to ndntease

[ndntease]

my computer is dieing and i got these stories from a friend of mine and it would be a a horrible shame to lose them so i am going to try and post them..


>His palms were sweaty, his nervousness apparent despite the efforts he made
to seem nonchalant. She walked across the room towards him, shedding clothes
as she came. The sweater was pulled over her head and discarded, like the
nuisance it was, like all her clothes were. He could not help but gasp
as her fabulous breasts, clad only in a thin lace bra, were exposed to
his gaze. She strolled into his grasp. His seated position on the bed
brought her chest in direct contact with his face, and he clasped her
close to him, burying his face in her cleavage, inhaling her scent
and enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his cheeks. His large
hands were splayed across her back, pressing her against his face and
his tongue traced patterns on her exposed flesh, tracing the outlines
of her bra as his hands began to roam across her body. She could feel
the heat course through her at his touch; it inflamed her passion,
fueling her hunger to feel him, all of him, touching her everywhere.
His strong hands clasped her ass cheeks and squeezed, she groaned
with wanting. She could feel the first wave of dampness, a warm
and wet flush, heating her pussy beneath the thin white thing she wore.
She had waited so long for this. He was slowly teasing her nipples
through the thin material of the bra as his hand found the clasp and,
with a flick of his strong fingers, he released it, freeing her breasts.
His hands slid under the cups and cradled them, she gasped at his
touch. When he brought both nipples to his flicking tongue, she moaned
with pleasure. He loved how she encouraged him with her vocal
appreciation of his efforts, and he began slowly teasing her nipples
first one, then the other. She pushed him down on the bed, and standing
over him, began to run her hands down across her body, twisting her
nipples with one hand while the other slowly peeled aside the thin
material of her thong. Her shaved lips were heavy with arousal as she
slowly slid one finger along her damp slit, he smiled as her finger
slid inside herself and was pulled out, slick with her juices. She
stepped closer and traced his lips with the wet digit, his mouth
sucked at her flavor, he moaned with pleasure. She tasted great! He was
so looking forward to feeling her in his mouth. He reached up and
pulled her down across him, their lips crushed together, tongues
entwined they moaned into each others mouths as their passion built.
He rolled her to the bottom as his hand replaced hers, tracing her wet
slit with his finger as her hips rasied off the mattress to meet him,
Christ! She was so hot! Her nipples throbbed as he kissed her. She
could feel his hand parting her wetness, and a finger slowly inserted
itself deep into her. She groaned with encouragement and sucked
hungrily at his tongue, as he began to slide his wet finger in, out
and around her pussy. She spread her legs wider, opening up more for
him, as her hips involuntarily began to rotate against his palm. He
pulled back from the kiss and stood up, their positions now reversed.
He looked down at her with hunger and reached for his belt. She sat
up and helped pull his pants down, freeing his throbbing shaft at her
eye level. With a squeal of delight she engulfed him with her mouth,
firmly grabbing his ass and hungrily pulling him towards her, encouraging
him to use his hips to fuck her warm mouth. He was close to coming
already; his hard dick throbbed as she licked the underside of his
shaft, and gently cupped his balls. Humming with pleasure her mouth
vibrated his sensitive head, and she caressed his ass and nuts as he
began to thrust harder into her waiting mouth. With a graon he froze
his hips, clutching her head between his hands, he was buried in her
throat, unable to hold back the rush of semen, he gasped as his climax
hit. She could feel his head swell in her mouth as he froze, moaning
