There is no cure?

[A Desert Rose]

*A person who takes the submissive role is neither passive nor a victim. He or she has made a conscious decision to pursue BDSM and has probably looked long and hard to find a compatible dominant partner.

*BDSM cannot be cured. It is not a disease, for one thing. These desires are innate to individual sexual identity and usually persist throughout one's active sexual life. Gloria G. Brame, PhD.

-----------------------------------------------------

I am not a passive person but I am a submissive one, sexually. I believe that most of the submissives I have read in this forum would agree with that statement. I have noticed that they have definate strong (non-passive) feelings about all kinds of topics. That is a testament to how intelligent most of us are.

Secondly, I have found it impossible to return to a traditional sexual relationship and feel the sense of satisfaction I feel now when I engage in D/s sexual activity. I did not discover how truly submissive I was until a few years ago. I now find it nearly impossible to "go back" to a traditional sexual relationship and feel complete.

I therefore, find both of these statements to be true for me.

Anyone have comments?

Rose

 

[lost]

*A person who takes the submissive role is neither passive nor a victim. He or she has made a conscious decision to pursue BDSM and has probably looked long and hard to find a compatible dominant partner.

Thank you I have only recently come to this understanding myself.

*BDSM cannot be cured. It is not a disease, for one thing. These desires are innate to individual sexual identity and usually persist throughout one's active sexual life. Gloria G. Brame, PhD.

And I thought I was contagious

 

[pierced_boy]

There are many games we can play

Rose
While it is completely reasonable to desire only D/s relationships do not constrict your self

many wonderful things can come from "innocent" beginings

been there done that

Harry

 

[Lancecastor]

I tend to question anything that I perceive as attempting to limit my scope as an individual.

Therefore, I question the school of thought that says once you've developed a taste for BDSM that nothing else satisfies.

I've said here before that if we're talking about a choice between Vanilla vs. BDSM flavour for a lifestyle....I choose Neopolitan.

Cheers;

Lance

 

[Cirrus]

I don't know if I agree...I could be emotionally satisfied in a nilla-only relationship, but not physically. I'm not sure either if I could be satisfied in either the emotional or physical sense if I were in a BDSM-only relationship. My relationship with Him is definetely D/s, but not always SM. That's the way we both like it.

Could I go back to nilla? I don't know...I'd have to answer that if it happened.

 

[artful]

An Opinion

I look at BDSM, (Dom/me-Switch-Sub), as a full menu of CHOICES. For me,...I can shop the full list on the left hand side, without remorse or guilt.

I am able to pick and choose from everything available. The list is FULLY inclusive, and one day I might have a desire for meat and potatoes, with vanilla ice cream as dessert. On another day, my choice may, or may not be the same.

(JMHO),...but it's mine,...and I own it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I pretty much do not limit myself to one thing or another.

I believe it is important to be open to all the possibilities. I have found that when I throw open the door without expectations, what I truly need walks in. And I did not even have to look for it.

Ebony

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: There are many games we can play

Rose
While it is completely reasonable to desire only D/s relationships do not constrict your self

many wonderful things can come from "innocent" beginings

been there done that

Harry

Hi Harry. Good to see you and thank you for posting to this. And all of yoiu seem to be saying the same thing in response to this thread. (Hi Eb, Art, Cirrus, lost and Lance.)

Of course, I love it when an idea is disagreed with. It creates debate.

It's my *recent* experience that I have not found traditional sexual activity as satisfying as I found my admittedly short journey into BDSM to be. That is not to say that I am denying ALL sex. LOL Perhaps it's the newness of the experience that makes it (BDSM) all the more attractive. I have not been into BDSM for 10 yrs or 30 like some others who post here have been.

I am also one to only allow a bridge to be burned if that is the last and only resort. I, however wont light the match.

Again, thank you all for your input.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

I edited this because I changed my mind ....... LOL

Rose

 

[Cherry]

I don't know if I agree...I could be emotionally satisfied in a nilla-only relationship, but not physically. I'm not sure either if I could be satisfied in either the emotional or physical sense if I were in a BDSM-only relationship. My relationship with Him is definetely D/s, but not always SM. That's the way we both like it.

