This just in from John Kerry:

[Paendragon]

Kerry in '04!!!!

Wait . . . wait a minute . . . that's not right.

Why the hell is this thread on its 24rd page, again? This is a loser for the Republicans. It leaves too many scratching their heads over motivations. No one, besides hardcore conservatives and liberals, cares about Kerry. It's silly.

 

[Purple Haze]

Isn't "bring it on" three words?

 

[Ham Murabi]

Kerry found with duct tape over mouth

By Andy Borowitz


Dean denies involvement

Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass), the 2004 Democratic nominee for President, was discovered today in a broom closet at Democratic National Committee headquarters in Washington, his hands bound behind his back and a strip of duct tape over his mouth.


The discovery of Sen. Kerry ended a nationwide manhunt after the former presidential candidate vanished Tuesday afternoon en route to an appearance on CNN's "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer.


Sen. Kerry, who created controversy on Monday by telling a group of California students that people unable to succeed in the U.S. educational system would likely "get stuck in Iraq," said that he was walking towards CNN studios in Washington when an unknown person came upon him from behind and chloroformed him.


"The next thing I knew, I was tied up in a closet with this duct tape over my mouth," Kerry said. "It's too bad, because I had a lot of awesome things to say on CNN."


Moments after the discovery of Sen. Kerry in the DNC's broom closet, Washington police called party chairman Howard Dean in for questioning.


"We knew that Gov. Dean had a motivation for silencing Sen. Kerry," said Washington, D.C. police detective Delmore Gleason. "Plus, as a former doctor, he had access to chloroform."


After being questioned by police, however, Gov. Dean told reporters he had "no involvement" in the drugging of the talkative Sen. Kerry.


"When I learned that somebody had put John Kerry to sleep, all I could think was, turnabout is fair play," Gov. Dean said.


Elsewhere, Britney Spears' husband Kevin Federline said he plans to write his autobiography, "as soon as I learn the alphabet."

 

[Peregrinator]

these thugs wouldn't even have bothered with the Taliban if they could have figured out earlier how to bullshit everyone on Iraq and WMD's. they have no interest in getting the bad guys. the bushes and the bin Ladins have been sleeping together for years.

Mookie? i googled it. came up with the Mets Mookie Wilson (probably before your time), and some formulaic comedy from the nineties, but nothing that would explain your reference, AJ.

the "organ of the Democratic party" gave Bush and Co. a free ride thru all of the lies that followed 9/11, and allowed them to take this country down a dangerous and bankrupt path toward tyranny. it's been hard waking up from this nightmare, but there's a window of opportunity to bring democracy back to this country. hope we don't blow it.

He means Muqtada Al-Sadr. And I'd guess he's older than Mookie Wilson.

And I agree that the press is too soft on Bush&Co. They're all cowed and afraid to ask tough questions, and when they do, they get shut down.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

Kerry found with duct tape over mouth

By Andy Borowitz


Dean denies involvement

Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass), the 2004 Democratic nominee for President, was discovered today in a broom closet at Democratic National Committee headquarters in Washington, his hands bound behind his back and a strip of duct tape over his mouth.


The discovery of Sen. Kerry ended a nationwide manhunt after the former presidential candidate vanished Tuesday afternoon en route to an appearance on CNN's "The Situation Room" with Wolf Blitzer.


Sen. Kerry, who created controversy on Monday by telling a group of California students that people unable to succeed in the U.S. educational system would likely "get stuck in Iraq," said that he was walking towards CNN studios in Washington when an unknown person came upon him from behind and chloroformed him.


"The next thing I knew, I was tied up in a closet with this duct tape over my mouth," Kerry said. "It's too bad, because I had a lot of awesome things to say on CNN."


Moments after the discovery of Sen. Kerry in the DNC's broom closet, Washington police called party chairman Howard Dean in for questioning.


"We knew that Gov. Dean had a motivation for silencing Sen. Kerry," said Washington, D.C. police detective Delmore Gleason. "Plus, as a former doctor, he had access to chloroform."


After being questioned by police, however, Gov. Dean told reporters he had "no involvement" in the drugging of the talkative Sen. Kerry.


