The Housework

[spndrft]

It used to be a flashpoint for us, in that it was supposed to be shared and I ended up doing 99%. We have a different definition of when things "need" to get done, you know - like the carpet needs to be vacuumed more than once every other month or so... you actually need to cook dinner every night in order to not starve.... those kinds of things. Although we both prefer a clean house and he's much happier in a cleaner, more organized space - the contradiction always annoyed me.

My job's crazy - I work weird hours and all the time. So now he's officially retired and in SAHD training. It's 99% his responsibility, I do the bathroom. If we had a yard, I'd do the garden. We each do our own laundry. I'm enjoying this

 

[SweetErika]

I've purposely let him get more involved in housework, so he does a lot of it, but we each have our jobs.

He does the "heavier" stuff, like vacuuming/floors, hauling the laundry downstairs and the groceries upstairs, yardwork, fixing things and big cleaning projects. He likes to cook and it's a skill I've wanted him to develop, so he makes us dinner most nights and cleans the kitchen. I jump in when necessary or when I want to, and sometimes we "fend for ourselves" for dinner. He also does the bills/financial stuff because he's better at keeping track of everything and it's something he enjoys.

I do the laundry, 99% of the errands and shopping (though sometimes I haul him to the grocery store with me so we can plan meals better), dusting, bathrooms, put stuff away, get/sort the mail and bigger projects like painting.

We do a lot of home repair projects and other things together.

I do everything when he's sick (rarely) or out of town, which is sizing up to be a good chunk of the year (right now, it's a 7-week stretch). There's some major stuff I can't physically do on my own, but things stay in pretty good order most of the time.

He works more than I do, but like Fury, I'm not anal about having a perfect house, so even with all he does, he still has LOTS of free time after work and on most weekends. I want him to have that time for himself, make sure he gets it, and will hire a housecleaner when we can afford to do so.

I know he gets frustrated and stressed sometimes (and so do I, but I can't do much more about my physical limitations), but by and large, he enjoys taking care of things and I deeply enjoy being served in this way, so I think we have a pretty good division of labor. More than that, I believe we've made the best of our situation, and that's important.

 

[rida]

We both work full time and have kidlets, and house chores are my job. They were before BDSM entered our lives and it is still now. Only difference is that before he did the dishes few nights a week, and I resented his lack of help around the house, and now he does not (I'm sure he would if I asked thou), but it does not bother me anymore.

The only thing that is still his responsability is taking his suits and shirts to the dry-cleaner.

Now, I am very bad at housekeeping. I also have a high inertia and it takes me forever to get started, but once I start, I cannot stop and jump from one task to another leaving the house in even a worse state for the time being. I don't mind the scrubbing and heavy duty jobs, is the organizing stuff, keeping it all tide that I just fail miserably at. So the house is mostly messy, and clean enough not to be a health-hazzard (good thing that Hubby is not anal about it at all, actually I wish he was a bit more ... he might be doing a better job at picking after himself if he did ... lol)

Having people come over is a very good way to get some massive tiding happen, although it mostly consist of shoving clothes back in the closet/drawers and throwing away the pile of un-opened mail, junk leaflets and announcements (how much stuff do schools/afterschools send home???), and half started drawings/wannabe-art pieces. And of course get the toy off the floor.

I've started getting some help and ... I love coming home to a shining sink and bathroom mirror

 

[EmpressFi]

I'm very disorganized, he's OCD but also ADD and has lots and lots of - stuff. And his stuff is important to him, even if I may not understand why, I accept that. So this isn't our forte, and often suffers when we're busy, which seems to be always lately. I plan on hiring help with this when I can afford it - it's not something he's got time for, it's not something I have time or talent for - and if you suck at something you outsource it - I wouldn't do my own books.

Getting an off-site studio will help a lot - much of the problem is my work detrius and having an art project being bread and butter and time and money.

He does more of the cleaning than I do. I freely admit that. It's very husband/wife typical that way, me being the husband. I, however, do the cooking. Unless someone were to blow me away in the kitchen, I cook.

I also find that I hate organizational cleaning but I like cleaning cleaning, scrubbing things, removing the dirt.

