These things change us

[just pet]

So, we're back in the dining room, dinner time

They sit at tables for four (those who can feed themselves) or at a long wide table for those who need assist. I prefer to be there during meals to feed my patients, great time to assess.

I see that Loretta is waiting patiently for her meal to be served while the other three at her table are already eating. As people decline, appetite becomes less and less and it is common for our patients to refuse meals.

"Loretta, where is your dinner? Aren't you hungry?"

"I am. Caterina is just cleaning the chicken off the bone for me"

I look to the other woman and see her hunched over two plates, Caterina being particularly carniverous, gnawing the chicken leg from Loretta's plate like an ear of corn.

"Caterina, you can't eat Loretta's chicken!"

Caterina looked up at me and said "But I thought everyone could eat chicken!"


Are these stories only a hospice nurse could laugh at? Are they "you had to be there" stories?

 

[DevilishTexan]

So, we're back in the dining room, dinner time

They sit at tables for four (those who can feed themselves) or at a long wide table for those who need assist. I prefer to be there during meals to feed my patients, great time to assess.

I see that Loretta is waiting patiently for her meal to be served while the other three at her table are already eating. As people decline, appetite becomes less and less and it is common for our patients to refuse meals.

"Loretta, where is your dinner? Aren't you hungry?"

"I am. Caterina is just cleaning the chicken off the bone for me"

I look to the other woman and see her hunched over two plates, Caterina being particularly carniverous, gnawing the chicken leg from Loretta's plate like an ear of corn.

"Caterina, you can't eat Loretta's chicken!"

Caterina looked up at me and said "But I thought everyone could eat chicken!"


Are these stories only a hospice nurse could laugh at? Are they "you had to be there" stories?

Please pass the jelly.

 

[just pet]

When I was filling out applications for my internship at the ripe age of 22, I was asked about the possibility of hospice work. I think hospice workers are in a league of their own. I don't think I could do it.

Back to the original question, working as a crisis counselor and rape victims' advocate changed me immensely. I worked with people contemplating life versus death. I held a girl's hand while a rape kit was being performed. And, I watched families unify after tragedy. I think those situations molded me into the person I am, today. I've had things happen to me personally that have changed me, but I think the stories of others move me in ways my own issues can't...if that makes any sense.

It makes total sense
I couldn't do what you do
I see it as even more difficult than my job
Bless your heart

The median age in my patient population is 85
And most die peacefully and comfortably
Your population requires years of support and sometimes never recover

Come to think of it, the majority of my patients never recover either...

 

[just pet]

Please pass the jelly.

Did you want to wear that, as many of my patients do...?

Good morning, DT

 

[DevilishTexan]

Did you want to wear that, as many of my patients do...?

Good morning, DT

As long as it goes with my shirt.


Morning Pet.

 

[raindancer]

It makes total sense
I couldn't do what you do
I see it as even more difficult than my job
Bless your heart

The median age in my patient population is 85
And most die peacefully and comfortably
Your population requires years of support and sometimes never recover

Come to think of it, the majority of my patients never recover either...

I don't do it, anymore. I'm an empath and I began developing health problems ie. ulcers because I fail at debriefing. I'd like to think I'll be a counselor again, someday.


My Mom works at a nursing home. Hearing her stories and watching her grieve over patients has deterred me from working with the elderly. I can't imagine doing your job, not one bit. But, I'm glad you do it!

 

[just pet]

Then there's Helen...

Totally confused, requiring full assistance for all her ADLs (activities of daily living). Never watched TV or listened to the radio. End stage Altzheimer's.

She sang take "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" continuously for 5 years.

Continuously

Non-stop

All day long

For 5 years

Then the Red Sox won

She died immediately after the game

Coincidence?

 

[just pet]

I don't do it, anymore. I'm an empath and I began developing health problems ie. ulcers because I fail at debriefing. I'd like to think I'll be a counselor again, someday.


My Mom works at a nursing home. Hearing her stories and watching her grieve over patients has deterred me from working with the elderly. I can't imagine doing your job, not one bit. But, I'm glad you do it!

Empath here as well
We can talk in PM about it

As many sad storieas as there are, there are more funny stories
Let's face it, getting old isn't for sissies

But as Maria (an old Italian woman, slowly deteriorating) says, 'Whatcha gonna do...?"

