The Psychology of the "Disinterested Handjob"

[MediocreAuthor]

So a girlfriend of mine was talking to me recently about this topic. Apparently, she gave her husband a "disinterested handjob". And he loved it??

I'll explain the scenario as best I can:

Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times. But he was really horny, so she agreed to help him out. That said, she wasn't really into the act, and she didn't pretend to be. For some strange reason, he was totally fine with that, and he got off fairly quickly. It was almost as if her disinterest in the act was a feature of the act, rather than a detractor.

I have to say, I can't fully understand the logic of that. But a quick google search of "Disinterested Handjob" (with moderate safe search on, thank you kindly) brought up plenty of videos, although I'm not really interested in looking into it much deeper than that.

Does anyone understand the allure behind such a sex act? I've heard plenty of guys online say that they don't even enjoy handjobs because their own hand is so much more experienced. Putting that opinion aside, why would a guy actively want a disinterested sex partner?

My only guess at the appeal would be the honesty behind the act? A woman acting super exited about a handjob would likely be pretending, and that might detract some from his enjoyment?

Contrarily, a disinterested handjob is as honest as it gets. It's like a completely selfless gift, with no deception about the emotions behind it. Something like "Hey babe, I'm doing this for you because I love you, and not because I particularly like it."

I don't know. That's honestly my only guess. Does anyone else have any insight into this (slightly) unusual kink?

 

[Duleigh]

I have to say, I can't fully understand the logic of that.

The psychology is simple: A Disinterested Handjob is MUCH better than No Handjob.

A Disinterested Handjob occurs when He wants sex and She wants solitude. A lover that's in tune with his partner knows that, no, there's not going to be any loving tonight. But she gives a disinterested handjob just to shut him up. Hey, that's a profit on anyone's ledger.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

The psychology is simple: A Disinterested Handjob is MUCH better than No Handjob.

A Disinterested Handjob occurs when He wants sex and She wants solitude. A lover that's in tune with his partner knows that, no, there's not going to be any loving tonight. But she gives a disinterested handjob just to shut him up. Hey, that's a profit on anyone's ledger.

Right... but they make porn of it, apparently.

The disinterest is a desired part of the interaction, it would seem.

Lol whyyyy?

 

[Duleigh]

Right... but they make porn of it, apparently.

The disinterest is a desired part of the interaction, it would seem.

Lol whyyyy?

They would make porn of ice melting if there were someone who would watch it.

 

[Naughtygirl201]

Right... but they make porn of it, apparently.

The disinterest is a desired part of the interaction, it would seem.

Lol whyyyy?

Maybe it's a humiliation thing....like him feeling pathetic and needy?

 

[AwkwardlySet]

So a girlfriend of mine was talking to me recently about this topic. Apparently, she gave her husband a "disinterested handjob". And he loved it??

I'll explain the scenario as best I can:

Their young kids were up, and the two didn't have time for any real sexy times. But he was really horny, so she agreed to help him out. That said, she wasn't really into the act, and she didn't pretend to be. For some strange reason, he was totally fine with that, and he got off fairly quickly. It was almost as if her disinterest in the act was a feature of the act, rather than a detractor.

I have to say, I can't fully understand the logic of that. But a quick google search of "Disinterested Handjob" (with moderate safe search on, thank you kindly) brought up plenty of videos, although I'm not really interested in looking into it much deeper than that.

Does anyone understand the allure behind such an sex act? I've heard plenty of guys online say that they don't even enjoy handjobs because their own hand is so much more experienced. Putting that opinion aside, why would a guy actively want a disinterested sex partner?

My only guess at the appeal would be the honesty behind the act? A woman acting super exited about a handjob would likely be pretending, and that might detract some from his enjoyment?

Contrarily, a disinterested handjob is as honest as it gets. It's like a completely selfless gift, with no deception about the emotions behind it. Something like "Hey babe, I'm doing this for you because I love you, and not because I particularly like it."

I don't know. That's honestly my only guess. Does anyone else have any insight into this (slightly) weird kink?

I'd say that a disinterested handjob touches on femdom/control vibes and thus appeals to men who have such tendencies. It's a statement "Your pleasure isn't important enough for me to pretend." I think you can find it often in stories that involve edging/denial/chastity kinks.

 

[LoneMilf]

I suspect this might share some traits with many of the 'free use' videos out there. They very often portray the women as utterly disinterested and mostly going about their regular activities while 'allowing' the guys to use some parts of them.

