The PG Dom/Sub conundrum

[TheSilverLining]

So let's broaden the discussion: why does a gurl wanna be a sub?

(My bold)

A colleague's teenage daughter recently admitted to having a girlfriend.
Her response?
"I just don't understand why anybody would choose to be gay."

 

[may_I_please]

I will only say this, and then let it go.

I still don't understand the sub thing. For me, I think women should be worshiped, put on a pedestal. Treated as goddesses.

But Munky, we are. You pick your own limits

Just because he has control sexually, because we play with bondage and control it doesn't mean I'm treated badly. I want this in my life, I need and crave it for release, it immediately relaxes me and puts me at ease. But in our life together we are equals, there is much that I control because I am better at it, and he treats me like a princess.

 

[SmileyGirl]

But Munky, we are. You pick your own limits

Just because he has control sexually, because we play with bondage and control it doesn't mean I'm treated badly. I want this in my life, I need and crave it for release, it immediately relaxes me and puts me at ease. But in our life together we are equals, there is much that I control because I am better at it, and he treats me like a princess.

*love* ♡♡

 

[may_I_please]

*love* ♡♡

Case in point...he's off to work, I'm not today

He has just brought me coffee and a bacon toastie in bed ♡♡

Spoilt rotten

 

[SmileyGirl]

Case in point...he's off to work, I'm not today

He has just brought me coffee and a bacon toastie in bed ♡♡

Spoilt rotten

Ohhhhh you lucky laydeee.

 

[PrissOff]

(My bold)

A colleague's teenage daughter recently admitted to having a girlfriend.
Her response?
"I just don't understand why anybody would choose to be gay."

Exactly.

And, may_i_please, I began to make the same point you made earlier on in the evening and just thought Fuck it. But you said it perfectly.

 

[may_I_please]

Exactly.

And, may_i_please, I began to make the same point you made earlier on in the evening and just thought Fuck it. But you said it perfectly.

Thank you Priss, I thought you were beautifully eloquent

 

[PrissOff]

Thank you Priss, I thought you were beautifully eloquent

I appreciate that, hunni

 

[THROBBS]

I will only say this, and then let it go.

I still don't understand the sub thing. For me, I think women should be worshiped, put on a pedestal. Treated as goddesses.

I understand that you have "let it go"

I got to thinking (uh oh ) as I have some similar tendencies.

I lean towards being more dominant sexually, but am very "serving" in most areas of my life.

I think a slight adjustment to your paradigm/metaphor could help:

Try not to put a woman on a a pedestal, rather — help her up on one. Help her to see and feel what you do. Perhaps a smaller pedestal would do (Bill Murray as Hercules voice SNL). Maybe... maybe even get up there with her (metaphoric pedestal) — better together. Treat her well, but always make sure there is an egress system in place, some are afraid of heights. ALWAYS choice.

AND we all have different and nuanced needs and desires.

 

[THROBBS]

which reminded me of this>
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=59915399&postcount=2898

 

[AbsintheFather]

You said "ruben" in a thread about "subs"....hee hee...

Somebody make me a sammich!

Sorry to lower the intellectual level of this conversation, but I can't resist.

https://36.media.tumblr.com/0e9b7921a195f15747822055427cd160/tumblr_mwps05Aj8Y1r8edeeo1_500.jpg

 

[THROBBS]

Sorry to lower the intellectual level of this conversation, but I can't resist.

heehee...

 

[THROBBS]

Hey, what with Little_Sister and Wild_Honey66 being virtual bookends...

I can easily imagine them making me a sammich — with me being the meat between their buns....so to speak.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Again, not a dom/sub but I want to comment on this...

My husband feels the same way. He has very high standards when it comes to me. Pedestal, absolutely. His perfect little princess. He works hard to give me everything I want and more. BUT what happens when what she wants tarnishes your perception of what this perfect, innocent, little flower should want? What happens when she masturbates all.the.time and reads "repulsive" stories online? Just sayin' sometimes that pedestal is not all its cracked up to be.

I think that is being a perfect princess. My goodness, I think that most men desire the 'lady in public and whore in the bedroom'. I know I do.

 

[Little_Sister]

Hey, what with Little_Sister and Wild_Honey66 being virtual bookends...

I can easily imagine them making me a sammich — with me being the meat between their buns....so to speak.

LMAO Can I at least be gluten free bread? hehe

 

[Amberchgo]

and follow up question: where are the good, reliable, experienced Doms?

Mine owns me and lives with me.

 

[Little_Sister]

I think that is being a perfect princess. My goodness, I think that most men desire the 'lady in public and whore in the bedroom'. I know I do.

 

[THROBBS]

LMAO Can I at least be gluten free bread? hehe

so long as you still have "glutes".

so, do not "laugh your ass literally off"

 

[KalIsBack]

Interesting. Might as well throw my spare change in here.

Doms come in so many different shapes. Cut from the same cloth, but so many different variations that it's dizzying. Some Doms are intimidating and quiet and just so overtly *powerful* that it can be a bit frightening. Other Doms are garrulous and enjoyable, but have an underlying, persistent 'aura' that's comforting to their subs. But there's only really one common aspect between all Doms, I think.

Most people misunderstand D/s. People think leather and latex, whips and hardcore bondage, etc. etc. And sometimes, that's what it is. But more truthfully, that's not what it's about. I think, on a fundamental level, it's all about stability. Being a Dom/me is only about being that source of stability, whatever that means to the sub. Which is why not all Dom/mes are not compatible with all subs. Stability means different things to different people. It's about providing the measure of control that your sub wants and needs.

