Thirtysomethings

[scout73]

"Life is what happens when we're not looking"

"Life is what happens when we're not looking." J. Lennon
All the unexpected things, good and bad, that occur in life make us better people. Its easy to get lost in the things that make us angry, upset, or stessed. Are the things we think are really important to us actually really important. I am relatively young and I think in the last four years I have experienced what it takes many to go through in a lifetime. My wife and I lost a baby, I almost lost my wife due to complications, and watched her go through two severe depressions. To see your wife to go through such saddnes every day and to feel like you do not know her any more is a heavy cross to bare. But to watch her come back to you is one of the most beautiful things inthe world. I used to be a worry wort before....now I know what is important to me...the little things in life that you don't remember a week later...not important. I used to get bent out of shape when I would loose an account or when I had to fix something on the house that was more money than I expected. Its funny because I listen to my friends complain about little things and how horrible life is...I want to scream at them!!! Out of all the chaos we were blessed with the most beautiful baby in the world. She makes my world.
Scout

 

[blindhound]

Scout,
It is always good to have someone put things in perspective! Thanks

 

[hausfrau]

Re: Great thread

OMG! That is totally it.

I have been doing things to make other people happy for so long that I think I forgot who I am in the process. That's what I'm finding again.

What has lit awakened in me? I suppose generally speaking I am making choices that take me outside of my comfort zone -- which is a good thing, adds a lot of excitement to my life, which I sorely needed. Taking more risks. Used to be a very risk averse person. Am shedding that part of me in certain areas of my life. It feels really really really good.

Specifically? Let's see. Wear way more sexy underwear and form-fitting clothing than I used to - because I have come to the realization that I don't look half bad in them, dammit! I put myself first sometimes. More long luxurious bubble baths, day trips to see a friend of mine. Will be buying a sports car in the spring -- I have 2 preschoolers, not the most practical choice, but dammit, it's for mememememe!!! My big goal for this year is to find a cover band to sing for occasionally.

None of this is particularly earth shattering, but they are things I have always wanted to do but never done because they weren't the "right" thing to do for whatever reason.

Ya know what? Fuck that. They're the right thing for me to do for me, so I'm doing them. I will not die with regrets. I will not.

My twenties were spent so busy doing what I thought others expected of me I wasn't sure which end was up and I was always stressed out. My 30s have been about learnign to know myself better, and I feel like knowing that means what I give to others is more genuine and unique - and certainly more rich - than it ever could have been before now. I

 

[mac_crazy]

wanted: lead singer

Hey hausfrau, we need a singer for our band!

I play drums, and my friend plays guitar... I've only been playing for about 6 months, but it's fun. And I started for the same kind of reason... I've always kinda wanted to, but always put it off, cuz "there wasn't time", or "can't afford it", or whatever... but finally I came to a decision, and said screw it! No regrets!

Besides, the girl I was dating last year said to me once "I could NEVER date another drummer in a band" (this was before I started playing, she dated a drummer years ago)... I knew then that it was the beginning of the end for me and her.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Thirty 'ought...

Heh-hah!

I think that at a touch over 30, I've got my career in gear, what with years to do it post-college. I've quietly climbed the ladder of attrition to get to the top of my department -- staff ace, the like.

I don't have my own house yet, though; perhaps a big disappointment to some, but I've moved around as a consquence a few times, and the place I moved into a couple of years back is worth the rent and then some.

I've made a number of financial mistakes (rule one: do not take in boarders without jobs) in those intervening years, and am about done with the 'recovery' stage. Ready to figure out new directions again, in the later half of this year, but the winter has just been going through the motions.

I'm far enough away from school that I don't remember how drudge-like going to class was -- instead I drag myself into work day in and out, and get along with my coworkers as best I can. Which, being little old affable me, is relatively easy.

Time's been kind to me. I don't look like I'm in my thirties. Low-twenties is what most people guess.

But then again, it doesn't seem like I've been at this job for very long, yet it's the same one I've had post-degree. Scary, that.

I think that perhaps I'm not ready to slow down and be thirtyish yet. I think I have my whole life ahead of me still, though the people I was friends with when I was 'younger' are in my distant past now, and gotten on with their lives - you know the drill, married, kids, etc. Me? Not married. Not planning on it yet, though with the right person, you never know.

I'm still thinking of being a writer, and that sort of intent never leaves you even after you retire, if you have it in your blood.

The only thing people knowing how old I really am does is have them remind me that I'm not married yet (thanks, Mom) or to hand me more responsibility.

Definitely not thirtyish, am I. The calendar lies.

-CoyoteTales

 

[hausfrau]

How cool is that, Mac??! What's your music preference?

 

[mac_crazy]

coyote's tale reminded me of another factor I don't think I pointed out in my original post... I did say I am a college graduate, but one thing I've learned is:

DON'T TAKE OUT LOANS FOR SCHOOL!!!!

