The Power of One....Dom/me influence on the sub/slave

[catalina_francisco]

In acknowledging the role of respective entities within the realm of BDSM, we often speak of the Dom/me nurturing and guiding their sub/slaves and helping to create the person they become. In reality I believe they are initially attracted to the respective sub/slaves for a variety of reasons, not least of all those existent qualities the SO possesses such as creativity, business sense, academic ability.

As such, and taking into account the nurturing, guiding, and creating aspects do any sub/slaves notice a marked improvement in any of their previous abilities, with or without direct input from their D's (ie. improvement in artistic ability since relationship established), or the development of a new ability they previously did not realise or believe they had?

If so, do you feel this change is attributable to the Dom/me directly or indirectly, or is a subconscious action in response to the security of the relationship, or something else altogether?

 

[A Desert Rose]

This is going to sound silly and shallow. My Dom made me realize how attractive, sensual, intelligent and sexual I really am. I never believed those things about myself, never considered them really at all, until I met him.

Because of him, I have never been so comfortable in the skin I am in. He helped give me a renewed source of confidence and a new sense of myself and a different perspective on how I refect in the world to others.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

This is going to sound silly and shallow. My Dom made me realize how attractive, sensual, intelligent and sexual I really am. I never believed those things about myself, never considered them really at all, until I met him.

Because of him, I have never been so comfortable in the skin I am in. He helped give me a renewed source of confidence and a new sense of myself and a different perspective on how I refect in the world to others.

I have no doubt of that my lady,does it make you wonder how you never saw it before?

 

[catalina_francisco]

This is going to sound silly and shallow. My Dom made me realize how attractive, sensual, intelligent and sexual I really am. I never believed those things about myself, never considered them really at all, until I met him.

Because of him, I have never been so comfortable in the skin I am in. He helped give me a renewed source of confidence and a new sense of myself and a different perspective on how I refect in the world to others.

I think it is anything but silly and shallow. I think taking into consideration the socialisation of western society, and also the media influence on what typifies the 'perfect woman', we as a gender often are the last ones to appreciate our own specialness. I have had a similar experience with Master. I met many men in my search who praised me and my attractiveness in all facets, as well as I had never been short of admirers in my previous vanilla life, and yet I had a totally different view of who I was and what I had to offer.

I think a lot had to do with the negative messages from my mother which even today prevail as a manifestation of her inability to find her happiness, forever living in the past where she feels bound to remain. When I met Master, despite having come to terms with myself and accepted me for who I allowed myself to see, I found a million reasons why he would find I was not for him, not least the fact I am 9 years older than him. Stupid the way we see it as okay for men to marry younger, but not necessarily ourselves. LOL.

I must say he earned an A+ for persistence and refusing to accept my own difficulties with my self image, instead concentrating first on all the reasons I was the only one for him. The person he saw hardly resembled the one I saw in myself, but slowly he has made me forget all the things I felt I had to apologise for, turning them into positives, and appreciate the uniqueness I possess in being who I am.

The outcome has been I feel refected in my art and writing which have both improved to levels I have never known before. For me I feel this is a positive effect of the feeling I finally know where I belong and with whom.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

I would like to put it from my own perspective,I go on the mind of a lady her humour,charm and intelligence for myself when I know she is a beauty inside tis not hard to nurture the ladies confidence.Understand, it is nothing I do tis already there, its not even hard she is already beautiful.I haven't the words to put it properly I need someone to do it for me and do it justice

 

[A Desert Rose]

...I haven't the words to put it properly I need someone to do it for me and do it justice

I followed your words quite well. And thank you for your previous post to me. ;-)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would like to put it from my own perspective,I go on the mind of a lady her humour,charm and intelligence for myself when I know she is a beauty inside tis not hard to nurture the ladies confidence.Understand, it is nothing I do tis already there, its not even hard she is already beautiful.I haven't the words to put it properly I need someone to do it for me and do it justice

I think your words say it perfectly and with heartfelt soul.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

I've always felt I was more "showing possibilities", and "helping to explore". The actual growth and changes that I have seen have been more about latent possibilities within the submissive woman herself.

Of course, as a dominant, I provide a lot of the "push" to help her make those discoveries. And yes, I have "pushed" into areas, and had a submissive say "no, I still don't like it." So it's not all sucessful.

Results vary very much, dependent on who I am playing with. Nothing surprising there, I guess.

 

[Desdemona]

This is going to sound silly and shallow. My Dom made me realize how attractive, sensual, intelligent and sexual I really am. I never believed those things about myself, never considered them really at all, until I met him.

Because of him, I have never been so comfortable in the skin I am in. He helped give me a renewed source of confidence and a new sense of myself and a different perspective on how I refect in the world to others.

I have had much the same experience with Snooze. It has been a wonderful awakening.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have had much the same experience with Snooze. It has been a wonderful awakening.

Des, you know how my relationship has gone and goes (LOL.) Although I am not sure I can call him my Dom any longer, I will be forever in his debt for what he has helped me discover about myself.

