Trying to put together a questionnaire, but have a general question first.

[Dirty Kitten]

I am doing initial research for a new story and would like to put together a questionnaire. I'm hoping that some of your general answers will give me some additional direction for questions.


For Men:
Have you noticed any differences in the type of lover you are/were at 21, 38, and 55 (and up)? If you are unable to answer for all three age brackets, just answer for the ones you can-- for instance, if you are 21, what type of lover do you see yourself as?

For Women:
Have you noticed a difference over the years?


Remember, this is a general question. I know all men are different, I'm just looking for prevailent traits.

Thanks again for your help!

 

[oggbashan]

I'm over 55 but inside I think I'm 21.

The difference over the years is speed. At 21 arousal and consummation were faster than at 38 and 55 but technique improves with experience...

Og

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

I'm over 55 but inside I think I'm 21.

The difference over the years is speed. At 21 arousal and consummation were faster than at 38 and 55 but technique improves with experience...

Og

Yep.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Even at 21 I was still more concerned about my partner achieving orgasm than mine. Over the years technique and style have changed and knowing what a woman may want out of the sexual relationship but I feel I am the same kind of lover I was back then albeit a little older.

 

[sutherngent985]

Even at 21 I was still more concerned about my partner achieving orgasm than mine. Over the years technique and style have changed and knowing what a woman may want out of the sexual relationship but I feel I am the same kind of lover I was back then albeit a little older.

I have to agree with you. At 21 and 38, I was always more concerned with giving my lover pleasure than getting mine. I have no idea why, no one ever said a good lover treats his partner first, it was just something I always felt was right. Now I'm more able to accept pleasure from her, although I still have a ladies first policy. If she tells me its my night or that she, for whatever reason, isn't going to come, thats a different story. I'm almost 50 now.

 

[Stella_Omega]

ALmost every man I know says the same thing; "If I knew then what I know now...."

And I (though not a man per se) say the same thing.

 

[rgraham666]

Since I only get laid about once every ten years on average, my answer will have to be 'insufficient data'.

 

[kendo1]

I'm with Ogg.
At 21 I seem to remember going at it hammer and tongs. I don't remember being all that concerned with my partner's preferences or satisfaction. But there again it was a couple of times a day - I must have hit the right buttons sometimes ( I hope ).

By 38 I was more concerned with my wife's satisfaction, and still to this day. I'm 49, so I don't quite fit in with the next bracket. Sex takes longer now, too.

And yes, I do wish that I knew then what I know now.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Since I only get laid about once every ten years on average, my answer will have to be 'insufficient data'.

I think I'm going to have to give the same answer, even though I haven't had the second encounter after ten years yet.

 

[Liar]

For Men:
Have you noticed any differences in the type of lover you are/were at 21, 38, and 55 (and up)? If you are unable to answer for all three age brackets, just answer for the ones you can-- for instance, if you are 21, what type of lover do you see yourself as?

I can give you 20 vs 30.

At 20, I felt like I needed it, but couldn't quite enjoy it when it happened.

At 30, I don't really feel like I need it, but enjoy it moreso when it happens.

I think and hope that that reflects in my performance somehow. I haven't exactly been taking exit polls on the matter. I think that could qualify as "pushy".

 

[Dirty Kitten]

LOL... sometimes "pushy" is good

Thank you for the answers so far. Most of them actually reflect the path my thought process had trotted down, I just wanted to check and make sure I wasn't WAY off base.

 

[buxxxom]

Let's see. At 20, I think I remember wanting the passion I had read about in trashy romance novels.

At 30, I was in the middle of having kids, and sleep seemed more of a requirement than anything else.

At nearly 40, I want the passion I remember having in my 20's.

 

[Nookiehunter]

Trying to put together a questionnaire, but have a general question

Let's see. At 20, I think I remember wanting the passion I had read about in trashy romance novels.

At 30, I was in the middle of having kids, and sleep seemed more of a requirement than anything else.

At nearly 40, I want the passion I remember having in my 20's.

Do you see a trend here.

Nookiehunter

 

[cloudy]

I'm in my 40's, and my libido is much, much higher than it was when I was in my 20's or even in my 30's.

Part of that, I'm sure, is that I don't have the "oh, shit, could I be pregnant?" thing to worry about anymore, and two of my kids are grown and out of the house.

I've become more willing to try new things as I've gotten older, and also much clearer in my own mind about what, exactly, I want as far as sex goes. I'm also much more willing to communicate that. I think part of that is becoming more comfortable with myself, and with my body, and not obsessing over it's lack of perfection.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Have you noticed any differences in the type of lover you are/were at 21, 38, and 55 (and up)?

37 and male here. And yes, I can feel the differences insanely.

I don't know where exactly to begin, but foremost, my mental state of being is in a different area and that alone changed up my sex/sexuality game completely. I would say that some basics remain the same — I was, am and probably will continue to be a "slow hand" lover who prefers it nice and easy over fast and hard (not sayin' I don't get down that way sometimes) —*but my outlook on the women I like to get with has changed, my urges have changed, my needs have changed...

