Threesome

[Lizzie_Borden]

Oh, and if you're writing a personal ad or whatever, and you're not looking for intentional touching between the males, you want to describe it as a MFM, not a MMF (the latter implies one male will be involved with the other male as well as the female).

Heh, I didn't know this either.

I tend to say MMF as in, 2 men and me, but I can see how things can be otherwise interpreted.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Dear Lizzie, dear Erica,
it is good to read the "female perspective", too.
Lizzie, I admire you for doing all this for your partner mainly! But I guess there is something in for you as well. And interesting to see that you prefer strangers to friends- thoughts I can follow, too. Everything said seems reasonable, especially the strong connection to your partner. He must be very proud of you!
Erica, thank your for clarifying "MMF" and "MFM"- I am not experienced in these sort of acronyms, and alway thought this is just the number of involved males and females. One never stops learning...
It is good that all the encounters you had were enjoyable. This is encouraging.
And your comments regarding a club are highly appreciated! Will keep them in mind, if we decide to go. It is really difficult to find a club, as the comments on the websites are usually quite positive. Maybe there are some "test" websites- will search for these...

Personally, I've had my most fun experiences in clubs, but then I tended to also enjoy the spa and skinny dipping in the pool, as well as the other fun stuff.

And preferring strangers is a security thing for me. I need to feel like "It's us, and the other person." There's a bunch of reasons for it, and rather than try and analyse it too much, I just learn to work that sort of stuff into the grand scheme of things.

And there really isn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Once again, thank you Erica and thank you Lizzie!
Erica, will try and check some sites out. I already tried, and some of the reviews were "eye openeners". Here in the UK it seems that there´s no free entry for anyone, including newbies. But perhaps good to meet people in advance- good hint.
Lizzie, it is soo good to see that you´re in love with your man! Shows that things can work and leave the relationship intact. Great!

 

[tomwantstosee]

Erica, I tried a few webpages for swingers, but it is difficult to decide which comments to the different clubs in the UK are genuine. Nevertheless it is quite interesting comparing the club´s homepages with the comments... Some websites look so well, and then the comments aren´t very encouraging.
I came across quite a few with age restrictions from 18-35! Great for the youngsters, but unfortunately it takes us so much longer to make a decision...

 

[imagreal]

be ready

be ready and willing to watch your wife make love to another man. it was hard for me to see my wuife with a hugr cock in her

 

[tomwantstosee]

Imagreal,
But did you enjoy? In retrospect, was it good to have tried? And was it more your or her initiative?

 

[tomwantstosee]

Was away a few days, couldn´t get connected- but back again.
So, if anyone would like to carry on the "aspects of threesomes" conversation, I would be more than grateful.
It is good to see that one is not alone with these longings, and that some of the problems don´t seem to be very real, while others are very clearly related to the couple-relationship.
What happens if she isn´t multiorgasmic, has had her climax- does she still enjoy?
If with a stranger, is it accepted if he´s then "thrown out"? And acceptable?
I guess these spontaneous beach things do not happen in reality...

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

What happens if she isn´t multiorgasmic, has had her climax- does she still enjoy?

Yes

If with a stranger, is it accepted if he´s then "thrown out"? And acceptable?

The polite thing to do would be to thank him and offer him a shower if he wants to. I've found that mostly that's how it goes, and then they leave fairly promptly of their own accord. A couple of times, they've finished their drink first, and made small chit chat, but not for long. They've definitely not expected to hang around and play xbox all night.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Yes

Good to know- thought there maybe restrictions...


The polite thing to do would be to thank him and offer him a shower if he wants to. I've found that mostly that's how it goes, and then they leave fairly promptly of their own accord. A couple of times, they've finished their drink first, and made small chit chat, but not for long. They've definitely not expected to hang around and play xbox all night.

I liked the last sentence!
The idea to ask if he wants a shower is great, too.

Thank you for such good advice!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I liked the last sentence!
The idea to ask if he wants a shower is great, too.

Thank you for such good advice!