You know better than anyone that in many ways he kind of "does not get it" but in others he is/was superb. ;-)

 

[Desdemona]

Des, you know how my relationship has gone and goes (LOL.) Although I am not sure I can call him my Dom any longer, I will be forever in his debt for what he has helped me discover about myself.

You know better than anyone that in many ways he kind of "does not get it" but in others he is/was superb. ;-)

Well, ADR, no relationship is perfect. I do know what you are referring to. I guess the important thing is to celebrate the wonderful things while remaining aware of opportunities for improvement within the relationship.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thought we have had a few new people on the board since I began this, who might like to share their thoughts. I will update mine in the next couple of days when time and energy permits....ah, the demands of being slave to a wonderful Master. LOL. Can't blame him this time, just my unco-operative body at the moment which does not want to fire on all cylinders.

Catalina

 

[InnerDarkness]

I do think Sir has had a huge impact on me and how I see myself. I have told him time and time again that I dont see the things he sees in me, but I do hope to see them someday.

I have done things since I met Sir that I never thought I could do...fantasies have been fulfilled, I have taken painful action to change my life, I have travelled alone...slowly but surely I am gaining my own strength ...and a HUGE part of me being able to do that is because of Him and HIS strength.

His views on so many things, and his patience with me have really begun to mold not only my relationship with him, but also how I interact with the world.

Sometimes I really wonder if he will just throw his hands in the air and consider me a failed project....I pray that doesnt happen....and i pray his patience will continue to hold...

I love the way he molds me.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

One of the most remarkable things about serving Him has been the transformation of my inner self and outer selves. By way of explanation...

Many people wear "masks" throughout their daily lives...a mask for work, a mask for dealing with family, a mask for acquaintances, and perhaps even a mask for dealing with a lover or significant other. Before I met Him, I had spent a lot of time working on myself by choice, and had narrowed this down to just two....one I put on for the outer world, and the real me, the one I kept to myself, and ultimately, shared with Him. My goal has always been for them to match....my insides to match my outsides--to be free of the constraints of constant "mask-wearing." The energy required for that is so intense, so draining--I want to be free of it.

Serving Him has brought me closer to this goal than I ever thought possible.

~anelize






Edited for clarity--I hope this makes some sense--it's so clear in MY head, but trying to get it down in a post seems rather difficult

 

[InnerDarkness]

I hope this makes some sense--it's so clear in MY head, but trying to get it down in a post seems rather difficult

That makes PERFECT sense...at least to me...I have been a victim of the mask wearing for years...I have one for family, one for friends, one for work, one for each level of people and where they belong in my circle of closeness...the closer you are to me, the more likely the chance of you seeing the real me.

I am working to show Sir the me that no one but myself has ever seen. I am of course terrified, but he has been so accepting thus far, and his patience and love has been so true that I am hoping to rid myself of all these other masks before long and be truly free and truly happy...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... I must say he earned an A+ for persistence and refusing to accept my own difficulties with my self image, instead concentrating first on all the reasons I was the only one for him. The person he saw hardly resembled the one I saw in myself, but slowly he has made me forget all the things I felt I had to apologise for, turning them into positives, and appreciate the uniqueness I possess in being who I am ...

pity we can't all be that lucky.

 

[catalina_francisco]

pity we can't all be that lucky.

I am indeed a fortunate slave to be in the care of one so special.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I am indeed a fortunate slave to be in the care of one so special.

Catalina

and he's a fortunate master for having your trust.

 

[catalina_francisco]

and he's a fortunate master for having your trust.

Thank you, we are both blessed......I never get used to the surprise I feel each day when I glimpse a new facet of his personality, experience the beauty of his selfless giving in the interests of nurturing my spirit, and the depths to which I find I am more than willing to go to repay his faith in me by serving him in all the ways he desires and believes I can excel in.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Thank you, we are both blessed ...

Quite welcome.

... by serving him in all the ways he desires and believes I can excel in.

Catalina

Let's hope you don't manacled at the end of the bed dangling like that preposition. http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif

 

[catalina_francisco]

Mmmmmmm....I wish!!

 

[catalina_francisco]

Bumped simply because he still astounds and amazes me.

Catalina

 

[Rrrosyn]

I am done quoting, they're all broken to me.

I am glad you bumped this, Catalina. I noticed a lot of subs talking about personal image and growth, etc. What about more obvious outward things you may have done due to the influence of your Dom/me? Like taking a job opportunity you would not have before or going back to college? Maybe taking up an artistic hobby, like painting or music, something you always wanted to, but never wanted to invest in it for yourself?

Encouragement can be about total life changes as well as your personal mental and emotional health.

 

[Jay Davis]

Very simply, whenever i am living in service to something larger than myself, i am a better version of me all around. I've discovered this in all aspects of my life, not just romance and sexuality, and it's prompted my recent career change, to boot.

Basically, to borrow a phrase from Nigel Tufnel, when i am owned by someone or something worthy, i go to eleven.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Very simply, whenever i am living in service to something larger than myself, i am a better version of me all around. I've discovered this in all aspects of my life, not just romance and sexuality, and it's prompted my recent career change, to boot.

Basically, to borrow a phrase from Nigel Tufnel, when i am owned by someone or something worthy, i go to eleven.

i that movie.