These things change us

[just pet]

If one can not go quick, then it's the only way to go. Not to make light, but if I don't joke then I don't deal with it.

Laughter is so very healing
We laugh with our patients and families all the time
I work with another nurse and we have 20 patients in 3 facilities, so the families see us almost daily, even if their loved ones aren't on hospice
It becomes one big family

I have even sung karaoke at the Catholic facility

(And Sister has booked me for a command performance to sing this month)


Life should be filled with joy

 

[just pet]

If one can not go quick, then it's the only way to go. Not to make light, but if I don't joke then I don't deal with it.

Going quickly is not always the best
There is no time to say goodbye
No time to say all those things you always meant to say
No time for forgiveness
It is shocking and even more tragic for the survivors

 

[Cheyenne]

Going quickly is not always the best
There is no time to say goodbye
No time to say all those things you always meant to say
No time for forgiveness
It is shocking and even more tragic for the survivors

Exactly. The suffering of a slow death has not only pain, but opportunity. Opportunity to make sure there are no words left unsaid. And in the end when the loved one is gone, that can be the greatest comfort of all. It is for me.

 

[Debbie]

Inspired by Debbie to resurrect this thread
It was a discussion that I enjoyed

I am honoured. There were days in our loss that the only way I kept going was through love and words from you.

 

[just pet]

So, a long day, ending with an unscheduled visit to my most favoritest patient. She has had a change in condition in the last few days. Her condition has deteriorated so much that I asked her sister from up north to come down to stay with her. So she won't die alone.

Her appetite has dwindled down to sips over the past few weeks. Even the real food we've brought her over the last year cannot tempt any interest. She has started running fevers. She has refused Tylenol, as the sweats are exhausting when the fevers break.
She is comfortable, but so very weak that speech is nearly impossible
So we held hands and spoke with our eyes
I told her this was the hardest part...

Tonight she said good-bye

 

[YogiBare]

A beautiful story. Thank you, JustPet.

 

[SleepingWarrior]

I don't know how you are able to do it day in and day out but as others have said and I regret saying before this... God bless you for giving of yourself in their and their familie's time of needing someone like you.

 

[Silverlily]

We didn't have hospice in, but my parents needed live-in help, 24/7. We had a team of three women, all CNAs. I couldn't have done it without them. My mother had one request only, she wanted to die in her own home. Had it not been for those women, I could not have upheld that promise.

When my father passed, telling them was harder than telling my aunts and uncles.

So Belle, Shirley, and Alice may you find your lives filled with all the care and grace you have given so many others.

 

[Cathleen]

So many powerful responses are here. Thank you for sharing the experiences. I have had the good fortune of be able to care for loved ones during their active dying. There is no more amazing event to me. I am far better with end of life then beginning.... those beautiful infants scare the heck out of me.

Those goodbyes were a treasure. They changed my life, moment after moment. I can look back and hear the laughter and feel the tears. The raw power of life is revealed during those times - the transitions inside can be so immediate. The lasting effects really are a gift to me.

Nurses have always been some of my favorite people for a variety of reasons. They seem to find the place where they can help most, whether it is hospice, surgery, ob etc. A few years back I got very ill and when my nephew (five years old) called to say hello to me in the hospital he asked if the doctors were taking good care of me. I told him no. I said doctors don't take care of you, nurses do.

I have emense respect for all those who instinctively help total strangers at a time of need. Those are amazing people.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[nitengale]

Reading this thread, although I am not a hospice nurse, makes me feel good.

I leave work sometimes and I wonder, "Did I make a difference today?" Truly, sometimes I just don't know. Patienst can be so ungrateful at times. I'm glad that there are people out there who do notice we do make a difference.

As I said earlier, God bless hospice nurses. I know I could not do that on a regular basis.

 

[dcraz]

All I can say is....

God bless the care givers...

 

[dcraz]

I have emense respect for all those who instinctively help total strangers at a time of need. Those are amazing people.

Like someone else I know.

 

[PaganFairy]

I almost died... The Doctors and Nurses Were Wonderfull ....I couldn't of been in any better hands...

I was very much in pain, I had a blood Trasfusion.. and Major surgery...
And They help me live for my son...

Now I watch my father go through cancer and is dieing each and everyday.. I can only hope happiness will get him though

 

[just pet]

I almost died... The Doctors and Nurses Were Wonderfull ....I couldn't of been in any better hands...

I was very much in pain, I had a blood Trasfusion.. and Major surgery...
And They help me live for my son...

