tips to make wife more dominant

[heyrocky]

My wife is fairly open minded to most everything except being dominant. I am usually the one who ties her up and give her long sessions of oral sex, sometimes many times in one session. My problem is I would like to have her be more dominant. I want her to tie me up and tease me until I'm to the point of overload and then quit and torture me awhile. I would even enjoy her using a strapon on me. It seems that even though I am in the dominant role I am the slave as far as who is pleasing who, and if I'm going to be the slave I would like to be able to be the slave all the way. Does anyone else have this type of problem and how do you deal with it? Thanks for any help

 

[Puman]

hell yes

You are not alone.. I feel the same way with my husband.. I am usually the one who initiates and controls the sexual side of our relationship, but am also the one who gets turned on by pain and submission (to certain degrees - I am still new to this and learning all the time)

I don't think you can change whether someone is a dominant or submissive personality, but if you are normally dominant in the bedroom, then try taking charge and demand she do it... or (if you're not THAT into D/s play) Have you tried just outright asking her to do it?

(The demanding worked nicely for me)

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

I would explain how you feel to her, and remind her that you aren't expecting her to do specific things in a specific way, you just want to show how much you trust her with your boday and want to please her.

Once Calyph gets online, I'm sure he'll remember how we first got in to me being dominant (alas, my memory is crap ) and is probably gonna have better advice than I do.

 

[Netzach]

If you relate mostly as peers outside the bedroom I might simply remind her that reciprocating is good non D/s sexual manners.

 

[ecstaticsub]

If you relate mostly as peers outside the bedroom I might simply remind her that reciprocating is good non D/s sexual manners.

I have to agree with this. Over the past two years I have learned that my husband likes to be dominated in the bedroom. It is not a role I was comfortable with at all. But..since he allows me to do so much (like have a Dom outside of our marriage) I figured dominating him a bit was the least I could do. I discussed it with my Dom and he has helped me a great deal with fulfilling my husband's desires. It has taken me a little time but now I am starting to get turned on a little by it too.

I think in any healthy marriage/long term relationship a partner should try to indulge the other person's fantasies even if they aren't fantasies they themselves share (within reason, of course. no one should be expected to do something they are absolutely against doing)

 

[subwannabe]

I agree. Wish my wife would read this thread. I just can't get her to accept that I am willing to do almost anything to please her, even if I don't care for it much myself and hope she would do the same for me. Instead, she prefers to do only things we are both happy with, which cuts down on both of our options and makes our life more vanilla.

 

[Softouch911]

I take it that you're asking for her to physically top you and not try to rearrange her personality to become a more dominant person .... cuz that won't work.

Perhaps you haven't opened enough doors to find out what she might think is "fun" or "worth trying out." If that's a possibility, perhaps you could find one of those (google) BDSM play lists and go through it together. Lots of stuff you won't want, but that's okay. There may be some ideas there that she will think of as fun, and so will you.

I mean: it's easier if you work from common ground. But, that said, for some folk there is no joy in experimenting with sex play, and if she's one of those ....


Respectfully,
ST

 

[littlefanny]

Any more detail?

Ecstaticsub if you could give us just an idea or two I would appreciate any knowledge you could share greatly on how you switch roles.

iprefer being sub. It’s too passive for my Partner and i respect that. But i have to mentally condition myself to become more assertive. i flip the scenario around in my head and tell myself, that He has requested i please Him by (fill in the blank).

There’s like a reluctance to act different in my blood, but at the same time when it’s over (and that’s sometimes how i see it) there’s a great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

I hardly ever cum when I’m Dom just because I’m focusing so hard on what I’m doing. Also He’s taught me to ask for things. Some times it’s an uphill battle. But it takes the pressure off of Him when He doesn’t have to tell me what He wants. I have to admit I’m not great on reading if I’ve pushed him to far and I still have trouble telling him what I want him to do.

Oh and trust me, if you get them to tell you to do something. Fucking do it. If you don’t, i don’t think they’ll ask twice. Then it will undo all the progress you’ve made.

You might try what Ecstaticsub has done, at least on line with finding a Dom. It may be easier for her to take orders from someone else to fulfill both your needs. I guess that’s what I do in my head. Oddly enough it sounds kinda hot thinking about telling a woman what she has to do to her man. Humm…

i'm a dork - littlefanny

 

[heyrocky]

Thanks to all for all the good ideas. We have a game we play called sweet surrender by Penthouse. You move around the board and land on either Dom or Sub spaces then pick a card and do what it says. I have printed many of my own cards and added them to the deck. Regretably when she gets one I am really interested in she says you don't really want that and picks another one until she gets one she's ok with. I'm not trying to change her personality, I think she is more dominant than I am for the most part. She is a very strong willed person and if I could just get her to open up and really dominate me it would be wonderful. I have gotten her to spank me a few times but I don't think it turns her on, too bad! Anyway I'll try some of your suggestions Thank you all

 

[ecstaticsub]

Ecstaticsub if you could give us just an idea or two I would appreciate any knowledge you could share greatly on how you switch roles.

iprefer being sub. It’s too passive for my Partner and i respect that. But i have to mentally condition myself to become more assertive. i flip the scenario around in my head and tell myself, that He has requested i please Him by (fill in the blank).