...it's like the drives I felt in my early 20s have dissipated and are no longer clouding my head to FUCK FUCK FUCK without taking some things into consideration...and I'm on a different level of my sexuality. I'm willing to be that it will be no less different in changes when I get into my 50s.

But I still like to FUCK FUCK FUCK...just have a better control of it all than I used to!

Dunno if that answers your question, but...there ya go!

Good question, by the way. This is the kinda thing I like seeing in forums like Lit.

 

[SimpleGifts]

For Men:
Have you noticed any differences in the type of lover you are/were at 21, 38, and 55 (and up)? If you are unable to answer for all three age brackets, just answer for the ones you can-- for instance, if you are 21, what type of lover do you see yourself as?

I have to say, I don't think it's age that changes what kind of lover you are--sure, it changes the physiological aspects, but that's not necessarily related to how you love, or make love. I'd say it's definitely a function of the lovers you have had, and how you have learned to love them (assuming that you have).

At 21, I had fairly recently lost my virginity (gasp, shock). But I learned pretty quickly how to be a good lover to my g/f. Like some other guys, I learned that with the right woman, who had the right feelings for me, I could give lots of pleasure and be appreciated for it.

I pretty much stayed that way until a couple of years ago, when I met and had the privilege to be with a woman in a relationship where I learned the true meaning of love, in all of its glorious and terrible aspects. And in the space of one year, I became completely transformed as a lover. And now I know that the ultimate experience is to be with someone where BOTH of you give and give and give...because you know that, as the British poet wrote, the love you give is equal to the love you get. And we gave each other everything.

Sigh.

SG

 

[starrkers]

I'm in my 40's, and my libido is much, much higher than it was when I was in my 20's or even in my 30's.

Part of that, I'm sure, is that I don't have the "oh, shit, could I be pregnant?" thing to worry about anymore, and two of my kids are grown and out of the house.

I've become more willing to try new things as I've gotten older, and also much clearer in my own mind about what, exactly, I want as far as sex goes. I'm also much more willing to communicate that. I think part of that is becoming more comfortable with myself, and with my body, and not obsessing over it's lack of perfection.

This is pretty much me too - although all my kids are still home (I started having kids late).

 

[jomar]

I'm over 55 but inside I think I'm 21.

The difference over the years is speed. At 21 arousal and consummation were faster than at 38 and 55 but technique improves with experience...

Og

I hesitated in responding because other's said it well. I have always wanted to please my lovers, though to be honest, some more than others. Back in the day, even into my late 30s-early 40s, I could, um, keep going with no delay, if you know what I mean (see my crude story White Trash - Tina's Turn if you have questions on that matter). I also enjoyed marathon sessions more than I do now.

Maybe this a way to frame it: Early on - instinct and enthusiasm. With experience - technique and enthusiasm.

 

[Dirty Kitten]

These are really good answers

A friend and I were out for dinner a week or so ago. I was text messaging a 21 year old-- flirting with him for fun and seeing if I could get the shock factor down.

My friend and I were laughing because even though we are only in our early/mid 30's the amount of experience that we have is... much more than his. He was writing and telling us that he was a male slut and could take on whatever we threw his way.

This started a conversation about the sexiest age. We guessed it to be the bracket from 38-50. The deciding factors for this age bracket were that at 21, although there is stamina and the ability to go all night for a week in a row, a 21 year old was still getting past being worried about how they were doing. At 38-40, it may not be a marathon that lasts all night (or rather the number of times wouldn't add up to that stretch) but stamina and experience are key factors. Starting at 38, there is something about a male that screams "Oh, yeah, I know how to make your body do whatever I want it to".

We didn't have much to say about the over 50 bracket because neither of us have ventured into it sexually yet.

Anyway, I started thinking that it would be fun to do a story about the different age groups and a heroine that wants to experience them all. I needed to know what the differences between ages were and if my friend and I were even remotely close in our tipsy ramblings.

The answers so far have been very insightful and I thank you for sharing. As I further develop this story, I plan to put together a few more detailed questions for thought. But, I'm coming to the conclusion that in order to get it all straight in my head, I'm going to have to have sex with a 60 year old.

Any volunteers? *wiggling my eyebrows furiously*

LOL...

 

[fcdc]

Do you need an answer from 16 to 26?

(Hey, may as well!)

 

[Dirty Kitten]

Mmm... maybe 18 to 26. Although, realistically, I've already cruised through that age bracket.

I know! I'll just call it a refresher course!

 

[tickledkitty]

I'm in my 40's, and my libido is much, much higher than it was when I was in my 20's or even in my 30's.

Part of that, I'm sure, is that I don't have the "oh, shit, could I be pregnant?" thing to worry about anymore, and two of my kids are grown and out of the house.

I've become more willing to try new things as I've gotten older, and also much clearer in my own mind about what, exactly, I want as far as sex goes. I'm also much more willing to communicate that. I think part of that is becoming more comfortable with myself, and with my body, and not obsessing over it's lack of perfection.

Cloudy, we've elected you the speaker for the 40something group. This is me, as well. Huge difference in just the past couple years. My child is only 5, so I don't think kids have much to do with it. I think I am much more confident now too.