 

[gman23]

My roomate for a few months over the summer was a hospice patient and I was his main caregiver. He was able to die a fairly pleasant death, not much pain or discomfort with his friends and family around and at home and not in the hospital. It was very rewarding to be able to be a part of this experience. My ex wife works as a home health aid and has lots of hospice type patients, so i really admire people who do this kind of work. It can really make a huge difference in people's lives.

 

[Guest]

The call came in at 9pm. A 34 year old patient with pain out of control. She is on a CADD pump, with Dilaudid, but her pain is escalating. As the on call RN, I had to go and titrate her meds up.

The hour drive made me cranky, muttering under my breath, "why didn't the nurse that was out earlier fix this..."

The road was dark, the 2 flights of stairs up to the house even darker. The entry was well lit, and the 10 pairs of shoes lined up neatly on the front porch began a story. I was suddenly glad I had just painted my toenails.

I was welcomed in and ushered quickly and quietly into a small room, dominated by a hospital bed, a small jaundiced-bronzed woman in obvious, severe distress and 6 Afghani women.

For the next 4-1/2 hours, I sat vigil with these women, as I increased the Dilaudid from 4mg/hour to 64mg/hr, giving Ativan to calm, began oxygen, held hands.

The patient is 34, her sister died from the very same cancer recently. Her mother and I spoke only the language of the love for our children. She is suffering, just as her dying daughter is. The older woman pulled a chair next to her for me to sit, holding my hand, kissing first one cheek, then the other. We watched and prayed together as her baby's breathing became less labored and her moans became softer and less frequent.

And the young women talked of politics and how they had no interest until just recently, as they are hated, despised for their religious beliefs. As we sat together, sharing a glass of hot tea and sweet dates, we talked of all those fighting, being killed, some Mother's child.

The suffering I saw tonight was not any less nor any more deserved for this young Moslem woman and her family. They welcomed me, never asked about my religion. The dying woman's mother said she loved me, loved me for easing the suffering of her child.

I am different tonight

And now have no tolerance for blind and ignorant hatred


What experiences have changed you in a heartbeat?

I'm glad to read this! I think that to understand and have empathy--to actually FEEL something when another person is suffering and to be sensitive to their pain is something that many people in modern day America don't often do, or try to avoid altogether. And as you point out, once you do this you realize that the details (such as religion or anything else) don't really matter--it's the HUMANITY that is important.

I'm glad you were there for the dying woman and her family.

 

[Daedalus77]

JustPet you just pulled me back into an experience that ended for me two years ago. I'm kinda mad at you for bringing up those feelings but not really. You hospice people do a wonderful job and I feel bad that I took out some of my frustrations of being a caregiver on the innocent bystanders.

 

[curious2c]

One thing lately...sitting at the supper table in camp. All the guys talking about this and that. The subject of Gay/lesbian marriage came up. I found out that some of the people I had respected quite a bit lost that respect in one half hour conversation. I could not believe that there were so many people I worked with day to day that could be so bigoted, narrow minded, and homophobic.

The next day at lunch it continued. I found even more to lose respect for. In the scheme of things, I knew it best to keep my mouth shut, but I finally had enough.

I spoke out, the lone person in the room. I mentioned how throughout history it had come to light that this person was gay or lesbian...and so on and so forth. Some of those very people that they were being so...negative about had changed everyone's lives, forever. For the good of all. Throughout these talks by the way racisim had surfaced as well.

One of the guys had just had a surgery done and it had required blood...lots of blood. I mentioned to him that were it not for a black man, a doctor, he would not have survived his operation. How that particular doctor died of the very thing he had strove to provide for all people. Bleeding to death because he was a black man in a white neigborhood, and he had to be taken to a 'black' hospital.

At times I really hate the place I work. Then, all of the sudden, someone comes along and throws out support unexpectedly. A co-worked that I had never known well stepped into the conversation, a rarity for him too, and he took up 'my' cause. I felt better knowing I was not the only one on that damned island that felt that way.

 

[ksmybuttons]

me: "What's your plan for today?"
My 89 year old client: "Well, I'm not going to expire."

 

[curious2c]

I'd also like to mention JustPet...I hope that when I get to be to that stage in my life there is someone just like you out there to watch over me. I admire and am thankful that you are there for the people you care for. You are an inspriation to us all.

