Can a brat be TOO bratty?

[KittySacher]

Hi, all! This post is for all the self-identified brats, or for Doms/Dommes (I’m going to use Dom as a gender neutral catchall) who have some experience playing with brats. I’m having a bit of a struggle here, and I hope some of you might be able to help.
I have always enjoyed being dominated, but not without making a Dom work for it. I know that there are plenty of Doms out there who enjoy the chase and don’t mind taking a brat in hand, so that isn’t really a problem in itself. But lately, I’m having a hard time taking people seriously when they try to top me, especially if it’s strictly online play. I’ve had multiple situations where someone assumes that I’m going to submit to them from the jump, before Im ready to get into that space with them, and my “don’t tell me what to do” instincts kick in, and usually, it ends with me ghosting someone.
I’m beginning to wonder if I’m just too much of a brat for online play. Maybe this just isn’t the right medium for my level of fight, you know? Is there anyone else who has struggled with this, or who has any advice for how I can get around this situation? Thanks!

 

[2ServeWoman]

[Off-topic post will be deleted]

 

[barefootgirl69]

Maybe you simply haven't found someone who is a perfect fit for you. You said, "I’ve had multiple situations where someone assumes that I’m going to submit to them from the jump, before I'm ready to get into that space with them".

That's the main problem. Their assumptions. It's not you or your brattiness.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

^^^THIS. I 100% agree with @barefootgirl69 here. Sounds like you haven’t found a good match yet. Communication in advance of playing would probably help to find out compatibility and parameters.

 

[AnnieLit]

No, you are not too of a brat, or in this situation I would say you are not a brat at all, you are just a human. Whoever you are talking to might be *a* Dom, but that doesn't automatically makes them *your* Dom. They have to work for that with any submissive, brat or not doesn't really matters. Who in their right mind rolls over just because some stranger gave a command?! You want xyz? Great, go find porn about that, don't tell random people to do it for you. The two of you have to stop being strangers first and that takes time and effort on both sides, you can't do it on your own. If they jump into play too fast - tell them that you are not ready. And if they don't get it, then it's their problem, not yours.

 

[lanceGibs]

No, you are not too of a brat, or in this situation I would say you are not a brat at all, you are just a human. Whoever you are talking to might be *a* Dom, but that doesn't automatically makes them *your* Dom. They have to work for that with any submissive, brat or not doesn't really matters. Who in their right mind rolls over just because some stranger gave a command?! You want xyz? Great, go find porn about that, don't tell random people to do it for you. The two of you have to stop being strangers first and that takes time and effort on both sides, you can't do it on your own. If they jump into play too fast - tell them that you are not ready. And if they don't get it, then it's their problem, not yours.

"Stop being strangers "being the gist

 

[AnnieLit]

"Stop being strangers "being the gist

In real life it is so much easier! The primal needs take over and that's it, it is pretty easy to shut out the outside world and it's logic even without much of a prior connection with the person and just be in the moment.

But online, when all we have is words, things are very different. There is no real moment to be in, unless we create one *ourselves*. And subs, as far as I know, are not particularly fond of that, the logic being that if I am doing all the work, then why do I need the other person in the first place? So, that other person has to become needed for something else, not for just barking out the commands. Finding and building that something requires a lot of effort. And time.

 

[MissPennyLane]

Stop worrying about being too much X for a situation and just be true to yourself sometimes online play is frustrating because you can't find anyone you click with and sometimes you find them within moments of being on, it's a bit like dating I guess too!

I go through phases/take breaks from both to help with that. I would say just focus on being you and If you communicate that and they ignore that, then that's on them.

Good luck! I know it's frustrating. Xx

 

[MrsPassion]

I think you’ve already gotten great advice here. When I saw the thread title my first thought was “Can a Brat be too bratty? Well can water be too wet?”

I don’t think you should be looking to submit to anyone right out of the gate. It’s not practical nor is it safe IMO. And someone looking for submission right out of the gate would be a huge red flag but again I think you’ve gotten great advice to address that from the previous comments.

What lead me to comment is that I think for those of us that are brats, we have an additional struggle with finding the right brat tamer. Not all Brat Tamers are created equal and not all have the same level of patience, sense of humor, and communication to handle every brat they come across. We’re each unique in our brattiness and cunning and quite frankly how far we’ll push any boundary.