Could I go back to nilla? I don't know...I'd have to answer that if it happened.

I think that women who have a natural submissive tendency will be attracted to natural dominant tendencies in the men they choose for partners, regardless of what degree they practice the BDSM lifestyle.

I know it's true for myself ... I can spot a dominant man, a mile away running, with my eyes closed.

Additionally, I think those tendencies were nurtured through lifelong experiences, starting from early childhood. In my case, a strong father figure set my acceptance of male dominance in a family environment. He, in effect, became my role model of how a man should be ... and also, the type of man that I would look for as an adult.

Again from my own point of view, after having been actively involved in a BDSM lifestyle, it is entirely possible to incorporate those same tendencies in a traditional sexual relationship, without BDSM aspects expressed as much, simply by respecting and accepting the dominant/submissive roles in the relationship in a natural everyday kind of life.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: There are many games we can play

Hi Harry. Good to see you and thank you for posting to this. And all of yoiu seem to be saying the same thing in response to this thread. (Hi Eb, Art, Cirrus, lost and Lance.)

Of course, I love it when an idea is disagreed with. It creates debate.

It's my *recent* experience that I have not found traditional sexual activity as satisfying as I found my admittedly short journey into BDSM to be. That is not to say that I am denying ALL sex. LOL Perhaps it's the newness of the experience that makes it (BDSM) all the more attractive. I have not been into BDSM for 10 yrs or 30 like some others who post here have been.

I am also one to only allow a bridge to be burned if that is the last and only resort. I, however wont light the match.

Again, thank you all for your input.

Rose

Actually, I was not disagreeing with you. How you feel is how you feel.. I was talking about me and my feelings. A totally different thing.

Eb <Hi, back at ya!>

 

[A Desert Rose]

Eb:I pretty much do not limit myself to one thing or another.

Art: I look at BDSM, (Dom/me-Switch-Sub), as a full menu of CHOICES. I am able to pick and choose from everything available.

Lance: I've said here before that if we're talking about a choice between Vanilla vs. BDSM flavour for a lifestyle....I choose Neopolitan.

Cirrus: I don't know if I agree...I could be emotionally satisfied in a nilla-only relationship, but not physically.

Pierced boy: While it is completely reasonable to desire only D/s relationships do not constrict your self
been there done that

----------------------------------

What exactly are we saying here? We are Doms and subs on occassion..... when the mood strikes us to be? Is it or is it not part of our individual natures? Could it be that all human beings have these natures about them and only SOME of them choose to explore them in more detail? Then by exploring them more deeply we place labels on ourselves and each other: Dom/me, sub, switch, etc?

I contend that we are no different sexually than any other member of our species. Some of us just choose to be more adventuresome than others.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Re: There are many games we can play

Actually, I was not disagreeing with you. How you feel is how you feel.. I was talking about me and my feelings. A totally different thing.

Eb <Hi, back at ya!>

You caught me, Eb before I had the chance to change my mind. LOL

I agree with you completely and after rereading my post and those of others for the 3rd time I realized I was in error and edited my post.

Oh but too late---- you got me. LOL
Rose

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: There are many games we can play

You caught me, Eb before I had the chance to change my mind. LOL

I agree with you completely and after rereading my post and those of others for the 3rd time I realized I was in error and edited my post.

Oh but too late---- you got me. LOL
Rose

Didn't mean to get cha either! LOL

Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think that women who have a natural submissive tendency will be attracted to natural dominant tendencies in the men they choose for partners, regardless of what degree they practice the BDSM lifestyle.
Again from my own point of view, after having been actively involved in a BDSM lifestyle, it is entirely possible to incorporate those same tendencies in a traditional sexual relationship, without BDSM aspects expressed as much, simply by respecting and accepting the dominant/submissive roles in the relationship in a natural everyday kind of life.

Thank you for your post, Cherry.

And I agree that there is room for all kinds of sexual activity and all can be satisfying. I have already stated how I feel in regard to my own sex life, which is neither here nor there, to anyone at this forum. (You might note that I refuse to use the word vanilla.)

