There is no gravity...

[willfulbrat]

The world just sucks. One of my good friends started scamming on me yesterday. I turned him down. I suppose that'll be the end of our friendship. Can men and women ever be friends without that eventually happening? I feel lower than dirt.

 

[WebDesignGuru]

The world just sucks. One of my good friends started scamming on me yesterday. I turned him down. I suppose that'll be the end of our friendship. Can men and women ever be friends without that eventually happening? I feel lower than dirt.

Define, "scamming".

You'll have to forgive me. I'm old.

 

[willfulbrat]

Define, "scamming".

You'll have to forgive me. I'm old.

LOL. I'm old, too, maybe it's just a northwestern phrase. It means making a move on someone. We've always enjoyed light flirting, but lately he's indicated that he wants more, and yesterday he described what he'd do to me with his tongue. I care deeply for him, I'm just not attracted to him. I don't know why. Anyway, today he's depressed and I feel really bad.

 

[willfulbrat]

p.s. Thanks for responding, WebDesignGuru. I was thinking about changing my screenname to Muffy The Thread Slayer.

 

[WebDesignGuru]

p.s. Thanks for responding, WebDesignGuru. I was thinking about changing my screenname to Muffy The Thread Slayer.

<giggle> That's funny.

 

[WebDesignGuru]

The world just sucks. One of my good friends started scamming on me yesterday. I turned him down. I suppose that'll be the end of our friendship. Can men and women ever be friends without that eventually happening? I feel lower than dirt.

You shouldn't feel poorly.

It's nothing but a compliment to you that he's attracted to you. Personally, I think the tongue speech was a bad play, but hey, that's just me. If your not reciprocating his feelings ends a good friendship, then he wasn't that great a friend. What's a humiliating and embarrassing moment between friends?

If he's acting depressed and trying to make you feel bad, it may be an extended ploy to try for "guilt sex", which seldom works and, again, is not part of my personal repertoire, but I've heard stories that it works, and maybe even once or twice seen it work for others!(grin)

Anytime you play the flirt game with a "friend" of the opposite sex, you're intimating that you're open to the more than friend thing, but you of course reserve the right to leave it at that. I think women often flirt without intent. I don't think men do so much.

I'm no relationship guru, but from my experience, if you are an even remotely attractive woman, pretty much every guy who is your "friend" has at least considered the possibility of taking the relationship beyond "friends" to at the very least "friends who had wild sex that one time".

There have been women who I was friends with that I was attracted to, some that were and some that weren't attracted to me.

Some I never acted on. Some I did and received joyous welcome, some not. I never lost a friend because of it.

The only ones I regret were ones I never acted on.

Of course, my approach was a little more subtle than the tongue story, and I figure I would've gotten the hint WAY before I got to the tongue story.

Maybe that's why it worked out well for me.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that any guy, friend or not, can "scam on" you. You reserve the right to tell him no. Neither of you should feel bad about it afterwards.

I suggest calling him, trying to resume friends as normal activity. If he's not into that. Tell him to call you when he is.

 

[willfulbrat]

I'll have to quit flirting with my friends. It seemed harmless enough and makes the work go by so much faster. It just seemed to be a way of making the atmosphere light and fun, but maybe the guys don't see it the same way.

Thanks for the insight.

 

[CW]

I'll have to quit flirting with my friends. It seemed harmless enough and makes the work go by so much faster. It just seemed to be a way of making the atmosphere light and fun,

but maybe the guys don't see it the same way.

Being a guy of the human persuasion, I'd have to say that mostly we don't see it the same way as women do,,, flirting, constantly, over an extended period of time, to most of us indicates an attraction, thus we feel the mating urges surge thru us. Not all act upon it,,, most however do in some fashion attempt to though,,, the bigger the ego, the more certain you can be of some attempt at sex.

Set out some ground rules,,, gently, as opposed to heavily handed,,, and keep an eye out for any signs that he wants to proceed beyond the harmless flirtation point.

Having sex needs to always be a two way street,,, just cause he stumbled into a one way lane doesn't mean that you should feel guilty over it nor that you should relent and grant him the sex.

Personally I think that flirtation with a woman friend is grand,,, but that's just me.

 

[willfulbrat]

Thanks, CW. I'll work on setting those ground rules in a tactful way.

 

[Guru]