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[kreemi_pi]

Chuck Norris once told his wife to calm down.

And she did.

He woulda gone all Chuck Norris on her if she didnt

 

[Baztrachian]

When Chuck Norris left for college, he shook his dad’s hand, looked him in the eye and said, “You’re the man of the house now…”

 

[Baztrachian]

What would a Klondike Bar do for Chuck Norris?

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush his toilet, he just looks down and scares the shit out of it.

 

[kreemi_pi]

You wanna know who could fix the economy? Chuck Norris could.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Burger King.

Chuck Norris can get Chik-Fil-A on Sunday.

Chuck Norris gets the chicken sandwich at In-N-Out Burger.

 

[Baztrachian]

Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris parks his car in a no parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there - “Is that your car?” he asks. “Yes, what‘s the problem?“ - asks Chuck. The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says: “Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.“

 

[Baztrachian]

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

 

[kreemi_pi]

Chuck Norris once took on an entire convent of Shaolin nuns, using just two sticks and a piece of wire.

This is how NunChucks were created

 

[Baztrachian]

When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands in order to talk to him.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why? Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris got bit by a rabid dog. He didn’t get sick, the dog got better.

 

[Baztrachian]

The only reason Chuck Norris has never won an academy award is because Chuck Norris isn’t acting.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection, there were no survivors.

 

[Baztrachian]

Some kids wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

 

[kreemi_pi]

Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Bartender sez, what'll ya have?

Chuck Norris says gimme a glass of Johnny Walker...Texas Ranger

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris has 2 speeds: 1. Walk 2. Kill

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris pulled the pin on a grenade and threw it, killing thirty people.

Then he threw the grenade.

 

[kreemi_pi]

Chuck Norris is allergic to whiskey. It makes his knuckles bleed.

 

[kreemi_pi]

Chuck Norris has a grizzley bear.

For lunch.

 

[Baztrachian]

The boogeyman has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

 

[Baztrachian]

Chuck Norris went to a Feminist Rally. He came back with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.