Well, really, just think about what you might like if you were the 3rd/stranger.

 

[roomfor1more]

My wife and myself have been fantasizing about a threesome (MMF) for a while, but are not yet completely certain how to put thoughts into reality (we are both straight). I wonder if anybody would be willing to share experiences, especially with regards to some questions:
1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?
2. Once you meet, how did you start?
3. Did it feel natural?
4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?
5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?
6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?
We currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. But then the question: How to chose one? (Any experiences in London/UK?)
Would be grateful for some shared experiences both from women and men.
Thank you in advance!

We have done a few threesomes before and will try to give you some advice. The threesomes we have had have been full-swap and a cuckold variation. Cuckold we have done have not been for humiliation but for mutual pleasure and to fuel a few erotic nights. Your starting point is acknowledging four things. One is realising there is a difference between the fantasy of having a threesome and actually having it. This means just because you talk about it does not necessarily mean it will happen. When you have a fantasy of a threesome you are in control of it including its result but when you actually have one you are only 1/3 of it with you relying on the other 2/3 to make it happen without any issues, which means a real threesome is not as flawless as the fantasy. Second is realising sex and love are not necessarily the same thing. This means some people can have sex without being in love with them. It also means having a threesome involves the physical aspect of sex and it is not meant to bring in the emotions associated with sex. In some ways having a threesome is different. You can go through a variety of emotions and be flooded with information. A part of this is because it is very different seeing your partner having sex with someone else. Third is both of you must want this equally. Wanting it equally does not mean trying to find a way to measure your desire for the threesome and then measure it to make sure both of you have an equal desire for it. Instead it means both of you choose to have a threesome because it is something each of you want and that decision was made without feeling pressured into saying 'yes.' Fourth communication is key, without communicating a threesome has no chance at success. Now, I can go into much more detail about each aspect but it would detract from your questions which I will now address for you.

Moving on, though I recognise there are differing viewpoints on a new couple attending a club, my feeling a couple who are just starting out is better not to attend a club. I can go into a lot of detain regarding this but I do not want to write a novella on it. My own feeling is once you have had a few experiences and develop your communication a club would be an option, if you so chose. As for the type of person friend versus stranger preference tends to be for stranger. Granted there is a bit more risk to personal safety and it may take longer, nonetheless my own personal feeling is a stranger reduces some of the other issues like emotions or loss of friendship. In one of the threesomes we used a friend and lost the friendship afterwards. It did not result from a fight or misunderstanding feelings. Instead the friendship drifted and it ended.

Second, it is better to keep it simple the first time than trying for a cornucopia of experiences. By keeping it simple it takes some of the pressure off and it helps to manage the expectations for the experience thereby making the experience more pleasurable. This means things like DP (double penetration, bondage, and probably split roast should be delayed).

Third, you ask does it feel natural? My answer to this question based on experience, is from trying to move it from being social to have sex. You may encounter feeling uncertain or not knowing how to proceed. Being able to communicate and being assertive are two key qualities that you will need to help you move it along. In our situation my partner is quite direct about their needs and desire to start things off.

So, what type of advice would I give you if you were sitting in front of me? I would say talk it slow, communicate, set boundaries, talk about feelings, and before anything happens make sure both of you are "on the same page" about everything. Also I would say, do not rush things and move at a pace as fast as the person who is least comfortable, which means things may move slow. Third I would say do your research. There are a lot of good sites, including this one, on the subject of threesomes, swinging, and clubs in the UK. Two sites that I am aware of that list clubs in the UK are dirty-davids and swingingheaven. Plus there are some good books you can buy off of Amazon. Fourth practice safe sex and remember to continue communicating. The more you discuss this and the more you research it the more likely you will have an experience that will be enjoyable.

Hope this helps and wish you the best on your journey.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Wow, roomfor1more,
this was a very detailed comment, and it is DEFINETIVELY helpful. The "slowest one" should set the pace...
And communicating- and have the same desire- and and and...
Thank you very much!