And, on the planet I live on, whoever cooks does NOT get saddled with the dishes. I will never understand how he can sit back, tuck into my food, and then bitch about the pans.

I love this.. I have OCD and ADD so cleaning for me is a chore.. no pun intended... well for both of us really but I get distracted easily and well the best example is lets say I'm cleaning the family room and I find a stack of DVD's that need to get reshelved. I stack them and take them up, and go upstairs to the office to put them away. The DVD's get put way in alphabetical order by genre (by the way.. if you want to torture your OCD pets who are like me when it comes to DVD's get shelves with narrow pockets and buy LOTS of box sets..) Anyway, while I'm putting the DVD's away, I realize that they're not in order anymore and so I .. fix them. Then I start to clean the office and then Malin comes up later and asks if I was finished with the febreeze and pledge clothes in the family room.

When we moved into our house, we were good about cleaning top to bottom every Saturday. That changed after a while.

We're not D/s to each other. And I'd like to say we share the load, but to be honest, Malin does more than I do. Although, I do the laundry... my OCD wont let me let him fold it because we cant fold laundry without me thinking he's doing it wrong..well ok.. not wrong but that I could do it better and then it hurts his feelings...and I hate doing that... so I do the laundry ~ although he carries the heavy stuff down for me. He does most of the cooking. The reason is twofold. One, he loves to cook and two, my first husband expected dinner to be ready when he arrived home and after years of that... while I dont mind cooking, I prefer baking or cooking when I feel like it.

The only chore he does instead of me is the cat litter. It started when we were trying to get pregnant and it just seems to be "his job".

ETA: Now I remember the other reason I quoted Netz... the word "stuff". That's the other reason I clean around Malin's things. I never know what "stuff" is garbage stuff and what's stuff he's keeping. Dont even mention the stack of Entertainment Weekly I threw out when we moved from our apartment to our house

 

[Homburg]

Physically handicapped....interesting. That adds a facet to your "cocky asshole" persona.

I had the same thought.

viv already posted our "division". There is another very solid reason for it that she did not mention - I am entirely hopeless when it comes to most domestic chores. Me doing laundry results in having to buy news clothes and clean the laundry area of suds and water. And we won't go into the dishwasher fiasco.

 

[intothewoods]

It's interesting for me to hear people say that they don't like the organizational stuff, but are fine with scrubbing. I'm the exact opposite! I love organizing. It's like a massive tetris game. Where should things fit? But scrubbing? Yuck. I mean, I like when it's done and all, and I actually do do it often because I don't like grime and build-up, but I hate facing icky dirt. In fact, I sometimes clean up Mister Man's place, but he has some areas of yuck that he just has to do himself. They are too far gone for me to go near. On the other hand, I spent hours going helping him go through mail and setting up an organizational system for it going forward.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Honestly I think even if I were also working outside the home, things would stand as they do now. As it is F is lucky to be out of the house for work a total of 16 hours a week (usually more like 4-8 if that)...the remainder of the time he is home, usually playing Wow or watching TV/DVD's., with the very occasional work task to attend to or conference call to take. He is blessed.

Catalina

Old school, eh? 100 years ago he'd have been drinking espresso and playing dominos all day...now it's WOW.

Like a modern pervy 2 job couple. It's a flash point. check And I spank him and we all feel better.check I could probably just make him do everything, but....check We get on top of it on weekends.....

...or at least on "chore day".


I'm disappointed with you peeple. I was hoping for some more "Little House On The Prary", "don't contradict yore Paw", "go cut me a switch" stories of domestic struggle.

But I guess people tend to work things out.

 

[rida]

It's interesting for me to hear people say that they don't like the organizational stuff, but are fine with scrubbing. I'm the exact opposite! I love organizing. It's like a massive tetris game. Where should things fit? But scrubbing? Yuck. I mean, I like when it's done and all, and I actually do do it often because I don't like grime and build-up, but I hate facing icky dirt. In fact, I sometimes clean up Mister Man's place, but he has some areas of yuck that he just has to do himself. They are too far gone for me to go near. On the other hand, I spent hours going helping him go through mail and setting up an organizational system for it going forward.

