On the other hand, there are times when it is so 'hot' and 'erotic' if he just builds rapidly and does as he damn well pleases.

Submission is a perversity at times.

Depending on where I am in my cycle, my pain threshold varies Just before and during my period, and a couple of days after, it's low and I can't take as much as I can at other times.

 

[BiBunny]

For me, it depends on the kind of pain we're talking about. Generally, if something's going to be unpleasant, though, I prefer that you hurry up and get it over with. I have an incredibly high pain threshold as long as the pain doesn't last too long. I don't have a whole lot of endurance, though. If you want me to suffer, don't build up. If you want me to enjoy the pain, build up.

 

[shy slave]

Depending on where I am in my cycle, my pain threshold varies Just before and during my period, and a couple of days after, it's low and I can't take as much as I can at other times.

I am the same.

Just before I am sex mad but my pain threshold is low. Especially my nipples which can usually take more than anywhere else

 

[catalina_francisco]

If he builds up to it, I can take alot more intensity when it gets difficult. That gives me a perverse pleasure because I want him to be able to give me a level of pain he is comfortable with.

My pain threshold varies from session to session.

LOL, well see I remember a time when I did argue this point with him, politely like a good slave should of course, but he poo-pooed it and did what he wanted anyway so though he sometimes says due to different moments and moods of mine he is giving me a build up, I can truthfully say (and do when brave) the man has rocks in his head if he thinks that is building up!!

Catalina

 

[SephStarr]

I much prefer a gentle build-up, as it gives me time to prepare and get into the moment. Too much intensity too fast and I'd baulk and probably end up calling a safeword; I have a reasonable pain threshold, but with many things I have to be able to build up to it

 

[FurryFury]

I am the same.

Just before I am sex mad but my pain threshold is low. Especially my nipples which can usually take more than anywhere else

I'm this way as well.

I'm not much of a build up girl though, we don't do anything that painful IMO. Of course I've been told many times I have a high pain threshold. *shrugs*

Fury

 

[SweetErika]

In hindsight, a poll probably would have been a good idea. It looks like most prefer a slower build up, and I may have a rare breed on my hands. Thanks to all who have responded so far!

I have to say that it is rather fast for me. there is the foreplay, but soon after its being tied to furniture and my time to play and inflict what ever torture I desire of the moment.

I'm assuming you're a Dom/Switch/PYL, toys_em_us? If so, what style has your partner generally preferred?

 

[myinnerslut]

there are two me's. the normal me, who appreciates the buildup, and the pain craving, painslut me who wants all he can give and then some ( in these instances my tolerance is much higher then hes can give and feel comfortable with, even though normally this is not the case at all).

 

[nh23]

In hindsight, a poll probably would have been a good idea. It looks like most prefer a slower build up, and I may have a rare breed on my hands. Thanks to all who have responded so far!

I prefer not to have a slow build up... i can get into my headspace a lot better if it starts out more intense. if he starts with a slower buildup my mind tends to go all over the place and i can't get to the level i need to be at.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Speaking of rare breeds I guess I'll say I fit into that same category. I like intensity...right from the start. Show me a cane...tell me I'm getting 20-30...whatever and tell me to bend over. That's about all the build up I want.

I may have a rare breed on my hands.