Topping/ bottoming outside of orientation

[MasterPhoenix]

I was reading a comment made in another thread about Domming/Topping one who was the same sex by a poster who is hetrosexual, and I thought that it would be an interesting topic for discussion, rather than buried in a thread.

That post got Me thinking about a question that was posed to Me by a good friend who is just starting to learn about D/s. She asked Me if I would ever top another guy. I do think that My answer was a surprise to her, but it is the truth. I could Top or Dominate another male in a non-sexual situation, because the idea of sex with another male just isn't appealing. I am not saying that it disgusts Me or anything like that, it just does nothing for Me.

And I do have to admit that I am intrigued by the idea of topping another guy for a scene as a way to push Myself.

I was just wondering what others on here thought about Topping or bottoming outside of their 'normal' orientation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

F has topped males when he had me also experiment with topping male subs. What can I say, he is an adventurous Dom and not tied into a lot of the homophobic type messages that prevail in english speaking countries. I daresay, though he is most definately heterosexual with no attraction for males on a sexual level, he could see the possibility of using sex and sexuality in certain situations where it would work better to include it then not when topping or Dominating a male sub.

Catalina

 

[m wisdom]

I'm sure I wouldn't have any problems toping another male in a non-sexual situation.

If we are talking about a sexual situation I think that would work as well. I don't see it ever happening because it's not something I'm looking for or want but if it would happen I can't see that I would have any problems with it.

It's strange, I don't see any problems with me fucking a guy but I don't want to be fucked buy one, if that makes any sense.

 

[FallenAngelsSlut]

Hmm i find the idea of my Mistress domming me with another male intresting, Like it would be another tool she has. to use. Infact I find that to be a really big turn on right now!

 

[chris9]

I'm not ready for any serious emotional attachment right now. I can't imagine a serious relationship with a woman.
While my fantasies are always with a male Dominant, I do think that if my curiousity gets too much before I'm ready for the emotional attachment I might bottom to a female Dominant. I believe that if I tried anything BDSM-like with a man it would fuel feelings that wouldn't be healthy for either of us. I don't think I'm capable of having those same feelings for a woman.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm sure I wouldn't have any problems toping another male in a non-sexual situation.

If we are talking about a sexual situation I think that would work as well. I don't see it ever happening because it's not something I'm looking for or want but if it would happen I can't see that I would have any problems with it.

It's strange, I don't see any problems with me fucking a guy but I don't want to be fucked buy one, if that makes any sense.

Sounds familiar, and I also think it is part of the D/s thing in that doing the fucking is seen as Dominant so is at least thinkable even if there is no attraction. It then becomes more a matter of D/s, and for some, humiliation.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

I've actually been thinking on this lately.

Could I sub for a woman? I'm not sure honestly

I know I'd have no problems if she wanted to beat the shit out of me, that's fun male or female. Bondage, breast play, knife play....no worries there either. But anything where I would be sexually servicing her, I couldn't do. I nip or a grope here I'm okay with, but anything else really turns me off. Just not my thing. Then I ponder on if I would be okay with her servicing me in a sexual mannor, and I'm not sure; the idea again turns me off a bit, but maybe if I was blindfolded and didn't know it was a female that might be different, I'm not sure.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i will chime in on this thread as i think it's a good topic. though i am Bi, the idea of submitting to a woman does nothing for me. i'm not sure why, but it's just not my thing. now another subbie to play with, that's a different story *grins*

 

[Netzach]

I have done sexual things in scenes with people I'm not remotely attracted to without the sexual tension of sadism/scening. Not to say I have sex with everyone I scene with, but sometimes it's just what makes so much sense in the scene that I want to do it. I try and suss out where the other person is on the topic.

I was having sex in a scene context with M before I was having sex with him in an I want to have sex with you way, which isn't applicable because I was madly attracted to him, but it's a different flavor.

Either way, I've been with people whose orientations bent around a lot and been someone whose orientation bends around a lot. But I definitely play with people who would not induce boners if I had the requisite equipment.

 

[shy slave]

The gender of who I could be submissive to is not an issue.