 

[gspothero]

Hi Tom,
Seems to me the comments here are all pretty close to a consensus - open communication is essential, let the slowest (or perhaps the most cautious may capture it better) set the pace and then have fun! Well, there is a little more to it, but no much more.

So now I have a few questions for you - having received 30+ comments (all good feedback IMHO) on your original post, is an MFM threesome still on your's and your partner's to-do list? or has it slid back to the "interesting fantasy" category? Will you let us know if you go through with it? I no longer travel for business the way I used to or I would be volunteering to participate - I'm safe (no sex since thorough std testing 3 yrs ago and vasectomy), sane (I get it that the 3rd wheel is there for recreational sex only, with no desire to form an emotional relationship) and experienced (getting someone who has done MFM before should make the whole experience go more smoothly and more positively for all).

Good luck!

g

 

[tomwantstosee]

Hi gspothero,
in case that we go ahead I will keep you informed- but even though there is a lot of positive and encouraging feedback here it might take a while. Currently it seems I am more intruiged or easier aroused by this idea, but when both of us are hot it is good to share and enjoy together.
It is probably more the "sober" step into organising things and putting things in motion that is the most difficult one. Things do not just happen... (And of course that would be the ideal thing, just being in the mood and the right one comes along...;-))

 

[tomwantstosee]

JUst one more question, in light of all the comments:
Did anyone experience difficulties in the conversation afterwards? If one enjoyed more than the other, wanting more, while the other one is happy to have it as a one-off experience?
Can this be a problem? (I guess again: the most cautious sets the pace...)
Thanks!

 

[lustatopia]

You're getting lots of feedback. That's good, because the possibilities are vast.

My wife and I are "polyamorous" in the sense that we share our sex life with a number of single men and a few couples. At this point we're connected with a group of like minded friends that we party or holiday with in planned events, like boating excursions or meet at a resort for a weekend of fun and games. I suppose now that we are getting on in years, I'm 48 and my wife is 39 that the sex part of our poly affairs sometimes is almost secondary to our friendship with our lovers.

Nevertheless, my wife is just now reaching the peak of her sexuality and requires the services of younger studs fairly regularly. Sometimes we meet these guys through other couples or my wife finds them online, letting them know we are looking for a hung stud to service a hot wife while her bi husband watches and joins in the fun.

They chat, exchange pictures. Cock size and a gorgeous body are very important to us, so is good manners. It's during this digital exchange where my wife and the prospective lover-boy clearly set out the parameters of the sexual encounter.

She actually gravitates to guys that are NOT bisexual, but might well be "bi-curious" in the sense that they wouldn't mind being the straight stud for a hot wife and her bi hubby. Parameters established before hand are things like: Can I take pictures? (Usually, no.) Bareback or condoms? Would he enjoy double head from my wife and I? Would he allow me to suck his nuts and lick his shaft while he fucks my wife? Sometimes, even if a guy is uncomfortable with that level of bi stuff, she'll want to make love with him anyway, so we agree to a straight MMF. As long as he is into at least double penetrating her and allowing her to suck us both at the same time. She needs that.

Then there is usually a bit of phone sex or at least phone conversation. It's very important to talk on the phone before meeting! Why? Because all the online contact might have been just total fantasy crap (or worse) and you can hear it in the voice. It's important to be able to actually have a conversation with someone. If the dude can barely communicate or you can't stand his verbal attitude then it's not going to be fun. Beside, my wife has a bit of tease in her and she likes to make guys practically beg her for the privilege of fucking her.

This whole process thus far can take months or as little as a few days. It all depends on what little wifey decides. Then we meet the younger man often for a light meal at a nice quiet little restaurant/bar we frequent. It is important to meet the first time in a nice quiet place you feel totally comfortable being. A loud, busy or dark club is no place to assess some guy you've picked up online for the first time. You got to talk quietly and romantically in a peaceful environment. Often by this time my wife is dying for him so it's a quick drink and we're off to our house. My wife signals she is into the guy by tongue-kissing him right in front of me in the bar. But this is also another test. She once made us go home alone because the guy kissed like a dog and had the breath to match.

