These things change us

[PinkOrchid]

 

[just pet]

Thank you
I love you, Pink

 

[naughtygirl69s]

oh my, I'm a complete bawl baby and knew I shouldn't have read this thread.......JP, I admire you for the work you do, I couldn't do it, I just know I couldn't.......

Nitengale and I are both L&D nurses, I agree with a lot of what she said....

My most significant story and the most difficult to take care of was a woman pregnant with triplets that delivered at 22 weeks (23-24 is the very edge of viability) and I was the only person there for the first one, then others came in and we helped deliver the other 2, still alive, tiny, tiny, so fragile, it was HEART wrenching, I stayed 8 extra hours to be with her and help her grieve and hold the babies, we all bawled and bawled, laughed, and cried and some more. I had a hard time going home after that, and rarely do I bring my work home with me, but i was just really touched, this family was wonderful, so optimistic, just genuinely nice people. I can only hope I made their experience slightly more tolerable.

I love my job, helping to create families, it's so rewarding and joyful, but the hard times are a way of life/death......

Every birth I am a part of is life changing in a way, to me.

 

[just pet]

It is supposed to be my day off and there have been too few of them lately
I worked 7 days in a row just last week, over 100 hours in 13 days, almost all straight time (no premium pay)
I was looking forward to pure unadulterated time for myself
Did I mention I am a bit "crunchy"?

And now I am on hold with the pharmacy
Seems like forever...

My new patient is experiencing out of control pain, and nausea
She has a very rare disease process that progresses rapidly, fully independent to being unable to scratch her own nose in a matter of weeks
And excrutiating pain
She "can't find her arms and legs" due to lesions on her spine
She is quadriplegic now
She is a nurse, as is her daughter
We connected immediately, an understanding particular to the Sisterhood of RNs

And I am so thankful my phone is on 24/7
The triage nurse called me for assistance, and the complex relief process is underway

Within a matter of minutes, she has received a doubling of her Methadone and her MS solutabs. The phenergan will be there shortly for her unrelenting nausea. I have dispatched the on-call hospice nurse to see her within the hour to evaluate her. By the time I have finished writing this post her pain should be under control.

The son and daughter know I am available to speak with them, as we have spoken for hours through this last week
My phone is close

So, once again I realize it isn't all about me

And I wouldn't have it any other way

 

[Cheyenne]

And the cycle of life continues. This morning I heard about a relative who was in hospice care and passed last night. It's a blessing. She was very old, and more than willing to go. Funny thing is, she announced about two months ago that she would be dying in several weeks. She was still healthy then, living alone. How did she know? A fall put her in the hospice care recently. Mostly, she received pain relief there. And for that our family is grateful.

Pt1 is also away at a funeral today. This was another relative in hospice care.

Thank you, just pet. Pain relief is so important to the family as well as the patient.

Today's death brings the count to two and I wonder who the third will be... death comes in threes.

 

[just pet]

And the cycle of life continues. This morning I heard about a relative who was in hospice care and passed last night. It's a blessing. She was very old, and more than willing to go. Funny thing is, she announced about two months ago that she would be dying in several weeks. She was still healthy then, living alone. How did she know? A fall put her in the hospice care recently. Mostly, she received pain relief there. And for that our family is grateful.

Pt1 is also away at a funeral today. This was another relative in hospice care.

Thank you, just pet. Pain relief is so important to the family as well as the patient.

Today's death brings the count to two and I wonder who the third will be... death comes in threes.

Thank you, Chey
That pain relief is not just physical
It is also spiritual and emotional

There are patterns, aren't there?
Send my best to Pt1

 

[Cheyenne]

Send my best to Pt1

I just talked to him a little while ago. He said he ate way too much at the family lunch after the funeral. Lots of stuff he doesn't get to eat too often so he took advantage of it while he could.

At lunch, his family was asking about the other person who died last night. She had looked great at our wedding and they were wondering how she was doing. Pt1 didn't know yet that she had passed.

 

[Debbie]

(Excuse my intrusion)

Emphysema

Each day, each breath is a struggle.
Independence lost as lungs are short of breath
Even small movements cause gasps and exhaustion

Bathing my lady is like washing a skeleton
Yet she greets me with a personal welcome
That is often followed by a detailed description
Of the hours since I saw her last


Sharp as a tack; iron will even though her body fails her
Knowing each breath could be her last
She battles on - determined to make things right and orderly.