I don’t believe we can ever be “too bratty”. Now can we find ourselves in a situation where we have definitely gone too far and earned ourselves a whopper of punishment? Yeah. But that should only be happening with a Dom that knows us, our motives, quirks, and has established a relationship with us and can correctly hand out that punishment. Which takes a long time to foster. If someone is upset that you don’t submit, that you talk back, that you are a handful, etc and can’t place where on your “Brat-O-Meter” that behavior lands and immediately decides you’re the problem; it’s because they haven’t gotten to know you and quite frankly don’t deserve you in any form of docile or submissive.

The right Dom and tamer will appreciate you for being you and will have put in the work to know you and is confident that they can or will be able to handle you.

 

[chained_rose]

I have found myself in this same exact situation, both with past relationships, and with my husband of eight years. I consider myself to be a true beta submissive, however a lot of times, I find myself pushing every single button, pushing to the edge of every limit, and even escaping any and all bonds that appear even the slightest bit loose. Sometimes, my husband enjoys it, and uses his entire strength and force to make me submit, but more often than not, I find that it completely ruins the mood for him. I'm very interested to hear of others experiences, and how they've managed to overcome their incessant brattiness.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I have found myself in this same exact situation, both with past relationships, and with my husband of eight years. I consider myself to be a true beta submissive, however a lot of times, I find myself pushing every single button, pushing to the edge of every limit, and even escaping any and all bonds that appear even the slightest bit loose.

As for the OP, I agree with the others about finding a match - someone compatible who likes your style.
What you describe, sounds different from that, I think.

Whenever I find that my actual behaviour doesn’t match what I say I want, I know that I have some digging to do.
What it is that doesn’t quite match up in your case, I don’t know, but I think you are going to have to examine what ”true beta submissive” means to you now and if the D/s version that you are currently living, is what you (still) really want.
Things change over the years, we change and sometimes we aren’t even conciously aware that they/we have, so it just comes out in behaviour and thoughts in a way that can be rather confusing.

 

[chained_rose]

As for the OP, I agree with the others about finding a match - someone compatible who likes your style.
What you describe, sounds different from that, I think.

Whenever I find that my actual behaviour doesn’t match what I say I want, I know that I have some digging to do.
What it is that doesn’t quite match up in your case, I don’t know, but I think you are going to have to examine what ”true beta submissive” means to you now and if the D/s version that you are currently living, is what you (still) really want.
Things change over the years, we change and sometimes we aren’t even conciously aware that they/we have, so it just comes out in behaviour and thoughts in a way that can be rather confusing.

Not in the way of being contradictory, but over the years with my husband, I can not ever believe that I have found a truer match for me. We have somewhat sorted out, that a lot of times our wavelengths are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and that causes the most of our issues. He has begun a new regime of training me just recently, starting from scratch back to the very beginning. We did do a lot of intraspection a while ago, about why our wavelengths seemed to be off kilter so often. Ultimately we realized that I wasn't getting the stimulation and mental and emotional release that I needed, and along with that, we were both being selfish in our own wants and needs. It's taken a long time in our relationship to get our communication to the level that it is now.

I can not say that things are completely and 100% improved, and that my brattiness is completely rectified, but with his new regime, and our increased communication about our needs, I can definitely say that... well... subspace is an amazing place to be, and the more he takes me there, the more naturally and instinctively compliant I become. Sometimes it's all about the communication.

 

[IrisAlthea]

We did do a lot of intraspection a while ago, about why our wavelengths seemed to be off kilter so often. Ultimately we realized that I wasn't getting the stimulation and mental and emotional release that I needed, and along with that, we were both being selfish in our own wants and needs. It's taken a long time in our relationship to get our communication to the level that it is now

That’s great and just the kind of digging I was talking about.
I never said or meant that you might not be with your best match.
That was the paragraph about the OP.

 

[Dapperguy]

I remove bratty behaviour with a butt plug and a paddle.

 

[Lindi37]

I remove bratty behaviour with a butt plug and a paddle.