In general, we always strive to get a reaction from our partner. This is the opposite. Maybe if there is no illusion of interest from the woman, the man won't feel any pressure to perform? It might allow him to more freely just enjoy the sensations?

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Maybe it's a humiliation thing....like him feeling pathetic and needy?

Maybe. She never said anything about him having a thing for humiliation, but I suppose I could see it.

I'd say that a disinterested handjob touches on femdom/control vibes and thus appeals to men who have such tendencies. It's a statement "Your pleasure isn't important enough for me to pretend." I think you can find it often in stories that involve edging/denial/chastity kinks.

You may be onto something. I still think the honesty of the act may weigh heavily into it, but I am just guessing.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I suspect this might share some traits with many of the 'free use' videos out there. They very often portray the women as utterly disinterested and mostly going about their regular activities while 'allowing' the guys to use some parts of them.

In general, we always strive to get a reaction from our partner. This is the opposite. Maybe if there is no illusion of interest from the woman, the man won't feel any pressure to perform? It might allow him to more freely just enjoy the sensations?

You know, I hadn't considered that. The idea of having no performance pressure makes a lot of sense.
It also ties a bit into my "gift" theory.

 

[LisaMayTurner]

Perhaps the word "disinterest" is the wrong word as that was only one person's word who was involved in the act. The other person must have had "interest" for the magic moment to have arrived? Speak to your girlfriend's husband about how he would describe her popping his cork to see if their descriptive versions match up.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Maybe. She never said anything about him having a thing for humiliation, but I suppose I could see it.

You may be onto something. I still think the honesty of the act may weigh heavily into it, but I am just guessing.

I am not sure there are men who get off on honesty.

 

[StillStunned]

They would make porn of ice melting if there were someone who would watch it.

The thing about melting ice is watching the temperature rise ever so slowly, until you're wet and perhaps even a bit steamy.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I am not sure there are men who get off on honesty.

That's funny, but I don't think I agree.

So willingness to be deceived for the sake of pleasure is a feature of hedonism, and believe it or not, most humans don't feel that way.

If you ask most monogamous people "Would you like to know if your partner was cheating on you or remain in blissful ignorance?" most people want to know the truth, in spite of the fact that the knowledge would bring them sadness.

Humans have an innate desire for the truth. I'm not convinced that men and their sexuality is that much different.

 

[MrPixel]

This all gives me pause. To me it's like kissing your partner, even a cursory hello/goodbye peck in passing, where there isn't the tiniest "zing" of emotional connection in return. Where you immediately have that "something is wrong here" feeling that leaves you questioning the relationship the rest of the day. (Like I haven't been there. )

The detachment, the purely mechanical "I'm doing this so you'll get out of my face" aspect is troubling. Yes, all of us aren't "in the mood" in sync with our partner(s) all the time. Sometimes we just want to be alone with our thoughts, and it's not rejection by any means. But that he got off despite the disinterested intimate contact? I dunno. I just dunno.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Perhaps the word "disinterest" is the wrong word as that was only one person's word who was involved in the act. The other person must have had "interest" for the magic moment to have arrived? Speak to your girlfriend's husband about how he would describe her popping his cork to see if their descriptive versions match up.

Oooh. I might try something like that, but I feel like asking a guy about the weird kink displayed while getting a handjob from his wife won't be as easy as talking to her about it. He and I are close, but I'm not sure if I'm actually gonna do that.

Lmao

I was lowkey hoping someone with that kink would pop in here and explain themselves. hehe

 

[lovecraft68]

It plays a bit to a humiliation angle. The "This is all your worth and I'm not even into it, dog." Being I can get into being a sub at times I get the appeal.

I've seen hand job compilations where a woman is jacking a guy off while reading a book, looking at their phone and paying no attention at all to what she's doing. The website Jerky Girls has a few of these type scenes

Now, what the woman gets from it? Not sure, but since when is what a woman gets out of it much of a concern for most men?

 

[Wonderer67]

I wonder if there was a slight bdsm aspect to it. Made him feeling needy and humiliated.

I like it when my wife plays nurse and has to get a sperm sample. She works it like it’s her job not as much like she’s into it.

It’s sorta hot.