This does NOT mean you can't put them on a pedestal. In all honesty, I believe that D/s relationships involve putting women MORE on a pedestal than in any other sort of relationship. An incredible amount of attention goes into caring for a sub. You need to be attuned to her wants and needs, when to be Dominant and when to be a friend and when to be a lover. When to push, when not to push. You have to care, to be a good Dominant. To really care. There's mutual pleasure in there, a pleasure in the attention, knowing that you devote your energy and your attention and your love and you get exactly as much out as you put in. You worship your submissive in the way she needs, and she worships you back the way she knows how. I believe it's incredibly rewarding.

And as stated by others, being a Dominant and/or a submissive is no more a choice than eating and breathing. It's just something you need.

I'm sure there's more I've missed, but that's what came to mind.

*tips hat, wanders off into the ether.*

 

[sereneone4u]

But Munky, we are. You pick your own limits

Just because he has control sexually, because we play with bondage and control it doesn't mean I'm treated badly. I want this in my life, I need and crave it for release, it immediately relaxes me and puts me at ease. But in our life together we are equals, there is much that I control because I am better at it, and he treats me like a princess.

 

[SmileyGirl]

^^^^ Kal and Serene

 

[may_I_please]

This does NOT mean you can't put them on a pedestal. In all honesty, I believe that D/s relationships involve putting women MORE on a pedestal than in any other sort of relationship. An incredible amount of attention goes into caring for a sub. You need to be attuned to her wants and needs, when to be Dominant and when to be a friend and when to be a lover. When to push, when not to push. You have to care, to be a good Dominant. To really care. There's mutual pleasure in there, a pleasure in the attention, knowing that you devote your energy and your attention and your love and you get exactly as much out as you put in. You worship your submissive in the way she needs, and she worships you back the way she knows how. I believe it's incredibly rewarding.

And as stated by others, being a Dominant and/or a submissive is no more a choice than eating and breathing. It's just something you need.
*

Oh Kal

 

[sereneone4u]

Interesting. Might as well throw my spare change in here.

Doms come in so many different shapes. Cut from the same cloth, but so many different variations that it's dizzying. Some Doms are intimidating and quiet and just so overtly *powerful* that it can be a bit frightening. Other Doms are garrulous and enjoyable, but have an underlying, persistent 'aura' that's comforting to their subs. But there's only really one common aspect between all Doms, I think.

Most people misunderstand D/s. People think leather and latex, whips and hardcore bondage, etc. etc. And sometimes, that's what it is. But more truthfully, that's not what it's about. I think, on a fundamental level, it's all about stability. Being a Dom/me is only about being that source of stability, whatever that means to the sub. Which is why not all Dom/mes are not compatible with all subs. Stability means different things to different people. It's about providing the measure of control that your sub wants and needs.

This does NOT mean you can't put them on a pedestal. In all honesty, I believe that D/s relationships involve putting women MORE on a pedestal than in any other sort of relationship. An incredible amount of attention goes into caring for a sub. You need to be attuned to her wants and needs, when to be Dominant and when to be a friend and when to be a lover. When to push, when not to push. You have to care, to be a good Dominant. To really care. There's mutual pleasure in there, a pleasure in the attention, knowing that you devote your energy and your attention and your love and you get exactly as much out as you put in. You worship your submissive in the way she needs, and she worships you back the way she knows how. I believe it's incredibly rewarding.

And as stated by others, being a Dominant and/or a submissive is no more a choice than eating and breathing. It's just something you need.

I'm sure there's more I've missed, but that's what came to mind.

*tips hat, wanders off into the ether.*

 

[THROBBS]

...

And as stated by others, being a Dominant and/or a submissive is no more a choice than eating and breathing. It's just something you need.

much truth.

I feel that the "intrinsic nature" of being either sub or dom...or anywhere on any spectrum should always include some measure of "choice". Not in who you are, but in who you are with.

For some that amount of choice can be minimal, of course.

I am not saying we have a "choice" to "change our spots" (so to speak), but where we wear them, or who we show them to.

 

[KalIsBack]

much truth.

I feel that the "intrinsic nature" of being either sub or dom...or anywhere on any spectrum should always include some measure of "choice". Not in who you are, but in who you are with.

For some that amount of choice can be minimal, of course.

I am not saying we have a "choice" to "change our spots" (so to speak), but where we wear them, or who we show them to.

We choose to wear them or not, yes, but that's probably about all. I believe this ties into more of Munky's original question. Where are all the subs and the Doms and why doesn't he notice them...?

I would venture to say that, to anyone but a sub, there's a certain stigma to being a Dominant. And vice versa. When a person says s/he's a sub, there's probably a certain stigma associated with that, to anyone but a Dominant. I'd venture to say most people don't go around advertising it for that reason, among others.

And also? Unless you're looking for a submissive, there's no reason to go around shouting I'M A DOMINANT, HEAR ME ROAR. Dominants probably aren't looking for attention when they're in 'Dominant mode.' And frankly, I'd venture to say that that's not how most Dominant people are on the whole. Not attention seekers. Like I said, there's variations within that set, but being Dominant is about giving attention, not looking for it, and it's probably very difficult to do both.

More I could say, but that's waaaay off in the realm of speculation, and far less universal.

As for submissives well..... being a woman on here is difficult enough as it is, and when you go around looking for attention, you're bound to find it eventually. Subs have every right to be quiet and not openly open about their subbiness.