The Logic of the Redneck, and other assorted tales.

[Floating Head]

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first went in to see the guidance counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do," said the first redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinating' thing I ever heerd! I can't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.


"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.



"You're gay, ain't ya?"

 

[Myrrdin]

If you had an infinite number of red necks, with an infinite number of loaded shotguns, in the back of infinite number of pick up trucks, shooting at an infinite number of road signs. Would they eventually punch out the complete works of Shakespeare in braille?

 

[Guest]

OMG!

Wow, it's the incredible Floating Head! lol Long time no see!! How the hell have ya been hon?

 

[Bobtoad777]

Red Neck Friends

Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon.

"You are in luck," said the surgeon. "I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation."

So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, "I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub."

Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts.

A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg.

Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon.

"Legs are harder," said the surgeon, "but I'll see what I can do - come back in six hours."

Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, "I finished early - John's playing football."

Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes.

A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head.

Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skillful surgeon would do the job.

"Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach," the surgeon muttered, "but I'll see what I can do - come back in 12 hours."

Sam returned in 12 hours.

"How did it go, Doc?" he asked.

"I'm sorry. John died," the surgeon replied.

He suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!"

 

[Skitten]

That was too cool LMFAO.

 

[Skibum]

Laughed so hard I rumpled my flannel shirt.