Thank you.

 

[just pet]

JustPet you just pulled me back into an experience that ended for me two years ago. I'm kinda mad at you for bringing up those feelings but not really. You hospice people do a wonderful job and I feel bad that I took out some of my frustrations of being a caregiver on the innocent bystanders.

You bring up a very good point
Being a caregiver for someone who is dying is one of the most difficult and exhausting undertakings (pardon the expression)

We discourage families from attempting to become primary caregivers. We encourage hiring home health aides or attendents to do the bulk of the physical care for the dying person at home.
As health and independence decline, as the patient becomes bed-ridden, amount of care required escalates exponentially.

The person becomes weaker, the skin more fragile. Constipation, skin tears, agitation, pain, weight loss, the frustration level of all parties involved can become overwhelming.

As the amount of care required increases, the strength and resolve of the caregiver plummets. There is often anger, resentment, guilt for feeling angry and resentful...

And the patient becomes just that, a patient.
"Good morning, Mom. Time to change your diaper?"

I treat an awful lot of depression


With full time caregivers, the family can stay family and deal with the real issues. They can offer something even the most loving hired caregivers can't... history, family stories, family relationship (in all it's terrible glory)

I commend anyone who takes on this most loving and monumental feat of caring for a dying family member. It is the toughest job of all.

Bless your heart, Daedalus

 

[just pet]

Thank you, Owera

 

[just pet]

Gawd, reading this thread, you'd think I was a saint

Just to be perfectly clear, I still get really cranky if someone has the nerve to die in the middle of the night when I am on call


and I love anal sex

Just sayin'...

 

[just pet]

me: "What's your plan for today?"
My 89 year old client: "Well, I'm not going to expire."

I was talking with an administrator of a SNF (skilled nursing facility) and a new patient was being admitted, having some serious medical problems. The patient was 82.

The administrator shook her head, saying (in all seriousness), "So young"

Point of reference

 

[just pet]

c2c, good for you
Actually, that was what the original rant was about
Bigotry and stupidity (it was a backlash re cherry's insipid claims about abuse of Moslem women/female circumcision)

 

[Daedalus77]

You bring up a very good point
Being a caregiver for someone who is dying is one of the most difficult and exhausting undertakings (pardon the expression)

We discourage families from attempting to become primary caregivers. We encourage hiring home health aides or attendents to do the bulk of the physical care for the dying person at home.
As health and independence decline, as the patient becomes bed-ridden, amount of care required escalates exponentially.

The person becomes weaker, the skin more fragile. Constipation, skin tears, agitation, pain, weight loss, the frustration level of all parties involved can become overwhelming.

As the amount of care required increases, the strength and resolve of the caregiver plummets. There is often anger, resentment, guilt for feeling angry and resentful...

And the patient becomes just that, a patient.
"Good morning, Mom. Time to change your diaper?"

I treat an awful lot of depression


With full time caregivers, the family can stay family and deal with the real issues. They can offer something even the most loving hired caregivers can't... history, family stories, family relationship (in all it's terrible glory)

I commend anyone who takes on this most loving and monumental feat of caring for a dying family member. It is the toughest job of all.

Bless your heart, Daedalus

If I had the option I would have paid someone else to do the basic care. You are so right about that. Hospice helped a lot.

 

[just pet]

If I had the option I would have paid someone else to do the basic care. You are so right about that. Hospice helped a lot.

That's what we're here for

How are you doing?

 

[Pookie]

... What experiences have changed you in a heartbeat?

There are experiences I could mention. But they all come down to finding out that unfounded fears are just that ... unfounded. Once those kinds of barriers to friendships and living life are gone, it's amazing what good can then seem possible.

Thanks for posting your experience. Mine would pale in comparison.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[just pet]

Re: Re: These things change us

There are experiences I could mention. But they all come down to finding out that unfounded fears are just that ... unfounded. Once those kinds of barriers to friendships and living life are gone, it's amazing what good can then seem possible.

Thanks for posting your experience. Mine would pale in comparison.

Very astute point... almost all fears are unfounded

Never minimize your own experiences

 

[just pet]

*cues Sonny and Cher*

I love you more today than yesterday....

You know I love you too

Shall we be hypnotized together?