There’s like a reluctance to act different in my blood, but at the same time when it’s over (and that’s sometimes how i see it) there’s a great feeling of accomplishment and pride.

I hardly ever cum when I’m Dom just because I’m focusing so hard on what I’m doing. Also He’s taught me to ask for things. Some times it’s an uphill battle. But it takes the pressure off of Him when He doesn’t have to tell me what He wants. I have to admit I’m not great on reading if I’ve pushed him to far and I still have trouble telling him what I want him to do.

Oh and trust me, if you get them to tell you to do something. Fucking do it. If you don’t, i don’t think they’ll ask twice. Then it will undo all the progress you’ve made.

You might try what Ecstaticsub has done, at least on line with finding a Dom. It may be easier for her to take orders from someone else to fulfill both your needs. I guess that’s what I do in my head. Oddly enough it sounds kinda hot thinking about telling a woman what she has to do to her man. Humm…

i'm a dork - littlefanny

It's more of a role-play mental domination thing between my husband and I. During these times I remind him that my Dom owns me and that having sex with me is a privilege that my Dom can take away at any time. That as my husband he is the caretaker of my body, not it's owner. There are certain sexual activities that are restricted to just my Dom (in reality this is not a big deal because there are things my husband isn't into anyway). He also must asks for permission to orgasm.

But this never extends outside the bedroom except that he knows that I have certain restrictions and responsibilities 24/7 concerning my D/s relationship.

The two men in my life have yet to meet or talk, though we are discussing that possibility in the future.

 

[Softouch911]

Thanks to all for all the good ideas. We have a game we play called sweet surrender by Penthouse. You move around the board and land on either Dom or Sub spaces then pick a card and do what it says. I have printed many of my own cards and added them to the deck. Regretably when she gets one I am really interested in she says you don't really want that and picks another one until she gets one she's ok with. I'm not trying to change her personality, I think she is more dominant than I am for the most part. She is a very strong willed person and if I could just get her to open up and really dominate me it would be wonderful. I have gotten her to spank me a few times but I don't think it turns her on, too bad! Anyway I'll try some of your suggestions Thank you all

Seems to me, if you were My bottom -- maybe the best fun would be in saying No and then watching you fuss with it.

I wonder if she's that dominant ... mebbe you're missing the point and she's ignoring your sorry patootie and wondering when you're going to figure it out. Strip nekkid, get on your knees, crawl around and nuzzle her legs, put your head in her lap and purr, lick her fingers and whine. Beg for it. If you want to be a bottom try getting down so far there's nowhere but up for her to be.

Report here.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think that you cannot make her more dominant. But you can create an environment to allow whatever dominant tendencies she has to blossom and grow.

 

[Puman]

Seems to me, if you were My bottom -- maybe the best fun would be in saying No and then watching you fuss with it.

I wonder if she's that dominant ... mebbe you're missing the point and she's ignoring your sorry patootie and wondering when you're going to figure it out. Strip nekkid, get on your knees, crawl around and nuzzle her legs, put your head in her lap and purr, lick her fingers and whine. Beg for it. If you want to be a bottom try getting down so far there's nowhere but up for her to be.

Report here.

Hell - i like this idea, Softouch... will be giving it a try...

 

[heyrocky]

Puman thanks for the great answer I've tried almost everything but that. I can't wait to try it, even if it doesn't work it'll be fun trying.

 

[Puman]

hell yes

Puman thanks for the great answer I've tried almost everything but that. I can't wait to try it, even if it doesn't work it'll be fun trying.

OK Heyrocky... I gave this a bash this morning.O M G. Let's just say that it worked. He got to a point where he just took over, tied me down and treated me like his slave.

Softouch.... you're a genius. Thank you.

Heyrocky - I hope this works for you too.

 

[Netzach]

Softouch, sometimes I wish my husband and slave would get that and I'm quite Dominant. It doesn't mean I want to initiate every goddamn thing, it doesn't mean I never want to be seduced!

 

[Softouch911]

Aww, shucks.

**note to self: swing at the ball. Always swing at the ball. Sometimes you'll hit one.**

Netzach, it's a hard thing to teach. Mine worries she's "topping from the bottom," like I don't have a choice or something.

If you figure it out, please clue me in.

Best wishes,
ST

 

[SubNebGuy]

I think in any healthy marriage/long term relationship a partner should try to indulge the other person's fantasies even if they aren't fantasies they themselves share (within reason, of course. no one should be expected to do something they are absolutely against doing)

I think that's the most concise way to put it. A happy & healthy marriage is full of communication, respect and trust.
Have a chat, and start small...spanking, a handjob with delayed orgasm (teasing, etc) and let it go from there.

a submissive woman can step into a pair of Domme boots if they do it without intense coercion.

 

[gwave]

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