with anticipation; she sucked hard as his first spurt of hot come
hit the back of her throat. Milking his sack as his throbbing tool
filled her mouth, she swallowed his load as he twitched and spasmed in
her grasp, her mouth hungrily licking the remains of his orgasm from
his softening cock. He was blown away, it was, in short time, the most
incredible blow job he had ever received. He shuddered with pleasure as
he slipped from her mouth, a thin strand of saliva still connected
them as she smiled up at him. It was his turn to push her back on the
bed. Kneeling before her exposed pussy, the shaved skin glistened with
her juices. He lowered his face towards her waiting slit, reveling in
the pleasure and scent of her arousal. She cried out as his thick
tongue parted her lips and pushed deep into her hot center. His nose
pressed directly on her clit and as he fucked her with his tongue she
cried out and ground her hips against his face. She was flowing freely
now as he used the flat of his tongue to lave the juices from her
exposed skin. The satiny texture of her shaved skin and the cries of
pleasure as he licked and sucked her pussy was bringing his cock back
to life. Her legs were spread wide now, her back arched exposing her
tight brown ass for him. His tongue explored her there too, eliciting
cries of pleasure as his tongue probed and pushed against her tight
ass. Using the lubrication from her flooded pussy he pushed his index
finger against that tight hole while simultaneously pressing his
tongue hard against her clit. She cried out, pushing back with her
hips, she gasped with pleasure as his lubed finger slid slowly into
her tight ass. The feeling was unexpected, not painful, just a pressure
building in her loins as he held his face tight against her throbbing
clit. He did not move his head, her hips swiveled and bucked against
him with pleasure, his tongue sliding all over her clit, his finger
penetrating her as she cried out with pleasure, gasping, she came, her
hips were a blur as she pounded her hips against his face, her ass
gripped and pulled at his finger as her sweet nectar flooded his
mouth and hand. He pulled back from her as her cries died off. Slowly
he removed his finger from her, he teased her nipples with his mouth
as he continued to>slide his finger in and around her anus. She pulled
him up to her, and, as he positioned himself between her legs, she
reached down and gave him a gentle squeeze as she guided him into
her hot, throbbing pussy. Staring into her eye, he slowly entered her,
watching her eyes widen as he stuffed more and more of his length
into her, she cried out as his pelvis bottomed out on hers, his balls
nestled against her ass. He crushed her tight against himself, as he
stayed motionless inside her, her pussy was clamping down on him, it
felt incredible. With a moan of ecstasy, he began to slowly grind
himself against her pelvis, occasionally pulling out till the head
just parted her lips then pushing, inch by glorious inch, back inside
her until again they were hard against each other. And so it continued,
his long slow movements were driving her crazy, her pussy was on fire,
her orgasms came one after another now as she cried out against him,
her nails dug into his back as she cried out again. Feeling another
orgasm building he began to piston in and out of her tight snatch, her
wet hot flesh grasped at his hard cock as he began to slam himself
down onto her, driving into her like an animal, he groaned as his
climax built.She cried out, coming, and as her nails scraped his
back, she bit down on his shoulder, and using her heels to pin him
tight inside her, her hands grasped his ass cheeks as he joined her
in a shared orgasm. His cries mixed with hers as he spent himself deep
inside her, she could feel his cock pumping into her, as she cried out
with pleasure. Their mouths, again, crushed together in passion as
wave after wave of pleasure swept over them. Gasping, spent they rested
in each others arms, gathering their strength to continue, tiny
spasms still causing their bodies to twitch as their passion abated.