"When I learned that somebody had put John Kerry to sleep, all I could think was, turnabout is fair play," Gov. Dean said.


Elsewhere, Britney Spears' husband Kevin Federline said he plans to write his autobiography, "as soon as I learn the alphabet."

now, THAT is funny, and at least on the same level of importance as the 'news' story of Kerry's joke.

 

[wazhazhe]

It was said right after 9/11, and if the U.S. and friends took no action against Afghanistan or Iraq, do you believe terrorism would have stopped?

The invasion of Iraq had nothing to do with terrorism. I don't know why people keep repeating there is a connection when there is no evidence to substanciate it.

 

[Ishmael]

The invasion of Iraq had nothing to do with terrorism. I don't know why people keep repeating there is a connection when there is no evidence to substanciate it.

That's a lie. A proven lie. One proven as a lie again just two day ago in the NY Times.

But then there are some that embrace lies like they embrace the belief in manna from heaven. At least as long as those lies advance their political agenda.

On the Iraqi nuclear program: the Left wants to have their cake and eat it too
By Jeff Emanuel
Friday, November 3, 2006

The New York Times took a break Friday from its usual pastime of making classified information a part of the public record to accuse someone else of doing the same, and, in a final attempt to smear the Bush administration before Tuesday’s midterm election, grabbed the hand of her allies on the Left – and took a giant leap backwards.

The scoop was supposed to be another pre-election “outing” of administration blunders in the War on Terror by the mainstream media (a la the “missing Iraqi weapons” stories which happened to be held until right before the 2004 election). And the story was indeed a big one – but probably not in the way that the newspaper intended.

In recent years, US government established an online archive in an effort to enlist the public’s aid in the translation of, and reduction of data from, the vast store of Iraqi intelligence and governmental documents recovered since the March 2003 invasion According to the Times, this effort led not to an increase in America’s understanding of that country’s supposedly nonexistent WMD programs or terrorist ties, but rather became a potential boon to Iran, who officials of the International Atomic Energy Agency fear may have gained knowledge of how to develop nuclear arms through the addition of Iraq’s published experience with the systems.

The documents in question reportedly contained extremely detailed information “on how to build nuclear firing circuits and triggering explosives, as well as the radioactive cores of atom bombs” – in other words, according to experts, “the documents…constitute a basic guide to building an atom bomb.”

The “thrust of the story,” to quote a former anchor, was that the Bush administration, without a second thought about the possible consequences, had deposited all of this information on the internet for anybody to access who wished to.

Anxious to drive the point home, the article added that the government site, known as the “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal,” had also made public Iraqi documents “about chemical weapons,” including “information on how to make tabun and sarin, nerve agents that kill by causing respiratory failure.”

Apparently lost to the New York Times in this gushing about how the dangerously incompetent Bush administration made WMD technology available to Iran (thus making America exponentially less safe – although nowhere in the article does it say that Iran has definitively accessed these documents) was the most obvious detail of their story: that Iraq, under Saddam Hussein, had the capability for – and was actively seeking – not only chemical and biological weapons, but nuclear weapons, as well.

The staple of the Liberal platform for the past four-plus years has been almost uniform: Bush lied us into a war in Iraq. Saddam never had any weapons of mass destruction, nor was he seeking any; Iraq was not a threat to America’s security in any way, shape, or form.

This report blows that entire argument, and its corresponding mindset, completely out of the water.

One cannot help but to almost feel sorry for the Left’s forced longsuffering at the hands of their own ineptitude. In a last-ditch attempt to discredit the GOP on national security, a viable accusation of failure in that area finally appeared to have been found: that President Bush endangered the nation, and enabled Iran, by publishing Iraqi documents on the internet that divulged how to make and use WMDs. While it probably will not hold up over time, the allegations alone should at least have been sufficient to get the Democrats through Tuesday’s election; after that, developments could have been dealt with as they came.

However, the Left’s biggest problem with accepting this accusation is that it means the complete and utter obliteration of their beloved mantra of the past four years –“Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction.”