****My real question now is: Are we or are we not predisposed to a certain sexual lifestyle because of the personality traits we, as individuals posses? I am confused, I guess. I know that sexually I am submissive. That is the type of sexual experience that I look for, but not limiting myself to.

I hope you continue to post here and to my threads, in particular.

Thank you again,
Rose

 

[Lancecastor]

Rose;

I'm saying what I said in my first post to this thread....I generally reject anything that suggests I must "pick one". I like choice by nature. I'm like that.

So, in terms of your thread starter, which said: "I have found it impossible to return to a traditional sexual relationship and feel the sense of satisfaction I feel now when I engage in D/s sexual activity. ", and "I therefore, find both of these statements to be true for me." asking "Anyone have comments? ".....I have commented that for me, I view myself as neither 100% Vanilla nor 100% BDSM, but Neopolitan.

Lance

Lance: I've said here before that if we're talking about a choice between Vanilla vs. BDSM flavour for a lifestyle....I choose Neopolitan.
------------------------------

What exactly are we saying here? We are Doms and subs on occassion..... when the mood strikes us to be? Is it or is it not part of our individual natures? Could it be that all human beings have these natures about them and only SOME of them choose to explore them in more detail? Then by exploring them more deeply we place labels on ourselves and each other: Dom/me, sub, switch, etc?

I contend that we are no different sexually than any other member of our species. Some of us just choose to be more adventuresome than others.

Rose

 

[Rubyfruit]

Additionally, I think those tendencies were nurtured through lifelong experiences, starting from early childhood. In my case, a strong father figure set my acceptance of male dominance in a family environment. He, in effect, became my role model of how a man should be ... and also, the type of man that I would look for as an adult.

Yes, this is true for me as well.

It's good to see you posting over here, Cherry. You always have such well-thought out and interesting posts.

 

[A Desert Rose]

So therefore, you are not a Dom? Is that what you are saying?

Rose

Rose;

I'm saying what I said in my first post to this thread....I generally reject anything that suggests I must "pick one". I like choice by nature. I'm like that.

So, in terms of your thread starter, which said: "I have found it impossible to return to a traditional sexual relationship and feel the sense of satisfaction I feel now when I engage in D/s sexual activity. ", and "I therefore, find both of these statements to be true for me." asking "Anyone have comments? ".....I have commented that for me, I view myself as neither 100% Vanilla nor 100% BDSM, but Neopolitan.

Lance

 

[Lancecastor]

No, that is not what I'm saying.

 

[UCE]

Everybody experiences their sexuality differently, obviously. For some people, sexuality isn't a choice: you're either born that way or something happens, probably pretty early in your life, that brings a latent tendency to enjoy a certain type of sexuality, either broad or narrow, to the forefront.

I'm in the no-choice deparment. While my interests within the power and fetish umbrella continue to expand, I could no more step across that clear line (or so it seems to me) into dominace than a hardcore homosexual can stop being attracted to men.

The only problem I have with the "I leave myself open to choices" people--and none of you guys aren't doing this in this thread, at least not yet, so don't get all paranoid on me--is that they sometimes seem to be implying by labeling one's sexual orientation as choice (which it may very well be for them--there are tons of bisexuals out there too, as well as the dyed in the wool heteros and gays) that the rest of have chosen the narrow-minded path, rather than simply accepted and made peace with the inevitable biological consequences of being who we are. If some bisexuals were to come up and start dissing a gay guy for not being "willing to leave his options open" when it comes to women, I think that would be a most offensive and rude thing to do, and really disrespectful of this person simply becuase he's not like them.

In the past, however, (by past I mean 5-10 years back) I've seen the, um, "pro-choice" folk, the flexible people who work both sides of the kinky fence and the slots in-between not only diss those of us who are stuck being who were are (just as they are stuck, as I see it, being flexible) but deny that people like me or relationships like mine even exist, simply because they cannot imagine themselves feeling the same way. I'm probably beating a dead horse here. This is an old, old issue and I imagine in the years that I've chose not to pay attention to what bdsm people say, it's been resolved satisfactorily, but back in the bad old days it was a pretty big deal. My lifestyle was even called "exercable" once by a very well-known (and respected, by thems that don't know better) author in this field who was scared to death, poor little baby, of my radical hardcore slavery. LOL, those were the days.