Because I was a single parent trying to go to college, and a very expensive one at that, I was needing the money for school, so loans seemed the way to go. Now, with a debt closer to six figures than to zero, I feel like I'll be paying them back for the rest of my life (potential lotto winnings notwithstanding!)... the funny/horribly sad thing is, my son will be in college in 3 years, and I'll be paying for his school too! Ouch!

Anyway, my advice to anyone who's considering college or has kids doing so, is this: Be VERY careful when taking loans for school, as they can come back to haunt you if you're not smart.



OK, onto a more pleasant subject: Music! H-frau, my true love is heavy metal/hard rock, I'm a huge Metallica fan. But we're trying to learn to play all kinds of stuff, from Zeppelin to Stevie Ray Vaughn to Red Hot Chili Peppers to No Doubt. And my listening habits are even more wide-ranging.

Speaking of, the movie soundtrack to "Garden State" is pretty damn sweet, if you haven't heard it, check it out!

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[tomboy58]

Thread is Cool...

Family Man and 1985 are thought provoking...

I too have seen family man and my kids and I love the song 1985 (for different reasons of course) At 37 I really am pretty much exactly where I thought I would be, I knew I wanted kids and wanted to be a 'mom' for a career. Have always had to work from necessity but the focus was on 'mom' job.
My life is pretty much "family man" when he was with the family.
Happy and always full of comprimise

If I would change anything it would be to have better jobs and/or more toys and a bigger house. We have nice stuff but we are Always struggling to have it and it would be nice to be comfortable to have the nice (not extravagant by any means) stuff we have.

We have done well considering.. we were very young and have changed A Lot together. And are still together. I have come to the point I am at by both concious choices and Stupid shit decisions. You grow a lot in your 20's (or sometime there) and I know I had a lot of esteem and stress issues and such. You have to learn what are real priorities to you and Not to Sweat the small stuff.
Learn the Serenity Prayer....and say it. I have it over my bed.

Overall I Definitely would agree that life in the 30's is the best yet. My kids are older and are good solid kids headed in a solid direction, we are more financially comfortable, and I am So.. much more comfortable with myself than I ever have been.

Be comfortable with yourself and Be true to yourself and Good, honest and respectful of others and everything else and you have nothing to worry about.

 

[pleasteasme]

Wow. I would never have made it through without student loans.

I'd change that advice to go to a state school rather than an expensive private school, take out the loans, and focus on school rather than having to juggle school, family, AND work.

I second your advice Pink~

My choice was this: a. get loans to go to college or b. Don't go to college I chose B and am paying them off....slowly but, surely. Mine are definately NOT close to 6 figures though....I went the inexpensive way: Jr. College THEN state college.

 

[bkp]

tv show

yeah, that show sucked !

Originally posted by mac_crazy
hmmm... Thirtysomethings...

you'd think someone would have come up with a TV show based on this by now...

...oh, wait...

 

[LadyJeanne]

Re: tv show

yeah, that show sucked !

I hated that show...all that dark angst.

 

[hausfrau]

OK, onto a more pleasant subject: Music! H-frau, my true love is heavy metal/hard rock, I'm a huge Metallica fan. But we're trying to learn to play all kinds of stuff, from Zeppelin to Stevie Ray Vaughn to Red Hot Chili Peppers to No Doubt. And my listening habits are even more wide-ranging.

Speaking of, the movie soundtrack to "Garden State" is pretty damn sweet, if you haven't heard it, check it out!

Dude, you name it, I'll sing it. I listen to pretty much everything.

 

[PG13]

Re: Re: Great thread

OMG! That is totally it.

I have been doing things to make other people happy for so long that I think I forgot who I am in the process. That's what I'm finding again.

What has lit awakened in me? I suppose generally speaking I am making choices that take me outside of my comfort zone -- which is a good thing, adds a lot of excitement to my life, which I sorely needed. Taking more risks. Used to be a very risk averse person. Am shedding that part of me in certain areas of my life. It feels really really really good.

Specifically? Let's see. Wear way more sexy underwear and form-fitting clothing than I used to - because I have come to the realization that I don't look half bad in them, dammit! I put myself first sometimes. More long luxurious bubble baths, day trips to see a friend of mine. Will be buying a sports car in the spring -- I have 2 preschoolers, not the most practical choice, but dammit, it's for mememememe!!! My big goal for this year is to find a cover band to sing for occasionally.

None of this is particularly earth shattering, but they are things I have always wanted to do but never done because they weren't the "right" thing to do for whatever reason.

Ya know what? Fuck that. They're the right thing for me to do for me, so I'm doing them. I will not die with regrets. I will not.

Right on, hausfrau! That's exactly the right attitude.