Each day I am amazed by her inner strength. My job helps me to realize how very lucky I am in so many ways.

 

[just pet]

I just talked to him a little while ago. He said he ate way too much at the family lunch after the funeral. Lots of stuff he doesn't get to eat too often so he took advantage of it while he could.

At lunch, his family was asking about the other person who died last night. She had looked great at our wedding and they were wondering how she was doing. Pt1 didn't know yet that she had passed.

Funerals
The nurse I work with and I sit in the back of the chapel, listening intently to the eulogies
"Lizzy meant everything to me.... I will miss her so much... She was my best friend..."
All from people who haven't talked to her or visited her in 5 or 10 years

So much sudden devotion
They never called, but they flew out from Michigan to attend her funeral

You just shake your head

 

[Cheyenne]

Funerals
The nurse I work with and I sit in the back of the chapel, listening intently to the eulogies
"Lizzy meant everything to me.... I will miss her so much... She was my best friend..."
All from people who haven't talked to her or visited her in 5 or 10 years

So much sudden devotion
They never called, but they flew out from Michigan to attend her funeral

You just shake your head

Wow.

The last time I had to deal with hospice care, it was almost the opposite. We were losing my dad and people all wanted to come see him when he was alive, but really not there anymore. He was in his last days and I think the last thing he wanted was people coming to see him and stare at him. The hospice nurse could see he would get aggravated, especially if the phone rang too much. (Same as he did when he was healthy, by the way.)

Anyway, I think the funeral is for the living. If old friends are comforted by coming, then it has served it's purpose.

 

[just pet]

(Excuse my intrusion)

Emphysema

Each day, each breath is a struggle.
Independence lost as lungs are short of breath
Even small movements cause gasps and exhaustion

Bathing my lady is like washing a skeleton
Yet she greets me with a personal welcome
That is often followed by a detailed description
Of the hours since I saw her last


Sharp as a tack; iron will even though her body fails her
Knowing each breath could be her last
She battles on - determined to make things right and orderly.


Each day I am amazed by her inner strength. My job helps me to realize how very lucky I am in so many ways.

This is beautiful, Debbie
Our patients become our greatest teachers

I was on the phone much of the day yesterday, speaking with family, administrators, nurses, the doctor
We were able to get the new patient comfortable
I asked the family to stay the night with her
I said we were close to her dying

10:15pm
The triage nurse called to say she had died

There is a mishmosh of feelings
Hospice work is difficult
It is often a matter of boundaries

Perhaps I will explore the issues here another time
I'm going for a run

 

[just pet]

Wow.

The last time I had to deal with hospice care, it was almost the opposite. We were losing my dad and people all wanted to come see him when he was alive, but really not there anymore. He was in his last days and I think the last thing he wanted was people coming to see him and stare at him. The hospice nurse could see he would get aggravated, especially if the phone rang too much. (Same as he did when he was healthy, by the way.)

Anyway, I think the funeral is for the living. If old friends are comforted by coming, then it has served it's purpose.

Funerals are great for closure and comfort for the living
Every situation is different
We see devoted families
But we also see people abandoned to the convalescent home, no visitors, a conservator as power of attorney

editing: I only work at facilities. When I have cared for people at home, they were more often surrounded by family and friends.

 

[Cheyenne]

Funerals are great for closure and comfort for the living
Every situation is different
We see devoted families
But we also see people abandoned to the convalescent home, no visitors, a conservator as power of attorney

editing: I only work at facilities. When I have cared for people at home, they were more often surrounded by family and friends.

Could it be that some of those people in the convalescent homes don't really have any family in the area? It's sad, but it happens. My parents used to visit a woman who was in the same home as my grandma, long after grandma died. This woman had no other visitors, ever, and really looked forward to having someone come talk to her. She was so afraid she'd never see them again after grandma died. Eventually they did stop visiting because the woman no longer recognized them anyway.