I agree with the thread-starter that submission has absolutely nothing to do with aggression: they are two very different traits that do not impact one another, and people vary widely in each. I have seen, however, a lot of dominants tell their submissive "loves of their lives" to get lost, when, after they moved the woman in with them, they suddenly realized this simple fact that most of us knew all along. It's very sad when that happens, especically when the putative "master" of such a woman accuses her of "not being submissive enough." I wonder how many slaves these guys go through and emotionally undermine before they get a clue that what they imagined to be submission was just a silly act requiring no effort except typing that some female fake put on in a chatroom and that genuine submission is a beast of an entirely different (and much more complex) nature?

Unda

PS: I like the fact this forum, just like the infamous stileproject's (you share the same software, it seems), gives you the option of posting a picture at the end of every post. It's also very tempting as I have such a large picture collection. Tell me, you folks who've been here for awhile, are there certain forums or threads here in which pictures are _not_welcome? I don't want to piss anybody off for the _wrong_ reasons, only the _right_ ones.

 

[A Desert Rose]

great post

There is a lot to digest and address here.

First let me say, welcome to the forum.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm in the no-choice deparment. While my interests within the power and fetish umbrella continue to expand, I could no more step across that clear line (or so it seems to me) into dominace than a hardcore homosexual can stop being attracted to men.
Unda

This is me also. I have a difficult time initiating sexual activity and being assertive in the bedroom. Sheesh, I can't even initiate a good flirt, lol.

Rose

 

[zipman]

<snip>
****My real question now is: Are we or are we not predisposed to a certain sexual lifestyle because of the personality traits we, as individuals posses?
<snip>
Rose

I think this is an excellent question Rose, especially as it is so difficult to anwer. I think that people do have a predisposition to a particular lifestyle. However, I do not hink it ends there. Just because a person has a predisposition, does not necessarily mean that they have the courage to face it. Societal pressures can be extremely strong, and I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge their desires due to fear of what that makes them.

When I was younger, I saw a picture of a woman, tied up and having her nipple twisted. Their was an incredible look on her face that was a mixture of pain, fear, submission, lust and ecstacy. It was one of those true "moment in time" pictures. I was incredibly arroused by the fact that she was:
-bound and helpless
-submitting to pain
-enjoying it

I then said to myself "what the hell is wrong with you that those things excite you." But I wasn't afraid to look down deep into my soul to find and accept the answers. I haven't found them all, but I am closer and still looking. Such introspection is not easy, and I think a lot of people are unwilling to do it, for fear of what others might say and what they will think of themselves.

I think a lot of people supress their desires for BDSM, the same way a lot of people do it with regard to homosexuality and lesbianism. It takes a strong person to walk the path to finding their true desires. For some, the desire to do it is stronger than others. And the extent to which they need it in their life to be happy differs as well.

I look forward to seeing what others think about this as well.

Once again, great thread Rose!

Zip

 

[A Desert Rose]

I think this is an excellent question Rose, especially as it is so difficult to anwer. I think that people do have a predisposition to a particular lifestyle. However, I do not hink it ends there. Just because a person has a predisposition, does not necessarily mean that they have the courage to face it. Societal pressures can be extremely strong, and I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge their desires due to fear of what that makes them.

I think a lot of people supress their desires for BDSM, the same way a lot of people do it with regard to homosexuality and lesbianism. It takes a strong person to walk the path to finding their true desires. For some, the desire to do it is stronger than others. And the extent to which they need it in their life to be happy differs as well.

Zip

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel. I know what my "limitations" are regarding my sexual inclinations. I accept them. I am a submissive person. Someday someone else might accept that about me also.

Well said Zip.

Rose

 

[A Desert Rose]

I want to add something else.

I will not be made to feel less than I am because I admit to this type of sexual personality trait. I appreciate that you understand how I feel and what I am saying, Zip. Thank you, again.

I yam what I yam.

Rose