Pure conjecture obviously. But that’s my take.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

This all gives me pause. To me it's like kissing your partner, even a cursory hello/goodbye peck in passing, where there isn't the tiniest "zing" of emotional connection in return. Where you immediately have that "something is wrong here" feeling that leaves you questioning the relationship the rest of the day. (Like I haven't been there. )

The detachment, the purely mechanical "I'm doing this so you'll get out of my face" aspect is troubling. Yes, all of us aren't "in the mood" in sync with our partner(s) all the time. Sometimes we just want to be alone with our thoughts, and it's not rejection by any means. But that he got off despite the disinterested intimate contact? I dunno. I just dunno.

You are not wrong.

That said, I can't really bring myself to label him as wrong either.

It doesn't particularly seem like the healthiest dynamic, but people do lots of things that aren't the most healthy. How bad is too bad? Hard to say.

 

[SimonDoom]

At the risk of being annoyingly pedantic, the correct term is "uninterested handjob." The word "disinterested" does not mean "uninterested," it means "unbiased" or "objective." If you mean to say that the person giving the handjob has no interest in the task, then the correct term is "uninterested handjob."

I can see a number of psychological elements that would make this appealing. The receiver might be turned on by it as a kind of dominance play, because the giver has no personal interest in it other than doing the bidding of the receiver. Or it might be the opposite, a form of humiliation--the receiver might be turned on that he is receiving sexual pleasure but it means nothing to the giver.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

At the risk of being annoyingly pedantic, the correct term is "uninterested handjob." The word "disinterested" does not mean "uninterested," it means "unbiased" or "objective." If you mean to say that the person giving the handjob has no interest in the task, then the correct term is "uninterested handjob."

You are incredibly pedantic, but I actually appreciate it. I'm always down to improve my grammar. I would say that technically I was not wrong in what I said, but using "uninterested" would have made my point more clear. Ironically, the definitions of the two words have actually swapped, apparently?

---

But back to the point, I think it's super interesting that the possibilities for the this kink included two completely opposite origins.

"He either wants it because he wants to be in total control, or he wants her in total control."

That's funny if nothing else, but I can't argue with the logic.

 

[alohadave]

But back to the point, I think it's super interesting that the possibilities for the this kink included two completely opposite origins.

"He either wants it because he wants to be in total control, or he wants her in total control."

That's funny if nothing else, but I can't argue with the logic.

It's not really about control. It's doing something for your partner even though you may not be that interested in doing it. I give my wife backrubs because she asks, not because I get something out of it or particularly enjoy doing it.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I wonder if there was a slight bdsm aspect to it. Made him feeling needy and humiliated.

I like it when my wife plays nurse and has to get a sperm sample. She works it like it’s her job not as much like she’s into it.

It’s sorta hot.

Pure conjecture obviously. But that’s my take.

You're kind of the exact person I wanted to talk to. Any idea why "it's sorta hot"? At least for you?

You know, the fact that you bring up a nurse does actually bring to mind a sort of "kink" that I enjoy reading about, which I've nicknamed "clinical sexual encounter". It happens when a doctor or a scientist etc has to perform a sexual test on a patient, and the doctor/scientist stimulates their subject while maintaining professionalism the whole time.

That isn't that different from the aforementioned kink, conceptually.

I'm glad you brought that up.

 

[Voyeurkenneth]

I suspect this might share some traits with many of the 'free use' videos out there. They very often portray the women as utterly disinterested and mostly going about their regular activities while 'allowing' the guys to use some parts of them.

In general, we always strive to get a reaction from our partner. This is the opposite. Maybe if there is no illusion of interest from the woman, the man won't feel any pressure to perform? It might allow him to more freely just enjoy the sensations?

Yes, Free Use were my first thoughts too. I think there's something erotic to a handjob happening in an otherwise plain situation.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

It's not really about control. It's doing something for your partner even though you may not be that interested in doing it. I give my wife backrubs because she asks, not because I get something out of it or particularly enjoy doing it.

Right, but you're missing my point.

Some guys seem to be actively drawn to the idea that the woman is not interested.

Surely your wife would prefer it if you loved giving her backrubs as much as she loves receiving them (if for no other reason than it would probably mean more backrubs )

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Now, what the woman gets from it? Not sure, but since when is what a woman gets out of it much of a concern for most men?

The entire point seems to be that she isn't getting anything from the interaction except maybe satisfaction that her man is happy.

I'm not sure exactly where the eroticism comes in there, but apparently it does.