 

[Debbie]

Funerals are great for closure and comfort for the living
Every situation is different
We see devoted families
But we also see people abandoned to the convalescent home, no visitors, a conservator as power of attorney

editing: I only work at facilities. When I have cared for people at home, they were more often surrounded by family and friends.

I see the abandonment frequently. And the excuses are pathetic.

"My son/daughter works fulltime, or is so busy."

Too busy to visit your Mum/ Dad who is dying, ill etc?


No, I don't understand.

I'm doing 7 days a week at the mo. 8 hours a day.
Mostly 'cos I'm fit, young and we are saving for a holiday next year for the Mr and I. But also because most of my clients have family who rarely visit or who can't be bothered with their sick or elderly relatives.


IMO we are becoming a throw away society. It is beyond sad.

 

[just pet]

Could it be that some of those people in the convalescent homes don't really have any family in the area? It's sad, but it happens. My parents used to visit a woman who was in the same home as my grandma, long after grandma died. This woman had no other visitors, ever, and really looked forward to having someone come talk to her. She was so afraid she'd never see them again after grandma died. Eventually they did stop visiting because the woman no longer recognized them anyway.

There is every scenario, of course

The saddest statement is: Eventually they did stop visiting because the woman no longer recognized them anyway

Don't we judge a person's usefulness in terms of what they can do for us...

"It's all about me"

I see patients 2-3 times a week who still think they are meeting someone new each time I visit. But they still appreciate a hand being held, or telling their stories, or just having the opportunity to be with someone who loves them just for "being".

 

[just pet]

I see the abandonment frequently. And the excuses are pathetic.

"My son/daughter works fulltime, or is so busy."

Too busy to visit your Mum/ Dad who is dying, ill etc?


No, I don't understand.

I'm doing 7 days a week at the mo. 8 hours a day.
Mostly 'cos I'm fit, young and we are saving for a holiday next year for the Mr and I. But also because most of my clients have family who rarely visit or who can't be bothered with their sick or elderly relatives.


IMO we are becoming a throw away society. It is beyond sad.

You are the angel, Debbie

 

[Debbie]

You are the angel, Debbie

In all honesty? I'm not. I see the need and am able to fill a gap.

You are amazing. I have no idea where you find the inner strength to do what you do everyday.


I sometimes deal with terminal/complex cases. And that's tough enough.

My bed calls me. LOL It's telling me I've out stayed my lit welcome and that I should have been asleep way before now.

 

[GeorgeWBush]

I would go up and visit my grandmother 3 times a week i was the only one she would recognize anyone else she just did not do anything but when she heard my voice she would perk up and be happy she would talk but we could not understand her.

But the place she was in they had people come in every weekend kids and adults and they would talk to all those that lived there some would bring animals for them to hold.

They had a couple cats that would roam the place you could always find them on someones bed.

 

[just pet]

In all honesty? I'm not. I see the need and am able to fill a gap.

You are amazing. I have no idea where you find the inner strength to do what you do everyday.


I sometimes deal with terminal/complex cases. And that's tough enough.

My bed calls me. LOL It's telling me I've out stayed my lit welcome and that I should have been asleep way before now.

My bed says I don't spend enough time there
A bit burnt out these days
I've been working 6-7 days a week
I need a break

Goodnight, sweet woman
Sleep well

 

[just pet]

I would go up and visit my grandmother 3 times a week i was the only one she would recognize anyone else she just did not do anything but when she heard my voice she would perk up and be happy she would talk but we could not understand her.

But the place she was in they had people come in every weekend kids and adults and they would talk to all those that lived there some would bring animals for them to hold.

They had a couple cats that would roam the place you could always find them on someones bed.

Lovely post, GWB

 

[just pet]

How powerful, one's point of view. How wrapped up in
our own trials and tribulations we become, wallowing
in a morass of self despair.

My day began mid stupor, late morning, sleeping on the
twin bed in the livingroom, the TV on for company,
nothing consequential, in low tones. The work phone
was ringing. Well, not exactly ringing. It has one of
those terribly goofy honkytonk tunes that scream "A
GEEK OWNS THIS PHONE". I wish I had the cuckoo clock
ringtone that Virginia (the ex nun who is our spiritual counselor ) has.

