The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

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More and more I wish I had the balls to just quit my job and see what happens.

I'm too fond of security and the freedom (or rather the money) to travel.
 
Sometimes I'm almost positive that I was a very good Catholic in a recent past life and certain characteristics carried over.
:eek:
 
It occurred to me tonight that the criteria for what makes a really cool bruise has not changed throughout my life... ever. Coloring, healing patterns, deep tissue bruising... it's exactly the same things that make it a kick ass awesome bruise as it was when I three and hit every branch on the quick way out of the tree.

Then it occurred to me that the qualifications for what made a game a really good game hasn't changed either... It's just a game till someone (*cough*me*cough) gets hurt... and then it's fun enough to send me home with a smile on my face. Even better if there's a scar to remember it by.

I think I've been a masochist all my life. It just presents itself in a more specific variety of games now.

Talk about your not so average "OH!" moment.
 



Thanks guys and Rida too :rose:

Have just had an absolutely crap time of it the last couple of weeks. am fed up to my back teeth.
Today I had to go for an ultrasound on the lumps in my neck this time. I am beginning to think I am just one huge lump :(. I ache all over and I cant tell if its just the stress I am under at the moment or the fact that I just ache all over lol. That and lack of sleep and the huge stress in another area of my life is making me very anxious at the moment. I got myself so worked up and had to go to the appointment on my own as usual. I actually cried when I got in there i was that anxious lol :eek::(
I am just sick of my body and the friggin stuff its been doing lately. I wish it would give me a break and just be normal for a while.
 
I really wish I could follow my own advice.











GodfuckingdamnitshitfuckasscuntwhorefuckfuckfuckfuckfuckARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
 
It occurred to me tonight that the criteria for what makes a really cool bruise has not changed throughout my life... ever. Coloring, healing patterns, deep tissue bruising... it's exactly the same things that make it a kick ass awesome bruise as it was when I three and hit every branch on the quick way out of the tree.

Then it occurred to me that the qualifications for what made a game a really good game hasn't changed either... It's just a game till someone (*cough*me*cough) gets hurt... and then it's fun enough to send me home with a smile on my face. Even better if there's a scar to remember it by.

I think I've been a masochist all my life. It just presents itself in a more specific variety of games now.

Talk about your not so average "OH!" moment.

This is a very cool post.
 
A momentary suspicion today that maybe I am stronger than the shit life keeps throwing at me.

Blink and you'd have missed it, but for a nanosecond there it was a positive feeling.
 
I honestly, truly need for my efforts and struggles to be acknowledged and appreciated.

If I have that, it gives me the confidence to keep going. Because I want to do these things for *him* and I need him to know that.

I don't know if that makes me submissive, or just plain clingy.
 
I hate when sluts forget their places and are trying to boss me around or manipulate. Whiney wanker.
Good luck with that :D
 
I'm so tired of all the uncertainty. I'm working really hard right now and if my position is going to be cut, at least have the decency to let me know so I don't have to do unnecessary work. I'll still work hard but my focus will change.
 
OK.

That's it.

FINALLY, this worm has turned. Emotionally, he is out of the picture. I realise I actually no longer love him (which is a hell of a relief) and when he contacts me tomorrow I will tell him how the land lies.

If he wants to see me platonically he can (we became great hill-walking buddies over the months).

If he wants a short-term no-strings fuck-buddy out of me, he can have that too (on the understanding that I will also be sleeping with my old FB, who I am now back in contact with, at the same time, and on the understanding that when I have lost another 15 or so pounds of fat I will rejoin dating sites and dump him).

I was allowing him to treat me selfishly, emotionally, because I loved him and because I find it hard to love people, so that made him a rare find. But this last year has done something important - it has proved to me that I AM still capable of loving someone. I am now going to take that knowledge forward, away from emotionally-toxic him and into new relationships in the future.

I feel liberated and empowered and (and I know this is childish) I'm looking forward to witnessing his reaction when I explain to him, calmly and in a friendly way, what parts of me are available to him and on what terms. He is going to be so shocked to find that I in fact don't love him unconditionally and that in fact he has now irretrievably fucked up something that was making him very happy.
 
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OK.

That's it.

FINALLY, this worm has turned. Emotionally, he is out of the picture. I realise I actually no longer love him (which is a hell of a relief) and when he contacts me tomorrow I will tell him how the land lies.

If he wants to see me platonically he can (we became great hill-walking buddies over the months).

If he wants a short-term no-strings fuck-buddy out of me, he can have that too (on the understanding that I will also be sleeping with my old FB, who I am now back in contact with, at the same time, and on the understanding that when I have lost another 15 or so pounds of fat I will rejoin dating sites and dump him).

I was allowing him to treat me selfishly, emotionally, because I loved him and because I find it hard to love people, so that made him a rare find. But this last year has done something important - it has proved to me that I AM still capable of loving someone. I am now going to take that knowledge forward, away from emotionally-toxic him and into new relationships in the future.

I feel liberated and empowered and (and I know this is childish) I'm looking forward to witnessing his reaction when I explain to him, calmly and in a friendly way, what parts of me are available to him and on what terms. He is going to be so shocked to find that I in fact don't love him unconditionally and that in fact he has now irretrievably fucked up something that was making him very happy.
 
i am ready for a six hour drive. i am ready for a six hour drive. i am ready for a six hour drive. if i can just manage to get out of the house, it would help.
 
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