Now I watch my father go through cancer and is dieing each and everyday.. I can only hope happiness will get him though

Very powerful
So difficult to watch someone you love fading
I wish you and your father well

 

[PaganFairy]

Very powerful
So difficult to watch someone you love fading
I wish you and your father well

Thank YOu

 

[smartandsexy]

Wonderful, wonderful thread.

Thank you.

 

[rimmy]

To JP, Nitengale and all the other nurses on the board I offer you my eternal gratitude. If it wasn't for people like you I wouldn't have a wife or a son and not a day goes by that I don't silently thank each and every one of you.


x 100

 

[just pet]

I read every post and want to reply to each but words are so lacking in the depth of feelings that present

I can only say thank you to you all

To the nurses, especially, on the thread, I am proud to be a peer

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Yes, things like that change us... and there have been a few of those instances in my life...


The day I found out my best friend was raped was one of them... sitting there in stunned silence, while this stream of words flew out of her mouth, without her breathing between them... listening to the horrible things he'd done to her, listening to her say them, stonyfaced, not letting me in until she'd finished... watching how she dealt with it, as she went ahead and found herself counselling, almost going broke for it.. how she went and prosecuted the motherfucker, and his friends who'd 'helped'... watching this person who has been in my life for ALL of my life... and in that one moment, seeing that she wasn't the girl I grew up with.. she was a woman whose strength I admire... she's a woman who I am so proud of... and it made me understand her more.. and it made me take her example to heart...

that's one of those moments.


And then there's a time .. I was young.. I think.. grade 12ish. When you're young, you consider things.. extremes.. you think the whole world is against you, you have problems. Everyone does at those ages. And then one day, I came to school, and I found out that someone I knew had driven out to the place his father had died (a construction site), in the car his father had given him, and had poured gasoline all over the car, and lit it on fire.. with him inside... and he sat there, and let himself burn to death.

Talk about... mortality slapping one in the face... talk about shutting me up about all of those petty things that just don't fucking matter... talk about sobering up most of the whiney brats at my school, myself included.. and just making us realize that our problems aren't THAT BAD.. making us all, as a community, reach out to the family, all of us attended a funeral service for the kid.. good kid.. and then those of us who'd been close to him, and to his friends.. we had to pick up the pieces... it was a hell of a thing, seeing his mother.. seeing his girlfriend.. talk about sobering..

There are other ones... other moments that have changed me... but those.. those two just pop up in my head...

 

[Debbie]

I'm not sure what I want to say. I was caregiving for a lovely lady who passed away on Saturday.

She had been battling cancer with courage. Chemo didn't go so well and she was admitted to hospital over a week ago to have fluid drained. Sadly the drain site became infected and with her immune system being laid low by the chemo her body couldn't fight the infection.

She was a caring woman who was always more concerned about how I was. She remembered the small things when we chatted and always asked how my day was going. Her smile was beautiful.


RIP Lovely lady. You touched my heart and my life with your amazing spirit.

 

[just pet]

I'm not sure what I want to say. I was caregiving for a lovely lady who passed away on Saturday.

She had been battling cancer with courage. Chemo didn't go so well and she was admitted to hospital over a week ago to have fluid drained. Sadly the drain site became infected and with her immune system being laid low by the chemo her body couldn't fight the infection.

She was a caring woman who was always more concerned about how I was. She remembered the small things when we chatted and always asked how my day was going. Her smile was beautiful.


RIP Lovely lady. You touched my heart and my life with your amazing spirit.

And how you changed her life
You are a remarkable woman, Debbie

Thank you for sharing her strength with us

 

[Lasz]

Wow

My job suddenly seems... easy.

Thanks for sharing JP.

Lasz

 

[Cathleen]

This is the most amazing thread, on the most amazing site on the web. When people say it's a porn board I can't help but think they're missing out on the most incredible group of people. It has been a blessing in my life and I am so grateful to those that share their experience, strength and hope as well as the tears and everything in between. Truly an amazing place.

Debbie, a silent prayer for your friend, and you for helping.

 

[just pet]

For a year and a half, we visited 2-3 times a week. We shared stories, laughed and cried, talked of love, travel, movie stars, flying, her grandbaby, friendship and death...

Confidentes, inside jokes that only we found ripsnorting. I brought her gossip from my world and she regaled me with her very colorful past, stories of flying every plane the Army had in WWII, of meeting her soulmate at 70, of street drag racing...

She knew all my secrets, and I hers

She was pure light

She died today, holding my hand

I will miss her

Happy landings, sweet friend, and thank you