The Joke Thread

[Slow Ride469]

I'm not sure if this has been done before ..but

Share your favorite jokes here:


Broke Back Mountain Lady



A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted

wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very

little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper

for a ranch hand.



Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a

drunk.



She thought long and hard about it, and when

no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy,

figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than

the drunk.



He proved to be a hard worker who put in long

hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.



For weeks the two of them worked hard and

the ranch was doing very well.



Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a

really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go

into town and kick up your heels."



The hired hand readily agreed and went into

town on Saturday night.



He returned around 2:30 am, and upon entering the room, he

found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a

glass of wine, waiting for him.



She quietly called him over to her.



"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling,

he did as she directed.



"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked,

ever so slowly.



"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed

them neatly by her boots.



"Now take off my skirt."



He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in

the firelight.



"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling

hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.



Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever

wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"







Now that's funny! I don't care who you are!!!

 

[smotherman]

Caught Speeding:



After pulling over a driver for speeding, a police officer had the following conversation with the driver…

Officer: Good evening. Can I see your driver's license?
Driver: I’m afraid I don't have one. I was suspended when I got my fifth conviction fro drink driving.
Officer: Oh dear. Can I see the owner's documents for this vehicle?
Driver: Actually it's not my car. I stole it yesterday.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yes. But actually, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting away my gun.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I hid it after shot the owner and shoved her body in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

When he heard this, the police officer radioed his captain for backup. In a few minutes, the car was surrounded by armed police. The captain approached the driver to try and diffuse the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
Captain: Would you mind just slowly opening your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Of course officer, but there's no gun in here!
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem officer, but I assure you there is nothing in the trunk!

The police captain was very confused about what had happened.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, that the car was stolen, that you had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk!
Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...

 

[keiffers]

isn't that what the following thread is for? there's one or two others also, but this is one of the main ones and I usually end up seeing stuff in that one and the other main one (I can't think of the name of it to search for)

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=406618

LOL

 

[Slow Ride469]

Thank you Keiffers

 

[Slow Ride469]

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly
> gentleman and an elderly lady
> struck up a conversation and discovered that
> they both loved to fish.
>
> Since both of them were widowed,
>
> they decided to go fishing together the next day.
>
> The gentleman picked the lady up, and they
> headed to the river to his fishing boat and
> started out on their adventure.
> They were riding down the river when there was a
> fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady,
> "Do you want to go up or down?"
>
> All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt
> and pants and made mad passionate love to the man
> right there in the boat !
>
> When they finished, the man couldn't believe
> what had just happened, but he had just experienced
> the best sex that he'd had in years.
> They fished for a while and continued on down the
> river, when soon they came upon another fork in the
> river.
>
> He again asked the lady, "Up or down ?"
>
> There she went again, stripped off her clothes,
> and made wild passionate love to him again.
>
> This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so
> he asked her to go fishing again the next day.
>
> She said yes and there they were the next day,
> riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in
> river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down ?"
>
> The woman replied, "Down."
>
> A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman
> guided the boat down the river when he came upon
> another fork in the river and he asked the
> lady,"Up or down ?"
>
> She replied, "Up."
>
> This really confused the gentleman so he asked,
> "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked
> you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad
> passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!"
>
> She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing
> my hearing aid and I thought the choices were
> fuck or drown."

 

[smotherman]

isn't that what the following thread is for? there's one or two others also, but this is one of the main ones and I usually end up seeing stuff in that one and the other main one (I can't think of the name of it to search for)

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=406618

LOL

There is one in the "How To" section "Cafe"

I'm too tired to go searching it for it though lol

 

[Slow Ride469]

maybe I should delete this one?............no to step on any toes

 

[sasebrats]

maybe I should delete this one?............no to step on any toes

Fuck 'em all if they can't take a joke!