*True Confessions*
- Thread starter Jewelz
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nrcma98
Here, there, and
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2001
- Posts
- 2,593
A little disturbed
I didn't mean me this time....I think.
No post since mine on the 10th?????
Daily dose of humor:
According to our inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are now hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches, and Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is also something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
I didn't mean me this time....I think.
No post since mine on the 10th?????
Daily dose of humor:
According to our inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are now hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches, and Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is also something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
Female Brain Cell
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but heard no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLO!!! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away:
"We're down here..."
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but heard no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLO!!! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away:
"We're down here..."
InLust
Dreamer in residence
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2003
- Posts
- 3,105
grasshopper & the ant
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall
overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident
and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall
overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and
Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of
single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident
and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote
1fiestyredhead
Bad Pennies Always Return
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2002
- Posts
- 4,726
OMG
Hope every one here at TC is doing ok...Jeff and Dreamy...have a wonderful time together.
Big confession here:
I think I've spent so much time trying to understand men that I am now starting to think like one! I was talking to my best friend on the phone, explaining how I really didn't feel that the guy I'm currently seeing is going to work out long term. Then I said, "but damn the sex is good and I hate to give that up yet." OMG! Say it isn't so!! I know that I've heard my male friends say the same thing.
The whole conversation left me feeling like a horrible person. And I'm still feeling that way...
Hope every one here at TC is doing ok...Jeff and Dreamy...have a wonderful time together.
Big confession here:
I think I've spent so much time trying to understand men that I am now starting to think like one!
I was talking to my best friend on the phone, explaining how I really didn't feel that the guy I'm currently seeing is going to work out long term. Then I said, "but damn the sex is good and I hate to give that up yet." OMG! Say it isn't so!! I know that I've heard my male friends say the same thing.The whole conversation left me feeling like a horrible person. And I'm still feeling that way...
nrcma98
Here, there, and
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2001
- Posts
- 2,593
Re: OMG
Welcome to our universe, Fiesty.1fiestyredhead said:Hope every one here at TC is doing ok...Jeff and Dreamy...have a wonderful time together.
Big confession here:
I think I've spent so much time trying to understand men that I am now starting to think like one!
The whole conversation left me feeling like a horrible person. And I'm still feeling that way...
nrcma98
Here, there, and
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2001
- Posts
- 2,593
Trip was wonderfully smooth.TantaLiza said:I'll have to confess eventually....
Jeff... Hope your trip was smooth!!
DoS... Hope you can put up with him for a few days!!
Hey ya'll.... it's almost Friday!!!
Ahem....I think you have it wrong.....I have to find a way to put up with her for a couple of days.
1fiestyredhead
Bad Pennies Always Return
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2002
- Posts
- 4,726
Re: Re: OMG
My fears are realized...confirmation of the transformation of my thought processes by a male of the species.. *sigh*nrcma98 said:
JennyOmanHill
trying hard to be mindful
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2001
- Posts
- 11,151
Confession
Can't sleep!
This week went by fairly well, but I cannot wait until Oman arrives back home later tonight!
Glad the colder weather is heading here again.
Hope Oman gets to meet my side of the family before the year is over! (Poor guy; I'm not really sure how that will affect him!)
Can't sleep!
This week went by fairly well, but I cannot wait until Oman arrives back home later tonight!
Glad the colder weather is heading here again.
Hope Oman gets to meet my side of the family before the year is over! (Poor guy; I'm not really sure how that will affect him!)
Re: Confession
It'll be alright, Jenny!! He's got the best part by his side!!
I'm with you... a brisk 49 to start out the day here in Chattavegas!!
Happy day to you all!!!
JennyOmanHill said:Can't sleep!
This week went by fairly well, but I cannot wait until Oman arrives back home later tonight!
Glad the colder weather is heading here again.
Hope Oman gets to meet my side of the family before the year is over! (Poor guy; I'm not really sure how that will affect him!)
It'll be alright, Jenny!! He's got the best part by his side!!
I'm with you... a brisk 49 to start out the day here in Chattavegas!!
Happy day to you all!!!
nrcma98
Here, there, and
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2001
- Posts
- 2,593
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in he room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Wintermute
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2002
- Posts
- 2,000
Re: OMG
As your long time friend, I can tell you that some men do not think that way, all the time anyhow.
And you know, If you *really* want to get over this guy, I could make you forget all about him.
1fiestyredhead said:Big confession here:
I think I've spent so much time trying to understand men that I am now starting to think like one!
The whole conversation left me feeling like a horrible person. And I'm still feeling that way...
As your long time friend, I can tell you that some men do not think that way, all the time anyhow.
And you know, If you *really* want to get over this guy, I could make you forget all about him.
SuperShyGuy
Shy does not mean weak
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2003
- Posts
- 3,963
I'm so horny right now I could fuck a watermelon. Which incidentally, I have seen done before.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Hope everyone has a good weekend.
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
Re: Confession
Jenny,
Whatever happens in the future
If all of my life I try and I try
Baby I could never show you
All this love I have inside
'Cause every day when we wake
I look deep into your eyes I realize
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
If I could have one wish it would just be this
That I could take you to my soul
And show you all the love there is
This never ending sea deep inside of me
There's no stopping it baby even if
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
No matter what I do
It's never as much as I want to
Baby it could never be enough
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
JennyOmanHill said:Can't sleep!
This week went by fairly well, but I cannot wait until Oman arrives back home later tonight!
Glad the colder weather is heading here again.
Hope Oman gets to meet my side of the family before the year is over! (Poor guy; I'm not really sure how that will affect him!)
Jenny,
Whatever happens in the future
If all of my life I try and I try
Baby I could never show you
All this love I have inside
'Cause every day when we wake
I look deep into your eyes I realize
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
If I could have one wish it would just be this
That I could take you to my soul
And show you all the love there is
This never ending sea deep inside of me
There's no stopping it baby even if
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
No matter what I do
It's never as much as I want to
Baby it could never be enough
I could kiss you in the rain forever
Turn all of your pain to pleasure
Fill up all your days with sunlight
Make the passion last every night
Give you my every possession
Make you my only obsession
Climb up to the sky and pull down all the stars above
But I could never love you enough
JennyOmanHill
trying hard to be mindful
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2001
- Posts
- 11,151
Re: Re: Confession
Happy Anniversary, my Darling 'Man
It's so good to have you home again (at least for a few "sleeps").
omahaman2 said:
Happy Anniversary, my Darling 'Man
It's so good to have you home again (at least for a few "sleeps").
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
As Reynoldo lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, "Your daughter will be 17 inches long," to which Reynoldo replied,
"Do you know the weight too, San Jose?"
"Do you know the weight too, San Jose?"
omahaman2
Here's your sign
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Posts
- 18,171
Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty...
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH!-You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag....OH!-You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch.
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
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