To all the guys\girls we've loved before..

[Endlessly]

I haven't quoted the bible in a while, so it's time for me to quote the book of proverbs: "Better is the ending of a thing than the beginning of a thing, for with the ending comes wisdom."

Chef's thread got me thinking.. And there I was, cleaning the heat chute in Burger King, reflecting on all the mindfucking weirdos I've dated since I discovered guys at the tender age of 14. Not one of the relationships has been healthy.

But it got me thinking.. Each one made me a bit of a better person for the knowledge and insight I gained in allowing myself that closeness to another person.

Question is this: what relationships in the past are you grateful for, and why? In relationships that ended horribly, or that infuriate you to think about.. Did you learn anything? Would you trade the knowledge you gained to lose the memory of the ickiness? Just some things on my mind lately.

 

[Xander]

Up till now, my lovelife sucked.

Okay Endlessly, I'll try to answer that one.

I had a warm and close relationship with a girl, that started when I was 15. Btw, the same girl I lost my virginity to later.
I'm grateful for that relationship, because it taught me, that I was able to love someone as dearly as I loved her. It showed me an intimicy that I had not previously experienced. And it was wonderful.
But as a fucked up 16 year old teen, I fucked up, and one night I was together with another model type girl. I have never felt so bad in my life after that.
That taught me another valueble lesson. Model type girls who KNOW they're beautiful, and ACT upon it. Is usually not worth the hazzle. They only do it because they can. Not because they actually feel something for you.
I could be wrong, but in my experience it's one out of a million of these girls who actually is beautiful inside as well as outside.

Sweet D. Oh boy that's a whole chapter in itself.
She's one of my best friends, also back then. She is one of those beatiful people both inside and out. So very natural, laid back and funny.
My big mistake was to allow myself to fall in love with her. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.
I knew that she and I would never be an item, so I kept it bottled up inside, until the point where I was about to go insane.
So I told her, and she took it pretty well, but also flamed me for not saying it before. Because she would never have some of the things she did in front of me, if she had known.
Anyway, I felt releaved after I've told her, and I thought. NOW, it's out. And I can finally move on.
Yeah fat chance.

To make a very long story short. I was deadly in love with her in over a period of 5 friggin' years. Eventually I had to tell her, that I couldn't be the friend she wanted in me, as long as I had those feelings for her. So I broke off all contact with her for another 3 years.
By the time we started to hang out again, I had moved on, and I didn't have those feelings for her anymore.

The result of all this, was several years of emotionally numbness. I couldn't feel a god damn thing, even when I wanted to. I hated it with a passion. Those relation ships I had during that time was purely based on sex, and could not be defined by anthing else than a "casual aquintances"

That was an experiencce I could have done without. But would I trade it in for something else. Nah, I don't think so. It had a huge influence on who I am today.

Point to this: NEVER fall in love with your best friend. BIG NO NO.

 

[scylis]

but what if the person you fall in love with becomes your best friend?

 

[Xander]

As in "Lover/best friend" or "best friend/best friend"???

 

[Jade]

Yep... had some "ickies"... nope, wouldn't erase them from my past... but wouldn't want to add any there either... even if it made me a better "learned" person now...

 

[Xander]

Oh shit. Jade is gaining ground on me

 

[Bonnie Wee Lassie]

I am (and this is going to sound sick to some) grateful to my ex that beat the shit out of me all the time. He made me a stronger person in the end. I learned to depend on my self not anyone else. He made me realize the world didn't revolve around being with a man. And he taught me that no one has the right to lay a finger on me. It was a long hard black and blue road with him and of course I didn't learn all this until I left him but in the long run it made me who I am today. And that is a strong confident woman.

Bonnie

 

[April]

The relationship that wouldn't die.

I am hurting so much from this. I don't know how long it's been. It seems like he's always been there. Lurking in my heart and soul. Every time I think it's over, the feelings come back and the whole thing starts up again. He knows just what buttons to push, and exactly how to hurt me the most. Does he take pleasure in this? I don't think so, but how can you tell what another really thinks or feels?

I know he enjoys prodding my emotions, because like a blind and hungry fish, I always take the bait. He used to stop by my work and ask me to come over. I always went. How do you stop being addicted to someone? Always the same cycle of hurt, break up, and being sucked back in. Now I'm in the hurt stage. We'll see what comes next. Maybe this time I can get free? Damn it just hurts so much.

 

[scylis]

i mean a lover/best friend.. one who starts out as a lover and as you get to know him/her all the more, they become not only a lover, but your best friend...

 

[Patryn]

If you haven't read the thread about the asshole I met online that I had a brief affair with, I don't really wanna rehash the story, but I would trade those bad feelings in a heartbeat for any knowledge that I might have gained. I feel like I'm never going to be the same when/if this ever stops bothering me.

 

[Jeff726]

I know what it feels like to have affection for someone and to not have it returned to you. Let's just say I don't want to meet another Bossy ever again. I have had enough of people who lie right under your nose about who they are and how much they love you and want to spend their life with you. I am sure glad that episode is over.

The only reason I am glad I went through that is because I realized how much my friends from here care about me, and want me to find the right woman. Thank you now and again.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

But it got me thinking.. Each one made me a bit of a better person for the knowledge and insight I gained in allowing myself that closeness to another person.

Question is this: what relationships in the past are you grateful for, and why? In relationships that ended horribly, or that infuriate you to think about.. Did you learn anything? Would you trade the knowledge you gained to lose the memory of the ickiness? Just some things on my mind lately.

I would not want to go through some of my relationships again but would never give back the experience gained through them...

Nice to know someone reads my posts...


Da chef

 

[Xander]

i mean a lover/best friend.. one who starts out as a lover and as you get to know him/her all the more, they become not only a lover, but your best friend...

Oh okay. In that case it's all right I guess. I was refering to best friends who has been hanging out together and has only been friends.
That'll get you burned, if the feeling is not mutual.

 

[Samuari]

Hey Chick!

I fell in lust with somone who, after we got the recrational sex out of the way, turned out to be the smartest person I've ever known. We became best friends, who made really really good whooppie. It reached the point that I could not concieve of a future without her in it, so I asked her to marry me. It took 2 years to convince her that committment would not destroy what we had, and so far (25 years) it hasn't.

The thing about experence is that is exactly what it is. It is past, you cann't change it if you want to; you can only learn and be stronger, better, smarter because of it. Or you can forget it, and the pain is for nothing.