The issue would be that it was would have to be under his care and guidance. It is not something I want to explore without his being a part of the situation.

Topping anyone is different, he feels (as do others ) that I could top someone, and I have little doubt that I could. However, I don't like inflicting physical pain on other people and the issue would be whether I would enjoy topping someone in a scene.

I have said before, I can be assertive in vanilla settings (sexual or otherwise) it doesn't mean I want to be or that being that way is healthy for my own psyche.

One day he may decide I should try it, until that happens I am happy to submit to his choices of gender and number.

I would add that I have little problem in being submissive to, or fucking, someone I am not emotionally attached to; sometimes I just wanted a fuck.

 

[BiBunny]

Well, in my case, I'm a bi switch, so maybe the question doesn't really apply. I can bottom to or top men, but not women. I top women. That's it. Like my horsey friends say--there's only room for one alpha mare around here, and that's me! That's not to say that I'll never bottom to a woman, but I have yet to meet one in person who makes me want to do it.

Master is a bi switch as well. His forays into anything with men are few and far between, though. He primarily desires women, but occasionally wants a man for sexual purposes. As far as I know, he can bottom to or top men or women. I can find intimacy in same-sex relations; he doesn't.

Wow, that totally didn't answer your question, did it?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

My av line says it all...

Equal Opportunity Sadist.

I'll Top pretty much anyone in a scene who wants me to and it's negotiated out. I've co-topped with male and female Doms, I've topped male and female bottoms (and slaves or subs). I've bottomed to male and female Tops as part of my own education process.

But when I bottom, it's never been "sexual" per se. I don't get a woody, don't enjoy the pain that's being inflicted on me, etc. Nothing in my heart or head goes "WHOA! This is really cool!" except in a "Oh... okay! So THAT's what this feels like..." sort of way.

I enjoy inflicting pain. That's why I identify as a sadist. I enjoy it more when I can inflict sexual pain too, but hey, pain is pain is pain... it's all good! Male or female victi... uhhh volunteers.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments.

 

[amadaun]

Well, I'm bi. I used to think that being dominated by a woman wouldn't do all that much for me, given the somewhat misogynistic bent my fantasy life tends to take. However, as I've grown older and wiser I've come to realize that femdom is, as the proverb says, "totally hot". Still haven't tried it, but that day will come, methinks.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Ok my title doesn't say Equal opportunity player anymore but I am. Sir and I play and it is completely nonsexual. I have had two other guys play with me and its ok. My big issue with playing with guys is I LOVE to be touched and stroked. I think that though guys will play with me that they are not all to comfortable with their sexuality to do this. I know when I gave Sir a massage two weeks ago I had a bit of ambivilance to it too, but I got over it and gave him a massage he was happy with.

The other reason I play with guys too is that woman and men do play differently and why would I want to deny myself the pleasure that a guy can bestow on me. Just because it doesn't work for some people doesn't stop me from doing it.

 

[marieR19]

MasterPhoenix, you unknowingly reminded me of a huge unresolved issue that I have.

I identify as lesbian, but sometimes I think I might be bi instead, and I have to admit that the idea of subbing to a male Dom does not turn me off. In fact, it kinda intrigues me, if just because I'd want to know what it felt like. Curiosity.

Even the idea of sexually subbing to a male doesn't turn me off, which at first I was kinda surprised about. I have no romantic feelings towards any men whatsoever, but the thought of sexually submitting to one is exciting, because I know it would be soooo much different then submitting to a female, and I have to admit I've always wanted to know what it would feel like to have a real cock pounding into me.


Heather

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Bump to see if there are any new takes.

 

[nh23]

Well, I'm bisexual so that may throw off the results..lol. I have bottomed to both men and women. I take equal pleasure from both. Now as far as actually submission goes. I've only ever submitted to a male. The though of submitting to a female doesn't really do anything for me. I'm not sure why..but there it is.

 

[Netzach]

Submitting to men as a species grosses me out - my bull is the exception to this, but as a rule it's pretty strong.

There's one other exception - male tops so gay that they would never want to touch my pussy are really really attractive to me. So the thread keeps seducing me a bit thinking about cross-orientation play!

