To the older men who’ve been married for decades—what are your secrets?

Representingmyhotwife

Complicated.
Joined
May 11, 2024
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I’m a young husband trying to build a strong marriage, and I know love alone isn’t enough. What lessons, habits, or mindsets helped you stay committed and connected through the years? What do you wish you had known earlier? Any advice would mean a lot.
 
What DeYaken said. I was living with a lady in Berlin and she didn't have the word NO in her vocabulary...If I wanted to do it, she did too! Great sex.
So I met a nice lady, normal and she did know the word no, and a hundred other things I can't take the time to add, like honesty and she had my back, and I married her...that was 65 years ago...and she's sitting next to me right now.

and for God's sake...Be Lucky
 
What DeYaken said. I was living with a lady in Berlin and she didn't have the word NO in her vocabulary...If I wanted to do it, she did too! Great sex.
So I met a nice lady, normal and she did know the word no, and a hundred other things I can't take the time to add, like honesty and she had my back, and I married her...that was 65 years ago...and she's sitting next to me right now.

and for God's sake...Be Lucky
Awww thats very sweet. 🥹
 
Communication is key and tolerance and patience. She will do things that you don’t like, you will do things that she doesn’t. Don’t take everything seriously, choose your battles, if you have to. Concentrate on things you both like to do. And sometimes it’s good to just chill by yourself.

Marry the right woman, as stated above by DeYaKen is the best advice. I wasn’t sure when I married my wife. She wasn’t the wildest girl sexually that I’d been with. She was the prettiest and the most enamored with me for some reason. The longer I live with her, the more I learn about her that makes me glad I married her. She’s smart, and street smart. Very practical. Very compassionate.

We keep separate bank accounts. We’re both frugal but sometimes splurge. Same concern for fiscal responsibility growing up. Calm when disagreeing. Always show affection.

Been married almost 40 years.
 
Communication in all things, especially when it comes to the bedroom. Be on the same page beforehand if kids are in the future. I take an "us against the world' view so what's important is how will we make it not what others think about how it should go.
 
Oh, I forgot to mention, being lazy helps. Yes there may have been times when I might have strayed, but all that hiding and planning is a hell of a lot of work. All too much trouble for me.
The final thing is to think with your big head not the small one. Before you get involved in anything, you look at your family and ask Can I really do this to them Picture the devastation of a broken marriage.
56 years so far I look at the current Mrs Deyaken and still think how lucky I am.
 
Though my wife and I have been married for nearly 35 years I still try to be the most desirable guy in her orbit - I try to bring my best game just like I did when we were dating. I don't take her attraction for me for granted. ..I continue to earn it.

It's not always easy, and I don't always succeed, but persistently trying is the key reason we still love each other deeply and continue to have frequent and great sex.
 
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Sense of humor/laughter
Strong communication skills
Knowing what is worth/ not worth doing or saying
Being able to bring your partner pleasure - especially before you (sexual and otherwise)
Being brave
 
I’m a young husband trying to build a strong marriage, and I know love alone isn’t enough. What lessons, habits, or mindsets helped you stay committed and connected through the years? What do you wish you had known earlier? Any advice would mean a lot.
Be the guy she would cheat with.
 
Help around the house, fix dinner, go shopping, vacuum, mop, clean the bathrooms etc. and don’t act like you’re king shit because of it!!! Do your share, without being asked. It’s made my 28 years of marriage pretty damn easy to be honest. You’re partners, be the best one she’s ever seen.
 
Work on yourself. Be a guy a woman wants to marry. Let them come to you, be receptive. Don't chase them too much. Make friends with women! Be a good friend. Friendship is the foundation. As it gets more serious you should court her and be romantic about it. And if you marry never stop.

Don't prioritize a beautiful face. There are so many more important things. She does need to be healthy and understand diet and excercise. Obese women have self-esteem and health issues. They need to work that out on their own first. It's her personality that is most important. Communication is a top priority for both of you. If that's bad, it won't work out. You want an intelligent and wise woman. One who already has a job and can support herself or nearly so, too. You want her to choose you because she wants to be with you. Not because she needs a financial provider to dig her out of a hole. Obviously no red flags like drug or alcohol problems.

Now consider this woman I've described. Do you think she wants to be told what to do? No. Are you tall, handsome, wealthy, extremely talented, have high status or power? No? Then understand she can replace you more easily than you can replace her. She has more power than you. You wanted a woman, right? Now that you have this good one, adore her. Satisfy her needs. Protect her. Treat her like the Queen she is. Your job is to serve her. You are her Knight. Have a back bone, say "no" when you must. She needs to know that you will. She must feel safe around you and she must be adored. Act the same in public as you do at home around her. (like she's your best friend and your Queen) She'll love it.

Most women want a masculine man. If that's what she wants be as masculine as you can be, fit and clean physically. Many women today want a masculine man who is submissive to them, understand? They often say they want a guy to "lead" but don't missinterpet. They want to be the Queen, choosing the goals, grading the efforts, making the biggest decisions. You are the General / Knight. You may decide how you carry out the objective and do it, preferably learning to know what she wants so she doesn't have to explain it anymore. That's the "leadership" they actually want.

