Sam's small space

[Samdesu]

I've been coming to Lit for a looooong time for various things but have been spending more and more time here in the forums. Well, I've finally decided to start my own little space to get some of my thoughts down in a space disconnected from my normal day to day places.

Good? Bad? In-between? Yes.
Coherent and incoherent... Horny, deep, sentimental or nonsensical. Text or photos or whatever. Kind of a "need to get this out of my head" place.

With that being said, thanks for stopping by! You're strong and wonderful, doing amazing, and I'm so proud of you. You made it through another day and I know you'll conquer the next one, no matter the challenges you face.

 

[Samdesu]

First non-intro post and it's a tough one for me.
Sorry folks. :/
A little letter to my better half.

[insert sigh and coffee sip]

Hi Honey!
Guten Morgen mein Puzzletiel, Happy 40th Birthday!

It's been 2 years and 10 days since you passed and it's been fucking hard. Ambivalence has become my normal state of being. When it's a good day, it's a great day! But when it's not? Well, let's just say I'm not okay and today is one such day.

I miss you so fucking much I can't put it into words... My heart hurts and your puzzle piece to put me back together will forever be missing. I've been thinking a lot about you lately... Your laugh and smile... The tickle fights and butt touches... Our cuddled spooky movie sessions and our "WHEEE!!!" filled car rides.

I'm sorry it took me so long to come back for that beer and I'm so happy I did.
Rest well my Liege... You're the fucking best!
Goodnight and I love you!

 

[Samdesu]

Just a silly pick me up photo. Havin' a better day today than yesterday, but I hope you lords and ladies that come by have had a fantastical day.

Remember, spend extra time with your loved ones and try to leave nothing unsaid. You never know when you may lose the chance.

 

[Samdesu]

Hey
Hello

I hope you're having a good day. Because I have to remind myself to keep doing it, here's one for you too.

Slow down. Take a deep breath and a few seconds to enjoy a moment in your day. Don't forget to drink some water, stretch, or mind your posture.

It's been a mellow day with some somber thoughts, so i thought I'd try to jump start my own positivity putting some love and support out there!

 

[Samdesu]

If I've dm'd you and it's small or lame... Or hell, if it's a lot in quantity, I'm sorry for bugging you though I appreciate the time you've given me.

I miss the conversation I don't get anymore, especially as I'm trying to become a social bug again.

 

[Samdesu]

Havin' a real low night...

A request from a stranger on the internet? Check in on your friends and love ones... Give 'em a few extra minutes of your time than you'd normally give... Even if it's just a quick text or DM. You never know what that can do for someone...

You're so fucking important and an amazing person. Even if you're not, I'm proud of you and what you've accomplished. Thank you for being you. <3




EDIT: Also, if any Dev's see this... PLEASE put a rush on dark mode for the forums!!!

 

[Samdesu]

Welp. Got some mainly good news yesterday, but there's the possibility of not great news. Find that out sometime in the next two weeks.

Hoping PAX West will be a big enough pick me up to pull me out of the rut I'm in...

You're a bad ass. Thanks for being here and I hope your day is a lovely one.

 

[Samdesu]

Don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, but I'm sorry.
I'll just stay in my corner.

 

[Samdesu]

Anyone that's been chit-chatting with me, lewd or not, I appreciate you.
It's helped me keep the mask on and the smile more natural. Hell even giving a boost out of the rut for a bit, sometimes with a nice boost of serotonin!

 

[Samdesu]

I'll just crawl back into my hole.

 

[Samdesu]

I've realized something over this weekend... i know I've got my own shit going on that I try to keep behind the mask, but Holy Fuck dies it become exacerbated at an event like this, and then multiplicatively when alcohol becomes involved like it has everyday. I'm sad, lonely, horny, and I miss my lady.

 

[Samdesu]

Sad realization about myself on a scotch driven night... I've been seeing couples paired up, sharing their nerdiness all weekend... And tomorrow? I'm the third wheel. 90% of my friends are in relationships and this convention was one of my late fiancé's favorite things.

So, laying here, in bed listening to my hotel roomie snore, trying to hold what little conversation I can, on top of 3 of the four days of the con seeing so many cute ass couples doing cute ass things just makes me wish I had that again.

I miss it.

 

[Samdesu]

I'm tired...

And I miss you...

 

[Samdesu]

Guess I'm not good enough... Sorry