Anyway, it was the answering service. Our office was
closed and she had had some odd calls and a referral.
I just wanted to sleep, be lazy, get over this nagging
flu. I make the appropriate calls, getting antibiotics
for the boil on Betty Lou's tushy and return the call
for the potential patient.

Now, I am not oncall (I'm the boss) but the nurse who
is has just started and has never admitted a patient
on her own. That means I will have to help her. So,
I'm grumbling, unhappy, feeling self righteously sorry
for myself. I mean,I still have the sniffles and an
annoying cough. And I had plans to do my laundry...

The call is returned. The patient has end stage
stomach cancer and has suddenly developed severe pain.
"Can someone come today and manage his pain?" What could
I say? I arranged for morphine to be started
immediately, had it delivered to his home and told his
daughter we would be there in a couple of hours. They
live 30 miles from me and there were some local power
outtages so the stop lights were out, and traffic was hideous and I live near a huge mall and none of the
gas station pumps were working and my trusty orange
breadbox was running on fumes. Cranky? You betcha.

So, I finally get to the home and immediately fall in
love with the patient. He's Croatian. Worked in the
movies for years. Just lost his wife in July after 60
years of marriage. He's ready to die. He holds my
hand, strokes my face and says he loves me for being
there to help him.

So all my nastiness melts away. He is very ill. I talk
with his daughter and with him about all things final.
We recommend sending for his priest. It turns out a
Croatian priest is visiting from the old country and
is about 25 miles away. We urge the daughter to
dispatch a friend to fetch him to deliver the
sacrament for the sick. He arrives a few hours later
with another ancient priest. Turns out they have all
been close since the 1950s. It was magical. One priest
stayed in the kitchen with us and he spoke of death
and suffering, and the difficulty of letting go. We
talk of getting older, the body failing, the betrayal
of the body, the pain of body and spirit. I still feel
the blessings he bestowed upon my forehead. "He is in
your hands now. Bless you for the work you do"
The patient now looked calm, yet more fragile, edging
ever closer into quietus. It will be soon. He is
ready. He agreed to take the morphine I had ordered
for him for the excrutiating pain in his gut. "I am in
your hands. Thank you for helping me"

I left amid hugs and headed to my friend Shelley's to
see how she is fairing. I miss her terribly (we used to work together as a team) and look
forward to being able to hire her to work with me
again sometime soon. She is exhausted. Depressed. Her husband (with a type of terminal dementia called Lewy Body... nasty
stuff) has taken a sudden turn for the worse after 12
years of being bedridden and essentially
nonresponsive. Seizures, chest congestion, poor
appetite. Perhaps a couple of months more, maybe less.
So difficult for her. I helped her change his diaper,
his arms and legs in contracture...

And somehow I managed to adjust my POV. Nothing like
being hit between the eyes with a 2x4.
My life is truly charmed. The most incredible people
populate my world.

Today changed me

again

 

[Debbie]

"I am in
your hands. Thank you for helping me"



And somehow I managed to adjust my POV. Nothing like
being hit between the eyes with a 2x4.
My life is truly charmed. The most incredible people
populate my world.

Today changed me

again

You are beyond amazing. Each day I get up and do my 'job' and I think about others who are doing what we do.

Thank you for helping me and those who need it.
Dealing with terminal illnesses each and every day carries it's own toll.
Even when we as nurses, caregivers are ill we still have to be their for our patients/ clients

 

[just pet]

You are beyond amazing. Each day I get up and do my 'job' and I think about others who are doing what we do.

Thank you for helping me and those who need it.
Dealing with terminal illnesses each and every day carries it's own toll.
Even when we as nurses, caregivers are ill we still have to be their for our patients/ clients

My dear friend
You know, I have been unable to wind down tonight, touched so deeply by the day
Re-reading this amazing thread, filled with amazing stories from and about amazing people... is overwhelming

and the tears flow

no words


Love you, Debs

Thank you

 

[just pet]

Debbie

That AV

Still cracks me up every time I see it

 

[Byron In Exile]

And somehow I managed to adjust my POV. Nothing like
being hit between the eyes with a 2x4.
My life is truly charmed. The most incredible people
populate my world.

Today changed me

again

They tend to.

But there is that within you which tires torture and time.

And I'm inclined to think you underestimate yourself.