Perhaps the most damning statement in the Times’ article was the following:

“Among the dozens of documents in English were Iraqi reports written in the 1990s and in 2002 for United Nations inspectors in charge of making sure Iraq had abandoned its unconventional arms programs after the Persian Gulf War. Experts say that at the time, Mr. Hussein’s scientists were on the verge of building an atom bomb, as little as a year away.” (emphasis added)

The ineptitude of the media when so single-mindedly pursuing a predetermined target is almost staggering. Not only had the article already, in the name of showing the incompetence of the Bush administration (and, by extension in this election season, of the Republican Party as a whole) to maintain America’s national security, admitted that Saddam’s government had been actively pursuing chemical, biological, and nuclear weapons, but in that one brief paragraph they pulled the rest of the “Bush lied” and “Iraq was no threat” house of cards completely to the ground, with the contention that in 2002 – on the very eve of the Iraq invasion – Saddam was less than one year away from building an atomic bomb. America seems to have made it there just in time.

The contortion of logic necessary to believe both mantras – that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, but that, due to Republican incompetence, publication of Iraqi documents gave Iran the ability to create and employ WMDs of their own – requires an intellect more flexible – and more willing to believe the “inconceivable” – than Vizzini’s (the Sicilian from the Princess Bride who, during the Battle of Wits, was told, “Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.”)

Lost in this single-minded pursuit of a noose with which to hang Republicans on an issue that is one of their greatest strengths – and at this time when strength on it is so desperately needed – is real news, from a different front in the War on Terror: the Western front: the latest development in the August terror case from Britain, in which twenty-five would-be suicide bombers were arrested (thanks in large part to allied surveillance – likely warrantless – of their communications) before they could execute their plan to blow up multiple airliners bound for the United States, was largely ignored by the mainstream media.

Lost in the shuffle – or, rather, the scramble to bounce Republicans from office, and to condemn President Bush yet again – was the fact that further interrogation of the suspects revealed their actual goal, which was not, as had first been thought, to detonate the planes over the Atlantic Ocean.

The terrorists’ ultimate goal, according to Mark Mershon, head of the FBI's New York field office, was to wait until the airliners had reached North America – and then "to blow them up over U.S. cities to maximize casualties."

According to the Winston-Salem Journal, representatives of MI5, the British intelligence service, had briefed the FBI on the liquid-explosives case in recent weeks. “It would make your hair stand up to be in the room to hear that presentation,” said Mershon.

While neither honorable nor respectable, it is not surprising that the mainstream media – New York Times included – has chosen to ignore that story completely. However, at a time when threats to our very lives are so real, it is nothing short of a disgrace that facts (and the warnings they entail) would be swept under the rug, and instead replaced by stories which, whether accurate or not, hope to advance the election-year narrative.

Unfortunately for the Left, this attempt not only fell short, but managed to shoot them squarely in both feet – for, not only does their utter disregard of actual national security-related developments reinforce even further the public’s perception of the Left on that all-important issue (as well, on the side, as reinforcing opinion of the mainstream media’s objectivity), but the motto of the Liberal movement, the mantra which had all but given them reason to live for the past four-plus years – “Bush lied: there were no weapons of mass destruction” – was cast aside and flushed in a mere instant – all in favor of yet another, run-of-the-mill attempt at an election-year hit piece.

But hey, you can live in that world of 'free bubble-up and rainbow pies' if you want.

Ishmael

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Meanwhile, North Korea detonated a nuke on Bush's watch. Blame Clinton. News@11.

So Assmeal's story proves that there is a report that Iraq had documents of WMD. Wow, documents. No actual WMD's, but documents and plans for them, unearthed three years later. No actual WMD's at all. Oh yeah, liberals are so busted.

Meanwhile, Iran actually has the actual materials to build WMD's, while South Korea has recently tested WMD's.

Keep pushing this angle, Assmeal, one day the Liberals are going to get smart and point out that the Republicans are doing absolutely nothing at all about those nations who HAVE the materials for WMD's and who are testing them, and if they discover this nationally known secret in the next few days, you may not see Republicans winning a race for the county dog catcher for the next century.


Bark for me, Assmeal.
woof!

 

[Ham Murabi]

So Assmeal's story proves that there is a report that Iraq had documents of WMD. Wow, documents. No actual WMD's, but documents and plans for them, unearthed three years later. No actual WMD's at all. Oh yeah, liberals are so busted.