Once at home, it's pretty much straight to sex, almost at the pace of a typical porno movie. It depends on how articulate and comfortable the guy is. Some guys are kind of like stunned mullets at this point so my wife takes charges, makes out with him and undresses him on the couch, going down on him, while I watch and stroke my bone. My wife is a great cocksucker.

Usually though I make us all a drink at the bar first. My wife goes to change into something sexy, often something the guy saw pictures of her in online and was turned on by. The guy and I have a moment to ourselves over a glass of scotch. It's always a thrill to have a word with stud right before he fucks the shit out of your wife.

Usually, my wife sits with the guy on the couch and I sit in a chair across from them, while they slowly get into kissing and fondling. At some point she leads us into the bedroom and it just goes on from there until we are all naked trying out one position after the other. At this point it's all about being uninhibited silly and just having good fun. After all group sex is really a bit silly if you think about it -- getting into absurd sexual positions with your wife and her stud. Some one commented here before that it's "surreal." Once you get into the flow of pure lust it can become like a dream. When everything clicks it's the most mind blowing sex you'll ever have.

 

[tomwantstosee]

Hi Lustatopia-
seems you live some sort of utopia...
Anyhow, for me the bi-things aren´t the right cup of tea. Great for those who enjoy both genders, but for me it is the idea of her being the centre of attention which makes the idea so incredible.
But the advice about making phone contact first sounds clear- whatever one builds up in mind can be a cloud of expectations etc., and as a voice can add to being "sexy" this is definetively a first further step. Thanks!

 

[tomwantstosee]

Hello everybody,
I thought to update you on some progress- well, almost progress... As a first step we wanted to be watched, not include someone straight away.
We went on holiday and discovered a wonderful bay in the beautiful south of France. It was close to a larger beach with some more sunbathers. We thought of lying there, then getting aroused, and then perhaps being viewed by a stranger or so. We went there early, and that may have been the mistake. We were still in our bathing suits, when a woman with a nosy dog came along. OK, we thought, she´ll pass and then let´s see... But unfortunately the next people to come along were a family with little children- nothing more lust-killing than that! And of course we didn´t want any children being confused by the sight of two possibly coupling adults. So, that´s the update. We didn´t come any closer to reality otherwise (yet)...

 

[roomfor1more]

My wife and myself have been fantasizing about a threesome (MMF) for a while, but are not yet completely certain how to put thoughts into reality (we are both straight). I wonder if anybody would be willing to share experiences, especially with regards to some questions:
1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?
2. Once you meet, how did you start?
3. Did it feel natural?
4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?
5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?
6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?
We currently think it maybe best to go to a club or so, where no means no and there is no pressure. But then the question: How to chose one? (Any experiences in London/UK?)
Would be grateful for some shared experiences both from women and men.
Thank you in advance!

We have had a few threesomes in most cases we did not use someone we knew but in case we did invite a former boyfriend of my wife who she was never intimate with until the threesome. In that situation it went fine but it was not as enjoyable as we expected. The other situations where variations like her going off for a one time thing or threesome with me. For each situation we were able to meet them without having going to a club and let things evolved. My own personal feeling you are better off with someone you do not know.

With that said Reality is there will be some uncomfortableness and uneasiness. At least from my experience it is better to start off with few simple expectations and keep the first time simple. Furthermore I believe the more you talk about the issues, talk about the risks, develop realistic boundaries, and periodically review the plans the better off you will be. At least for me there is no rush to have a threesome. The more you can understand your wife's needs and she understands your needs then the better off the two of you will be.