For me, there is something deeply soothing and satisfing in seeing the dirt disappear, a simplicity in the task where you don't have to engage your brain too much.

I love tetris and puzzles and organizing in small scale (I am the queen of packing suitcases ) but the whole house??? It just overwhelms me.

 

[FurryFury]

I love you. Let's hear it for messy happy homes.

Thanks! I love you back!

 

[FurryFury]

Oh, btw, get me pissed enough, I will start cleaning. The problem is, after I clean things up, I then leave for good. That's how I roll. Clean up the mess / evidence, get the hell out.

 

[graceanne]

With us it depends on my health. In a perfect situation I do the housework, and he does the car work and stuff like taking the trash out and moving big things. I also, pretty much, take care of the kids. I take them to and from school, I volunteer at the school three times a week, I make sure their homework gets done, etc., etc. . I also do most of the cooking - K likes to cook so sometimes he does, especially if he wants Italian food - he's better at that.

And quite frankly, the phrase 'stay at home mom' amuses me. I'm a 'always in the car mom' or a 'car maker'. I WISH I STAYED AT HOME. I usually refer to myself as a 'soccer mom'.

 

[graceanne]

LOL, I also have my CD's arranged in alphabetical order (books used to be but are spread around now), and they are also cataloged (as is my vinyl collection too) and I am in the process of cataloging which songs I have and on which albums...that is going to be a mammoth job given the amount of music I have!!

Catalina

I'm anal. My CD's are in alphabetical order. My books aren't, they're in order of category. (Religion, novels, medical, etc.) When I'm sick, and K's doing the housework I still do the detail cleaning. A) Cause I'm better at it and B) it bugs me when things aren't in order.

Oh, and K does the vacuuming normally - the vacuum cleaner is a kirby and heavy. It hurts my back to use.

 

[FurryFury]

I gave the vacuum away. LOL! I hate that thang!

 

[graceanne]

I gave the vacuum away. LOL! I hate that thang!

Someday I am determined to have a house that's fully hardwood floors.

 

[FurryFury]

Someday I am determined to have a house that's fully hardwood floors.

We have hardwoods, and tile now. Yaaaay!

So the vacuum no longer KILLS my back. The thing that tends to get to my back now is cleaning the bathtub.

 

[graceanne]

We have hardwoods, and tile now. Yaaaay!

So the vacuum no longer KILLS my back. The thing that tends to get to my back now is cleaning the bathtub.

I hear that. I just cleaned ours and my back is KILLING me. I have a feeling tonight is going to be a flexural night. And I still have the other one to clean, but I'm putting it off until tomorrow.

 

[Bandit58]

I do cooking, laundry and dishes. I also take care of Sir, although now He is going to the hospital instead of dialysing at home I have a bit more free time.

I pay someone to come in once a week to clean, because I hate it Plus when He is feeling well, we have other things we'd rather be doing than cleaning. Our place is a small unit so there's not a lot of space, and it tends to get messy and cluttered...."lived in" if you like Now and then I'll have a blitz and put stuff away/tidy up a bit.

Sir is pedantic about how the laundry's pegged on the racks on the balcony....pegs must be the same colour and clothes must be spaced out just how He likes....lol the number of times I've gone out there and found the washing "re-arranged"

 

[DeservingBitch]

I don't live with a partner, but with a roomate. A dirty/untidy roomate I should add.

Me, I'm slighty OCD, very much ADD, a tad control-freak, and I hate cleaning as much as I can't stand a dirty/disorganized/untidy house.

Makes for an interesting dynamic.

When I was living with a partner, we did 50/50. Except I'd follow behind to re-do stuff she had already done but not to my standards: towels not folded properly, dishes on the wrong shelve, clothes not in the right place, that sort of thing.

My books and CDs are all categorized by genre and in alphabetical order. My clothes by color and items. My shoes by color/heels/etc. My desk however is a massive pile of stuff. Go figure.

 

[Marquis]

I used to do quite a bit of housework, but buried under the pressure of two submissives I had forgotten that I was the master.

I still enjoy cooking on occasion and even some organizing or whatever else I want to do, but the point is that I do what I want and not what I feel obligated to do in order to be "fair".