‘meh

Anyway…

I didn’t know I was a ‘brat’ until my lit friends told me. Guys that came along and tried to top me got too intense, too quickly and being a newbie I let them. Fuck that. I met my Dom through PMs as a friend and we very slowly got to know each other. It was probably a month until he revealed that he was a Dom.
I don’t know what it is but I needed to care for and know him to be his and I am
You do you boo. No definitions

 

[AnnieLit]

I remove bratty behaviour with a butt plug and a paddle.

Sorry Dapper, find something easier to digest as whole this thread just went over your head

 

[MagicFlute]

The right Dom and tamer will appreciate you for being you and will have put in the work to know you and is confident that they can or will be able to handle you.

This! As someone with experience as an online Daddydom, it is important to allow the Little to be themselves. It is also very important to build trust through honest communication.
Online does not allow for nonverbal commands, such as a look or hand gesture that instantly makes a Little obey.
With a IRL D/s relationship, if the Little gets too bratty, the Dom can discipline straight away. Online, the punishment is more removed, the Little generally has to 'discipline ' themselves which can be less than satisfactory for both parties.

In saying this, I have had success in doing online D/s relationships, but only after building the trust. And use of pics to show proof of compliance with any disciplinary action.

 

[Dapperguy]

I agree, wholeheartedly.

 

[KatieDoes]

I’m not a brat or a bratty sub, but I’m a smartass who isn’t about to submit to some random dumbass. I don’t think the problem lies with you or your level of brattiness. It sounds to me, as others have said, that you just haven’t found the right Dom yet.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

I've come up with the perfect solution on how to "tame a brat"... you don't. You let them live and thrive. After all that's part of the excitement and spontaneity that comes along with certain dynamics. Of course mind you there is a time and place to act accordingly if things do get out of hand of course certain actions will take place. But most often things like that didn't happen as many subs are wanting to please their D type disappointment is one of the worst punishments to receive for most anyone especially from a D to a sub that I've seen.

There's a reason behind if someone is acting out more excessively or out of the ordinary. Seek to understand why 1st. Neglected, confused, sad or unnoticed are some big ones. Listen before jumping into disciplinary actions.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Not all Doms are brat tamers or enjoy a bratty sub. They shouldn't seek to change their sub, but find the right one. The one that suits them.

 

[Apothal]

I am so glad I found this post. You perfectly put into words an internal struggle that I VERY much sympathize with. I’m absolutely a bratty sub but truly I feel that if a Dom (especially one who knows that I’m like this) is really about it, they’re not going to shy away from anything I can dish out. And if they do, they are absolutely not for me. I would glean little joy from the interaction progressing, especially the turning it into a “me thing” says so much more about them as a Dom, you absolutely do not need to waste your time.
Online is also so much harder than face to face. There’s so much you miss when it isn't physical.
Thank you for putting my feelings into words!

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

What a wonderful thread! Great question and thoughtful answers.

I don't care for the term "brat," yet I've accepted that it's the apparent, preferred term in the D/s world.
For me, it's a mix of 1) Dom has to earn my submission & 2) I occasionally like to Domme as well & if you're pushing too quickly, you're not going to get the side of me you want.
Though yes, there are times that I find pushing back during play (when I'm sub) to be so much more fulfilling. Almost like a verbal "hatefuck" of sorts. I pushed the Dom to a place where they're now seething for control & bringing out that extra dose of dominance is delicious. I fall into line, then.

 

[MagicFlute]

What a wonderful thread! Great question and thoughtful answers.

I don't care for the term "brat," yet I've accepted that it's the apparent, preferred term in the D/s world.
For me, it's a mix of 1) Dom has to earn my submission & 2) I occasionally like to Domme as well & if you're pushing too quickly, you're not going to get the side of me you want.
Though yes, there are times that I find pushing back during play (when I'm sub) to be so much more fulfilling. Almost like a verbal "hatefuck" of sorts. I pushed the Dom to a place where they're now seething for control & bringing out that extra dose of dominance is delicious. I fall into line, then.

I have had a sub like that for sure. Most of the time I'm a Daddydom, bit push me and Demondom makes an appearance. However I did learn with her that when she was feeling insecure about something, she needed a Demondom session. Afterwards, during after-care, she'd be relaxed a bit and could talk through her issue and look for solutions. As others have stated- you need to know your sub, accept them for who they are and work with them to help, guide and improve them.