Somehow, I made it through graduate school without student loans - mostly at night while working during the day. But between loans or no education, I'd take the loans. My education got me where I am today. Without it, I'd still be driving a truck and eating $1.50 hot dogs from Costco every day (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Amazing how many poeple re-discover their musical interests after they hit 30. Most of the blues musicians I play with are in the 35-50 age range.

 

[mac_crazy]

whew!

Amazing how many poeple re-discover their musical interests after they hit 30. Most of the blues musicians I play with are in the 35-50 age range.

That's encouraging, PG13!

My friend and I (who I've known since we were 10) always kick ourselves for not starting to play music earlier, like 15 years ago!
I mean, I have no idea why we didn't, we loved music, we drank and smoked like rock stars, what the hell were we thinking?

Anyway, more pertinent to this thread: It's interesting to notice as you get older how you look at life differently. Sometimes I feel pretty "old", seeing as my son is 15 and will be out of high school in 2 years. But on the on the other hand, at 33, there's a lot ahead of me as well. Sometimes I think "damn, I'm gonna be 40 soon", but then realize how much has happened, and how much I've accomplished in the *last* 7 years... that's a long time!

 

[blindhound]

Hello all:
Even though this largely retrospective at this point, I used a combination of strategy to fund college. I worked for a year in adavance to pay for some, took a small loan, worked summers, and while in school, combined AP test results,took a summer course at a community college and taking extra classes(at no extra charge) to eliminate a semester. This all combined with some parental support got me through.

For those contemplating graduate school, I found that I got much more out of my classes after having had experience in my chosen field.

It seems as though higher education has become prohibitively expensive lately.

For those of you that chose a career path, would you do the same? This question is triggered by the VP of a large paper company I once met who said "everyone I speak with says don't go into what I do, it is tough to make a living"
If you were making career choices over again, would you do the same?

 

[PG13]

Re: whew!

That's encouraging, PG13!

My friend and I (who I've known since we were 10) always kick ourselves for not starting to play music earlier, like 15 years ago!
I mean, I have no idea why we didn't, we loved music, we drank and smoked like rock stars, what the hell were we thinking?

Anyway, more pertinent to this thread: It's interesting to notice as you get older how you look at life differently. Sometimes I feel pretty "old", seeing as my son is 15 and will be out of high school in 2 years. But on the on the other hand, at 33, there's a lot ahead of me as well. Sometimes I think "damn, I'm gonna be 40 soon", but then realize how much has happened, and how much I've accomplished in the *last* 7 years... that's a long time!

Mac - one of the guys I'm currently working with didn't start playing until he was 44 - he's 47 now, and real good player. It's never too late if you have fun.

 

[pleasteasme]

Hello all:
Even though this largely retrospective at this point, I used a combination of strategy to fund college. I worked for a year in adavance to pay for some, took a small loan, worked summers, and while in school, combined AP test results,took a summer course at a community college and taking extra classes(at no extra charge) to eliminate a semester. This all combined with some parental support got me through.

For those contemplating graduate school, I found that I got much more out of my classes after having had experience in my chosen field.

It seems as though higher education has become prohibitively expensive lately.

For those of you that chose a career path, would you do the same? This question is triggered by the VP of a large paper company I once met who said "everyone I speak with says don't go into what I do, it is tough to make a living"
If you were making career choices over again, would you do the same?

Evening hound

Unfortunately, I did not have any parental support.....but, I made it through anyway!!!

Now, your question: YES....I would definately choose my career again

Would you hound?

 

[blindhound]

Most days the answer would be yes!!
It took me about 10 years to get to that point though.

 

[pleasteasme]

Ahhhh.....so my 3 years as a teacher......I am doing good?



ps...I hate doing this in public but, your pm box is full......

 

[blindhound]

I hate it when that happens!
Corrected

 

[pleasteasme]

I hate it when that happens!
Corrected

Me toooooo!!!

 

[mac_crazy]

Re: Re: whew!

Mac - one of the guys I'm currently working with didn't start playing until he was 44 - he's 47 now, and real good player. It's never too late if you have fun.

Again, encouraging, PG13!!

...I don't want to hijack the thread, so I'm gonna PM you a music-based question...

 

[pleasteasme]

Evening thirtysomethings....hope everyone is doing well.

Mac ~ PG13 is right....never to late to start something you truly enjoy!!!!

 

[Elizabeth]

The question I have for those in their 30's beyond the forum for meeting one another is...
Regardless of being married or single are you content with where you are and how you got there? Or are you eyeing greener grass like our pop-culture friends?
Did you arrive there by making concious choices to get to where you are and was that your original direction, or did you get there either because you didn't achieve your original goals or had none in mind and just went with the flow of life?
Happy New Year

I had direction but life has a way of redirecting the path and you don't even notice sometimes. For the last decade or so it has been almost all concious choices, with the best interests of the future in mind. I can see the light at the end of that tunnel a little more now, so some of that direction I am focusing back on me. I never think the grass is greener. It's just a little more fertilizer than I have on my side is all.