 

[In Anticipation]

Hello everybody,
I thought to update you on some progress- well, almost progress... As a first step we wanted to be watched, not include someone straight away.
We went on holiday and discovered a wonderful bay in the beautiful south of France. It was close to a larger beach with some more sunbathers. We thought of lying there, then getting aroused, and then perhaps being viewed by a stranger or so. We went there early, and that may have been the mistake. We were still in our bathing suits, when a woman with a nosy dog came along. OK, we thought, she´ll pass and then let´s see... But unfortunately the next people to come along were a family with little children- nothing more lust-killing than that! And of course we didn´t want any children being confused by the sight of two possibly coupling adults. So, that´s the update. We didn´t come any closer to reality otherwise (yet)...

Interesting thread, quite a lot of what you mention is on my list, even the watching. In London too, I'll check out some of your other writings . . .

 

[liv21]

I recently had my first experience with a threesome (straight MMF). Although I thought about it beforehand, when it actually happened, it wasn't as graceful as it should have been. After a bit too much alcohol (for me--other two were both sober), I ended up having sex with my fiance and someone he knows from school. I'd given the subject a lot of thought prior to the event, but afterward I realized it wasn't as big of a deal as I'd thought it would be.

1. Do you think it is better to meet someone who is not close/a stranger to avoid emotional confusion? Or a friend? Or may a club be a solution?
For me, the fact that I didn't know the other guy was helpful. There was no emotional charge, simply sexual. I think that's the ideal way to go about having sex with someone if you're not in a relationship with them. However, this third party disagreed with me. He had been in other MMFs before, usually with friends as the other M. It depends on the person, I suppose.

2. Once you meet, how did you start?
As I said, the situation wasn't as graceful as it should have been. Enough alcohol can make some things seem like magic. I simply ended up hanging out with my fiance and his friend and said "let's have sex." Under most circumstances, I would never say that. I'm a tease queen, so I enjoyed making out, light touching, things like that until the boys were fed up with it and wanted to get down to business.
If I were to do it again sober, I'd much rather not be the one to initiate sex.

3. Did it feel natural?
My fiance and I were each others' first and only up until this happened. I always wondered what it would be like to have sex with someone else, mostly because I'm in love with him and very much enjoy sex with him. Perhaps the alcohol made this easier, but I didn't feel awkward or scared at all. I enjoyed sharing my sex life and nuances with someone new. And I definitely enjoyed all the attention being on me.

4. If one has an orgasm, how is it to carry on?
We didn't actually get this far. Well, I did, but both boys held out for about an hour until our third party had to leave suddenly.

5. What did you try? Oral and vaginal, or dp (and if yes, how?)?
I wasn't exactly concerned with running the MMF bases. I was more focused on how I was getting off and from whom. However, I did give oral as I was being fucked, and got a rimjob while giving a blow job (the best way to give BJs, by the way). Probably the strangest part, though, was being fingered by my fiance while I made out with someone else.

6. Did both of you enjoy? Or was one part more intruiged and wanted more, but the other needs more time or so?
I probably enjoyed it more than my fiance did. However, his intention was to do me a favor by letting me experience someone new. I hadn't thought about MMFs as being a fantasy before, although I'd love to try it again someday. My main priority is to get another girl for a threesome, which would hopefully be something he and I could enjoy equally. As for right now, I'm happy to give him time to trust that our relationship wasn't affected by this.
The other guy I was with was considerably more well-endowed than my fiance, not to mention very skinny (my fiance is not happy with his current weight). Combined, I'd imagine this could've been very hard on my fiance. It was different, certainly, and that's exciting. But I still have the best sex with my fiance. I think I do need to give him time so that he can trust things are still great with us. Sexual exploration is fun, but I won't push for it unless my fiance feels the same way.

I suspected that sex can be just sex, and separate from a relationship, but I couldn't be absolutely sure until this happened. As a girl, it can be a scary to think about someone other than your SO giving you sexual pleasure, even if your SO is there with you. And I'm pretty liberated sexually. Truth is, it's not as daunting once you're in the moment. A trust and openness between partners is necessary though. Try to find someone who has had experience with it before, if possible. That should make things easier.

Just thought I'd share my situation, as it was a bit different than I imagined it would be...yet I came out the other side just fine.

