To Ghost or To Be Ghosted, that is the question?

[ShaneoD]

I've been ghosted and it sucked, be a grown up, tell the other person you're moving on, and why if you want to, and be a fucking adult about the situation

 

[Cernunnos69]

I've been ghosted and it sucked, be a grown up, tell the other person you're moving on, and why if you want to, and be a fucking adult about the situation

Yep!!

 

[sammyIammy]

Being 23 years old I have been ghosted on this site and others. Ghosting works two ways. I'm tired of grown men whining about how women ghost them without substantial proof. Granted, there are hundreds of money users and fake usernames on here ... After some long chats they just abruptly stop and end. Why?? Many mornings I will awaken to find more than 60 private messages from men from all over the country. Full body nudes, GIF's of sex acts, and the unsolicited DICK PICK. I sort through them and over time I keep in steady chat with a dozen older men who enjoy graphic Age Gap role play, or intimate sexual chat they don't get from the woman in their lives. There are also some very lonely men who enjoy just venting about their DEAD BED marriages and they want to chat with an sympathetic ear and heart. A kind shoulder to lean on. When some chats die off through no fault of my own I first reach out and act WHY? When they don't respond I simply move on. You shift through the bad apples and the rotten eggs and the fakes in order to keep the gems and the true online friends that enhance the social media experience.

Great answer. I’m always amazed at the female experience. I think it can be quite a contrast to the male experience.

 

[Jasonpete2212]

As much as I hate to admit it I have ghosted someone from this site and to this day regret it. It was at a time in my life where my boss fell very ill and I had to take over responsibilities I never had before and had to juggle a schedule that was absolutely foreign to me. Rather then being a man and telling the woman what was going on and keeping her in the loop I just decided to focus my efforts on the job at hand. It was short sighted and selfish. I wish words could portray how deeply I regret acting that way. I still think about her to this day and wish I could change the way I handled myself. I had been ghosted several times so I know exactly how it must have felt which makes it even worse. There are 2 things I’m grateful for. 1. The woman moved on and from what I understand is very happy. 2. The regret and shame I feel will ensure that I never act like that again.

 

[BibleBelt]

I read the comments with great interest.

Ghosting is defined as a way of ending a relationship with someone suddenly by stopping all communication with them.
No warning. No explanation. Experts have a clear opinion about it. To quote one psychotherapist:

"Ghosting is a cruel and cowardly way to dissolve any relationship, a fear-driven choice that causes the ghostee
to endure waves of hurt, insecurity, and self-doubt. Rather than confront difficult feelings, the ghoster abandons
the relationship and flees like a frightened child. As a result, he remains emotionally immature, preferring to run.
and hide rather than confront his own uncomfortable feelings. Sadly, many ghosters defend their choices by saying
that they didn't want to "hurt the other person," a bogus claim. since ghosting causes such profound pain. It's downright delusional to think that abandoning someone without an explanation is an act of kindness."

Ghosting is bad for the ghoster and the ghostee. Complex psychological factors rooted in childhood experiences are in play for both. The subconscious is a key element in ghosting. Depending on the intensity of the feelings, the duration of the relationship, and the sensitivity of the ghostee, it can cause significant emotional harm like depression.

You aren't entitled to anybody's time and affection. But everybody is entitled to a minimum amount of decency and respect in close relationships, including a goodbye. Ghosters often get what they want short-term by ghosting with a quick solution but not what they often need long-term which is a reliable, healthy relationship. It's a lose-lose situation. A terrible, undignified way to end a relationship. The whole view on the relationship changes. Being able to look back at a relationship with positive feelings after it ended, is very good for the soul and for character growth.

Being ghosted doesn't reflect the worth of the ghostee in most cases. In most cases, it reflects who the ghosters are at
the time of the ghosting.

 

[Nwestin75]

Just a general question for everyone. Have you ghosted someone and why? Or have you been ghosted yourself and wondered why?

Some situations are obvious but what about the ones that leave you confused on the giving end or receiving end?

Share your pain my peeps.

Yes, I am a married man and I love my wife dearly. She knows that I am here and that I will occasionally find someone to talk with. She has given her permission because she understands she does not always have the same sex drive. She goes through periods of time where she doesn't want sex but we are intimate in others ways. She encouraged me to find a source during those times and this is what we agreed upon.

I do very well of explaining this to those I speak with and I explain that it will never get physical and that it may stop at any time based on how my wife feels about it at the time. At the end of the day I am here to explore my sexual desires in a comfortable way for both me and my wife. I do try to at least let the person know what is happening but sometimes based on the feelings involved it is best to not and simply move on.