 

[ndntease]

here is another

She rode waves of pleasure as his tongue explored the folds of her snatch, her heavy labia,
the soft inner lips, her rigid clit, all received his intense attention as he strove to drive
her past the limits of passion. Her hips were bucking now and she was gasping words of
encouragement and sometimes just gasping unintelligible groans of pleasure. Her juices coated
his face and ran down the crack of her ass, her hands now were grasping his head pulling his
face into her as she ground herself against him. She just needed more contact, more of him
touching her. His hands were rolling her nipples, squeezing and teasing the hard tips as she
begged him to "don't stop".Her groans as she began to cum, made his cock swell till it hurt.
It seemed the head would burst if he did not soon bury himself inside her. First though
he wanted to feel her mouth on his cock. He remembered their first time, and how she had
drained him, no one had ever given him head like that. He turned himself around and pulled
her on top of him so she could reach his cock with her mouth. Her swollen pussy sat just above
his mouth, the lips now spread wide. Gravity pulling them just enough to give them that heavy
pouting appearance he loved, he took turns sucking one side then the other into his mouth as he
played with her with his tongue. He groaned heavily into her as she was swallowing his shaft,
his head was almost slipping down her throat before she would slowly withdraw it, her teeth
sliding deliciously along the base of him till they caught the edge of his head, then she would
swirl her tongue around the sensitive tip before sliding her mouth right back down again.
God he loved how she sucked his cock, determined to give her as much pleasure as he was
receiving, he renewed his attention to her pussy. Lubricating one finger in her hot wet slit he
slowly pressed it against her tight ass as he kissed and sucked her. He was careful and gentle
with her there, knowing she was agreeable but unfamiliar with any anal play. He just gently
applied pressure as her hips swayed against him. Whenever he felt her stretch to accept him he
eased off, letting her get used to it. She sucked hard on his shaft at one point causing him to
groan, his voice vibrated off her clit, making her gasp. He could feel her ass clenching at his
lubed finger as she approached another orgasm, he gently eased his finger inside her
probing a little deeper with each contraction of her muscles. He was thrusting into her mouth
now, in time with her, both of them locked together moaning into each others laps, licking,
sucking, unconcerned with the volume of their passion they came together with a cry that drowned
the wind. He howled as he felt a rush of semen, his shaft spaying deep into her throat spurt
after spurt. She clamped her legs around his head, bucking each time his tongue
flicked or pressed against her clit, a flood of her sweet cum was almost gushing from her
as he sucked and licked every drop he could. They collapsed intertwined, spent their bodies
sweaty and sticky from their passion. "I will start the shower" he said, "scrub your back? "
He asked with an evil grin. oh goodness yes..

 

[ndntease]

one of mine

mmm lets see here. i just got home from a long day.. and i didn't hear you
in the kitchen.. i head straight to the shower cause i am hot and sweaty..
and gross.you hear the shower start up..and wait a min. you hear me sigh as
the warm water trickles down my tits. mmm feels good.you tip toe in real
quiet.. and watch me shampo my hair.. mmm the soap bubbles racing down my
tits over my tummy and slowing over my pussy.. there is soap in my eyes and
i am looking for the bar of soap.. and you think it is the oportune time to
take part. you grab the soap and start rubbing it on my back.. i start to
melt as you fingers slowly rub the knots out of my muscles.. mmm feels soo
good.. you hand me the soap now so that you can watch my slowly caress
myself with it.. slowly down my neck.. i tip my head back in to the shower..
the soap being washed over my body.. i gently pass the soap over my
breasts.. do a few circles around my very large nipples... mmm the bar
makeing it way to my pussy.. you watch the way the soap clings to my skin..
you see the bar of soap disapear between my legs to re appear on the other
sideand i rub it over my tige perky ass... your fighting the urge to rach
out and give it a playful slap..my head goes back in to the water again.. so
warm.. it pours over my tits my hard nipples.. washing all the soap off. i
finaly have all the soap off my boady and out of my eyes and look over to
see you sitting there with the biggest hardon i have ever seen in my life..
goodness i have to do something about that.. undress and join me.. i will
give you a blow job that will blow your mind.. the water poring over your
face and my lips around your dick.. sucking and flicking.. my fingers
digging in your ass.. your hands in my wet hair.. trying not to pull it..
letting me set the pace.. but i seem to be so hungery.. i want you to cum
.. i slid it between my tits and lick your head just to tease a bit.. will
you cum all over those big tits.. over my hard nipples.. or will you make me
wait untill you have me sprawled over the bed waitting untill you can spank
my nauty teasing ass.. ??? mmmm
talk to you again soon.

 

[ndntease]

more on the way.

i just have to find the rest of my stories.. if your looking at this thread please feel free to leave construtive critics.. things that would make the stories.. but if you don't have anything good to say about them perhaps it is better let unsaid thanks for stopping by..
nibbles

 

[wildsweetone]

my computer is dieing and i got these stories from a friend of mine and it would be a a horrible shame to lose them so i am going to try and post them..

so you're saying your friend gave you these stories and you decided it was okay to publically publish them here?

i understand about computer problems, but i don't think that it's in the Rule Book to publish another author's work...

geez listen to me *rolling eyes*

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmm

I think I'm dieing now.

