to become a dom(master)

[hawkears]

hi im in need of advice to become more dominate in the bed room can any one help .ps im not gay looking for a partner do not send pic no audio /web cam if you can give me some advice thank-you

 

[loneranger8921]

The best place I feel to start is with the Story of O , and the fifty shades of grey. But if you are not mentally wired to take command then it would be challenging. Most Dom's know there Dom I find it hard to be submissive to my slave in bed when she wants to care for me and rub me down. I feel it is how we are wired. good luck on your search for truth.

 

[hawkears]

thank you for that i will take a look at the books now

 

[Stella_Omega]

oh, for fuck's sake no.

Neither of those books are any good at all. They are both ridiculous fucked up nonsense-- Grey is a romance novel written by a woman who doesn't know jack shit about BDSM and made the guy be a petulant child, the other is written from the point of view of a submissive who can't even explain what she's doing. Most BDSM fiction is written from the bottom's point of view, very little from the top's.

What is it that you need to know about, OP? The essay in my signature might be a good start.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Both "The Story of O" and "Fifty Shades of Grey" are fantasies which bear little or no resemblance to real life, just like most of the stories in the BDSM section of Lit. Taking them for any sort of "manual" for dominants is a good way to end up in prison and on a sex offender registry for life.

You would be much better off reading some of the non-fictional materials suggested in many many other threads here, e.g., "S/M 101," "The Loving Dominant," "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns," etc.

ETA: Listen to Stella, OP. Listen, and heed.

 

[hawkears]

ok thank you Sir_Winston54 and stella i will take a look now

 

[CutieMouse]

The Story of O and 50 Shades of Gray are works of FICTION. Reading either book might give you an idea of BDSM turns you on or not (in those particular fictional ways), but I wouldn't necessarily say they are good "teaching tools".

hawkears - WHY do you need advice to be more dominant in bed? Do you want to become more dominant in bed, or is it at the request of a partner? What does "being more dominant in bed" look like to you? The reasoning/insight/scenario behind the request shapes the advice you will receive.

For example to me (personally) "be more dominant in bed" might mean authoritative sex [bordering on rape], whereas to another person, it might mean bondage, floggers and a hitachi wand. (I'm all in for scenario #1; I've been known to roll my eyes and decline scenario #2.) Dominance and submission (and/or Topping and bottoming) are somewhat subjective to the persons involved.

If you're research oriented, The New Topping Book is a good non-threatening resource, full of practical advice. Things like how to do kinky things safely, or how to discuss it with a partner.

 

[loneranger8921]

Well I disagree this guy is looking for examples of Dominant themes. Those are start points to Dominant themes. They are start points not how to manuals . I feel I pointed out different levels a Dom can be then he could mold it into his own theme.

 

[KoPilot]

Yeah, might as well have thrown Gor and Twilight in there too.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well I disagree this guy is looking for examples of Dominant themes. Those are start points to Dominant themes. They are start points not how to manuals . I feel I pointed out different levels a Dom can be then he could mold it into his own theme.

He asked for "advice." He didn't ask for "themes" and he sure as hell didn't ask for "Bullshit." Those are very bad examples. At least-- bad for the submissives.

OP, here is something worth reading;
The Loving Dominant

The New Bottoming Book

and asCutie Mouse suggested, The New Topping Book

And if you scroll down from one of those pages, you'll see several other books that are also very good-- fun to read, and fun to practice

 

[knot_sweet]

Yeah, might as well have thrown Gor and Twilight in there too.

*coffespew*



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