 

[Nwestin75]

Yes, I am a married man and I love my wife dearly. She knows that I am here and that I will occasionally find someone to talk with. She has given her permission because she understands she does not always have the same sex drive. She goes through periods of time where she doesn't want sex but we are intimate in others ways. She encouraged me to find a source during those times and this is what we agreed upon.

I do very well of explaining this to those I speak with and I explain that it will never get physical and that it may stop at any time based on how my wife feels about it at the time. At the end of the day I am here to explore my sexual desires in a comfortable way for both me and my wife. I do try to at least let the person know what is happening but sometimes based on the feelings involved it is best to not and simply move on.

I also want to add that I don't really condone ghosting. I know it may seem that way but I do agree that there should be a conversation when possible. However sometimes it just happens. In my case for instance I did make a vow to my wife when we got married. She comes first and that is just that. I am sorry to any who I have ghosted and negatively impacted but I did try my best up front to explain what the situation may be.

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

I guess I’m reviving this thread?

So I seem to be a prime target for being ghosted during the last six months or so. In some cases I expected it to happen, but most of the time it’s been completely out of the blue. It’s happened with women I’ve been chatting with, sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes a few months… happens with email exchanges too.

Now I’m sure that at one time or another I’ve probably ghosted someone myself, hopefully accidentally, but no matter how often it happens, it’s always at least disappointing.

And I suppose for me, it’s mostly disappointing instead of being hurtful. I’ve been lowering my expectations of people on a regular basis, and it seems I need to keep lowering them.

On rare occasions, after a several weeks absence, someone will appear again, and then they’re gone once more. I don’t know which is worse, to be honest.

Maybe I just need to be distrustful more often than I am already, especially when it comes to people who reach out to me first.

But this… this is one of the many, many reasons why if/when my marriage ends in divorce I’ll be done with relationships forever. I get enough disappointments in my offline life as it is, you know?

(And anyone who wants to respond with something along the lines of “nobody has an obligation to write back, blah blah blah,” I’ve heard it all before. It’s not a helpful comment to make.)

 

[baseballGeek]

Ugh it's seriously so annoying to be ghosted, especially when you were getting on with someone well and having good conversations. Then poof, you're deleted from everything and they're gone. Just tell me if you can't continue for whatever reason or if you're just not feeling it anymore. We're all adults.. it sucks

I couldn’t agree more, it’s so frustrating when people just stop talking to you.

 

[Shady_nz]

Having been the person who ghosted, all I can say is that sometimes its the only way to deal with hurt and anger. I tried, really tried to stay here and just ignore but it all got too much.
I never thought I would be "that" person but for my own sanity it was the only way I knew how to cope.
I took the time I needed well away from here to get myself back together and I think it worked, although I am not as trusting as I was before.

 

[Plasmaball]

I am genuinely curious though.. what do you see as ghosting? And does it only apply after you've established a connection?

The most common conversation I experience on here goes like this..
Random guy: Hi there, I'm RandomGuy. How are you today?
Me: I'm good, thanks. And you?
Random guy: I'm good too.
Silence.

Am I ghosting him if I don't reply after that?

No because he left you with nothing to go on.
I always try to ask a question to give the person a reason to respond.

Doesn't always work..

 

[Plasmaball]

Being 23 years old I have been ghosted on this site and others. Ghosting works two ways. I'm tired of grown men whining about how women ghost them without substantial proof. Granted, there are hundreds of money users and fake usernames on here ... After some long chats they just abruptly stop and end. Why?? Many mornings I will awaken to find more than 60 private messages from men from all over the country. Full body nudes, GIF's of sex acts, and the unsolicited DICK PICK. I sort through them and over time I keep in steady chat with a dozen older men who enjoy graphic Age Gap role play, or intimate sexual chat they don't get from the woman in their lives. There are also some very lonely men who enjoy just venting about their DEAD BED marriages and they want to chat with an sympathetic ear and heart. A kind shoulder to lean on. When some chats die off through no fault of my own I first reach out and act WHY? When they don't respond I simply move on. You shift through the bad apples and the rotten eggs and the fakes in order to keep the gems and the true online friends that enhance the social media experience.

There is a whole host of reasons why people stop.
Sometimes it just runs it course. Sometimes people are found out. Sometimes the conversation just drys up. Sometimes it's the actions of the person ( looks at myself)
Sometimes it's you. It really just depends. The internet makes it really easy to just leave a conversation any time you want.
What rule or law are you breaking? None. Is it shitty? Can be.
Sometimes a conversation takes a wrong turn and you just have to give up and walk away. Or I just don't know how to respond because the other person didn't really give me anything to work off of.

Example..

Person 1) do you like it when I play with your tits?
Person 2) yes
Person 1) .......
saying yes doesn't really give the person Much to go on. I used tits as an example but it really can be about anything.
Just food for thought.