Top 10 Ways to Tell You're a New Dad

[YoungGun69]

10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.

9) The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal.

8) You are used to doing everything one-handed.

7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.

6) The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.

5) Your idea of romance is hand-holding.

4) You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."

3) You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main colour.

2) You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think, "Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in...babysitting?"

And the #1 way to tell that you're a new dad:

1) It takes you two months to write and send out a simple top-10-style joke email.

 

[miles]

What about wondering all day long why you smell like formula, then realizing the kid hurled on your shoulder that morning.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

13) Your penny jar become the college education fund.

14) Everyone you know without kids is "living a lie".

 

[Bob Peale]

15. You know the names and colors of all 4 Teletubbies

16. You know who else lives in "The Big Blue House"

17. "Carters" is something other than the former President's family

18. When you talk about Stage 2 and Stage 3, you ain't talking about rockets.

19. Most things end in "ie" or "y"

20. Those damn nursery rhymes start to get catchy.