Trouble keeping an erection

[TheSaxMan]

i've browsed lit a lot, haven't posted much, but this is a great place for advice so i thought i'd come here first.

my girlfriend and i recently started getting into some naked play. neither of us have been in a serious relationship before or done anything sexual, so we're both exploring new ground. we haven't done anything serious, some petting, groping, fingering... but no further. we both want sex, but every time we're getting in the mood and clothes are coming off, i end up completely limp.

this isn't to say i can't get an erection, i've been masturbating fine for years. i get hard when we start making out, when she rubs up against me, or when she's really turning me on, it just fades a couple minutes later. i've pretty much realized that with direct stimulation (touching, humping something) i can get an erection, but once the stimulation stops, my hard-on dies almost instantly. this is killing me because we'll be rubbing or something, i'll tell her that i'm ready, but in the time it takes to get out a condom, i'm completely flaccid.

i know i should probably see a doctor, but i'm a college kid, parents paying most of it, so i'm still dependent on them for insurance and after paying my share of school, i don't have money for doctors and medicine without it. they're strong christians (i'm not), so i know that seeing a doctor about sex problems isn't going to fly well at all. that's why i'm posting here, just wondering if anybody out there has experienced anything like this and has any tips or advice.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Bobmi357]

I couldn't agree more with PO's advice. I know from personal experience that I am unable to maintain an erection the first time I am naked with someone. Its not really performance anxiety as much as its simple embarrassment (I think).

Since you're both new to this, RELAX, take the time to explore your partner and have them explore you. Taste, smell, take your time and just enjoy the incredible experience of holding a naked woman in your arms, of manually stimulating her to orgasm and letting her play with your penis.

Far too often people complain that their first time was rushed, and not enjoyable. If you can, plan an evening and enjoy yourselves. Take things slow, you don't have to have intercourse that night, just get comfortable with the sensation of being intimate with another human being.

 

[SexyChele]

A lot could be contributing to your delimma - probably most of it pyschological. Pink Orchid and Bobmi give some great insight. (as usual!) I simply want to address the going to the doc business. If you see a doctor about a sexual concern, s/he does right that down to the insurance company as "Patient had sexual concerns." It is simply recorded as an office visit. If your parents are curious, you could always say you weren't feeling well and felt you needed to go to the doctor and get it checked out. And if tests are done? Heck, most are written in some kind of code language that no one understands! (just kidding, I'm sure there are folks here who do understand all those codes!) Again, there are vague explanation you can give to parents to alleviate any concerns without fully disclosing the nature of those tests/visits. And most physicians will maintain the confidentiality of their patients when it comes to matters of a sensitive nature.

Good luck!

 

[TheSaxMan]

thanks a lot, folks. i knew there was a possibility it was psychological, was kind of hoping it wasn't and there was an easy answer, but it makes sense. i'm somewhat of a shy, reserved guy, feel awkward around most people, and it's a completely new situation.

i'll be alright. i've talked about this with my girlfriend and every time it's happened she's reassured me that she loves me anyway and that we'll keep trying.

 

[Phaos]

Hey Sax, I just wanted you to know that I have the same dilemma as you. You aren't alone!!
I too am able to masturbate and get hard with a woman just fine, but when the time comes to get down to business, its like someone let the air out. I need a lot of constant stimulation to get off though, even with something like fellatio (in fact, before this weekend, I couldn't even do it with that) Thankfully, with some open dialogue and creativity my woman and I were able to allow me to achieve that.

It's funny, because while I have an over-active sex drive, I don't "crave" intercourse like I think most men do. Really I prefer to pleasure women in any way through manual stimulation. My experience with intercourse is that while I can get hard, and get a condom on, after about 60 seconds (give or take) I soften up, and then it gets increasingly hard to keep it in, and of course, when that happens, there's no stimulus, and its over. Frankly, intercourse, for me, just doesn't feel that amazing. Maybe I'm not very sensitive, or maybe I just need to be able to have intercourse without a condom, I dunno.

Thankfully, the women that I have shared that experience with have been very open-minded about it, because for a lot of guys, a failure to perform in bed is a SERIOUS blow to the ego. I've wondered about some alternative methods, like viagra and such, but I really don't want to resort to that, and I don't think you should either, without more experimentation. For me, intercourse isn't such a big factor, so that extreme isn't really worth it for me (yet). If your girl is willing to help you out, then I'm sure everything will work out fine.

Have you been able to orgasm from getting head? I used to get limp during that as well, but after reading up (and watching some very instructional porn ^_^) we found a method that works for us, and it seems to be getting easier for me every time I do it.

Keep at it and good luck! Let me know if you have some success!

 

[GeorgeWBush]

I have the samething but i know it was from some meds. my doctor gave me.

Now i have to see a different doc. to see what can be done

I miss my hard sex.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Two words: cock ring.

Four words: Herbal sexual stamina pills.

The pills I take allow me to be hard after an orgasm or two. I would seek them out if I were you.

 

[Rubber Biscuit]

Like others have said, you're not alone. My sex drive is almost as high as ever, yet even back in college I started experiencing times when I couldn't keep an erection, even with an amazingly sexy girl. It came and went on its own (no pun intended). But it did force me to learn to please her in other ways, and I think I turned out a better lover for it. Go for Viagra. You may not even need an entire pill. And whatever you do, don't fret about it! It's natural, it's beyond your control, so make the best of it, laugh with your girl and make her feel good about being with you, and the erection will take care of itself, with or without the blue pill.