Butch dyke tops have an incompatible energy with mine and I've never wanted to bottom to one, can't really imagine it. Even when I think about sex with butch tops I'm flpping them in my head.

Femme women? Oh twist my arm. MTFs and CD's? I'd do that too, finding one who isn't a bottom is another matter.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Like EG, I don't discriminate in terms of the pink bits when topping. Depending on the person, it may or may not involve some sexual interaction. I tend to be more attracted to or interested in playing with genderqueer people, but there's also something to be said about playing with a very masculine uber-straight msubs. A lot of anxieties and repressed desires to tap on there if humiliation is your thing. I've also been the guest star of a M/m couple for a while -- what I know about CBT, I learned it from this gay Daddy top and first tried it on on his femme boy. Very cool.

As for bottoming, the more male/masculine and straigh the Top is, the less likely I am to want to bottom/submit to them.

Femme Fdoms, Gay Mdoms, MTFs and CDs, I'd bottom for them. But as Netzach said, finding one who isn't a bottom and want to top me may be a bit difficult, except maybe for femme Fdoms.

I've bottomed for a few butch dyke tops, but in a non-sexual context, and mostly as a way to learn about myself, both as a Top and as a bottom. Doesn't really get me wet.

I've also bottomed to one very straight very masculine and twice my age somewhat Daddy type Mtop -- my first ever experience actually in BDSM. It was cool, we had a good vibe going on, but as soon as I was done trying out the things I wanted to try out, it was over. In a way, he was very much a 'service Top' for me actually. It was cool while it lasted -- an interesting but short experiment in the world of het M/f.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I can not seeing me bottoming or submitting to another woman, unless it was directed by my Dom with him there. It is something I can see myself enjoying except as almost humiliation or punishment.

I do see myself being able to Top or Dominate a female for both sexual and non-sexual ways. Topping a male? yes, maybe. But no interest in ever dominating a male.

 

[magdelena69]

For me, I think that the sexual attraction and energy just adds something. Playing with Dommes at M's request is fun, and different, but not arousing. And let's face it, with a libido like mine, that's certainly saying something about my preferences...oddly enough, I am very curious to know what sleeping with a woman would be like, but not at all interested in sexual play in a D/s scenario. Huh, learned something new about myself before I even got out of bed. What a great day .

 

[unfoundiamond]

men or women? (where can I check 'yes'?)

I have funny ideas about men and women, in relation to me...

I always liked to be dominant with women, and submissive with men, now I have played a little with the idea of a submissive man...

So a female Dom, seems like uncharted waters... and "would I?"

Yes. Certainly...

I also began to think, that 'play' outside my orientation, for me, would have to be like, being dominanted by a gay male.... or heterosexual female...

Someone that I wouldn't, and they wouldn't be sexually driven... I do find the idea less ideal, as pain and sex are very closely related for me, so it would be possible, but less fun not be able to even entertain the idea that cumming is even possible...

(though I don't usually cum during play anyway...I guess I like the idea I might)

I guess the answer to this question goes back to how strongly I felt for the PYL/pyl I would be involved with...

I have had relationships, professionally and personally (friendships) with people I could never have sex with because I wasn't the right sex, and I still find/found them to be very gratifying, and in no way would I say I'd have rather not had them,

Which makes me think if the PYL/pyl where one of these great people... I may also think that forsaking sex, and interacting with this person would be well worth the expirience, since I have learned probably the most from people I never had the option to sleep with, because I didn't fit their "type"

I would have wierd crushlike admiration for people I couldn't have...

I think I still kinda do that...

 

[Sterling]

To be honest, I would but the power is the turn on when I dom, so he'd definately at least get cock in the mouth at some point.

I get very, very aroused when dominating someone... Period.

 

[buxxxom]

I don't know how to answer this. I don't know an "outside of orientation" feeling. When I top a female, it's at least more personal, because I do have female bits. In that sense, it's also less "technical" because there are fewer dangly parts to play with. Topping a crossdresser is a whole new ball of wax. It's easy for me to let the female take precedence over the male that is there.

Is it always sexual? Of course, for me. I always get aroused.

Bottoming? That's another story.