 

[tomwantstosee]

With that said Reality is there will be some uncomfortableness and uneasiness. At least from my experience it is better to start off with few simple expectations and keep the first time simple. Furthermore I believe the more you talk about the issues, talk about the risks, develop realistic boundaries, and periodically review the plans the better off you will be. At least for me there is no rush to have a threesome. The more you can understand your wife's needs and she understands your needs then the better off the two of you will be.

I guess you are right- talking and vocalising the ideas, fantasies and maybe needs is very important, as well as to realise that both fantasies are not necessarily equal. When we went to this beach it was something both of us would have felt naturally with, and for a while a beach-fantasy was our common favourite...

I probably enjoyed it more than my fiance did. However, his intention was to do me a favor by letting me experience someone new. I hadn't thought about MMFs as being a fantasy before, although I'd love to try it again someday. My main priority is to get another girl for a threesome, which would hopefully be something he and I could enjoy equally. As for right now, I'm happy to give him time to trust that our relationship wasn't affected by this.

I guess he really loves you- giving you this freely, especially as this other guy was physically so different (which is probably a great fear of any male- on the other hand to see how she enjoys maybe a huge turn on. What did he say?)

Anyway, such a report of personal experience is extrmely helpful, as it is so honest. Thank you very much for sharing this experience from the women´s perspective!

 

[liv21]

I guess he really loves you- giving you this freely, especially as this other guy was physically so different (which is probably a great fear of any male- on the other hand to see how she enjoys maybe a huge turn on. What did he say?)

Anyway, such a report of personal experience is extrmely helpful, as it is so honest. Thank you very much for sharing this experience from the women´s perspective!

No problem at all! How things happened isn't exactly something I'm proud to admit, especially because I had a lot of questions and concerns, like you, whenever I gave it any thought. I wanted to be cool and calculated about it and make sure I went about everything just so. Turns out it didn't need to be perfect in order for me to have a good experience.

He certainly does love me very much. And of course I love him equally. I asked what the idea behind it was. His response was that he wanted me to have the experience of someone else. I had always found it strange that I was going to get married to the only man I'd had sex with--not that I could complain about it, mind you. He always told me he'd be open to the idea of letting me have sex with someone else, if it's what I wanted. I never pressed the issue, especially because I thought it would bother him on some level.

I think he was probably apprehensive after it happened. I only see him once a week, and he was concerned about if he could still trust me to be faithful, or if he unleashed some kind of slut demon. It's been a few weeks now though, and nothing about our relationship has intrinsically changed. If anything, I think it's changed for the better. When it comes down to it, I had sex with another guy--a slender, hung guy--and I didn't leave him. I still prefer having sex with the same guy I've been with for over two years. The way I see it, there's casual sex and there's sex between lovers. Casual sex is fun, but sex with someone you love is so much better. It's corny, but it's true.

Sorry for rambling a bit--it's what I do.

 

[tomwantstosee]

It's been a few weeks now though, and nothing about our relationship has intrinsically changed. If anything, I think it's changed for the better. When it comes down to it, I had sex with another guy--a slender, hung guy--and I didn't leave him. I still prefer having sex with the same guy I've been with for over two years. The way I see it, there's casual sex and there's sex between lovers. Casual sex is fun, but sex with someone you love is so much better. It's corny, but it's true.

I fully agree with the last sentence!
But your reply made me think- maybe there is some security in a threesome with another guy: One can "allow" her to enjoy someone else, but the experience is shared and there is the chance of a "no" from both. It maybe a sort of control, which makes it less "dangerous" for her to enjoy another man.
In addition I personally enjoy as well that she is so attractive not only to myself- maybe I want to show off?
Lots of psychology involved, but as your expereince shows it can be quite enjoyable without too much thoughts.

 

[MarriedKitten]

great thread for me to delve my account into.

my husband and I are interested in a MMF threesome. We know someone but he just seems to want to be so distant. sometimes interested then backs off then will say he is interested. so we know him, he's a safe bet he just isn't interested.

Finding a stranger might be a little scary for my husband and I.

What do others do in this situation?