My attempts to be fair tended only to create in me a great resentment which was then reflected back to me in ways i could not tolerate.

I find that the fairer sex are not referred to as such because of their need for egalitarianism, but to their appropriate withering under the dark shadow of the strop.

 

[notalwaysweak]

I do have my books, DVDs and CD,s alphabetized by artist / author though and that tends to freak people out.

Me too, except the books had to be subdivided by genre because there are so many of them. I have the Horror shelves, the Science-Fiction/Fantasy (three bookcases), the Crime shelf, the chick lit, the Humour shelf, TV Novelisations mini bookcase, YA Fiction bookcase, Children's Fiction (picture books on the bottom two shelves), and then General Literature that doesn't fit anywhere else.

As for the rest of it, he's laundry, I'm kitchen, and we split the rest between us, swapping duties when needed (i.e. I can't always stand up to do the dishes, so he does them and I load the washing machine 'cause it's a front-loader and down on the floor, so I can sit). Vacuuming is strictly as needed; dusting happens when the dust gets noticeable; I keep the shower clean by scrubbing it down when I'm in there anyway. I tend to be the one who cleans the toilet; he mops the tiled areas 'cause I cannot mop to save my life without flooding the place. Whoever notices the cat litter getting a bit dirty cleans it. Like some other posters on this thread, we're both at work all day, so expecting one of us to do all the cleaning would be pushing it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Old school, eh? 100 years ago he'd have been drinking espresso and playing dominos all day...now it's WOW.

LOL, well the espresso part is still there, along with coffee and cappuccino...I swear, one of my gripes are the coffee machines. I threw 1 out recently, 2 are in the storage shed, and we have 2 in the kitchen taking up valuable workspace, and still he lines up to them if we go shopping and starts thinking about which one he wants to buy to add to the ones we already have!! I told him he will need to build a coffee room onto the house if he wants more of them, which so far has acted as a good deterrent. SO yes, one of my many tasks is fetching whichever type coffee etc., constantly throughout the day...he drinks a lot of it, I drink the very rare cup (maybe once every 6 months) made boringly (to him) with hot water out of the jug.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sir is pedantic about how the laundry's pegged on the racks on the balcony....pegs must be the same colour and clothes must be spaced out just how He likes....lol the number of times I've gone out there and found the washing "re-arranged"

LOL, I am guilty of that. If I run out of pegs of matching colour, the odd ones don't get used. They also have to be the same size/design..no mix and match styles. I miss have a clothes line outside I had in Oz and am determined to get one of the ones they have here which pull out from a wall in your garden and go back into invisibility when not being used. Drying clothes in the house is not only more work, difficult and messy, but not good for the humidity in the place which we are continually fighting without adding damp clothes and linen to the problem.

Catalina

 

[missy_me]

We both work full time, no kids. I do most of the housework. J often helps with cooking because he likes it. I do all the cleaning myself, because I like it clean where as J is comfortable even if it's slightly messy. I hated vacuuming, so we got rid of our vacuum and now I just sweep the floors daily and take out the rugs once a week. (The joy of not having carpets. ) Every 2 months or so I clean more thoroughly. That means moving all the furnitures, and in my pygminess I just can't do that so J helps me with it. And he often would like to help more during those big clean ups, but I have the tendency to not let him participate... I do the laundry and load the dishwasher. He usually unloads it, because the cupboards are so high that I can only reach the second shelf...

We both work fulltime, so we usually share our bills. Thou in all fairness I have to say that J usually pays more than I do. It's my job to take care of all the bills getting paid on time.

We've never negotiated about housework, it just all worked out like this on its own. I do most of it but J helps with whatever if I ask him to.

 

[m wisdom]

Housework is easiest done by simply tying your sub to the stove until it's all done
I thought everyone did it this way

http://stuff.wittstrom.com/images/tiedtostove.jpg

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In reality Agie does most of the housework like washing, cooking and doing dishes, I cook sometimes and leave her a big mess to clean up . I do the carrying of clothes up and down to the laundry room and some general cleaning like vacuuming. But we are both pretty lazy people and don't mind the apartment being a bit cluttered.

 

[LadyAgie]