So, what do you get out of this? What's her job? Her job is to appreciate you. Her job is to satisfy your needs. Like sex / intimacy / friendship, comfort and care. Her job is to make all of your efforts worthwhile. You get a woman you want to love and adore intimately and appreciate you. She gets a good man who had chosen her to adore and serve her.

I've been married happily over 20 years. We didn't start out understanding the Queen / Knight dynamic but we do now. It's not the only way of course but I think it's the way to go for 95% of men in this generation.
 
Help around the house, fix dinner, go shopping, vacuum, mop, clean the bathrooms etc. and don’t act like you’re king shit because of it!!! Do your share, without being asked. It’s made my 28 years of marriage pretty damn easy to be honest. You’re partners, be the best one she’s ever seen.
Absolutely! If you work about the same hours you should be doing at least half of the DAILY housework. Changing oil in a car every few months or cutting grass once a week doesn't make up for not doing any of the daily chores like cooking, cleaning, etc. If you work 40 hours a week and she doesn't but takes care of kids you don't get to be "off" when you get home. She's probably working all day, too, and every day. Talk it out and organize the chores.
 
Work on yourself. Be a guy a woman wants to marry. Let them come to you, be receptive. Don't chase them too much. Make friends with women! Be a good friend. Friendship is the foundation. As it gets more serious you should court her and be romantic about it. And if you marry never stop.
well said.
 
Lots of sound advice here so far.

Every human thinks they do more than everyone else no matter if it's at work or home. Do at minimum your fair share including everything from dishes, cooking, laundry, cleaning and then you can worry about taking care of the lawn, the cars and household maintenance.
With that said it has to be somewhat equitable because people do get lazy.
I always say look for the person that balances you out, the things you are not good at no matter what it is it helps if she can balance out where you are weak.
Those are the things that might not be physically taxing or show in other peoples eyes.
Read the book the 5 love languages and then have her read it.
You can try all you want but if you don't understand what makes you and your wife happy and feel loved you could go through years of not understanding each other.
There will be tough times count on it and then talk, talk, talk to each other when one talks you listen. When you talk she needs to listen.

Don't forget what people write on these pages are many times fantasy and fictional don't judge each other off of fiction.
Just because someone writes in here their wife takes it in all three holes doesn't mean yours will.

I could go on forever on this topic.

My question for you is what are you already doing on literotica.com?
Is she on here too or just you? Does she know you are on here and other sites.
Is the sex inadequate at home?

Your screen name leads me to believe you are sharing your wife already is that true?
 
Communication...and do NOT come home with pussy on your breath. She will forgive you for just about anything but fooling around NO WAY!!..If you are on here trying to gain more knowledge about sex and what does and does NOT feel right that so good. IF she works help out around the house..Cook dinner once in a while, I dont mean take out. YEA the sex life stops or slows down too. HOT flashes, middle of winter with the windows open NOT very fun...Talk to her and ask her what she wants, sexually AND vacationally@!! LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Enjoy..
 
This is all good advice. I would add Never take your wife for granted. A random kiss, for no reason. A casual compliment. A hug. She’s a wife. Maybe a mother. Definitely a queen, not a servant. She does a lot and can never be appreciated enough. Don’t be afraid to help out or show affection.

And don’t take your health for granted. Yours or hers. You’re partners. Best friends. Look after each other.
 
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Make her the center of attention. If an attractive woman walks past you turn to your wife and tell her that she is the one you love.
 
And remember a gentleman lets the lady cum first. Think before you speak and remember to say ‘Yss Dear’.
 
Times were different, it was the 1950s. We both grew up poor, depression babies, used to doing without, so we didn't have great expectations. We went into the marriage, not thinking of it as a marriage but as a partnership. We wanted to and felt we had to make it work. We didn't consider that there was a divorce option; we were both adults and expected that we could make it work. The act of getting a license or having a pastor say we were married wasn't important to us...We were married because we lived together and took care of each other. I was the one with income, and what was mine was hers, and the same was true for Reni.
God knows there couldn't have been two more stupid people than us. If you could do it wrong that was us.
 
I’m a young husband trying to build a strong marriage, and I know love alone isn’t enough. What lessons, habits, or mindsets helped you stay committed and connected through the years? What do you wish you had known earlier? Any advice would mean a lot.
Always have a Girlfriend on the side, and a boyfriend too for when you require a discrete no-strings blowjob.
 
Stay attractive. Hit the gym, gain muscle, lose fat. Prioritize keeping fit.
This sounds a bit shallow, but I think there's much truth to it. Of course, one must also strive to be intellectually interesting and emotionally desirable. In other words, being a good husband and person comes first - by a wide margin. ...But a man's physical appearance and vibe definitely do matter. And many men quit caring about this...

Treat sex as something you earn from your wife, not something you expect. Do you want your wife to have sex with you out of obligation or because she desires you?? So, make being desirable your goal... And if your wife doesn't respond to this, other women may. ...And that feels pretty good, too. I don't mean blow up your marriage by cheating, but enjoy the additional attention that comes your way. And who knows, that may excite your wife, too.
 
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