Meanwhile, Iran actually has the actual materials to build WMD's, while South Korea has recently tested WMD's.

Keep pushing this angle, Assmeal, one day the Liberals are going to get smart and point out that the Republicans are doing absolutely nothing at all about those nations who HAVE the materials for WMD's and who are testing them, and if they discover this nationally known secret in the next few days, you may not see Republicans winning a race for the county dog catcher for the next century.


Bark for me, Assmeal.
woof!

LT, what do you suppose the liberals would do about NORTH Korea and Iran? Build coalitions for talks, perhaps?
As for the report you refer to and the fact that Saddam was a year away from nukes, I think you can plausibly argue that doing nothing in Iraq for 11 more months would have been OK.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

LT, what do you suppose the liberals would do about NORTH Korea and Iran? Build coalitions for talks, perhaps?
As for the report you refer to and the fact that Saddam was a year away from nukes, I think you can plausibly argue that doing nothing in Iraq for 11 more months would have been OK.

Well, I would propose we do exactly what the Republicans are doing 1 month after North Korea tested their first nuke... which is what, exactly?

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Well? What are the Republicans doing about Iran and North Korea?

I'm waiting.

 

[Ham Murabi]

Well? What are the Republicans doing about Iran and North Korea?

I'm waiting.

Not acting unilaterally.

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Not acting unilaterally.

Since when has Dubya needed a coalition? As long as Britain is on his side...

oh wait, Tony Blair is resigning. Sillyme...

 

[Ham Murabi]

Since when has Dubya needed a coalition? As long as Britain is on his side...

oh wait, Tony Blair is resigning. Sillyme...

I believe "unilateral" is defined as "not having the approval of the French."

 

[Le Jacquelope]

I believe "unilateral" is defined as "not having the approval of the French."

That hasn't stopped Dubya before.

So whose fault will it be if Iran nukes somebody?

Oh, I know... Clinton's!

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

That's a lie. A proven lie. One proven as a lie again just two day ago in the NY Times.

But then there are some that embrace lies like they embrace the belief in manna from heaven. At least as long as those lies advance their political agenda.

But hey, you can live in that world of 'free bubble-up and rainbow pies' if you want.

Ishmael

*yawn* Read the story, again, documents from 1991..

*points to dead horse*

 

[Cap’n AMatrixca]

I believe "unilateral" is defined as "not having the approval of the French."

If ya no have an accordian, ya no have an army!

How can ya have an army if you don't have the French?

We don't need no education...

 

[Le Jacquelope]

Cap'n Amatrixca's rendition of 'the wall'

"We don't need no education,
when we have our trailer parks!"

 

[wazhazhe]

... and the fact that Saddam was a year away from nukes ...

Bullshit! Saddam had no nuclear program after the Gulf War. There was no connection between Saddam and terrorism. Why do keep repeating these lies? how about backing them up with evidence?

 

[RobDownSouth]

Bullshit! Saddam had no nuclear program after the Gulf War. There was no connection between Saddam and terrorism. Why do keep repeating these lies? how about backing them up with evidence?

Wazhazhe, it's Ham Murabi. Lies are his stock in trade. He serves his Republican masters well. He'll be rearranging the deck chairs on the Titantic allllllllllll the way down to the bottom.

3 more days before Morning Again In America.

 

[Cap’n AMatrixca]

Do you read the Times?

Look at Drudge; they all have oil and they're all going nuclear because they've all gone green...

 

[Ishmael]

Bullshit! Saddam had no nuclear program after the Gulf War. There was no connection between Saddam and terrorism. Why do keep repeating these lies? how about backing them up with evidence?

Really? Don't read much, do you?

Ishmael

 

[Ishmael]

Do you read the Times?

Look at Drudge; they all have oil and they're all going nuclear because they've all gone green...

Iran has set off an arms race. Europe had better start getting really worried.

Ishmael

 

[Cap’n AMatrixca]

Iran has set off an arms race. Europe had better start getting really worried.

Ishmael

Alfred EU Nuemann?

 

[Ishmael]

Alfred EU Nuemann?

More or less. I wonder which European city will be the first to go?

Ishmael