 

[wildsweetone]

why?

 

[ndntease]

did i not say constructive critics

wildsweetone,
you would think i would have cleared it with my friend befor posting these wouldn't ya.. and besides the last one i wrote.. so it is all good here..

 

[Elle_xxoo]

Gee. Can you really use a public forum as your own personal storage folder and dictate what type of responses you get?

But... if you say so. I'll choose "left unsaid."

Thank you for stopping by.

 

[KillerMuffin]

I do like you, Elle.

For the ndn.

1. Learn to paragraph.
2. Learn to punctuate.
3. Learn to capitalize.
4. Learn sentence structure.

I didn't have to actually read to figure that out, so no commentary on the content.

 

[ndntease]

oh yes thank you for stopping by

yes i would lot to thank you for stopping by elle as you were such a big help in improveing the creative flow.. looks like unsaid would have been a great choice..

 

[pumpin]

harsh?

might be a bit harsh, why not try to help her out constructively.

 

[wildsweetone]

i did not mean to offend. i just thought it was illegal to post somebody elses work.

see my thoughts in bold for as long as i could cope. i tried to use the quote function and also to use the copy and paste function, for some reason both messed up the wordwrap thingee.

my computer is dieing and i got these stories from a friend of mine and it would be a a horrible shame to lose them so i am going to try and post them..



His palms were sweaty, his nervousness apparent despite the efforts he made to seem nonchalant.(new paragraph = because new thought equals new paragraph) She walked across the room towards him, shedding clothes as she came. The sweater was pulled over her head and discarded, like the nuisance it was, like all her clothes were.(new paragraph) He could not help but(try He gasped as...) gasp as her fabulous(fabulous in what way? show don't tell. i.e. her silky smooth breasts) breasts, clad only in a thin lace bra, were exposed(were her actual breasts exposed or was it the skin above?) to his gaze.(new paragraph) She strolled into his grasp. His seated position on the bed brought her chest in direct contact with his face, and he clasped(too much for me. gasp, grasp, and clasped in the first couple of minutes reading) her close to him, burying his face in her cleavage, inhaling her scent and enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his cheeks. His large hands were splayed across her back, pressing her against(against is used twice too close together) his face and his tongue traced patterns on her exposed flesh, tracing the outlines of her bra as his hands began to roam across her body.(traced and tracing in one sentence. might be worth trying 'trailed' instead of 'traced' or something similar)(new paragraph) She could feel the heat course through her at his touch; it inflamed her passion, fueling her hunger to feel him, all of him, touching her everywhere.(touching her everywhere... to me this sounds a little vague. i'd like to know specifically where) His strong hands clasped her ass cheeks and squeezed, she groaned with wanting. She could feel the first wave of dampness, a warm and wet flush, heating her pussy beneath the thin white thing(thing? i'd like to know what it is) she wore.

notes:
i can't tell from this if the paragraphing is right. it's too difficult to see from my perspective.

there are places where the story says 'She could feel...' or similar sentences. try something like 'She felt...'

some sentences strike me as really nice. the first one for example. you told me a lot about him using very few words and the way you told me felt smooth. 'She strolled into his grasp.' tells me a little about her, enough to keep me reading.

keep writing. in amongst the obvious problems, i can see you have great potential.

sorry that's all my eyes and fingers can cope with at the moment. hope something of what i've said is helpful.

 

[ndntease]

thanks

thank you for your help.. wildsweetone this is apreciated..

 

[wildsweetone]

you're welcome.

i've just realised i didn't put in my usual disclaimer.

the suggestions are simply my thoughts, they may or may not be correct. my writing mechanics stem mostly from what feels right or wrong to me. the option is yours to accept or decline my suggestions, and i take no offense at your choice. please ask if there's anything i've said that you don't understand.

also, if you ask five authors to edit, it's more than likely you'll get five different opinions.

good luck